Hello, all! I’m [name_f]Jenna[/name_f], and I’m brand new to this website. My sister suggested it after she and her husband found several names they liked on here, and she noticed our struggle with our kiddos’ names. We are expecting twin boys on [name_u]November[/name_u] 2! We are super excited, as is our 4 year old son, [name_m]William[/name_m].
[name_m]Even[/name_m] though he is ready to meet his new baby brothers, we are nervous about [name_m]Will[/name_m]'s reaction when they actually arrive. Right now, it’s not necessarily “real” to him; it’s more of an idea. He has classmates in pre-school that have siblings (some older and some younger), but he’s been an only child for almost 5 years. We want him to love his brothers and adjust well to their arrival.
We talk to him about the babies every night and tell him that he’s going to be an amazing big brother. I want him to know that we want them to be the best of friends, and I don’t want him to feel ignored upon their arrival. I know when my younger sister was born (we are 6.5 years apart), I didn’t like it at all, and I don’t want [name_m]Will[/name_m] to feel that way.
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you guys have any tips on how I can prepare him more now to adjust well to this new way of life with two little brothers? Any suggestions on what I can do once the boys arrive to make him feel included and wanted?
Thank you all so very much! 
- [name_f]Jenna[/name_f] C.
I hope that somebody has great advice, bc we are facing this same situation in [name_u]November[/name_u] as well. Only we are only having the one baby. But our son will be four Nov. 15 and the baby is due Nov. 11.
Anyhow, not having been through this challenge just yet, I have no advice. I did read Siblings Without Rivalry, and I thought it seemed really helpful (though again, no chance yet to test the strategies.)
I have had lots of people tell me that 4-5 years is a great age gap. The big kid can be really helpful and is pretty independent at this point. They can also talk about their feelings instead of just flipping out. And they have a lot of privileges/can do lots of stuff that the baby can’t do.
Everyone I know who has kids with this spacing has said that the transition was pretty smooth and that their big kids were far more excited and proud about the baby rather than being jealous. So I am hoping that it true for us!
Tell him to what he can help with. [name_m]Say[/name_m] “two new babies will be a lot of work so we need your help. You can…” And then tell him. Maybe have one of your friends with a little baby come over so he could practice? Also it’s ok for him not to like it, it’s okay for him not to be happy at times. He can play in his room or go outside. At least make sure he gets time alone with you. My nephew was 4 1/2 when his little brother was born, and he loved it. We gave him a gift too, a big brother gift! I’ve read all of these suggestions and seen them in action. My sons age difference will be 2 years with this next baby so he’ll be a little different still being like a baby in many ways. However if we have a third child, I’m thinking having them be at least 5 years older would be best. Congrats!
As far as I know he will want to play with them.
My sister is five years older than me, so she was about on your son’s age when I was born. My parents told me that for [name_f]Mathilda[/name_f] I was something like a “real doll”. She always wanted to play with me, feed me, hold me etc. When I was five, she was ten and since then, as far as i can remember, she wanted to protect me. Now it sounds funny but when I was a child and then a young teenager, I used to admire her.
My daughter doesn’t have siblings but I used to live in my sister’s house while studying (she lived in another city that time) and I spent many hours with her children (she has six!). So, that time, she was pregnant to her first daughter, and her sons were five and three years old. I used to play with them all day long, so I decided to announce them that their mother was pregnant. They were really excited, especially [name_m]Daniel[/name_m] (their firstborn), because he had already experienced the situation. Their second son, [name_m]Lukas[/name_m] was frightened at first but when the baby was born he was really happy. The same happened every time my sister got pregnant. Her children were excited when their cousin, my daughter, was born 17 years ago.
Sadly, my daughter doesn’t have any siblings, so I don’t know how would she feel if she had. But as far as I know, younger children are really curious and want to learn everything about the new baby and they like to play with them. Older ones feel like they should protect them but your son is 4 years old so I think that he will be as excited as he is now
I think the thing about that age difference (my children are closer, but I was 4 years older than my brother and remember vividly), is that it’s a fairly smooth transition at first, but later in life they’ll be at fairly different stages (elementary and HS, for example), so that can be tougher.
Make sure he knows it’s ok if he’s not always best friends with his brothers, and prepare him for things like the crying babies disturbing him or not always having adult attention the second he’s used to it. [name_m]Say[/name_m] things like “when the baby is hungry mommy will have to feed him right away, and it might be a little bit hard for you to be patient while you’re waiting, so let’s think of some fun things you can do then”.
Mostly it will probably be quite easy (in the scheme of age differences LOL), but be prepared for issues like the little ones disturbing their big brother’s things, or frustration they can’t do what he does, like stay up later. I never read the book Tarynkay recommended, but I plan on it, as I know it’s highly regarded. But again, I think that all applies to later in life.