Tips for talking someone out of a really "creative" spelling

[name_m]Hi[/name_m] all,

I generally take a somewhat open minded approach to “unique” spellings, mostly because if you study English history at all it’s clear that wildly different spellings for common names were a normal thing until the late 1800s when things started to standardize. Names like [name_f]Katherine[/name_f]/[name_f]Catherine[/name_f]/[name_f]Kathryn[/name_f] are examples of holdovers from that. [name_f]Caitlin[/name_f] spelled [name_f]Katelyn[/name_f] or [name_f]Kaitlynn[/name_f] would, if it had been used as a name in 17th century [name_m]Britain[/name_m], not have been strange.

BUT… now a relative of mine is pregnant and considering just such a so-called-“unique” spelling for the name [name_u]Hayden[/name_u]. I won’t write out the exact spelling she’s considering, but assume it has an i plus some other extra letters. It’s very challenging to spell. I really don’t think it’s wise, and I’d like to gently try to talk her out of it. Thoughts on how to approach this without being obnoxious? She’s someone who never thinks about names, but also has a very standardly spelled name herself so has never experienced the whole “spell that for me again” issue.

Thanks everybody!

I’d also love to hear some ideas about how to talk about names with people who don’t care about them, but maybe should! (if only for 9 months). I think she heard [name_u]Hayden[/name_u] on TV somewhere or at church and that’s how she latched onto it, but wanted to make sure it was “different” and “feminine”, hence the spelling changes…

I always took this as people not being able to spell the names they were writing down so they just had their best guess. :wink: I don’t think it was a specific choice by the parents. Also, [name_f]Caitlin[/name_f] couldn’t have been spelt with a ‘k’ as the letter doesn’t exist in Irish.

BUT… now a relative of mine is pregnant and considering just such a so-called-“unique” spelling for the name [name_u]Hayden[/name_u]. I won’t write out the exact spelling she’s considering, but assume it has an i plus some other extra letters. It’s very challenging to spell. I really don’t think it’s wise, and I’d like to gently try to talk her out of it. Thoughts on how to approach this without being obnoxious?

Maybe ask her why she wants to misspell it and remind her that - whatever the spelling - the sound remains the same.

This may prove useless; but this is just some of my ideas. I’d draw on personalized items for a start, say that you were looking for an item for the baby; but you couldn’t find any. That everything was spelt Hayden and when you asked sales clerks they said they didn’t have any by that name - I think that’s an important thing, if it’s tough for a shop assistant to spell/say then it’s a problem, because he will be approached with questions all the time.

Later on, it may be useful to have a chat about a name you like, say Charlotte for example (any name you don’t really love, don’t tell her a name you really love or she may use it!) but discuss how you like the easy pronunciation, nicknames etc. and ask what made her love Hayden. Depending on her response, say that you like it, but are having trouble pronouncing it. That your brain wants to pronounce it “blah blah blah.” If she gets uncomfortable drop it or the vibe changes drop it. But it’s important that she nows that for some people, the pronunciation will difficult, where I live everyone pronounces things phonetically so it would be a really big issue.

I hope that helps, this was tough, best of luck!