Tips on keeping name choices secret?

General Name Discussion
1

[name]Hi[/name], Berries!!

I’m wondering if y’all have any helpful smidgens of insight as to how best keep your name choices secret from nosy family and friends.

When we named my first, we didn’t find out the sex, but had both the boy’s and girl’s names picked out well in advance. Since we didn’t have a sex to tell anyone, people ([name]MIL[/name] in particular) got pretty irked at not having ANY inkling of what the future bundle might be like. It seemed (and I get it) that having a name and a sex in your mind gives you a little taste of what that future person might grow to be. Needless to say, we didn’t keep the name a secret for long, lest my already shaky relationship with [name]MIL[/name] be broken beyond repair (yes that is the type of thing that would do it, I dare say). However, things got worse when we actually told her: “[name]Horatio[/name]??? You would really do that to a kid in the 21st century?” All three of her children had dreadfully popular names for the time: [name]David[/name] [name]Robert[/name], [name]Emily[/name] [name]Anne[/name], and DH [name]Michael[/name] [name]Andrew[/name].

We were dead set on [name]Horatio[/name] [name]Ross[/name]. [name]Horatio[/name] was my great-great grandfather who has been a constant source of inspiration in my life since I was very young (my mom, grandma, AND great-grandma always told me fabulous stories about his life). And I genuinely [name]LOVE[/name] the name apart from the family connection. But nobody really seemed to 100% approve. [name]Even[/name] MY mother gave me this charming reaction with undertones of seething disapproval: “You know, when [name]Helen[/name] [my great-grandmother] was confronted with the prospect of having to honor the Horatios of the family in her name choices, she brought home a cat and named him [name]Horatio[/name] before announcing to her in-laws that she was pregnant. ‘That way,’ she used to say, ‘the name was already taken.’”

For my second, we found out the sex and were delighted to have a girl whose name had already gone the rounds with [name]Horatio[/name] and therefore been overshadowed in criticism: [name]Eleanor[/name] [name]Maeve[/name]. People didn’t like it, but when they heard our two choices at the same time, [name]Horatio[/name] [name]Ross[/name] tended to bring out more objections. Especially considering that each of the aforementioned [name]Helen[/name]'s first-born female great-granddaughters (myself included), don some form of [name]Helen[/name] in their name. I was planning on continuing the tradition in a new generation as the first to have children of her own.

Anyway, number 3 is on the way, and we really don’t want to hear it this time. [name]Horatio[/name] [name]Ross[/name] and [name]Eleanor[/name] [name]Maeve[/name] will be joined by a little [name]Harriet[/name], [name]Minerva[/name], [name]Alasdair[/name], [name]Orrin[/name], or whatever WE decide. But they’re all choices that are far from the passing trends the in-laws and now breeding friends are paying close attention to.

Have you ever kept your name a surprise to the grand finale? [name]How[/name] did it go when you finally announced the name? [name]Do[/name] you have advice for a fellow name-lover in need? Thanks in advance!

2

I have kept the name a secret with some of my babies - with the last two I wasn’t sure which name we’d pick until the end. [name]One[/name] thing that makes it harder is relatives may try to pump your kids for info - either for the name itself or just the ones you’re talking about. Kids of course hear more of mommy and daddy’s conversations.

3

I plan on keeping it a secret, just avoid talking about it or don’t bring it up. If they ask, just simply say you haven’t decided. If they are persistent just say that we would like to keep the name a secret. Maybe find out the sex, so you can at least tell them that it’s a girl or a boy and that might help. [name]Just[/name] say you got that so the name will be a surprise.

You might also want to keep from talking about names around your kids. Kids are blabber mouths. You may want them involved, but in order to keep it a secret, that’s not possible especially if your visiting family.

4

I would suggest telling people a list of a few names and saying that you haven’t narrowed it down yet (when in reality, you have). That way, no one gets offended (especially the grandparents) that you aren’t sharing, they can voice opinions without having one name to narrow in on and when the baby does get here, they were already aware that you were considering the final name, so it won’t come as a total shock/surprise.

I’m pregnant right now and my husband and I have been sharing our short list with people and honestly, I’ve found that instead of commenting on which names they don’t care for, everyone has just narrowed in on the names that they like.

5

[name]Don[/name]'t tell anyone anything; they can’t force the info out of you. They can’t grab your hand as you fill out the birth certificate either, and once its done, its done and they’ll have to suck it up. When its immediately attached to your little squirmy bundle, it’ll probably be harder for them to whine - they’ll just be less inclined to do so in front of you (hopefully!).

Come up with a quirky nickname for the fetus for now: my first was Spud, and the one in the oven right now is Taco. [name]Just[/name] make sure it’s not a real name. [name]How[/name] bout Scooter? [name]Little[/name] Dude? [name]Santa[/name]'s [name]Little[/name] Helper? Tinkerbell? Then you have something to use in conversation, and it’ll be easier to avoid slipping.

6

With our first we found out the gender and announced the name around 20 weeks. Our families are both very traditional in their naming so our sons name sadly got some rude comments.With the others, we didnt announce the names or say what we were considering since I know our style and how can you look at a beautiful newborn and say something rude? So far, hasnt happened, did get some confusion over my oldest daughters name but other than that people kept their thoughts to themselves. We live in an instant gratification world as far as babies so, there are genders known agead of time, he/she is called by their name for months before the birth…I like to keep everyone guessing, have it be a secret between DH and I. Make a real announcement when babe is born. Not everyone wants to do this, but I like that with the last few kids nobody knew “who was in there”.

7

Normally I’d say you should announce the baby’s name as the final decision, but that doesn’t seem to be getting the point accross to your family members. I’m really sorry by the way - I do find their reactions rather disrespectful. And I’m astonished it continued for your second. I’ve known friends/family to be more polite once they’re told what the child’s name is. If they don’t like it, they’ve grind and bared it. After all, it’s not their call; it’s yours. In this case, I’d keep the name/s to yourselves. “We haven’t decided yet” seems a good - and currently accurate - option for those prying for info. It may also save you all from some upsetting conversations or hard feelings that can linger once the baby arrives.

8

You could tell them that you haven’t decided yet but you are taking suggestions. That way, they can suggest all the names they want and feel part of the process without you hearing their negativity on the names you like.

9

We told people with our first, and then I received multiple items embroidered with his name. It kind of felt like, “Wow, I guess we can’t change our minds now.” We also pick less than popular names (though they are family names), but we’re lucky to get fairly benign responses. We kept the last two a secret - but my [name]MIL[/name] would often try to trick us by throwing in “What’s the baby’s name again?” at the end of a phone conversation. She was half joking/half serious. Then we announced the name at the hospital when the family came in to see the baby. Funny thing is, our BILs and SILs shared their names beforehand, until we chose to start keeping ours a secret. It was like we started a trend, because now everyone keeps the names a secret until the arrival.

At first it was hard, since we were going against trend, so we’d just say something like, “We’re thinking about [name]Henry[/name],” or something else fairly safe, and leave it at that. We weren’t telling a lie, everyone was usually appeased, and by sounding non-committal, no one went out and embroidered 20 baby blankets with the name.

10

We just throw out a bunch of names we’re considering and some we’re not and just let them give their comments without knowing which are the ones we’re serious about. We also never decide until after the baby’s born, so we can take it people’s comments but decide without interference.

11

I kept it a secret after we picked a name & announced it…only to have my brother-in-law & wife use it! After that we would simply say that after our first choice got stolen talking names left a bad taste in our mouths.
You could always say that after two rounds of criticism you aren’t interested in anyone’s insight.