I am pregnant with my 4th (and last) baby. I am having a hard time deciding if I should find out what we are expecting or let it be a surprise. Here are my thoughts.
Let it be a surprise:
[name_f]My[/name_f] 1st was my only surprise and it was great (and I didn’t care what I was having since I had no children yet), and I found out with my 2nd and 3rd, so this would be my last chance to have a surprise at delivery time-which I love surprises and I think this is one of the greatest surprises in life!
Find out early:
I could make a few blankets and buy a few clothes ahead of time and be completely prepared (my type A personality likes this)…but those things aren’t such a big deal b/c I already have boy and girl baby clothes and I could always make a blanket and buy some clothes after the baby comes.
The thing I’m worried about is since I have one daughter and two sons I’m secretly hoping for a girl, just so my daughter can have a sister, and I’m worried that when the baby comes for a second I’d be disappointed if it was a boy, although I know I’d get over that immediately, I just wouldn’t want to have that disappointment at the birth. If I found out earlier then I could avoid that disappointment at the birth.
Of course I just really want a healthy baby, gender doesn’t matter.
What are your thoughts? Has anyone ever been hoping for a specific gender and been disappointed at delivery (even for a second) or were you just so excited to meet the baby that you didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl?
[name_m]Just[/name_m] because I can’t stand suspense I think I would opt to find out, but if you are worried about gender disappointment then just concentrate on welcoming your healthy baby into the world. I am sure that you will fall in love with this new little person as soon as you met him/her so it would be unwise to get disappointed ahead of time when you know the baby is going to be your be all and end all as soon as you meet.
I prefer not knowing, but I don’t buy gender coordinated clothes, all of mine have worn the same bright-coloured newborn clothes and I have knitted blankets for them not knowing which gender they were.
I also never cared what gender they were. I love the suspense, imagining a little girl or boy to fit into our mix, choosing names for both and my OH getting to announce the gender at the birth.
I think not knowing would be fun. We’re planning on a surprise so I can totally understand why you’d want one.
Already having three children, finding out would definitely make your life easier. You could plan more in advance and tell your children whether they’ll be having a brother or a sister (giving them time to get used to the idea of one or the other). If I were you, I’d probably find out, just for the sake of practicality, because you won’t have time to do any gender specific shopping, etc, after baby is born (with three other children).
So I had a long drive today and even though we are no where near ready to TTC (omg I have a wedding to get through first) I was thinking about this same issue today. Would I want to know in advance or not?
I’d came to the conclusion that I’d want to know because as cute as a gender neutral nursery would be I wouldn’t want to limit myself to everything needing to be “green”. Since you have almost everything for both genders though I think this becomes a mute point for you. So… I think you should wait for the surprise.
Yes, at the moment you are hoping and dreaming of a little girl. I think you can combat a little gender disappointment by finding names for both genders you love and actively making sure you day dream about a little boy as much as you do about a little girl. After all, you never know who you’re little one is going to turn out to be… hopefully they are exactly what you wish for… but you could have a flamboyantly gay little 4 year old boy who hates trucks and wants to play dolls with his sister, a kid who is transgender or a little girl who is the biggest tomboy in the world and hates all girls. You could also have the little princess girl or the all american football playing boy.
Point is, as long as you day dream about a healthy kid who can grow up being whomever they want to be and you put some effort into imagining and day dreaming about all scenarios of who that kid could be. I doubt you will feel anything but joy and excitement at waiting for a surprise baby.
(I know many berry’s are very religious and I hope my view above hasn’t offended anyones religious sensibilities. I just say this because as much as we talk about gender bending names, or things being too feminine or masculine we don’t really talk about who these kids grow up to be.)
PS: Sorry this ended up being longer than I expected.
If I’m ever in that position, I think I’d like it to be a surprise. I have no problem with gender neutral nurseries/colours/clothes etc. I loathe pink* anyway, so any nursery I decorate is more likely to be my favourite citrus colours
*If you saw my ridiculously cottage-pastels bedroom you wouldn’t believe this statement.
I am too type A to go the whole 9 months without knowing. I’m all about planning planning planning. I get why people like the surpise, but like mill1020 said, you can still have the surprise moment when you find out at a doctor appt. Then you could decide to tell people or not, throw one of those gender reveal parties or do something else cute… But I would have to find out.
If you loved being surprised the first time, I would opt for that again. I think in the excitement of the birth you’d forget any minor hopes for a girl (but I think if you are really hoping for a girl you should find out).
I’m waiting to find out when it’s born but it’s been hard! Everytime they ask me if I want to find out, I almost say yes but I think the wait will be worth it in the end! Also gives me an excuse to shop after he/she is born as I’ve only bought the essential unisex stuff
It sounds like you would like to have the surprise again, so I would wait in your situation, especially since this is your last chance at having a surprise. It doesn’t sound as if you will be disappointed either way, even if you would ideally have another girl at this point. Maybe think of reasons why another boy would be really great, too. That is the only reason I would say to find out, if you know you will be sad about a boy and you need time to cope with that.
I think you can still make a beautiful baby blanket, this doesn’t have to scream boy or girl. Since you have three kids already, maybe pick a color or animal or theme that none of them have picked yet? Maybe purple elephants or orange rhinos? Maybe each of your kids could pick out some fabric for the baby blanket and you could make a crazy quilt?
Alternatively, you could make two blankets, one for a girl and one for a boy and then save the other for when this child is grown and has his or her own baby. So for instance, if you have a boy, save the girl blanket and give it to him when he has a daughter someday.
We did not know if we were having a boy or a girl or even a baby at all until the night our son was born (we adopted him at birth.) It was completely fine and not at all a problem to bring him home and just get baby stuff as needed. Especially since you already have the essentials, I wouldn’t worry about the surprise leaving you unprepared.
I think you should wait and let it be a surprise since you enjoyed the surprise the first time. I’m sure you secretly favored one gender over the other at your first birth, no?
After saying that… unlike many other berries I actually have gone through this!
We didn’t find out with our first, and I was disappointed. I was sure it was going to be a boy, so when they said it was a girl, I felt as if I was robbed, like it wasn’t really my baby, like all the bonding I’d done had been a sham! It was pretty intense disappointment. Yes, it only lasted a few minutes, but those first few minutes are so important it’s a shame I felt like that!
For our second and now our third we’ve found out each time. The second time, I loved finding out it was another girl because it allowed me to bond with the baby and really fall in love with the idea of having two little girls.
The third time, now that I know it’s a boy, in a way I’m disappointed that I DIDN’T wait until delivery to find out, because it would have finally been the long awaited “it’s a boy!”.
So I guess I’m kind of damned if I do, damned if I don’t, lol.
A possible middle choice could be to have a gender reveal party, have it written down on a piece of paper that you don’t look at, give it to a close friend who can arrange a surprise way to tell you at a party, and bam everyone finds out with you… it’s a fun idea.
I think the only reason it might matter, out of practicality, is room-sharing. With a girl and two boys-- assuming you don’t have a 5/6 bedroom house with each to a room-- will the sleeping arrangements change based on gender? Planning that well in advance and setting up the nursery accordingly might be important.
On the other hand, it seems like you’d love the surprise, especially given that it’s your last baby. I know the suspense is certainly there at the anatomy scan, but it’s certainly ratcheted down compared to the sea of emotions flowing through the delivery room. Finding out the gender and meeting your baby and enjoying the sweet relief after labor that it’s all over-- it’s such a lovely moment. I’ve delivered both ‘surprise’ babies and babies where the gender was known in advance, and I have to admit that the surprise babies had an additional element of excitement to them. It was lovely for the dad to announce the gender to the mother, or (if he wasn’t around) for me to have the wonderful privilege of shouting out “it’s a __!”
Personally I think the thrill of actually meeting your baby abrogates and possible gender disappointment. You might think “ooh too bad, I wanted a girl” but in a nanosecond that little slick pink baby boy is in your arms, squinting into your eyes with his puffy face, yowling, and you forget all about it.
I had a coworker who couldn’t decide. They had the gender written down and sealed in an envelope. She always kept a candy bar next to the envelop and when she was tempted to find out, she ate the candy bar instead!
Not really advice, but I always thought that was a cute story. I would go for the surprise!
I would have loved to have a surprise at birth but i thought I should find out because the father isn’t around and things like that but i think a surprise is the way to go… I’m due in [name_u]August[/name_u] and half wish I still didn’t know… But that is just me and I think you should do what is right for you
We didn’t find out with our first but we’re finding out with this one! (they said boy at 14 weeks but they’re around 80% sure atm). We liked the surprise and I wanted it again this time but my fiance wanted to find out so I gave in, he promises that any other children we have can be a surprise!
