To tell or not to tell the names we’ve picked

The closer I get to my due date the more people are asking what we’ve picked out. Part of me wants to tell certain people, but others are a big nope. [name_m]Don[/name_m]’t need the stress or their opinions right now, however, the constant nagging by some of our relatives is driving me up the wall. So I’m curious as to whether or not you waited to announce the names at birth or beforehand. I also am unsure of announcing anything after the struggle we had coming up with them. I just need some advice.

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No don’t tell them. It is okay for them to ask, but if you have already said “NO”, [name_m]Just[/name_m] say you are keeping the baby’s name a surprise. If they are truly a loving family they will accept this. If not, they are just busybodies.


We haven’t had babies yet, but we are super strict on the “no one is allowed to know” rule. You don’t need your forever favourite name being ungraciously trod all over by Aunt [name_f]Marge[/name_f] because she thinks today’s name trends are rubbish. I say it’s no one else’s business. If you love it, use it. You don’t need family and friends approval.

100%!!! Often people are just being entitled and nosey.


That’s exactly the issue we have is “aunt marge” aka my future mother-in-law. She’s a nightmare I know it and my fiancé admits she’s not the easiest to handle. The stories I could tell you about her are insane and I almost didn’t want to even tell her I was pregnant :laughing: [name_f]My[/name_f] fiancé let slip that we had settled on names and now it’s nonstop asking what they are. She even got upset one day when he skated around her question and asked him what she did to deserve him treating her like this and that these are her grandkids so she should know ahead of time. [name_f]Lady[/name_f] is plain nuts! [name_f]Glad[/name_f] to know I’m not alone in wanting to keep things to ourselves for now.

I don’t think you have any obligation to tell them. This baby is yours, not theirs, and they don’t need to know. But if you want to, go for it! I don’t think telling some people and not others is a good idea, cause things slip out sometimes.


@kitty1031 Oh wow! Manipulative behavior alert! :angry: Definitely don’t put up with that drama. Tell her she’ll find out when baby arrives and that’s final. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t let her get away with emotional blackmail like that. Ugh, people like that are so frustrating.

No, keep it as a surprise for everyone. When parents divulge their choice and someone comes up with a negative comment it can shake your confidence or question your choice. Also, I really think that it is so much fun for everyone to get the announcement with baby’s arrival. Sometimes the birth announcement doesn’t seem as “special” when you already know the sex of the baby and the name, and all there is left to learn is birth weight and date.

I know someone that picked a name that didn’t work at all with their surname (think something like [name_m]Seymour[/name_m] Butt!) and gave that as the name whenever someone asked. Soon got people off the case!

We’re not at that stage with our pregnancy yet but definitely going to be keeping our name choices a secret. If you tell family/friends a name it’s harder to have a last minute change of heart, too

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Yes she is a handful. I’m just going to keep repeating myself and she can keep being upset. I don’t even know why she’s being so nosey considering she was actually upset she guessed the gender of our twins wrong, didn’t even attempt to hide her disappointment once the balloons were popped and pink confetti came out, and spent the entire small get together we had afterwards moping in a corner. Now she feels she’s entitled to know what we chose to name them? Not going to happen.


I wouldn’t fancy sharing that information, in the event that you change your mind. And especially with such pushy, opinionated relatives, who may then take that change even more to heart. Have you shared with them that you would like to keep this a surprise for everyone?

We kept both a surprise for the birth announcement. It was easier with our first, since we were Team [name_u]Green[/name_u]. Whenever anyone would ask, I’d just tell them that we’ve got a few ideas in mind for when we meet him or her. Hubby liked his little joke of putting on a thick Aussie accent and drawing out a long Bruuuuuuuuce a la [name_m]Monty[/name_m] Python.

Which was actually the name we’d chosen, and ended up using.

With number two, we knew it was a boy and that ramped up the name question. Only this time when I told them we hadn’t settled on anything yet, it was true!

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If you tell some and not others, it will spread. I wouldn’t tell anyone until the baby’s born. (I don’t have experience with this, it’s just my opinion based on I’ve heard in the past.)

My husband and I are big/ determined on two things. 1.Being Team [name_u]Green[/name_u]- for my family this was stress free because my sister had already had 3 all team green; 2 being twins. [name_f]My[/name_f] in-laws this was harder because all previous grandchildren were found out prior. And with that finding out was the name reveal. For my first it was the hardest because there was like the “guilt trips” of “well normally I’d make a blanket but I can’t do that now because I don’t know what colors to do” etc etc etc. they really are some of the Most easy going people you’ll ever meet but team green and no name reveal was hard on hubby side of the family. But we were Very firm and they had no choice but to handle it… even after the birth we decided not to reveal what the other name option was Incase we ever used to again another thing we were firm about that they got used to… the guilt trips were less with the second pregnancy. And with my third when we revealed our pregnancy on [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] I got one “and you’re not going to our beforehand again right?” And that was that- they’re used to us and the wait now. So I say don’t tell and people will adjust!

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So they can make blankets and things actually…I got a yellow blanket cause one of my parent’s friends made it before they found out the gender or my name

I was given some yellow, gray, brown and green blankets with my first. What I thought was actually cool with my second pregnancy was someone made a blue blanket for my first born. Rather then supplying me with an additional gender neutral blanket.

I had a relative who with my first was kinda at a loss because they wanted to make a frame using the baby’s name. But we weren’t divulging gender let alone a name so they instead made a frame using the name “[name_u]Baby[/name_u]” instead.

My suggestion in these instances is to go gender neutral, do something that can be easily exchanged if need be or what I’ve really appreciated is getting the gender specific / name specific stuff AFTER the baby arrives. I had a relative make a newborn onesie gift using the baby’s name and birth information once the baby was born and they gifted it to me at the hospital. Which makes total sense to me because the baby is a newborn they won’t care if the blue or pink blanket / specialized gift is there on day one, week one or year one.!

We don’t share.

Our children are given names at ceremonies within a week of their births, and we don’t tell anyone anything until they hear it at the ceremony.

No one has ever given us backlash (our names are obviously perfect, lol), since who can be upset once the name belongs to an actual, precious baby? It’s not up for discussion. Period.

If people know you’re serious about that, and not willing to budge, it’s most likely they’ll be respectful and not try to push.

Good luck!

You know, I wouldn’t care. I would wait because the suspense is fun! and you can always have a naming party!

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We’ve never told anyone what name we’d picked before birth. We don’t even tell people the gender. It’s nobody’s business.
For my close friends and family I like that it’s a surprise when the baby is born, it’s much more fun than telling them in advance.

If you don’t want to reveal baby’s name, just tell family and friends who are asking about it in a polite and determined way. I know it’s hard to stand your ground though, when some people just won’t give up.

You could give them a short list–maybe twelve names-- and then keep them guessing. Of course they’ll have their opinions from the list, but the opinions will be divvied amongst the several options. Then they’ll have something to chew on and still be surprised in the end.

It’s (obviously) totally up to you, but everything you’re writing is screaming that you don’t want to share this information, and you’re completely within your rights not to!

We didn’t tell many people the names we’d chosen before our children were born. We told our mums, but only because we wanted to and we knew they wouldn’t try to pressure us about the names.

Your MIL does sound quite controlling and manipulative, from the way you’ve described her, so I’d be concerned that she’ll try and force you to change the names or try to pressure you to include/exclude certain names if you start a conversation on it. If you’re settled and happy in your choices, I would keep schtum and not let that kind of drama take root!

Best of luck with your twins :four_leaf_clover:

Thank you ladies! You’ve given me some peace of mind and helped me feel like we’re making the right choice and to not let his mom get her way. Sometimes I can be too nice, but this time around I need to hold firm. She hasn’t called us in 2 days so she’s either mad at us or she got the hint and is finally giving it a rest. Either way we don’t have much longer to go so she’ll find out soon enough.

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