In your opinion, is it a good idea to use a friend’s name as baby’s middle name? I worry that if the friends drift apart or get in a fight, it will be uncomfortable for the parents’s child.
I think it really depends on the friendship, for many people, their friends are as close or closer than their family. I wouldn’t go with the name of a newish friend but maybe childhood friend or someone you shared a special experience or memory with… or even if you just love their name.
I’m torn on this issue myself. I had a really close friend, who was like a sister to me, and I thought about using her name as a middle for a daughter someday. Fast forward a few years and we just aren’t close at all anymore. I never thought that would happen, but people just sometimes find themselves on different paths.
Now, if you just happen to love your friend’s name, then I think that’s something that can be done with little issue. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you wouldn’t find yourself friends with the person after awhile, you’d at least have a prior attachment to the name.
It really depends on the friendship. I have a friend that I no longer speak to as often but when we talk etc it still feels like she is in my life daily. I would use her name in a heartbeat if I really loved it as much as those in my signature. I have a friend that I sometimes feel awkward around these days as we grew apart so much due to life paths, I would be worried using her name outright but a variant I [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] not so much. Another friend I used to be EXTREMELY close with, we had a small argument about life morals and we are not close at all, I think we just tolerate each other for the sake of others sanity. I would not use her name or variants.
[name_f]Hope[/name_f] that helped?
As everyone above has stated, it depends.
For me, I’d have to be very comfortable within the friendship, and love the name anyway. I’d honour my sister or my brother’s name, however I’d be skeptical to honour a friend, unless we’d been friends for a good few decades.
If you’ve been friends for like 15+ years than yeah go for it. Otherwise I wouldn’t do it.
It depends on the friendship. My sister’s middle name is my mum’s best friend’s name, they’ve been best friends for over 30 years now.
I’ll speak as the child in a situation like this. Before I was born, my mom had two close friends named [name_f]Stephanie[/name_f]. They were not the reason that [name_f]Stephanie[/name_f] was her and my dad’s favorite name (I was in fact named after my dad), but the fact that my mom had those positive associations with the name certainly didn’t hurt. Over time, my mom has grown away from those friends, although I believe she has recently reconnected with one of them via Facebook. However, by the time that happened, my name was my name, and that was the strongest association for my mom. My mom always spoke positively to me about these women with whom I shared my name, but also was always clear that I was not named after them. Perhaps it would be different if there had been a falling-out rather than a natural growing apart, but this has never been uncomfortable for me.
So, I guess I would say that any time you name your child “after” anyone, you run a risk. People fall out with friends and family members, famous people reveal ugly sides of themselves, dead people have skeletons that get unearthed. If you choose a name to honor someone, you have to be prepared for the risk that the person might turn out to be less honorable than you thought, however slim that risk may be.
However, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with choosing a name you love simply on the risk that someone you know might “sour” the name for you. I think once you name your own child, they become far and away the strongest association you have with that name.
I think it also depends on the type of name. Using a common or classical name poses very little risk regardless of what happens to the friendship because there are likely to be other associations with it. For example, my son’s middle name is [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] and there were several [name_m]Joseph[/name_m]'s in our life. There are also strong associations with the name among famous bearers of the name. If the specific [name_m]Joseph[/name_m] I was naming my son after had turned out to be problematic for some reason, we could easily focus on others with the name.
However, if the name of a friend is unusual or not one you would have considered otherwise, it may indeed be risky. I don’t see drifting apart as much of risk but I do think the negative associations with the name could be overwhelming if you have a falling out.
Depends on the name. If it’s a common name then I’d see no issues but if it’s something uncommon that isn’t usually heard then I wouldn’t use it in the middle.
As previous posters have said, I think it really depends on the friendship. The only person outside my immediate family that I would consider honouring is my childhood best friend. We were thick as thieves all through school, and then we went to different colleges and our lives just drifted out of each other’s orbits a little. I don’t see her as often as I used to when we were children, but we pick up right where we left off the five or six times a year that we do meet. I think that, because we’ve known each other for so long, she feels more like a family member now than just a friend. Her name is [name_f]Maria[/name_f], and I also have quite a few relatives with the name (it’s always been very popular in [name_f]Austria[/name_f]), so I don’t associate it only with her - although I’d use it in a heartbeat.
This is why I only want to use names of people who have passed (plus I’m a little superstitious). It feels like getting a tattoo of someone’s name.
My superstitions/pessimism were driven home after the birth of my first daughter. I considered (however briefly, and years ago) using a name that was shared as the middle name of two of my dear friends; I’ve known these women since our early teens, over half our lives. We considered each other family. Now my daughter is 16mo and I haven’t talked to one of them since before I was pregnant and the other since my daughter was about 4mo. Using that name was a fleeting thought, but I’m still glad I didn’t go with it. I’m not necessarily bitter about the end of those friendships, people grow apart, but it wouldn’t be a great association.
I think it’s a risk worth taking. God puts people in your life for a reason. If she or he decides to not be a good person then just change their name or ask your former friend to change their name. They should understand.
I would echo what the first response said- it really depends on the quality and length of the friendship in my opinion. I would hesitate to name my child after a friend that I’ve only known for two, or three years.
My best friend and I have known each other for over 15 years, and I would love to honor her in my future daughters name. But our families are also complexly intertwined- our parents are best friends, our siblings are friends, we actually share some cousins…etc. Because of these deep ties, I wouldn’t worry.
It’s really a matter of personal discretion. I would definitely be picky about who I name my child after.
I think it really depends on how much you love the name aside from the friendship. I’ve had friendships end badly and the name has taken on a negative association for me afterward. Maybe if it was in the middle spot that would be fine, or if it was your child’s name, that would trump the broken friendship, but that would be awful to feel suddenly badly about the name if the friendship ends when it is your child’s name. You know yourself and the way you feel about the name and your friend–so only you can really make that decision. Good luck.