If we have another girl, my husband is set on [name_f]Marguerite[/name_f]. It’s not my favorite but I like a lot of the nickname options so I thought that would be the perfect compromise. Well, he has this rule where he hates nicknames and thinks people should only go by their given names. I’ve explained that even if I didn’t give her one, she might choose to go by a nickname someday anyway. He seems to think he can avoid that.
Is it just me or is he being crazy?
He is being crazy. He can’t avoid girl wanting to be [name_f]Margot[/name_f] or [name_f]Merry[/name_f] or [name_f]Rita[/name_f].
He’s being a) unreasonable because you’re offering to compromise, and b) crazy if he thinks he can forbid his daughter and every other person in her life from ever giving her a nn.
You and him can choose to avoid nicknames while she is young, if you both choose to do so. I do not feel he has a right to demand that you can not choose to give her one and he definitely can not stop her choosing one herself when she is an older child or an adult. Now maybe she would decide she didn’t want a nickname either.
What about [name_f]Marguerite[/name_f] does he love? Maybe his reason would make finding another name you both love easier or maybe you would become more in love with the name.
Of course you can spend the first decade or so of your daughter’s life correcting people from calling your daughter by nicknames. And you can call her whatever you’d like at home. But it would be unreasonable to think that you can follow her to college and forbid her from going by [name_f]Maggie[/name_f] or whatever she likes. For this reason, I avoid names that I dislike the obvious nicknames for.
I also think it would be a fair compromise for you to pick a nickname if you like using nicknames since he picked a first name that doesn’t thrill you. If he is adamantly against nicknames maybe you can sell him on something like [name_f]Rita[/name_f] or [name_f]Margot[/name_f] which aren’t as nicknamable?
In my opinion:
a) It’s unreasonable for him to think she will definitely go by [name_f]Marguerite[/name_f] all her life. She may very well choose to do so, but she may not. (I do think the only person to ultimately decide whether or not a person gets a nickname is the person themselves, not parents or friends or whoever).
b) He does have the right not to agree to a name for which he knows you will be using a nickname, if he doesn’t like that.
c) If (b) holds true it’s not fair or reasonable for him to insist on this one name.
I think you’re right on this one. People like me, who are compulsive nicknamers, would be calling her [name_f]Meg[/name_f] or [name_f]Rita[/name_f] within twelve seconds of making her acquaintance 
it has some lovely options and people are going to use them.
As to others using nicknames, I feel this is totally avoidable. [name_m]Even[/name_m] schools ask if your child should be called by their first name or if there is a nickname to use. It is no ones business to create another person’s nickname. This is between the parents and ultimately the child. I have never heard of extended family members, friends, or strangers calling someone a nickname without permission from the parents or child. If some busy body thought it was in their right to do so, I would set them straight real quick.
It seems like the best compromise would be to find a name you both like as is. I ditched [name_f]Eleanora[/name_f] because DH only liked it if we used [name_f]Ellie[/name_f] as a nickname, and that wouldn’t be okay with me (I was team [name_f]Nora[/name_f]). So, we’re looking some more. If he really hates all nicknames, it would be best to find a shorter name. Not because other people might nickname her, but because she might decide to go by a nickname if her name is kind of complicated to say and spell compared to her friend’s names. I would be very hesitant to use a long name that didn’t have a nickname I liked.
janna, be careful with your compulsive nicknaming! You’re young, but later in your career if you are introduced to someone as [name_m]Stephen[/name_m] or [name_f]Alice[/name_f], and you start calling them [name_m]Steve[/name_m] or [name_u]Allie[/name_u] without being asked to, it can make a very bad impression. Very bad.
First of all, [name_f]Marguerite[/name_f]. I [name_f]LOVE[/name_f] [name_f]LOVE[/name_f] [name_f]LOVE[/name_f] it, and all its nickname options. Secondly, I think you are right in saying that she might well choose to go by something else when she’s older, and no-one can prevent that, and [name_f]Marguerite[/name_f] does have lovely nicknames, [name_f]Etta[/name_f] being my personal favourite but also [name_f]Meg[/name_f] etc. Anyway, in my opinion, it is not fair of him to insist on [name_f]Marguerite[/name_f], knowing that you’re not completely on board with it in its entirety, if he refuses to accept any nicknames.
Thank you all, I knew I wasn’t crazy! Ultimately I think any child should feel free to choose his/ her own name, which is why I prefer formal names with options for nicknames. One thing I like about [name_f]Marguerite[/name_f] is that it’s [name_f]Maya[/name_f] [name_f]Angelou[/name_f]'s given name and my 3yo daughter’s name is [name_m]Bayard[/name_m] (she goes by [name_u]Bay[/name_u], h only wanted to call her [name_u]Bay[/name_u]), another civil rights activist. They’re also both [name_m]French[/name_m].
He likes [name_f]Marguerite[/name_f] because of a personal association with it so I have tried to make it work. The only thing that makes me wary of using a nickname while he calls her by her full name is I don’t know how comfortable friends/ family will feel calling her by a nickname if he insists on her full name.
I’m just not sure how to determine if that’s a risk I should take, although I am a stay-at-home mom so I think I would have more influence over what she’s called and what she decides to call herself, at least in the beginning. I just don’t want it to be an ongoing argument because I don’t want my daughter to have a negative feeling about her name and, potentially, her identity.
Edited for privacy.