@anon25197097 I hope you start feeling better very soon! I do hope those tests can give you some answers! It is very discouraging when all of the time passes and nothing happens so burn out is completely understandable.
DH and I have talked a bit about a stopping point. I always wanted to be done having kids by 30 but that isn’t totally realistic for us anymore. I don’t know what age or how many years we’ll decide on. I spent over half of my twenties TTC and, while our son was a million times worth it, I felt like I lived a bizarre dream life for that time. I don’t want to going through it again to the same extent. I think after awhile I will stop and talk to my doctor about permanent birth control. I dont want to live forever in terms of “maybe” because it was very bad for my health/mental health.
We’re entering the third month of TTC for #2. We’re doing okay. Between evaluating/setting goals, the holidays, my husband’s birthday and my son’s birthday, we’ll be pretty busy for awhile. I’ll be having my annual health check up early next year so I’m thinking about bringing up TTC to my doctor. We had all sorts of labs drawn years ago but our doctor knows our history and is on board to help however he can. I hope it won’t come to that but we’ll see.
Thanks so much I appreciate your kind words. I am sorry you spent a lot of your 20s TTC. The maybe baby limbo as I call it is difficult isn’t it, i think anything in life which kinda feels beyond our control to some extent is hard to fathom regardless.
It sounds like you have lots to keep you busy in the time being. Does your son and hubby have december birthdays?
Also great to hear you’ll have an understanding doctor if you need to see him etc.
@anon25197097 I hope you can get some answers. I’m sorry you haven’t been feeling too well, both physically and mentally. To answer your question about the cut off point: I think for me it would be if I noticed it was taking a real toll on my mental health. But I can’t say I have a timeline in my head. It also depends on the situation. I’m blessed already with 4 beautiful sons. [name_f]My[/name_f] family doesn’t feel complete yet, but I have a lot to be grateful for. It would be different if it was my first, for example. I’ve always said I wanted to be done before 35 (I’m 33 now) but that’s not set in stone, I think. For me the cut off point would be sooner than for my husband, so that would make for some very difficult conversations.
Thank you
That’s a very good way of determining your cut off point. Mental health is really important so that makes a lot of sense. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you have a set number of children for when you feel like you’ll be complete? As you have a family of boys, do you feel like you’ll be complete if you were to have a daughter? [name_u]Or[/name_u] does that not make any difference.
3 is definitely the magic number for us. Whether I have another boy too makes no difference, for me I’ve always had my heart set on 3 and honestly just a healthy, beautiful baby, regardless of gender suits me wonderfully.
[name_f]My[/name_f] partner is 5 years younger than me so he doesn’t understand my whole age talk when I discuss the fact it might be different for women the older they get… [name_f]My[/name_f] partner is very relaxed about it all and thinks it will happen. I wish I was as chill as him.
Well my husband’s birthday is a few weeks after [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] and then our son’s is less than a month after that so it is a lot! Lol. We aren’t big on birthdays, especially for our son since he is so little, but we try to do at least something small. [name_u]Winter[/name_u] birthdays can be tough.
For me, the magical number is 5. So in my mind the next pregnancy, if it happens, will be my last. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband thinks 6 is even better, but we’ll see. I’m not saying it’s absolutely impossible to have 6, but 5 seems perfect to me.
I don’t feel the gender of our children plays a role in this. I don’t have a preference and I don’t feel like I “need” a daughter to feel like my family is complete. We try to raise our children without any expectations based on their gender anyway.
My fiancé and I are getting married in March and will start TTC #1 around that time. We’re a female same-sex couple who will alternate carrying. SO will be TTC first since she’s a few years older (she will be 36 in April). I’ll probably mostly lurk to read everyone’s advice.
Hey all, jumping over from the 2021 thread like some other familiar faces here. Started ttc in [name_u]January[/name_u] so it’s coming up to one year for us. CD1 of cycle 13 right now thanks to a couple of short cycles this year.
Wishing everyone a short stay here!
[name_m]Hi[/name_m] everyone! Coming over from the 2022 thread, as well! [name_f]My[/name_f] name is [name_f]Alyssa[/name_f], I have three kids - [name_m]Konrad[/name_m] (7), [name_f]Louisa[/name_f] (5) and [name_m]Oskar[/name_m] (1). And one baby we miscarried (Hugo).
Had our first two quickly, struggled with secondary infertility after that and it took us 2 years to get pregnant, then another 6 months after my miscarriage. [name_m]Just[/name_m] started my 7th cycle of trying for another baby. Also, I just turned 35, so call me a geriatric
I just realized I jumped in here without properly introducing myself, so… We’re starting TTC next month for baby #5. I have four sons already, Hjörtur who’s 6 (with my ex-husband), [name_m]Barnabas[/name_m] is 2 and the twins [name_m]Leonid[/name_m] & [name_m]Endymion[/name_m] are 1.
Are all of you planning to find out the gender of the baby during pregnancy, or do you want it to be a surprise? [name_f]My[/name_f] husband and I had a discussion about it yesterday, and we can’t seem to agree. It has been an issue during my previous pregnancies as well.
Part of me thinks it will be nice to not find out (we did find out with the boys) but because I am a planner and like to be organised I’d probably end up finding out.
What about you?
One thing we have said this time round is that we won’t name him/her without seeing them this time. Well this is the case more for us with regards to a boys name as we currently have 3-4 frontrunners. With a girl’s name we are pretty set on a combo we like.
With our eldest his name combo felt right almost immediately (this was when I was pregnant)
With my youngest I have a twinge of name regret as the name we picked out it just didn’t suit him but I felt like we had to go with it because that’s the name we told everyone and we don’t wish to make the same mistake again.
Our girls name we have feels like that epiphany naming type moment like it was with our eldest so we know that the name we have is ‘the one’ so to speak. I don’t currently have that with my boy naming options at the moment that’s why I won’t decide until I see their face ( if we happen to have a boy)
We’ll find out but it’s more of a question of when and how.
We had blood work done early on to look for anything going on that could’ve caused my miscarriages/almost miscarriage with my son. Finding out he was a boy that early was just a bonus. We always intended to find out before the birth regardless.
I don’t know if we’ll do the test again. We know I’m not a carrier of anything they tested for. I’m not sure if we’d be willing to potentially take on the cost of the test, if insurance doesn’t cover it this time, since we know half of the story already. We could either opt for the test or wait until the anatomy scan.
This next baby is almost 99% positively our last. We talked about being team green because of that but just aren’t keen on it. Honestly, while we’d love another son or a daughter equally, I think part of me will need to process the info of either never having a daughter or of actually having a daughter. It is big news and a big surprise either way but finding out early seems more beneficial in our circumstances.
@anon25197097 I’m leaning towards not finding out, while my husband wants to know. I’m a planner as well and I like to be prepared for anything, but because the gender really doesn’t matter to me I don’t really feel like I need to know. Not that my husband has a preference for a boy or a girl, but he says it helps him bond with the baby if he knows. We’ve already picked out a first name for both. I respect that some people want to meet their baby before naming them, but I believe that a baby grows into their name rather than the other way around. It’s the first time we’ve settled on a name so early though.
@namergirl3 We’ll have the blood test this time, as we did with my earlier pregnancies, because our baby could have a bigger chance of a certain condition that my twin brother has as well. It wouldn’t be a huge deal if the baby did have it, but I’d like to be prepared. So if we want to keep it a secret, we’d have to ask specifically to not reveal the gender of the baby when they give us the results. When I was pregnant with [name_m]Barnabas[/name_m] I didn’t want to find out but my husband did, so we agreed he’d look at the gender and I wouldn’t. That didn’t work out very well This next baby will most likely be our last too, and I think the possibility of never having a daughter plays a role in my husband’s decision of wanting to find out as well.
I lean toward not finding out during pregnancy, despite being type A and a planner, but SO has mentioned wanting to know. We may both or individually feel differently once we’ve conceived so I guess we’ll cross that bridge once we get there! I don’t think either of us feels strongly so it’ll be fine either way.
I introduced myself briefly at the very end of the TTC 2021 thread, but now hoping over here. I’m [name_f]Gabriela[/name_f] and my husband and I will be trying for our first in 2022. The exact timeline is unclear; I would like to start intentionally trying in late spring, he hasn’t given me a consistent answer of what he would like. He’s more impulsive than I am, so I am guessing he isn’t going to give me much of a heads up before he feels like he is ready. We are closing on our first house the first week of [name_u]January[/name_u], so starting trying in April-ish would mean we had a full year in the house before the baby arrived, and obviously longer if it takes us a while to conceive. I also work in education and have the summer off, and I have a feeling I will be very sick (I feel sick to my stomach frequently as is!) in my first trimester so if that could happen while I am not at work that would be a huge help.
I think my husband would definitely want to know the sex. I would like at least once to have it be a surprise, but I don’t know if it will be the first that we go team green on. Maybe I could convince him to be more patient on baby #2.
Neither of us have a preference for either sex, but I would still like to find out. I think it comes from a place of anxiety and wanting to know every available piece of information there is to know, even if it changes absolutely nothing. We are going to dress the baby the same, have the same toys etc regardless of any other factors - mainly because other people in my family have children (boys and girls) whose outgrown clothes and toys would go to waste otherwise! I think both of our mothers have also kept some of our baby clothes from when we were tiny, and I think it’ll be cute to reuse those too. Of course we will buy some stuff new as well, but really I don’t care about colours or styles or anything in terms of gender. So it really is just the name that will be different! If we can decide on one that is
I like knowing! It’s just more information you have about your kid before they are born, like a way to get to know them early, even though it makes no difference. Of course for you you’d be finding out if all of your hand-me-down clothes from the boys would work or not as well.
I appreciate your kind words. I am sorry you spent a lot of your 20s TTC. The maybe baby limbo as I call it is difficult isn’t it, i think anything in life which kinda feels beyond our control to some extent is hard to fathom regardless.
and honestly just a healthy, beautiful baby, regardless of gender suits me wonderfully.
We’re starting TTC next month for baby