TW ⚠️ Losing First Child

:warning: [name_m]Trigger[/name_m] Warning :warning:

After four, nearly five years of health challenges, I got pregnant on our second round of ovulation induction. I have PCOS and a ton of underlining conditions caused by it.

From the very beginning, I could tell they weren’t certain of how things would go. Each phone call with the nurses was met with hesitation. So reading that vibe I tried not to get too excited as did my husband. We told close family for support, otherwise keep it quiet. [name_f]My[/name_f] HCG was rising, but no always doubling as quickly as it did at the beginning, my HCG dropped early and they gave me progestrone.

We had our first and only scan [name_f]Wednesday[/name_f] at what should’ve been the 8 week mark. What they saw was no growth after 6 weeks.

This is our first loss, I am at home waiting for things to progress, but it’s a missed miscarriage so I have no idea how long it’ll take to start.

I’m scared, sad and everything is new to me. [name_m]Just[/name_m] need to talk to someone whose been there, I am sorry if it hurts you to share.


I’m so so sorry your going through this :white_heart:

I have experienced miscarriage one late term miscarriage in my teens and another at 8 weeks a year before I fell pregnant with my daughter [name_f]Lilia[/name_f].

With my miscarriage at 8 weeks I was very poorly with my kidneys and due to be operated on when I found out I was pregnant. The operation couldn’t be delayed and I think the stress of this on my body resulted in the miscarriage. I just remember coming round from the operation and I was bleeding. It was then confirmation that I had miscarried. I just remember feeling so empty, lost and sad. The whole thing was just heartbreaking. I think despite knowing that there was a high risk of miscarriage I still held onto hope which caused me to dream about this child and my life as a mum. For me the hope was the killer I think if I was a bit more realistic about the viability of the pregnancy I would have been able to grieve properly without dealing with the shock as well.

I’m so sorry your going through this my mum also has PCOS along with underlying health conditions she also suffered miscarriages but went on to have three children. I know I have just spoken about [name_f]Hope[/name_f] being a killer but I just wanted to share about her PCOS pregnancy journey.

Wishing you all the best


Oh, love… I’m so sorry.

Miscarriages really are another kind of grief and pain.

Thank you for sharing and reaching out. As hard as it is, I believe that being honest about these hard things is the best way to process them and move forward.

Please know that your feelings are valid and however you need to grieve is okay. There are many active members here who have had losses and would be happy to support you.

The conversations in these threads might be of some encouragement and comfort when you are ready:

Fertility Grief Thread

The Miscarriage Thread


i am so sorry you are going through this. just know you are never alone, and whatever way you need to grieve is extremely valid.
i recommend the miscarriage thread and fertility grief thread linked above by another member.
i wish you all the best.

1 Like

I’m so very sorry to hear about what you’re going through :heart: Sending love and strength from many miles away.

1 Like

I don’t have experienced this kind of loss, but I’m sending a ton of love to you :white_heart:

I’m sorry that you’re going through that. Like other members already mentioned, what you feel is completely valid. I hope you and your husband get all the support you need and deserve.

1 Like

I have had missed miscarriages twice. Both were my first two pregnancies. I was completely unprepared the first time. I found it devastating.

The second time i began to worry about our ability to ever have a baby and that was more upsetting than the loss of the pregnancy. It helped me to think of it as: well this baby was never meant to be and i am loosing the idea of this baby whom was very wanted and loved, but we will have the baby we are supposed to get oneday. And it is really hard to wait for that day to come and go through this loss now.

I was able to eventually miscarriage naturally the first time but the second we had to go through a d and c at the hospital which wasn’t much fun. Both times I was very glad it was only myself and my husband who knew of the pregnancy and we had waited before announcing to family. But i do know some people are different and the support of friends and family really helps them.

Our third pregnancy was the arrival of our son and that first healthy scan at 8 weeks was so unbelievably precious and amazing. Maybe made me more appreciative than people who haven’t been through this kind of loss and had the shock of turning up on the first scan day and get to see their healthy baby instead of an empty sack that stopped developing at 6 weeks.

Just edited to add that they let me have two weeks after the scan to see if the miscarriage would naturally occur. They didn’t want to leave it longer but they did give me the option to go straight to D and C if I preferred and not wait at all. The D and C was under general anaesthesia. The natural miscarriage was very different as an actual tiny “sack of pregnancy content” came out and i had very painful cramps. I think it was very confronting to see that come out but over the long term i have found i have recovered emotionally better having seen it myself, where as the surgery i saw nothing and woke up with a light period as the only evidence and i am left wondering if it looked similar.


Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

I have probably read them a dozen times, but haven’t know how to properly address each one of you. I really am sorry to each one of you. Sorry that you had to endure that level of loss. I pray for those who haven’t yet found their silver lining that one day soon it comes along. I may not know anybody in person, but the people I have met online are unforgettable to me, so I’ll continue to think of you and wish you well. :heart::heart::heart:

Think over the last few days I have had every emotion known to man. The obvious feeling is that life just feels a bit pointless, to be quite honest. I have had so many reproductive/gynecological issues that I just feel a little ripped off honestly (if you read my other posts, what I am saying will make sense.) I’m really trying to wade through the emotions and let myself feel how I feel. But I think there’s a whole sphere of grief far bigger than just the miscarriage for us. The best part of it has been the kindness and the love we have recieved. Physically I have been quite ill.

Thanks for telling me about those threads, I wasn’t aware of the Miscarriage Thread.