Twin name remorse

[name]Hi[/name], I’m not sure if this is the appropriate place to discuss this, but my family is sick of hearing about my name remorse and frankly I am realizing I am becoming obsessed. I’m usually a rational person. But since my twins were about 2 months old I felt like we gave them the wrong names. They are [name]Anthony[/name] and [name]Nickolas[/name]. [name]Long[/name] story short-I always wanted an [name]Anthony[/name] (but do not like [name]Tony[/name]) and liked the idea of naming a baby after me ([name]Nicole[/name]) but DH had always been against that. With this pregnancy we settled on A pretty early on and one day DH found the name [name]Sullivan[/name]. We kept coming back to that and were thinking that would be baby b’s name.

For some reason I can’t figure out why we abandoned [name]Sullivan[/name] near the end of the pregnancy. Maybe b/c I was feeling selfish and miserable, but I mentioned [name]Nickolas[/name]. This time DH agreed. I wasn’t expecting that. We also thought of [name]Dominic[/name]. [name]Even[/name] before they were born I felt like I wasn’t in love with the names, but couldn’t find two I loved as much as my other kids’ names- [name]Samantha[/name], [name]Oliver[/name] and [name]Gianna[/name].

In the hospital after my c-section I was so out of it and told DH to decide between [name]Nickolas[/name] and [name]Dominic[/name]. He thought [name]Baby[/name] B was more a [name]Nickolas[/name]. Well, about 2 months later I looked at the boys and thought we made a big mistake. It was hard for me to even call them by their names and still is :frowning: They are now 4 months old. This whole time I look at them and see [name]Charlie[/name] (it was on the list but not one we talked much about) and [name]Sullivan[/name]. DH agreed to adding [name]Charles[/name] to [name]Anthony[/name]'s middle name so I can call him it. Which feels so silly but I felt miserable. I know I need to move on, but was wondering if anyone else has experienced and did get over it. I am so grateful for my healthy beautiful boys, but as really stuck on this. Any advice is greatly appreciated- even if you think I’m crazy :slight_smile: Cause I’m starting to think that.

That must be devastating. I have a twin sister, and as far as I’m concerned my mother doesn’t have any remorse naming the both of us. I don’t think changing their names would be the best thing to do. Yes they’re still babies but, others have probably been used to calling them by their names already. Give it some time. Often alot of children don’t look like their names fit them when they’re new. I’d say wait until they’re a year and if it’s still bugging you, give [name]Anthony[/name] the middle name [name]Charles[/name].
Best of [name]Luck[/name],
and no you are not crazy.

Change their names. People can get used to the change and you will no longer have to live in remorse about misnaming your children. If you really feel that disconnected about the names, just consider how your discontent can roll over into their childhood and later years. My best friend has boy/girl twins and she altered their names when they were two (added middle names and gave them the biological dad’s last name). However, she had always called them by the names she wanted - just had not gone through the legal process until later in life.

[name]Charles[/name] [name]Anthony[/name] or [name]Anthony[/name] [name]Charles[/name] and [name]Nickolas[/name] [name]Sullivan[/name] sound great to me and it won’t ruin it too much.

Oh, I’m sorry! I’m a twin, too, and I guess my parents never had this trouble, so I can’t comment on that from personal experience.

Is your husband happy with the boys’ names as they stand? Or, does he prefer other names? So, you’ve got [name]Anthony[/name] and [name]Nickolas[/name]. You’ve tossed around [name]Charlie[/name], [name]Dominic[/name], and [name]Sullivan[/name]. If you could call them anything in the world, what would it be? Would it be [name]Charlie[/name] and [name]Sullivan[/name]? What would your husband’s answer to that question be? The previous poster is right - it isn’t bad to change their names if you truly regret them. The boys are very young still, so they won’t really even notice, and people will be quick to adapt. I think it’s something you should consider with your husband. You aren’t crazy - you’re just trying to find the best names for your sons! [name]Anthony[/name] and [name]Nickolas[/name] are great, but if they aren’t the ones, they aren’t the ones. There is no shame in changing your boys’ names to something that better suits them.

If it means anything, I think that [name]Charles[/name] and [name]Dominic[/name] sound perfect with [name]Samantha[/name], [name]Oliver[/name], and [name]Gianna[/name]. [name]Dominic[/name] has a bit of that Latin flavor that [name]Gianna[/name] has, whereas [name]Charles[/name] is as classic as [name]Oliver[/name]. The two styles merge in [name]Samantha[/name]'s name. Perfection! Plus, then you’d get your [name]Charlie[/name], but if you wanted to use [name]Nic[/name] as a nickname - were you doing that with [name]Nickolas[/name]? - you’ve got that option with [name]Dominic[/name], and it honors you! So, yes, if I were the one choosing, I’d say go for [name]Charles[/name] [name]Anthony[/name] and [name]Dominic[/name] [name]Sullivan[/name]. Beautiful names!

[name]Lemon[/name] :slight_smile:

I would say that if the boys are 4 months old and you still feel strongly that their names are not right, then you should change them. It is still very early in their lives and everyone will adapt. I think [name]Charles[/name] [name]Anthony[/name] is very handsome, and I like [name]Dominic[/name] [name]Sullivan[/name] or [name]Sullivan[/name] [name]Nickolas[/name] very much.

Good luck!

If you’re going to change them it’s better to do it as soon as possible. The longer you wait the worse it’ll be for everyone to adjust to it. And yes, I do think you can change their names if you’re really sure you made the wrong decision.

You’re the parent. If you want to change the names, you can. You chose them in the first place. If [name]Anthony[/name] looks like a [name]Charles[/name] or a [name]Charlie[/name], change his name to [name]Charles[/name] [name]Anthony[/name] or vice versa. And if [name]Nickolas[/name] looks like a [name]Sullivan[/name], well then he can be [name]Sullivan[/name] [name]Nickolas[/name] or vice versa. They’re still young enough to change their names, but I would do it sooner rather than later.
Good luck!

I can’t tell you wether to change your boys’ names or not, but I can tell you that I had baby name remorse for over a year after my son was born. I had a favorite name for years before he was born, but it wasn’t even on the list by the time I went into labor; we had decided to name him after my husband’s grandfather. When he arrived, however, he looked nothing like our chosen name, so I suggested my previous favorite, and that’s what we named him. For the next year, I would call him by his great-grandfather’s name, both accidentally and intentionally, and thought about changing his name frequently. For whatever reason, though, I didn’t. Around the time that my son turned 1, his name began to suit him perfectly in my eyes, and now I cannot imagine him being called anything else. Friends and family agree that his name is perfect for him, too!

I don’t know if this helps you in your situation or not, but know that you aren’t alone in your remorse. If your boys are indeed [name]Charlie[/name] and [name]Sullivan[/name], then by all means, make it official! If you aren’t sure, though, give it some time and see who they grow into - maybe they are [name]Nickolas[/name] and [name]Anthony[/name] after all!

Thank you all for your replies. I’ve taken into consideration all the input and we are now down to the wire. Last week my husband said he honestly can’t get past [name]Charlie[/name]. He really thinks he’s an [name]Anthony[/name]. So I have given up on that and I am okay. He did say he would consider changing [name]Nickolas[/name] to [name]Sullivan[/name]. This whole thing is getting ridiculous- I really need to move on. So I set a deadline of today to decide once and for all. We’ve been calling him [name]Sullivan[/name] for the last few days. For me it has been easy since that’s what I’ve always thought of him as. A little harder for my hubby. Older daughter still hates it but said I deserve the final say since I’m his mom. :wink: The little ones go back and forth between [name]Nicky[/name] and [name]Sullivan[/name].

So as of yesterday I felt 99% sure we would make the change. But last night I mentioned to a friend that I thought I would love him being named after me but really don’t. She (like so many others) had no idea he was named after me. I guess they don’t make the connection b/c it’s not exactly the same name. She said that made her love his name even more and it was appropriate given our crazy journey up to this point that one be named after me. It tugged at my heart and now I’m confused again. She also said [name]Nickolas[/name] goes better with [name]Anthony[/name]. Uuuuuuggggghhh!
Now that husband is on board and ready to change I’m having cold feet.

Right now his name is [name]Nickolas[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Raymond[/name]. If we change it will be [name]Sullivan[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Nickolas[/name].

Any last minute words of wisdom??? Thanks!

Hm. A tough one! I tend to agree with your friend that [name]Nicolas[/name] goes better with [name]Anthony[/name] than [name]Sullivan[/name], but ultimately it is up to you what you feel most comfortable with, regardless of what your friend thinks. If you are uncomfortable with his name and don’t like the idea of him being named after you, then maybe he should be [name]Sullivan[/name].

Or, maybe as a compromise, he could become [name]Nicolas[/name] [name]Sullivan[/name] [name]James[/name] and you could have the option to use either name for him. I know [name]Nicolas[/name] [name]Sullivan[/name] doesn’t have perfect flow, but it is pretty darn good and you would get both of your names in there - it might keep everyone happy!

[name]Lemon[/name] :slight_smile:

PS What are [name]Anthony[/name]'s middle names?

[name]Anthony[/name] [name]George[/name]. Was going to add [name]Charles[/name] when I still thought [name]Charlie[/name] was an option. [name]May[/name] still do it. I included it on baptism certificate, it’s his godfather’s mn, and bro has 2 mns.

What do you think of baby named after mom?

Part of me just feels like i should stick with [name]Nickolas[/name]. I’ll just have to force myself to be ok with [name]Nick[/name] (sounds strange to me bc that’s what alot of people call me) but hubby said yesterday he really wanys to call him that b/c he doesn’t like saying [name]Nickolas[/name]!