Two boys going to different schools: One in Britain, one in America

I have two boys who are six years apart. We live in [name_u]America[/name_u] but my husband wants the elder son to study at a British boarding school because it’s his family tradition. He is okay with the younger son going to any American school as long as it’s a boarding school. The boys are currently in the same school in the US but they will be separated next year when the elder (who’s 12) goes to the UK

Forget about the logistical nightmare etc, could this separation have a damaging effect on the children? I wanted them to be close but they’re already six years apart.

Anybody else experienced this or know someone? [name_m]Can[/name_m] you call this “raising two kids with two different lives”? The elder son will be exposed to British culture and he will definitely attend a British university just like his father (more years of separation from his little American brother).

To be clear, I am not against boarding schools (I went to one myself) or sending my son to another country but I am asking if this will affect their relationship, emotional development and mental health.


It probably would. Your boys might see this as favoritism, & especially if they are close, I see this as a problem. I would either keep both in the US or send both to the UK. You elder may feel like he is unwanted if you keep your youngest here & send him away.

I’ve always thought the elder son will feel “privileged” and lucky to uphold the family tradition. This is a really bad idea


I’m not a parent; but if my parents sent my brother to a school in [name_u]Britain[/name_u] and not me, I’d feel bad. [name_u]Britain[/name_u] is known for good education - I’d wonder why I don’t have that ‘privilege’.


I have a large age gap with my sister and it took us years (and we’re still working on it as adults) to be any kind of close. If we’d lived in different countries there’d have been no hope for closeness. I think it’s a fair and accurate assumption that this move will affect their relationship - they’re not being raised in the same environment or by the same people, and the age gap already means that they don’t have much in common developmentally.

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Maybe your youngest will feel left out & that you love your oldest more, then, since [name_u]Britain[/name_u] in known for good education.

I don’t think it will guarantee that the boys will have a bad relationship, depending on the boys personalities and understanding of the situation. But I do think it could cause problems. And at the very least, the boys attending the same school and having the same experiences I feel would give them something to bond over

I don’t think the separation will automatically cause relationship problems, but I think there is an element of inequality going on here. Personally, I’d have both children at the same school in the same country. The older one may feel like he is being ‘sent away’, and the younger one may feel as though his education isn’t being valued as much as his brother’s.