So, I was discussing names with my friend who is expecting her first. She asked for my opinions on her shortlist of names - honestly I was horrified that anyone would consider any of these and need a separate place to vent as I don’t want to hurt her feelings!! So, she likes [name]Mackenzie[/name] for a girl but is thinking M’[name]Kinsey[/name] or M’[name]Kenzey[/name] (yes those spellings…) and she stated she wants to make standard boys names more interesting and unique by switching up the spellings and asked for my ideas on how you could make names like [name]Alexander[/name], [name]William[/name] and [name]Oliver[/name] “more interesting”. Argh!!! I just want to say " for heavens sake what’s wrong with the original!! Why do you want to make their lives more difficult by dooming them to have to spell it out everytime…???" OK rant over!
I thought we could have a thread to let off steam with our frustration in other peoples choices of names! Would be interested in hearing everyone else’s stories and how you dealt with it!
When my sister was expecting her second daughter, she was so into the trendy, creative spelling names. She was particularly wed to [name]McKayla[/name]. I told her I though it was much classier and verstaile to spell the name traditionally - [name]Michaela[/name]. I.m not sure my opinion had any influence but Luckily my brother-in-law said that he would only go with that name if it was spelled traditionally. This helped ensure my neice was not one of 6 girls in her kindergarten class with creatively spelled K names.
I have to step in and say that while honest opinions are welcome and I totally understand the urge to vent, I’m leery of a thread that could descend in a trash-fest of a bunch of names. Things can get expressed too harshly and feelings can get hurt. Please try to keep the venting respectful – is that possible? – so I don’t have to shut the forum down (which I hate to do but will). Thanks.
No worries [name]Pam[/name]. That was not my intent. I was just looking for some constructive advice on ways to deal with the situation where someone is continually chasing for your opinion on something you think is awful! Is there actually a correct response to that?! The intent was to find a respectful way to deal with the situation.
I tend to be a bit “tough love”, so I would just say that the names are fine the way they are, that there was no need to ruin them by misspelling them.
However, a nicer approach might be to suggest variations of the names.
I think because she asked your opinion you are able to honestly give it, within reason. I don’t think that parents really consider all of the implications unusual spellings will have on these children for the rest of their lives. These children will grow up and, at 55 years old, still be telling people, “No, not O-L-I-V-E-R. It’s O-L-L-I-V-H-E-R-R.” Any time they’re talking on the phone (assuming we still use phones 55 years from now) trying to set up new accounts, or calling in to make appts, etc, these people have to take extra time to spell out their names. Just for the sake of simplicity, normal, classic spellings make life easier for all concerned. I think you are not stepping out of bounds if you point this out to her. You can even mention NB and let her know why so, so many people who love and care about names really detest unique spellings. This can be done tactfully without insulting her tastes (too much). Most reasonable parents will at least consider the implications of strange name spellings if they are presented with a logical argument against them.
Edit: I just started chuckling to myself because I am planning on giving my daughter a name that she’ll constantly have to correct the pronunciation of so I am not sure how reasonable I am?! I hope she (if it’s a “she”) will not be angry with me.
I’ve come to the conclusion that people will make their own decisions no matter what you say. I’ve had a lot of pregnant friends lately and I always ask them about names. I offer my help if they need it, but if they don’t seem interested then I just let it go. I am always honest if they ask my opinion, but usually I just keep my mouth shut unless asked for advice. My best friend wants my help, but her husband is refusing to talk names yet even though she’s due in early [name]July[/name]. So, I’m making her lists and sending them to her email so she can read them and maybe make a list of her own to show him.
The only time I feel like I intervened and really helped is when my friend was pregnant a few years ago and she wanted to name her son [name]Jaylen[/name]. That wouldn’t of been too much of an issue, but she already has a son named [name]Aiden[/name]. I casually explained to her how silly that sounds, that they sound way too similar and I made her a list and she ended up picking [name]Dante[/name] instead. I was so relieved.
I was in this situation with one of my best friends. She asked me what I thought of “insertnamehere.” I will not say the name so that no feelings are hurt. I asked her if she wanted the honest version or the supportive version. She said honest. In short term I told her I thought the name she suggested was a stripper-like name but, that I would love her child no matter what name they choose. I would also do the same with name spellings. Though when it comes down to it, it’s the parents decision.
I don’t think people realize there are many ways to make a classic name more interesting without making up your own variation. Although [name]Alejandro[/name] sounds very Spanish, [name]Lysander[/name] or [name]Alexei[/name] can be used on boys of any background [name]IMO[/name]. [name]Elizabeth[/name] is too common, why not [name]Elisabetta[/name], [name]Eliza[/name], Esla or [name]Eliska[/name]?
I do think parents need to look up the name they choose. I ran into a parent who had a thirteen year old [name]Madison[/name] and didn’t know the meaning (had no idea it was a male name) and a four year old son named [name]Jayden[/name]; she thought that was the uncommon spelling. I’m not saying make a thousand posts on a name forum and become an expert in names, but it’s easier than ever to google ‘[name]Addison[/name] meaning and popularity’. There are many free sources that can be accessed in seconds. Why not use them? You may even find the perfect name just clicking on the Nameberry ticker.
I probably wouldn’t have the guts to say anything to her face, but I am extremely traditional in terms of spelling so I would want to go home and tell other name lovers on the internet too lol
I think people are actually unable to hide their opinions very well, so she probably knows what you think anyway. I named one of my daughters [name]Freya[/name] and when I tell people her name I usually hear ‘oh, that’s different’ unenthusiastically. Unlike on nameberry where everyone goes ‘beautiful’ and means it. [name]Just[/name] like I met a mother the other day with kids named [name]Jace[/name] & [name]Kayla[/name] which aren’t my style and went ‘oh, cute’ unenthusiastically. So she probably can tell from your face and tone of voice that you don’t like her choices. The only thing I would do is say that I find the original spelling beautiful and timeless and hopefully she will come around to [name]Mackenzie[/name] instead of M’kenzi.
I try to gently point out the irritation of having to correct other people and the difficulty for the child learning to spell. Granted, my name always gets mispronounced ([name]Gina[/name] as opposed to [name]Jenna[/name]) and I point this out. But at the end of the day, it’s her decision–I just always hope sanity wins out.
Also, I love the spelling Aleksander, although that does slightly alter the pronunciation, along with [name]Willem[/name], but again it sounds different. Could you suggest these alternates as opposed to what purists see as misspelling?
I do voice my opinion on names when the topic comes up. When my friend was picking out names for her son, I was honest with her on my concerns and possible issues that could arise.
Like with the name [name]Zaidan[/name]. It’s a legitimate Arabic name, it’s an elaborate form of [name]Zayd[/name]. But due to the high level of [name]Aiden[/name], [name]Jayden[/name], Jayzen etc out there, I pointed out that the name could very well be taken as that, and it could be mispronounced as zay-den, instead of zay-dahn. She doesn’t have an issue with that, so I didn’t either.
When it comes to names that are creatively spelled and overly trendy, I’m still honest just tactful. She was interested in the name Zakariyya, and found the two Ys to be so wonderful…me not so much. I subtly told her, but didn’t press it because I knew she liked other names more.
At the end of it all, I think it’s a partial duty to be honest on our opinions on names with people close to us and those who ask. At the same time, we need to be mindful that their taste and ours can differ, and it’s their choice to name the baby. [name]Rude[/name] or hurtful comments are wrong, and if we wouldn’t like such comments ourselves, we shouldn’t give them. Balance is key.
Oh I have a recent one…not so much a kreativ spelling problem as a great big “?”
I met a woman named [name]Amy[/name] the other day with two girls named Am@rie and [name]Amy[/name]@h and one on the way who she planned to name [name]Ami[/name]@ …boy was I trying hard just to smile and nod and say “Oh what a lovely family…”
I’m lucky that my little sister has decent taste in names - but we are both brutally honest with each other.
When it comes to other people, when I truly like a name I will tell them how much I love it, if I hate it, I usually manage a “how nice” comment. I haven’t had any close friends ask for help naming an actual child, but I want to say that I would give them the nicest, most eloquent version of honesty I can come up with - to me, names are far too important to skip over the truth.
If you have the kind of relationship where you feel comfortable being honest, then do so. And there are good ways to phrase concerns. Some criticisms that I don’t consider useful would include: not liking non-traditional spellings, that name ‘sounds’ like this sort of person to me, the sibling group would be weird, made-up names are absurd, etc. Constructive criticism requires giving a valid reason beyond personal preference as to why the name is a bad idea. Mention potential problems with paperwork, future misspellings, and pronunciation problems in the case of the made-up spellings and names. Bring up negative connotations if you know that those would be a problem in your friend’s culture. It would also be good to mention things like awkward initials, a name that either rhymes with or could very easily be turned into a swear-word or an insult, or a name that just sounds weird with the last name without the middle name as a buffer.
For too-similar sibling names, if your friend came from a family with matchy names, just mention the similarity, no need to go further, she already knows the pros and cons. If your friend doesn’t come from a matchy sibling set themselves, feel free to mention any personal experiences you’ve had with mix-ups in your life. Other sibling problems… there was a thread a while back about naming siblings [name]Lilith[/name] and [name]Eve[/name]. That goes back to the cultural thing. It’s appropriate to mention matching. If baby [name]Rosalie[/name] was named after a beloved great-aunt, your friend might not even make the floral connection with [name]Violet[/name]. Whether they’re avoiding or seeking matching names, you won’t do any harm by bringing it up.
When looking at names, we too often get so caught up in loving a name that we don’t notice the negatives. I know I would appreciate the honesty of someone I bounced a name off of- if the criticism is valid. If your dislike, however, is only based on personal preference, don’t share your opinion unless you’re very, very close with the person you’re sharing it with. Tastes differ, and honestly, the names of the children will be reflective of the personalities of the parents. If you’re friends, then you made the decision to get over your differences a long time ago. If you’re not really friends, but merely acquaintances(coworkers, etc), well, then it’s even more okay to have different tastes.
You know I recently had a friend ask me for opinions on names for her baby. I politely said “Those are nice” and then since she asked for input and any ideas I had, I emailed her some lists form Nameberry from the “If you like X, then you might like…” She was thrilled at all the alternate names she hadn’t thought of and no one’s feelings got hurt.
lol