I’m very torn on a family name and would like to have some input.
The name [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] has been in my grandma’s family for generations. Most recently, it was my great-grandmother’s name (and her mother’s middle name, and on and on…) My mom got a ‘revamped’ version when she was named [name_f]Carolyn[/name_f]. From the time I was a teenager, I knew I wanted to use [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] as a middle name someday. It’s just a tad too popular for me as a first (I’d prefer outside of the top 20) and besides that, I just prefer family names in the middle spot so that my hypothetical child(ren) have their “own” first name. I also would not be opposed to [name_m]Charles[/name_m] as a mn for a boy if I ended up with only sons.
Fast forward to now, and I am marrying the kindest, sweetest man in just a few months…and his sister is named, you guessed it, [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f]. She and I, let’s just say, are very different people and although we can be civil to each other, we are just never going to be best friends.
We aren’t thinking about children for the next 2-4 years, but I am already let down that my soon-to-be [name_m]SIL[/name_m] is named [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] and that she is such an unpleasant person. He is also really close to his sister, so if we had a daughter and her mn was [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f], I think people would assume it’s for her Aunt [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] and not all the women in my family tree.
I’ve considered [name_f]Caroline[/name_f] as an alternative but I’m not completely sold. Of course I still have time to think about it, but I just wanted to know what you would do or think or feel in this situation!
Oh I hate when there is a bad association with a name.
That has ruined a ton of names for me.
I would say either use two middle names and make it the 2nd if you simply love it so much,
or use [name_f]Caroline[/name_f] instead. [name_f]Caroline[/name_f] is a beautiful name, first or middle. [name_m]Just[/name_m] as beautiful as [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f].
[name_m]Both[/name_m] are classic and will age well.
Going by your sig:
[name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_u]Reece[/name_u] [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] [example]
[name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_f]Caroline[/name_f], or [name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_f]Caroline[/name_f] [name_u]Rae[/name_u]. [example]
If you find yourself dead set on [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] in a few years I would simply offer a disclaimer when telling people her name, “Her name is [name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] (stole that from your sig), after her great-grandmother”. However if you like [name_f]Caroline[/name_f] and are happy using that, it’s already been established as a substitute for [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] in your family and I think it’s a beautiful name, you couldn’t go wrong with it!
PP’s have made great suggestions, already. [name_f]Anna[/name_f] [name_f]Caroline[/name_f] is beautiful if you decided to go that route instead of any awkwardness with [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f].
Based on your signature, I’m guessing you like classic, full names. However, would you consider something a little different to stay true to your love of [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f]? What about [name_f]Anna[/name_f] (enter classic second middle name) [name_f]Lottie[/name_f]?
I’m not sure what the problem is, honestly. It’s marvelous good fortune that an important name in your family is also deeply significant for your husband – and to be honest, getting so nitpicky about people attributing your future daughter’s name to YOUR beloved relative, NOT your husband’s, is a little rude, not to mention rather selfish. To be even more honest, most people aren’t going to inquire as to how your daughter came by her middle name and probably won’t much care one way or another.
Oh, that sucks. [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] is gorgeous. If I were you, I’d shy away from [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] and choose either [name_f]Caroline[/name_f] or another variant as a middle instead, which would also be a shout-out to your mother as well as honouring all the women in your family tree.
[name_f]Augusta[/name_f] - Thanks again for your very helpful input
[name_f]One[/name_f] bad associtation can totally ruin a name that has been a fav for years for me. So if I were you I would never be able to use it after that. The Aunt [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] might also think that you like her so much and that might not sit well with you when she starts bragging about it. IDK but I would not use it at all. Other Alternatives for boys besides [name_m]Charles[/name_m] or [name_u]Charlie[/name_u] would be [name_m]Otto[/name_m] or [name_u]Arlo[/name_u] or [name_m]Carlo[/name_m] or Lot. You could use Harlo or [name_f]Lottie[/name_f] or [name_f]Carly[/name_f] or [name_f]Chara/name_f for a girl instead too which in my opinion would be a more sleek way of using the name without automatically thinking of charlotte all the time.
[name_f]Caroline[/name_f] is beautiful, as is [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f]…but [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] is used so often now and when you look at your child and spell her name you want only happy thoughts. You are not being the least bit selfish.
Similar situation in my family.
My mom always loved the name [name_f]Rachael[/name_f] and she married my dad who had a sister named [name_f]Rachel[/name_f]. My Aunt [name_f]Rachel[/name_f] is overbearing and just plain insane.
My mom stuck to what she liked and didn’t care what my Aunt thought or any relatives thought and we don’t do too much to associate with her anyway… I think my mom is more happy she stuck to what she wanted instead of letting someone like my aunt change her decision. I think you may regret it if someone you don’t seem to like all that much takes this family name away from you.
I say go with it! I think you will be happy you did. Plus if it is just a middle name it isn’t used all that much anyway so people may not even draw the comparison.
Frankly, I would just use the middle name that has so much meaning for you. You may have bigger problems if your husband is very close to a sister who you really can’t stand.
I agree with AugustaLee. I think you are quite selfish. I would add very petty and childish. [name_m]How[/name_m] have you thought about your future husband’s family? [name_m]How[/name_m] they would feel? These are people who will be a part of your life and you need to learn to get along with them. It’s not a good indication that you are already to trying to alienate your husband from his relatives or thinking your family is more important than his.
I think you should use [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] as a middle. Most people don’t know their friend’s middles and why they were chosen. I personally would go with the diplomatic and kind “We chose to honor both sides of the family.” I would also explain [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] is a name important to your family since his connection is obvious. (All though if you don’t live in the same town, or the town he grew up in; most people won’t necessarily know he has a sister named [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f].) I think it’s petty and beneath you to chose [name_f]Caroline[/name_f] (not to mention pointless since [name_f]Caroline[/name_f] is equally connected to the Charlottes on both side on the family. )
You have a choice beyond names here. You can sink to her level and let her bring out the worst in you as well or you can chose to take the high road. I think if you chose to take the low road, you risk letting this nice man see a side of you he may not like.
I agree, though I also understand how names can be ruined by negative associations. We don’t know the whole story, so I think it would also depend upon the backstory for me.
my second sons middle name comes from both sides of the family. My brother and FIL share the same name. I had never been particularly close to FIL but saw it as a positive that it honoured both sides and that pushed it over other names that came from one or the other. My son is now 5 and over the years I have become closer to my in-laws (as tends to happen) and feel that his name had a part in that. I am pleased that I took the high road and didn’t highlight to my hubbys family that the name also came from mine.
I do find also that once a name is attached to your child that will become your primary association with it - you won’t think of your [name_m]SIL[/name_m] when you hear the name anymore.
Also great-grandma is quite a way back. I have only a hazy recollection of my great-grandfather, where you particularly close? It seems that your family have broken the chain of Charlottes as you don’t mention sharing the name yourself. I wonder how much is about honouring family and how much is about you just liking the name? Try and think very honestly about your motivations for this. Marriage is difficult enough without getting off on the wrong foot with the in-laws over something as permanent as a name. [name_f]Remember[/name_f] also that when you fall out with your in-laws it is painful for the man you love - the golden rule always applies, he can say whatever he likes about his sister but you can’t!
I think it’s great that the name would honor both sides of the family. Most people won’t even wonder where you got the middle name, and if they ask you can say that it honors several different people. And since your husband is close with her, he will appreciate you letting him honor his sister even though you don’t like her. That shows a lot of maturity. Also, the name [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] is common enough that you will probably meet more people with the name and its association with the sister will dilute out. Not to mention you will associate it with your child.
I see this as a win for you, really. You ended up with a guy who has his own positive connection to the name [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] & using it just might butter up a [name_m]SIL[/name_m] you don’t get along with very well. I think honor names are all about what they mean to the namer. Someone might use [name_f]Willow[/name_f] to honor Aunt [name_f]Harriet[/name_f] who had a willow tree in her yard. The rest of the family might not put it together but that’s not always what it’s about. However, hammering it home that [name_f]Willow[/name_f] is named after that tree & bringing it up to everyone you meet might get exhausting. The only reason not to use it is if this [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] is absolutely name ruiningly horrible or if you couldn’t stand her thinking you would ever honor her. [name_f]Do[/name_f] not proceed if you would feel the need to explain to everyone you meet that it’s not [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] as in THAT [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] it’s [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] like YOUR FAMILY [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f]. If you can smile and nod I say go for it. If you can smile and say that it’s a family name on both sides that might not be too obvious. Otherwise consider [name_f]Caroline[/name_f], [name_f]Charline[/name_f], [name_f]Charlise[/name_f], [name_f]Charla[/name_f] or the like. Good luck! I also think that [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f]'s top 20 status is helpful in this situation, a rarer name would stand out even moreso as his sister’s name.
