Want to change my 13 year old twin daughters name

I have twin girls that have just turned 13. When we named them we picked very untraditional ethnic First names … after a few years I did contemplate changing their names but my husband wasn’t to keen on the idea. Now fast forward 2020 the topic has risen again and I feel that we should of named our girls these very special traditional names not only do they have beautiful meanings but one of these names is his grandmother’s and one belongs to my mother… will it be too late to change my daughters names to the names that I should of given them a while ago.

Ask your daughters what they want to do. They’re old enough that it is their decision.

9 Likes

Hi @Roseo,

I’ve just moved this to #girl-baby-names for you, where you will hopefully get the most relevant responses.

I’m sorry you’re feeling regret over your daughters’ names, that sounds really tough.

However, at 13 I would say the decision over any name change is theirs to make, not yours. You gave them the names you thought were best for them at the time, and that’s exactly what they were — gifts. Their names are theirs now, and have been for 13 years, and any decision on whether to keep or change those names should come from them, with no pressure from anyone else.

How do they feel about their names?

11 Likes

I think it should mostly be your daughters’ decision. At 13, it would be really tough to change unless they really wanted to.

4 Likes

I agree that you can’t really change a 13 year old’s name. Talk to them about it but it’s really their choice.

6 Likes

I agree with everyone, at 13 your daughter’s names are theirs and not really yours anymore. It’s their identity, how they know themselves, how their friends and teachers know them, how they introduce themselves to strangers. You can bring it up to them, but the decision is theirs to make, because it going to feel like an identity change to them.

In other words, you are too late to change your daughters names.

5 Likes

Yes, far too late unless your girls want to change their names

1 Like

Apologies for just adding to the agreement, but this is for sure their choice. And even then I’d probably say to act with caution. The decisions we make at 13 aren’t always the ones we would choose when we are older.
If it were me I would not change their names and try to think instead about the identity that the children have built despite them. It could be that when they’re older they decide to change their names anyway.

3 Likes

I changed my name at age 13. I didn’t change it legally until many years later, but at 13, we moved and I started school in a new district where no one knew me. I asked the teachers to call me by a different name and that’s how I introduced myself to my peers as well. Best. Thing. I. [name_u]Ever[/name_u]. Did. I hated my name. It was socially unacceptable and embarrassing. [name_f]My[/name_f] parents were in full agreement and supportive and it felt great.

Ask your girls what they want. They may feel like I did and you can begin the name change process together. But at this point, it’s their choice, not yours.

3 Likes

Absolutely agree with all the other posters. It’s their choice now whether they want to change their names or not. I’d talk to them about it!

1 Like

I agree with everyone else, it’s no longer up to you, it’s up to your daughter. You could discuss with her your concerns about her name and ask her opinion. If she agrees with you wants wants to change her name, I see no issue with that.

1 Like

If you discuss those special namesakes at home, and create them as a special part of your lives, it’s likely your daughters may want to use them for their own daughters one day.

5 Likes

As pp said, you gifted them the names you thought were best at the time, and those gifts are for them to do with what they will. If they would like to change their names or not, the decision is up to them.

This, 100%.

4 Likes

I would say no unless they really really want to. This would be changing their entire identity, and at 13 years old it’s a tough time of trying to find yourself. If they want to change their names then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. I don’t really see the point of using family names at this point, and your husband doesn’t seem to want to change their names…but obviously nothing wrong with it just remember a name is really important to people’s personal identity and it is theirs now not yours to change. No offense intended to you sorry if I came across as rude!!

Good luck with your choice!

2 Likes

At 13, I doubt you’d be able to anyway if they didn’t want to, and even if you could they’d almost definitely keep using their original names. I’d also say don’t tell them you want to change them as 13 is a tough age with regards to finding your identity anyway.

3 Likes