[name_f]My[/name_f] best friend is 13, will be 14 soon. She has a four-syllable name. We’ll call her [name_f]Olivia[/name_f], which is not her real name.
Her mom expects to have nobody call her by a nickname. Let me quote her, “Look, I don’t call if you call her ‘[name_f]Via[/name_f]’ or whatever when I’m not around, but under this roof (we were at her place), her name is [name_f]Olivia[/name_f].” I pushed it a little & asked why, & she responded with something alone the lines of “If I wanted her to be called [name_f]Via[/name_f] I would have named her [name_f]Via[/name_f].” She said it was an OCD trigger (and I get it, I have OCD too, it’s tough) afterwards. She may very well have actually had it because it’s not exactly something you say all the time, at least when you’re not faking… [name_f]May[/name_f] I remind you, she has a four-syllable name & is almost 14.
So, what do you think of parents doing this?
EDIT: Yes, since then I have just called her Olivia versus Via in front of her mom.
A parent can choose to call their child what they want. However, the parent can’t control what other people call their child, because the child is their own person. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if it’s in their own house, the parent doesn’t have to call them “[name_f]Via[/name_f]” they can call her “[name_f]Olivia[/name_f]” but you can call her “[name_f]Via[/name_f]” because it’s a nickname you have for her to show your friendship.
I have mixed feelings. I personally named my kids the names I wanted to call them. Two of the three have names more on the nickname side, because I didn’t see the point of giving them a full name that they would never go by. However, if I loved a name that had nickname options that I didn’t really like, I probably wouldn’t have used the name to begin with. I think parents have the right to ask you to call their child the name they chose, but as parents, we have to realize our child is an individual and we cannot control it forever. [name_m]Even[/name_m] my two kiddos with more nicknamey full names have cutesy nicknames from their friends. I don’t use them and I would prefer them not to be called them, but if my kids are fine with it, I will respect that. If “[name_f]Olivia[/name_f]” requests you not to call her “[name_f]Via[/name_f]”, I would understand and if her mom really is adamant, just use “[name_f]Via[/name_f]” outside her home so you can avoid the debacle.
[name_f]My[/name_f] mom was like this. Has said these exact words to many people before.
(but with a nickname for my name ofc). And she did care if people called me by a nickname ever, not just at home. When they’re still too young to decide if they want a nickname or not, then I think it’s perfectly fine for the parents to do that. But once they’re old enough to have an opinion, I think if the child wants to go by a nickname (or even just a different name for a while) they should be allowed to. If they themselves don’t want to be called by a nickname, then others should respect that.
How does your friend feel about this? When you’re at her house I would be polite to her parents if you want to be allowed to visit. If your friend feels strongly that she would like to be called a nickname at home then I would leave it up to her to explain that to her parents.
I would probably just keep calling her by her full name when at her house, and if a nickname slips out my mistake just apologize. (I’m very nonconfrontational, so that’s how I would handle the situation.) I do think it’s a bit controlling to not let your daughter choose her own prefered nn, but that’s just me.
My best friend likes her nickname, but it doesn’t really matter to her what she gets called — And by that, I mean [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] or [name_f]Via[/name_f]. [name_f]Olive[/name_f], nope. [name_f]Livvy[/name_f], nope. [name_f]Alivia[/name_f], ESPECIALLY NOT. (Her real name is very unique, but similar to a common name, which she gets called a lot.)
I can see where the parents are coming from. If I gave my child a long or long syllable name with the intention of calling them by that name, I would be annoyed if others shortened it.
But I can also understand that people don’t always like the name that they were given, regardless of length, and will sometimes choose for themselves to go by a nickname or another name (middle name, surname or unrelated name).
Personally, if I was in your situation, I would use whatever name that your friend prefers and politely explain to her parents (or have your friend explain if they don’t listen to you) that she’s told you she prefers you to be call her “[name_f]Via[/name_f]” instead of “[name_f]Olivia[/name_f]”
I think parents should expect that ppl will find nn for even the most unnicknameable name.
You should call your friend by her nickname, it’s a sign of affection.
With that being said, in her house you should go by her rules, if you expect to be allowed to visit.
I would respect it due to her explanation of OCD (as you do).
But someone without OCD would need to let it go by 13. “[name_f]Olivia[/name_f]” has certainly reached the age of autonomy to be her own person. If [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] doesn’t want to correct people who say [name_f]Via[/name_f], than it’s not her mom’s job to do so. When she was younger and did not have that autonomy yet, it was perfectly fine for a parent to correct people.
Part of me wonders if she has a negative association with “[name_f]Via[/name_f]” tho. Because one of my natural nicknames is associated with someone who’s name would make both my mom and I cringe. So that nickname is off limits (and I have no problem with politely correcting people and explaining why the nickname bothers me - everyone has been super nice and respectful about it). But if I didn’t have the association as well, and only my mom did, I know she would be inclined to correct people…
Parents tend to put a great deal of thought into their kids’ names, so I can understand her getting upset. However, I think that parents need to remember that we didn’t give birth to tiny accessories that stay one way forever…our kids grow up, will have their own desires, and are completely their own people. Maybe her tactics worked thus far but she is going to have to let it go at some point. She will have to realize the truth of her own words; under her roof, her daughter is [name_f]Olivia[/name_f]. In the rest of the world, she may be [name_f]Olivia[/name_f], [name_f]Via[/name_f], [name_f]Liv[/name_f], or something else. I don’t mean to downplay whatever the mother be dealing with but, just in general…
I’d respect her mother and would call her [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] near her, but [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] should be allowed to decide what she wants to be called. If [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] wants to be called [name_f]Via[/name_f] or [name_u]Ollie[/name_u] even near her mother, I would 🤷 It’s her name, not her mother’s.
Hmmm a tough one. Personally I would probably call her [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] in front of her parents and then whatever she liked outside of parental gaze.
i’d probably just call her [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] at her house to avoid confrontation, then if she wants to be called [name_f]Via[/name_f] elsewhere i’d respect that. i do get where you’re coming from though, it’s so annoying when parents don’t respect their child’s chosen nickname.
Just respect her wishes and call her [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] when she’s around (and yes, I’ve read the edit ) It doesn’t even have anything to do with her OCD, it’s just respect.
I’m a bit like her mother when it comes to nicknames for my children, but they’re too young to decide what they want to be called themselves.There are a few people, for example, that insist on calling my second [name_m]Barney[/name_m]. His name isn’t [name_m]Barney[/name_m], it’s [name_m]Barnabas[/name_m], and we call him by his middle name sometimes, but definitely not [name_m]Barney[/name_m]. So I always correct these people. [name_m]Barnabas[/name_m] is only 15 months old, but if he decides someday that he wants be called [name_m]Barney[/name_m] or [name_m]Bas[/name_m] or [name_m]Barns[/name_m] something else, then I’ll respect that. And I won’t blame other people for calling him that. But I’ll still call him [name_m]Barnabas[/name_m] (I suppose, maybe I’ll have changed my mind by then )
) It doesn’t even have anything to do with her OCD, it’s just respect.
)