We've Decided...

As some of you know, I posted a topic on Thursday concerning a serious issue that is happening in my families lives. If you want details on it, the thread is HERE.

Yesterday, after nearly an entire day of discussion, deliberation and thoughts from all those involved (miraculously even the “sperm donor”) my husband and I have decided to adopt the child. We will start trying to begin the adoption process on [name_f]Monday[/name_f] and hopefully we can get it completed shortly before or after the child is born.

Because she had the Implanon implant as a birth control method her OB/GYN saw her yesterday afternoon to remove the implant. An ultrasound was given to determine the gestation of the pregnancy and the doctor estimates her to be 9-10 weeks along and due about [name_f]July[/name_f] 6th, 2014.

The Wee One

Again, thank you to everyone who gave me advice on the previous topic. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you didn’t suggest this outcome, I am grateful for your input and all advice was considered and many were agreed with.

Good luck - it is a very kind and noble thing that you and your husband are doing, even if it may not be the easiest path.

Have you talked to anyone about starting the process yet? I know a good many do not have orientation or classes going in [name_u]November[/name_u] and [name_u]December[/name_u] and they will start back-up after the new year. Many are asked to first take an orientation class so you can get a general idea about adoption and then you would begin the classes. From the point of starting classes, which I assume will not be for at least a month-in-a-half, it will take you and your husband around 8 to 12 months to complete the process. Sometimes things can go quicker but you have your current family to take care of during this time.

You stated you are a military family and travel a lot. [name_m]Will[/name_m] you be able to stay in one place for this whole process? The process also does not end once the child is placed in your home. They do not legally become yours right away. Each state varies in the amount of time, for example one state is about 6 months.

I am not trying to discourage you, just offering information I am unsure you have thought about. This is a huge decision, maybe the biggest decision you will ever make. There is a process. They might feel you are not ready to adopt. Have you discussed with your friend what she would do if this happens? She could also decide to keep the baby.

Thank you for the additional information. I already knew we wouldn’t really get a start on it until after [name_u]Jan[/name_u]. 1st because of the holidays and such, I’m mainly contacting them to find out what documents, classes, needed/recommended references and things of that nature are needed to help things move smoothly and quickly.

We are not supposed to move until my husbands enlistment needs to be renewed (which is in late 2015) so we will be here long enough to complete the process. We have discussed what she will do if we are, for some reason, seen as less than optimal parents and she will most likely just give the child up to be placed in foster care which will hopefully not be the case.

If you are military, you might want to start with contacting the JAG office. Military families can and do adopt and there are even grants available specifically for military families adopting. The military aspect of your life should not be an obstacle here.

You also do not need an agency to do an identified adoption and it might be easier to go through an attorney. An attorney who specializes in adoptions will be able to help you locate a social worker to do a homestudy. The advantage of going through an agency is that a good agency will offer lifelong counseling for both you and the child’s birthfamily. An agency should also have resources available for the potential Birthmother and should help her work out whether or not she really wants to do this and help her find resources to parent this child if that is what she ultimately decides.

I highly recommend counseling for your friend, though you can find a counselor on your own if you wish. This type of adoption can be very difficult because your friend is going to be grieving while you are rejoicing. She will need help working through that grief.

Thank you for sharing that, I’ll definitely look into it and I have already talked to her about seeing a counselor to help her through the emotional road. Thank you again

Congratulations on coming to a decision and good luck with the baby. The baby’s mother is very lucky to have a friend like you.

I’m calling you out on this one, love. The ultrasound picture you’ve posted was clearly taken from a friend’s Facebook page. And, no, not from a current pregnancy. Your friend had her baby earlier this year (who was certainly not adopted by anyone) and this ultrasound picture would have been taken at least a year ago. Plus, you never mentioned your daughter [name_f]Caia[/name_f] when you were trying to name your son [name_m]Magnus[/name_m]. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t underestimate the creeping powers of moderators! We’ve found your Facebook and your Pinterest. [name_m]Magnus[/name_m] is real, but that’s about all.