My aunt unfortunately miscarried her first child (and my first cousin on this side of the family) a few days ago.
At about 8weeks.
What do I say? [name]Do[/name] I ignore the whole event and forget anything ever happened?
[name]Hi[/name] [name]Liana[/name],
I’m sorry to hear about your aunt! I miscarried my 2nd at around 8 weeks and found it quite hard and still think about the baby nearly 3 years on, but I know everyone deals with a loss like this differently. I would suggest that you could tell your aunt how sorry you are to hear about the miscarriage and just let her know you care and then leave it to her. It’s a very personal thing but I think it helps to know that people who love the most, care enough to tell you.
hope that helps,
[name]Donna[/name]
If you don’t know what to say, you can just give her a hug. Or bring her some flowers. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, you know.
I had 4 miscarriages each at around 8 weeks. A hug, a card, tell her how sorry you are. Tell her that you are there if she needs to talk about her lost little one.
Everyone deals differently, but the most frequent complaint I’ve heard from women who miscarried is that although friends and relatives are sympathetic, no one, often not even the father, really mourn the loss of a child. This is understandable, because the child wasn’t ‘visible’ to anyone, but the child is real to the mother. If you do find yourself talking with your aunt (and you should let her take the lead), remember that she is mourning the loss of a child, not merely enduring a regrettable medical condition. Tell your aunt that you are sorry that you’ll never meet your little cousin.
For me, I lost my little ones 8-11 years ago, and I still think about them frequently. Incidentally, one thing that really helped me when I was feeling so alone, feeling that no one but me missed those babies, was to name them. I gave them names that I loved, but would have never used for a living child, and it really helped me through the process of mourning.
That’s very sad. I agree with the others, give her a hug and tell her you’re there if she wants to talk. The worst thing is ignoring it. I had a miscarriage when I was 21, and my sister has never acknowledged it, and that was very painful.
Thank you for all the replies.
This is a very tough time in our family.
I think I will just say i am so sorry, let her know I’m here for her and just let her come to terms with it but not ignore the fact.
Also sorry to hear so many people have to go through this experience. 
Hugs to everyone. Send her a card letting her know you are thinking of her and maybe bring her a potted plant . [name]Just[/name] acknowleging that she is hurting makes a mom feel like people care. Thing is, its such a taboo subject that many would rather just ignore the fact that it happened. In the US there is so much silence involving death and a “move on” attitude. Grieving is a process and while one person may quickly move on after a loss, others grieve in their own way and should not be rushed.
Please never say “it was God’s will”, “it wasnt meant to be”, “you have other kids”, “there was probably something wrong with the baby and it was natures way” or " you can always have more". Having a son die at 21 weeks gestation and a very early mc aroundd 5-6 weeks, I realize people mean well but those comments I listed are hurtful and cruel. [name]Just[/name] my own little public setvive announcement for the day.
Setvive=service
All of this.
Hug, card, love and support. I don’t think you should mention it, as in bring it up yourself after you give condolences, but let her know that you’re thinking of her and are there if she wants to talk.
I has a miscarriage earlier this year. Someone saying, I’m sorry for your loss, giving me a hug and just letting me know they were there for me made me feel better. I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone other than my husband. I just wanted to know that people understood that I was hurting. What made the pain worst was people ignoring the fact that I was hurting, not saying anything when there was a time they should have.
It is a real loss. Although the baby wasn’t tangible to anyone but the mother yet, to her it was a child, and now it’s a lost child. Ignoring it and forgetting it ever happened is the worst thing one can do.
And many mothers do name the child, at least secretly-- it stamps them with ‘personhood’ and makes the loss more tangible.
Let her know you’re thinking of her, and of the lost baby, every now and again (because she will be). Her due date will be hard.