[name_m]Just[/name_m] for fun, really. What rules do you have when picking a baby name with a partner? Ours:
Time-tested names, but nothing super common (and by “common” I’m not talking about it’s current popularity. We sometimes really like popular names. I’m talkin classically common names like [name_f]Jane[/name_f], [name_m]John[/name_m], [name_m]Peter[/name_m] etc.) because we have a VERY common last name.
Middle names are family names.
Nickname potential, so our kids can decide for themselves on a name that suites them.
If either one of us LOVES a name, it makes the list. If we only LIKE a name, we both have to agree for it to make it. And either one of us has veto power (though my husband vetoes way more than I do.)
Meaning matters. We like nature-y names, and avoid biblical names. We stay away from war-oriented meanings for boy names, but don’t mind it at all for girl names.
We like to have a positive association to tell our kids about. “You were named after this really cool character in a book,” or “Your name reminds us of the place where we first met.”
Interesting that you stray from war names for boys, but are attracted to them for girls.
Let’s see, my husband and I have really different tastes so our “rules” are pretty loose or else we’d never have a name picked.
I have ultimate veto power. People always say “blah blah women aren’t more important just because they push out the baby” welllll, in my family I am super extra important because I grow and push out the babies ¯_(ツ)_/¯ If I don’t like the name it aint happening. My husband thinks names are cool but he isn’t interested like I am, so he’ll give me his thoughts and I’ll work with them, i.e.
DH: “I really like [name_m]Eli[/name_m] but I don’t like [name_m]Elijah[/name_m].”
Me: “Okay, I don’t like [name_m]Eli[/name_m] really, but I love [name_u]Elliot[/name_u].”
We like easy spellings but ironically both of our kids names are constantly misspelled as [name_m]Alexander[/name_m] and [name_u]Elliott[/name_u]. So that’s an example of our loose rules, they are spelled correctly for the names they have, but they are still not necessarily easy to spell names.
No family names. We try really, really hard not to include any of our family member’s names in our kids’ names. It causes too much drama and someone always feels left out. We considered for half a second using [name_m]Nicholas[/name_m] (a name I adore) for our second born but since it’s a family name on my husband’s side we decided against it.
That’s all I’ve got. I don’t have neat stories to tell my kids about their names other than “mommy and daddy loved it so much they wanted you to have it forever” and I’d take that reasoning any day over “your name is [name_m]Boston[/name_m] because that’s where mommy and daddy accidentally conceived you!” which I know is a thing people like to do. I don’t care about meaning as long as it’s not like “devil’s child” or “anus of a cow” or something. Nicknames don’t matter that much to me and if in 50 years their names seem weird or dated they will have had them for over 50 years by then so oh well.
You ARE super extra important for growing and then getting a baby out of your body. When I had my daughter, we had a few names we were tossing around. Then, after she was born, all other options floated away because I knew her name in my gut. My husbands reply, “Well, after seeing what you just did, I think I really trust your gut.” haha
We only have one kid so far, so I can’t say for sure that we’ll follow any “rules” if we get to name another LO in the future.
I’ll call them our “considerations” instead.
[name_m]Will[/name_m] choosing another name of Hebrew/Biblical origin get our family stereotyped as religiously conservative when we are, in fact, not? Is it cultural appropriation? Is it too theme-y?
Our son’s name is uncommon but not at all unknown, and has several nickname options, some of which are very common, some of which are a bit of a stretch. We’d like for (an)other child(ren) to have similar options.
Any name we use will most likely have at least six letters. There are shorter names we love, but they feel too insubstantial and most lack the nickname options we prefer for given names. Whether or not to choose a name with exactly six letters (like our son’s) is up for debate. I kind of like the symmetry but then…how many letters in each’s nickname(s)? [name_m]How[/name_m] many letters in the middle names? It could get out of hand!
Each kid gets their own first name, but variations of a honor name are acceptable, e.g. [name_f]Elspeth[/name_f] in honor of but different from [name_f]Elisabeth[/name_f].
Middle names are a free-for-all but I do feel nervous that we’ll get some guff if we don’t use a family name the next time around like we did for our firstborn.
We’ll see how it all shakes out if/when we have to really think about this again!
Recognizable (or at least not made up-a historical name).
Spelled in a traditional way.
I am not partnered, but if I were, both of us would have veto power and have to like chosen names.
Middle names will honor my grandparents. I don’t want to honor living people but those I love that have passed, to honor their memory and what they’ve meant to me, in hopes that my child(ren) will have their attributes, and to connect my child(ren) to their heritage. [name_u]Future[/name_u] partner’s honor names will be given equal consideration.
No alliteration.
Either nickname free or with a nickname I would like to bestow.
I like long names with shorter nickname potential.
Middle names that mean something. I don’t really care if they flow perfectly i’d rather they had some special significance.
No weird word initials.
No unisex first names.
No sharing names with relatives but versions of their names are okay as middles.
I married a veterinarian one of his rules is he must not relate the name to a specific animal. Me: insert name
DH: No it makes me think of an animal that attacked me/died/looks mean etc.
These are my rules as of now and are pretty much the same for girls. I don’t think any are that unusual.
When naming an actual child, both my future SO and I need to love it. If he/she dislikes my top name, then I’m afraid they’re out. I don’t want him/her to have to “settle” on a name that he doesn’t really like, and vice versa. We each have equal vetoing power.
No kre8tif spellings, but international variations are okay. Aleksander is fine; Ahlleczaandur is not.
Nothing too similar for siblings, but matching initials are fine. ([name_m]Hugo[/name_m] and [name_m]Harry[/name_m] are okay; [name_m]Harry[/name_m] & [name_m]Harris[/name_m] are not.)
There’s probably more but that’s all I can think of at the moment.
At this point, we don’t really have many. We used to have a lot more…
Now:
It has to be something we both love, or at least both like/agree on. Neither of us has more say so than the other. We’ve had massive success with communicating opinions respectfully. For instance, my husband really liked the name [name_f]Melody[/name_f] (can’t think of a boy example right now). I told him I was uncomfortable using that name because of an unfortunate experience in my family’s past (not just a minor thing…it was pretty serious). So [name_f]Melody[/name_f] went off the table.
Tread carefully with family names/honor names. Some people in our families have lovely names, but are not the sort of people we would want to honor. Other people will likely throw fits if one side is “honored” instead of the other. Ugh. It’s a mess. We did try to stick to a “no name of a living relative” deal, but that didn’t quite work because we ran into the possibility of causing pain to surviving relatives… we may just have to grow thick skin and deal with whatever people say.
If a sibling or close friend has voiced wanting a certain name, we take it off the table, unless it is a very important name to us or one that we have picked out for a long time. It’s just another respect thing.
Number 1: Must be a name that’s been in use for at least 100 years.
Number 2: Should be clearly feminine or masculine (very few exceptions apply.)
Number 3: Must be the most common or proper spelling.
Number 4: Should be able to read and pronounce easily.
Has to be easily pronounced in English and Spanish. My in laws had the hardest time pronouncing Allister’s name. They kept wanting to say [name_u]Alex[/name_u] or [name_m]Alexander[/name_m]. But they finally got it! Now his middle name is another story… they still can’t prn it correctly, sounds similar to bum when they say it so def want the next kid to have a name they can prn.
We both have to like it, hopefully love it.
Go with my gut! I really wanted to spell Allister’s name as [name_m]Alistair[/name_m] but didn’t for various reasons. Now it’s too much of a hassle to change and really wish I would have just gone with [name_m]Alistair[/name_m].
Nothing too popular. We have a super common last name so prefer uncommon first names.
This person is going to be around for seventy-plus years, nearly all of it as an adult: so the name has wear well, suit all of his/her ages (I recall reading the advice that you should imagine it on a university testamur, a job application, a book cover etc…)
Once given, it belongs to them not me, so if they pick a NN I hate, or decide to change it… their choice, not mine.