What do you look for in honor names?

What are your criteria? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you pick names of people alive? Of people whom you personally knew? Something else?

I’m doing family tree research and keep coming across names that I like. However, especially going back towards the 19th/18th/17th centuries, I obviously have no “real” personal connection to these people. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you think it would be okay to use the names anyway? Anyone else find themselves in a similar position?

MMM… Alright, I’ve been thinking about this particular question for a while.

For me, I have strong (read: strict) criteria about using family/honour names.

  1. Must not have bad relationship with the person who held/holds the name or someone else who holds the name.For instance, I have a stepbrother named [name_u]Taylor[/name_u] [name_u]James[/name_u] I’ve pretty much cut off all ties to for reasons I won’t state here, so [name_u]Taylor[/name_u] and [name_u]James[/name_u] are both out to me.
  2. Generally, must be names that the namesake would actually like. For instance, I have a stepsister named [name_u]Bailey[/name_u] [name_f]Dawn[/name_f]. I really like the spelling [name_f]Baylie[/name_f] (as well as a GP Baelye) but not so much [name_u]Bailey[/name_u], but she hates all alternative spellings to [name_u]Bailey[/name_u] (went on a rant once about it that was sort of amusing at the time) so [name_f]Baylie[/name_f] is out.
  3. Must be a middle name, generally, with only a few exceptions that I’ll get to later. Therefore, unless those exceptions come into play, first names I do like ([name_f]Alyssa[/name_f], [name_f]Julia[/name_f], [name_u]Addison[/name_u], or [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m] as examples) are out.
  4. Must be a middle name that’s only been used once in my intermediate family. For instance, I have a stepsister named [name_u]Morgan[/name_u] [name_u]Reed[/name_u]. I love [name_u]Reed[/name_u]. I’ve used it in combos. It’s on my middle name shortlist. I have a cousin and aunt on my stepmother’s side that have the middle name [name_f]Marie[/name_f]. [name_f]Marie[/name_f] is still on my mn shortlist because they aren’t intermediate family members and [name_f]Marie[/name_f] has never been used in a two middle name combo in my family. Meanwhile, names from my mother or father’s side of the family (or are the names of stepsiblings/parents) that have been repeated many times in either spot ([name_u]Lee[/name_u], [name_f]Ellen[/name_f], [name_u]James[/name_u], [name_m]Joseph[/name_m], [name_m]Jacob[/name_m], [name_m]Robert[/name_m], [name_m]Albert[/name_m]) are all out. [name_u]Morgan[/name_u] is out because it’s a first name of a sister and [name_u]Bailey[/name_u]'s bf.
  5. Variants of first names are out unless in certain circumstances (the exceptions listed above) so names I like such as [name_f]Morgana[/name_f], Morganite, Kamiryn, [name_m]Masen[/name_m], [name_m]Wiatt[/name_m] are all out.
  6. Nothing “expected” such as [name_m]Lincoln[/name_m] or [name_u]James[/name_u]. [name_m]Lincoln[/name_m] is my mother’s maiden name and it was one of three options if I’d been named a boy. [name_u]James[/name_u] is my dad’s and my nephew’s middle names. I’ve already thrown it out several times at this point, but throwing it out again.
  7. First names or variants of first names must only be used if the family member passed just before the child was born or children born on a particularly siblings birthday, or has meaning to me of some sort that I really do want to pass on. For instance, [name_f]Morgana[/name_f] and Morganite would be on the table again if (god forbid) my little stepsister passed before my hypothetical daughter was born. [name_m]Andreas[/name_m] wold be definitely a possibility for a boy if he was born (or adopted) on my sister [name_u]Andrea[/name_u] [name_f]Britni[/name_f]'s birthday, assuming my SO was okay with changing the name we’d picked out. Another option I like is [name_m]Prosper[/name_m] [name_m]Adrian[/name_m] [name_u]Bradley[/name_u], which I really love as a combo though [name_u]Bradley[/name_u] isn’t my usual style. The last exception is in the case of [name_f]Belle[/name_f]. My mother was close to this woman (a friend’s mother I think) named [name_f]Belle[/name_f] (or some other [name_f]Belle[/name_f] name. I don’t remember exactly) and they passed just before/just after I was born. They didn’t change my middle name to [name_f]Belle[/name_f] but I know my mom somewhat regrets that. If I don’t change my middle name to [name_f]Belle[/name_f] or something [name_f]Belle[/name_f] when I change my first name to Arsinoe officially it’s definitely on my mn shortlist.
  8. [name_f]Honour[/name_f] names must be used as middle names only (generally, unless it’s in a similar fashion to [name_u]Ellington[/name_u] Runa name as shown below.)
  9. I must actually like the honour name picked out. My mother’s name, for instance, is [name_f]Rebecca[/name_f] [name_f]Ellen[/name_f]. I don’t like [name_f]Becca[/name_f], [name_f]Becky[/name_f], [name_f]Rebecca[/name_f], [name_f]Rebekah[/name_f], or [name_f]Reba[/name_f]. name Runa [name_u]Ellington[/name_u] or [name_u]Ellington[/name_u] Runa name would be alright.

The only exception that bypasses all these rules is [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f], which I guess might still fit until the special cases clause. My parents wanted to nickname me [name_u]Charlie[/name_u] after my grandpa [name_m]Charles[/name_m] “[name_m]Chuck[/name_m]” but didn’t like [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f]. Ironically, [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] is in my top ten favourites and I don’t particularly like the nn [name_u]Charlie[/name_u]. When I mentioned this to my mother her face just fell and Arsinoe [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] [name_f]Belle[/name_f] is a front runner for my “what to change my name to” shortlist. So [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] has continued to remain on my list-- as a middle name though. Too popular now, though it wasn’t even in the top 300 when I was born.

I’m not a fan of honor names for several reasons
My brother’s name is [name_m]Nikos[/name_m] and so was my grandfather’s. While he was alive, it was weird and kind of annoying to have to call my brother “the young nikos”
I also feel like the parents should chose a name because they really like it, not just because it belonged to their relative
There’s only one honor name that /I/ would use, my best friend’s who is pretty much a sister to me, but I want to use it because I love the name and only as a middle

Also, if the relatives are from centuries ago it (in my opinion) cant be considered an honor name, it’s just a name you chose because you liked it

Most of the names in my list are honor names somehow. For example [name_u]Evan[/name_u] [name_m]Alexander[/name_m] honors both my father and my brother. The first name is a version of my father’s name as the middle name is my brother’s. But [name_f]Lily[/name_f] [name_f]October[/name_f] is also a honor name, because [name_f]October[/name_f] is the month my nanny was born. She has a name I really don’t like, but I still want to honor her. I don’t care if when people hear the name they don’t think about my nanny, as long as I do. Same with [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_u]August[/name_u]. [name_m]Jack[/name_m] is again a version of my father’s name and [name_u]August[/name_u] was the month my mother was born. She really enjoy summer and this month, and I have good memories of childhood related to it.

I have also names of people alive and from deceased relatives, but only because those names are important names in my family. For example [name_u]Rory[/name_u] [name_u]Michael[/name_u] honors my great-grandfathers. I didn’t knew them, but my father always told me how great men they were. I love the names and I love how they made my father happy, so that’s why I want to honor them. [name_f]Rose[/name_f] [name_f]Josephine[/name_f] or [name_f]Rose[/name_f] [name_f]Victoria[/name_f] honors both side of my family. My great-grandmother, mother of my paternal grandfather, had a name similar to [name_f]Rose[/name_f]. She died the year I was born, but I grew up hearing wonderful things about her. She had a pretty rough life but she was able to give my grandfather a good life after all, and I wanted to honor her. [name_f]Josephine[/name_f] or [name_f]Victoria[/name_f] would honor my paternal grandmother.

I don’t know how my relatives were named back in the 17th century, but if I knew, I wouldn’t consider it a honor name unless that person did something remarkable or so and I wanted to honor that thing.

We didn’t use one for our first child, although I thought it would have been a nice idea, because we couldn’t agree on one grandmother getting the middle name spot rather than the other. So we went with neither grandmother to save the argument. [name_f]El[/name_f]ísabet is a version of my mother’s name, so I consider it a small nod, but not really a proper honour name because it doesn’t even sound similar (she is not [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f]) and you’d have to be a name etymology nerd to realise the link. I am pretty sure my mother does not realise the link and I didn’t tell her, but I might mention it if we end up using the other grandmother’s name for our second child (which I think we well might if it’s a girl). Hopefully it would be enough to make her feel better if she got jealous.

If our second child is a boy the middle name will almost certainly be [name_m]Karl[/name_m], which is an unambiguous honour name. Lots of people named [name_m]Karl[/name_m] or Something [name_m]Karl[/name_m] on my partner’s side of the family (including my partner himself) and also my middle name is a feminine version of [name_m]Karl[/name_m] so it’s linked to both of us, which I like.

In my book, the honour name has to be reasonably obvious. For me, I don’t consider it to be much of an honour if it needs explaining, which is why I don’t really count [name_f]El[/name_f]ísabet. I don’t mean that as a denigration of other people’s less obvious honour names which I am sure mean a lot to them, I am just talking about my own criteria. I also definitely think it should be after someone whose life actually overlapped with yours or your partner’s to some extent, someone you or your partner met and loved. Otherwise what does it mean.

Because of religious beliefs, I prefer not use honor names, however if a hypothetical SO really insists I would make an exception. My rules would be:

  1. Only honor people I or SO truly want to [name_f]HONOR[/name_f] (“to hold in high respect”) OR people at least one of us REALLY like. Therefore, I see no reason for honoring my Uncle ”lvaro whom I see occasionally and have friendly chatters, but no deep relationship (if a use his name, is nothing more than a coincidence). However, I really like the stories about my great-great-grandma, [name_f]Julia[/name_f], who I have never met obviously, but I hold her in high regard and would like to honor her.

  2. Both parents must like the person who will be honored. So if SO and my father have a strained relationship (but bearable), dad’s name is out anyway.

  3. If we choose to honor in the first name spot, we won’t “copy” the name, but use a variation or a more inventive way of honoring. If we choose to honor in the middle name spot, we will “copy” the name as it is and, in case of the person who we are honoring and the baby have different genders, we will go with the most similar variant ([name_m]Peter[/name_m] / [name_f]Petra[/name_f]). [this rule exists because of my religious beliefs].

  4. Both parents must like the name (or be OK with it).

  5. At least, one of the names in the combo must “belong only to the child” (honor + “original” name OR “original” name + honor).

I personally try to be fair considering my side of the family. This is: it’s very unlikely that I would honor my paternal grandma without honoring my maternal grandma in the same name combo. Because I’m not particularly fond of the combination, I would not honor any of them. These are my feelings taking into consideration only my family, if my SO is fine with me honoring my mother and not his (not now, not ever), I would do it.

Family names are a good option for parents who don’t know who to honor or don’t want to cause commotion in the family. Most of the women in my paternal family have double names starting with [name_f]Maria[/name_f] (the rest is [name_f]Ana[/name_f]), so naming my girl [name_u]Marion[/name_u] or [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Luna[/name_f] creates a family conection without the whole importance (and possible drama) of a honor name.

If you are looking through the names in your family tree and you have no connection or no stories about them is the same as playing around here in Nameberry and its lists. Though, maybe you can find some nice points about these people’s lifes and validate your choice. Eg. Your ancestor [name_f]Seraphine[/name_f] was engaged in the first [official] feminists movements OR [name_m]Pietro[/name_m] is your ancestral who immigranted with the whole family to your home country (my case) OR maybe you noticed that during 4 consecutive generations there were a lot of Paolas in the family OR wherever. Find some meaning.
My mother chose my name simply because she likes it, it being a traditional name in my culture and area, I obviously not the first one with such name in my family. I must say it’s nice to “know” these other women with the same name and their accomplishments (curiously, one has a street named after her, while the other has a school honoring her) and feel inspired by them.

“I don’t care if when people hear the name they don’t think about my nanny, as long as I do.” - undertherainbow.
I really like this!

Whoo, sooo many thoughts… let’s see if I can organize my pregnant brain here…

Let me preface by saying I do genealogy work for $$, and working on my own family tree is my biggest hobby so I take family history (my own and others’ and the field in general) super seriously. I think about the “honor” issue almost constantly.

  1. I pick the names of people I KNOW… this does not mean they were alive to know me. If I research a family member’s life and am lucky enough to uncover a trove of information hidden beneath the surface, I begin to feel like I know them (or at least an aura of theirs) and what they were about and how they ultimately contributed to my story. This is whether they lived in the 17th century or the 21st.

I do concentrate my naming attention on direct ancestors in general, but sometimes this extends beyond immediate descendency or blood relationship.

I would name my child after [name_f]Hedwig[/name_f], my 2nd great aunt, but only because I know how close she was to my 2nd great grandmother [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] and how much they meant to one another despite leading lives and lifestyles worlds apart in terms of socio-economic status, geography, and ideology. I wouldn’t name after [name_f]Hildred[/name_f]'s brothers because they barely shared contact once [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] got married and moved away. They weren’t important characters in the life of my ancestor, therefore they matter less to me.

I would name my child [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f] (or another “star” or “dawn” variant like [name_f]Roxana[/name_f] or [name_f]Zora[/name_f]) after the privileged little [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f] who befriended my great-grandmother [name_f]Helen[/name_f] (whose mother was widowed and a working single mother) and whose friendship led to [name_f]Helen[/name_f] being financially sponsored by [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f]'s parents to attend [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f]'s preparatory boarding school, the direct result of which was [name_f]Helen[/name_f]'s entry to the University of Wisconsin, making her the first woman on that branch of my family tree to attend college. Since education was very much a core value of [name_f]Helen[/name_f]'s throughout my life (she even posthumously left me an unknown 529 account and a letter for my 18th birthday two years after her death about the ways in which a college education benefitted her), I think it’s fitting to consider honoring her old friend without whom it may have never been possible for [name_f]Helen[/name_f] to receive such an outstanding education.

  1. Whether or not the deceased honoree would actually like the name I’ve chosen to honor them is not of import, but when honoring the living it matters a great deal to me. It feels bad to say it that way, but when I think about variants of names, I am thinking about what I like and what makes sense to me and my 21st century family and my own linguistic peculiarities and preferences and my knowledge base about the world. I would name my child [name_f]Edwidge[/name_f] to honor the forementioned [name_f]Hedwig[/name_f], even though that likely was not a name MY [name_f]Hedwig[/name_f] ever knew existed, let alone would have thought was a nice way to honor her.

But my mother [name_f]Denise[/name_f] hasn’t ever liked her name, so I’ve had to work around the name and think of other ways to “honor.” [name_f]Coral[/name_f] is a word included in the business name of the salon and spa she owns and manages. Since I respect that she is a business owner and look up to her and am proud of her accomplishments, I consider [name_f]Coral[/name_f] to honor her. I also think [name_f]Melisande[/name_f] honors both my parents, [name_m]Manny[/name_m] and [name_f]Denise[/name_f]. When I was little, our very first family email address was limade@90sinternetcompany.net, li for [name_f]Lilian[/name_f], ma for [name_m]Manny[/name_m], and de for [name_f]Denise[/name_f]. [name_f]Melisande[/name_f] is a similar anagram in that way… it spells [name_f]Denise[/name_f] in its entirety, plus some letters from [name_m]Manny[/name_m] and [name_f]Lilian[/name_f] thrown in. Most people would scratch their heads at that, but to me, it would always be special and I know my mom would love it, unlike anything close to resembling [name_f]Denise[/name_f].
3. Ostracized sides of the family become off limits for honoring. This one is tough for me. I’ve done a fair amount of research on my biological father’s family tree line, but I don’t pick names from his side because I don’t have a relationship with him and don’t intend to. While there are many honorable people with fascinating stories and lives on that half of my family tree, the idea of choosing an honor name from one of them leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t feel connected to that half of my DNA. That doesn’t make sense at face value that I can feel so connected to ancestors I have never met from my mother’s side of the family, and yet my biological father’s immediate relatives, including those with whom I used to share actual fond early childhood memories before severing contact with that side wind up leaving me feeling like “honor” is not at all an appropriate word. This makes my tree very lopsided… I only like the apples from one half of my tree, while the others fall rotten to the ground. Honoring my stepfather’s family (my dad [name_m]Manny[/name_m] is the man I call dad) is very much a priority for me, despite zero blood connection. Honoring my step-grandfather’s family is a priority to me, despite zero blood connection. And honoring collateral figures like [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f] is a priority to me… it doesn’t make sense, but it’s how I feel.
4. Trying to figure out namesakes is important to me. It’s harder the farther up the tree I climb for sure, but knowing WHY my ancestors were named what they were is fascinating to me. If I can’t figure out WHY they were named what they were, an honor name just doesn’t have as much sparkle for me.
It took me a long time to figure out what was behind my great-grandfather [name_m]Paul[/name_m] [name_u]Stanley[/name_u] [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m]'s double middle name. Nobody else in my family before me had a double middle name, and nobody in my immediate family knew the story behind it. It turns out the [name_u]Stanley[/name_u] was after [name_u]Stanley[/name_u] Hornbeck, a close friend, colleague, and graduate schoolmate of my 2nd great-grandfather [name_m]Horatio[/name_m]. The [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] was for a Dr. [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] who delivered [name_m]Paul[/name_m] [name_u]Stanley[/name_u] [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] at the [name_m]French[/name_m] hospital in Peking in 1915. His mother [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] had recently lost her first and only other child, [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Pauline[/name_f], shortly after her birth to some kind of diarrhetic illness. My family was living in [name_f]China[/name_f] at the time and I suspect that [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] didn’t have very substantial perinatal support during and after her first birth, as she and [name_m]Horatio[/name_m] were living in rural Fujian province at the time of [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Pauline[/name_f]'s birth in late 1913. Before [name_m]Paul[/name_m]'s birth, [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] decided to leave her husband’s side and travel to urban Peking to live out her pregnancy with her sister and brother-in-law, who were also living in [name_f]China[/name_f] at the same time because her brother-in-law was a diplomat. I suspect that the doctor was important to [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] as a symbol of the more Westernized prenatal care she was afforded in the city at the [name_m]French[/name_m] hospital, care that made her feel safer (whether or not she was), so I surmise that’s why she felt his contribution was important enough to include [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] in [name_m]Paul[/name_m]'s name. [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] added a kind of pleading desperate hope for the future continued wellbeing of her child, and I like the woohoo spiritual idea that it acted as a kind of talisman, protecting my great-grandpa [name_m]Paul[/name_m] well past [name_f]Hildred[/name_f]'s and [name_m]Horatio[/name_m]'s timely deaths and long enough for him to have lasted into my childhood memories.
5. I have to like the name in question in order to consider using it. Some I simply pass over. But I find that if I research an ancestor long enough, even a lackluster name starts to shine as I get to know them better, so that frequently changes my perspective.
6. Culture matters. My husband is Chinese-American and in Chinese culture, it’s taboo to name a child after relatives, dead or alive. So this has really limited our ability to “honor” our baby’s paternal side of the family because my version of “honor” would be a dishonor. I have found ways around this by choosing names that include elements important to Chinese culture (like Chrysanthemums) and also choosing names that are historicaly prevelant in Chinese-American naming patterns (like [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]). I really try not to ignore my husband’s side of the family, even though I can’t “honor” them in the same ways I choose to honor my own side. I hope that my in-laws will understand that line I’m towing and not feel left out, since they’ve lived their entire adult lives in this country, and many of the relatives I have researched from my husband’s side of the family have beautiful English names ([name_f]Mabel[/name_f], [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f], [name_f]Yvonne[/name_f], [name_f]Dolly[/name_f], [name_f]Dora[/name_f]), and wonderful Chinese names that could be other be incorporated (like the “moon” in [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f]'s name, for which I might like [name_f]Luna[/name_f], or “heart brocade,” my husband’s maternal grandmother’s name, for which I might consider [name_f]Cordelia[/name_f], as it gives me that imagery of the heart and a decorative and ornamental fabric). [name_m]Alas[/name_m]…

This is a great topic. I am really enjoying studying everybody’s responses.

I’m not a huge fan of them for the sake of honor, but I can see the appeal.

I have to have a good relationship with the person if they’re alive, but if I’ve never met them then I must really like the name… to be honest, I have some really cool names in my family tree; ([name_m]Ernest[/name_m] and [name_m]Sylvanus[/name_m] for example - the [name_m]Oliver[/name_m] mn is my boyfriend and the [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] mn is my father but I do just like the names anyway. I’m still debating even using them.

There’s a strong tradition of honoring on my mother’s side of the family, so it’s definitely something that’s drives my name searches. According to my maternal culture, babies are only named after the deceased, as it’s considered bad luck to name a baby after someone who is alive. I like personally like this tradition, as it avoids hurt feelings from living family members and can be a meaningful way of connecting my children to someone special to me but whom they will may not otherwise think about.

Exact English names are not necessarily (or often) given in my mother’s family - commonly, the first initial of the deceased individual’s name is passed on to the baby. I would use the actual name of the honoree if I really liked the name. This is particularly true when considering people on my father’s side of the family, as he did not come from the same tradition. I do feel like the exact name is a bit more meaningful, but it is nice not to feel tied to the exact name. My mother never really liked her name, so using a name with the same initial as hers for her would seem to honor her well (my daughter would also get her exact Hebrew name).

Personally, I would only want to honor someone who was meaningful to me, so going back through a family tree and only looking at names is not something I would do. That is not to say that I have to have met the honoree - he or she just needs to have significance to me. I do think family trees can be a great inspiration for names, but if I ever picked a name from my child’s genealogy, I don’t think I would even consider it honoring necessarily. For example, I first heard of the name [name_f]Eulalia[/name_f] when reading my husband’s family tree (it was the middle name of one of his great grandmothers). I have since grown to really love the name [name_f]Eulalie[/name_f]. However, if we were to ever use that name, I wouldn’t consider it in honor of his great grandmother.

Unfortunately, I have quite a lot of close relatives who are deceased, so finding people to honor will not be a problem for me. If I did not have any close deceased relatives, I might allow myself some more freedom with naming. As it is, I do feel like using names as commemoration is important to me. I really like the idea of giving my child a special relationship with someone who I admired and loved in one way or another and who they will never personally know. My children will never know my late parents or grandparents, but perhaps they will feel some sort of closeness to their memory by sharing a name.

I’m also quite lucky that my husband’s family does not have strong traditions. His mother’s family actually is of the same tradition as my mother’s family, but they haven’t kept up the naming traditions as strongly as mine. Naming will likely be a bit lopsided toward my family, at least for the baby that’s currently cooking, as most of my husband’s close family is fortunately still living.

Honestly I’m slightly weird where I like roundabout honour names - particularly in the first name spot. Eg. My grandmother’s middle name is [name_u]Ruby[/name_u] so I’d use [name_u]Ruby[/name_u] but also [name_u]Ruby[/name_u], [name_f]Scarlett[/name_f] , [name_f]Garnet[/name_f] etc.

I like honour names, but I’d probably only use them as a middle. (I actually kind of find it cheesy but I’m gonna use honours in the middle just because I want to lol)

The names we’ll use for our future daughter are [name_f]Elsie[/name_f] and [name_u]Clare[/name_u]. [name_f]Elsie[/name_f] is my great-grandmothers name. I never met her, but my mother was very close to her and regrets not using it as my middle name. I also know it would make my grandmother extremely happy, as well as her brothers.

[name_u]Clare[/name_u] is the name of the daughter my mother in law miscarried. She’s always wanted to honour her, and I’d love to be the one do to so.

[name_m]Don[/name_m]'t get me wrong, I’m not just being a people pleaser, I know some people see it that way. But I like the names and the combinations, if I absolutely hated it I wouldn’t use it! I think it’s nice to honour people.

If we have a boy we may use the name [name_u]Evan[/name_u] somewhere, as it’s a name thats been in DF’s family for years. Although technically, we should leave that to his brother, who is actually called [name_u]Evan[/name_u], to use, lol.

I’ve known my entire life that I was going to continue the family names [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] and [name_m]Eugene[/name_m]. [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] is the middle name of my maternal grandmother, my maternal aunt, and myself. [name_m]Eugene[/name_m] is my maternal grandfather’s first name, my paternal grandfather’s middle name and my brother’s middle name. These names have top priority. I’m currently single, but I also want to honor my future husband’s relatives, and those names will share equal priority with [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] and [name_m]Eugene[/name_m].

There are several other names on my list that could be seen as honor names, but in all honesty, they’re mostly coincidences. I prefer to pick names I love, and if there’s a connection to a beloved family member that just makes it more special. When the time comes for me to actually name a child, I will definitely take it into consideration.

I don’t have strict rules, but names of people who have passed away will have priority over names of people who will meet the baby. And I won’t use first names unless I absolutely have to - I won’t use the first name of the honouree or use any honour name as a first name (unless that honour name is veeery subtle).

I have a complicated relationship with honor names and prefer a more roundabout way of honoring.

I grew up with an honor name, my middle name being my maternal grandmother’s name, and shared it with every first born girl on my mother’s side. Paired with the fact that it’s such a common mn ([name_f]Marie[/name_f]), I never really loved it, though I can certainly appreciate why it was important to my mother. What I don’t like is the increasing pressure from that side of the family to continue the tradition. (They balked when I admitted that I didn’t plan to give [name_f]Marie[/name_f] to my firstborn daughter when the time came.)

Fiancé and I have already agreed that we don’t want repeating names in the family. So no direct honors. But we’ve still found subtle ways to “honor” special family members in our combos.

[name_f]Veronica[/name_f] [name_f]Willow[/name_f] - Initials VW for his younger brother who loves Volkswagen.
[name_m]Ben[/name_m]/ Th/ - Whatever variant of [name_m]Ben[/name_m] we use here, I’d love to find a Th- beginning middle so that the first two letters of each spell my sister’s middle name.
[name_m]Gerard[/name_m] [name_u]Morgan[/name_u] - Each name is 2 syllables with the third letter of each name being R, like with my name.
[name_f]Octavia[/name_f] - means 8, encompassing her 8 grandparents/great-grandparents and the 8 living immediate family members Fiancé and I have.
We are also looking for a middle name related to weather in honor of his late brother, who had a weather-centric middle.
The first-middles for my girl combos are one-syllable boy’s names, like my father’s. We also have variations of our grandmothers’ names ([name_f]Marie[/name_f]) in [name_u]Meredith[/name_u] and of our mother’s middle names ([name_f]Ann[/name_f]/a) in [name_f]Joanna[/name_f] and [name_f]Roxanne[/name_f].
With [name_f]Adeline[/name_f], it was sheer coincidence that it’s so close to my grandmother’s very [name_m]German[/name_m] middle name. But we still like it. I was also almost named [name_f]Adele[/name_f] for her, so I loved being able to take that unused name and maybe pass it on.

Long story short, I don’t really use honor names but rather subtle connections to specific people. Because what matters to me isn’t that everybody knows X is in honor of Y but that X makes ME think of Y.

I like using honor names in the middle spot, this is a tradition in my family and my husbands. Some of my cousins have sur-name middles which honor maiden names, my husbands side as well has a few of these, which adds a level of interest especially today where sur-name names are quite popular. While I might find a name from way back that I like I’m not sure I would consider it an ‘honor’ name, but it might push it up my list a bit if I already liked it. But, if it was someone whom I had heard many stories about (my family loves their stories) I would consider it an honor name, even if I had never met them, because they would be tied to this person.

I typically wouldn’t name after someone living, though if the name belonged to a deceased person I wanted to honor but also to a living relative I rarely saw I may still use it. [name_u]James[/name_u] falls into this category for me. My husband likes [name_u]James[/name_u] [name_m]Russell[/name_m] if we have a son, which honors both his grandfather and great-grandfather. [name_u]James[/name_u] was also my grandfather, but of course it’s also quite popular. It’s my brothers middle name (a few of my cousins’ middles as well i think) and my uncles name on the other side. However, I didn’t even recall it was my uncles name until we’d been discussing it for a few days, so clearly I do not communicate with him often, and always think of him as [name_m]Jimmy[/name_m], but we’re not estranged or anything that would bring bad associations. But if I didn’t like [name_u]James[/name_u] on it’s own, I wouldn’t consider it for a first name.

Not naming after living relatives while still honoring can be hard in our family, many living relatives have first names that are honor names, and Hubby and I both have large extended families we are general close with. But nicknames abound, as I said before I forgot my uncle was [name_u]James[/name_u]. I like the name [name_f]Florence[/name_f], after my grandmother, but I have an aunt [name_f]Florence[/name_f] who goes by [name_f]Ellen[/name_f], while I don’t plan on using it as a first name, i’m not even sure if this would rule it out, no one calls her [name_f]Florence[/name_f]. My husband likes [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f], but it’s my mothers name, she goes by [name_f]Betsy[/name_f] exclusively, I forget [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] is her name! It’s also my middle and was [name_f]Florence[/name_f]'s middle, so probably would make the most sense to continue as a middle, which we may, but couldn’t use it as a first. Though a different nickname would probably make it separate enough from my mother, and I don’t think she would mind. Sometimes I wonder if she even thinks of herself as [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f].

So, that was long, sorry, but, it’s complicated :wink:

My daughter is named after my grandmother: [name_f]Karin[/name_f]. They both share the same last names as well. My grandmother means the world to me. She basically raised me. For years and years I always said I’d name my first daughter after her and I did. Yes, there are now two [name_f]Karin[/name_f]'s in the family, but it isn’t an issue. Nothing was more important for me than honoring my grandmother and giving my daughter the name. My daughter also has my mother’s middle name.

I don’t necessarily look for honor names. I choose names I love. With [name_f]Karin[/name_f], the positive association definitely helped, but I adore my daughter’s name. On my list, I don’t have any honor names for boys. However, if I ever have another daughter, she will be named after SO’s mother and her middle name will be SO"s sister’s name. Not sure why we like honor names so much for girls and are indifferent about them for boys.

I am pretty conflicted about honor names. As OP said, when researching my family tree I’ve considered using names of my relatives who died long before I was born even though I never knew them (or anyone I’m close with was close to them), but I like the idea of their memory living on in some small way. It makes me sad that usually it only takes about three generations for people to be completely forgotten. But I don’t have any honor names that I’m particularly in love with, so I don’t know if I could use them for that reason, even if I did know the person and they’re important to me. Also what about people you have mixed feelings about? I mean, nobody’s perfect. The person does have to be dead for me, as per Ashkenazi Jewish tradition. It’s quite common and rather important to us Jews who usually have so many relatives who are no longer with us, which again makes me feel bad about not using honor names even if I didn’t know them/don’t really love the name/have mixed feelings.

My brother’s middle name is an honor name with a story I really like. He was named after my uncle (dad’s brother) who passed away at 22, and it was my mom’s idea even though she never knew him. My dad’s family really appreciated that. Also, it was my uncle’s middle name, too, even though he went by it.

My own middle name is an honor name as well but I don’t like the story behind it. My mother gave me her own first name as my middle name which tbh I think is pretty unimaginative and a little conceited? I don’t have a strong connection with it because it’s just my mom’s name, you know? She was close with her grandmothers who had both passed away by the time I was born; naming me after one of them seems like the better option to me. Her excuse is that Sephardi Jews will name babies after living relatives, but I’m pretty sure you still don’t them after yourself lol. So if I ever get married I plan to drop my middle name and use my maiden name as a middle even though I have mostly positive feeling for my mother now.

This was one mess of a post :stuck_out_tongue:

I try to choose no further than two generations back for my own kids. I want to be able to show them photographs, tell them stories (either that I was alive for or that I have been told by those who were), and show them who they share a name with. I love family history, but I feel no connection with those from that deep into the past. My daughter’s middle name is a nod to her great-grandfather and she loves to hear about how he used to give tractor rides and play the fiddle for my husband. I would hate to have to say “Oh, it’s from your 5th time great-grandmother named [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f], that’s all I know.” Anyway, that’s my main criteria.

I also only choose names that I like, haha. If my husband’s grandfather and father had been named [name_m]Eugene[/name_m], I would certainly not use it or [name_f]Eugenie[/name_f]/[name_f]Eugenia[/name_f] for my kids.

Also, (this is something I sort of struggle with!) I try not to make a name that I like fit and become an honor name when that wasn’t my original intention. Example: I like the name [name_u]Ellis[/name_u] for a boy and I once told my husband that and I added “Oh! and your great-uncle [name_m]Elmer[/name_m] was so sweet. That honors him!” and my husband looked at me like I was nuts, haha! I realized then that just because it has similar letters does not mean it’s an honor name, especially when that’s not what I was searching for.

I only want to honor close relatives who passed away. My maternal grandparents and uncles, paternal grandfather are the only people I want to honor. I also want names that can honor multiple people at the same time.