Whoo, sooo many thoughts… let’s see if I can organize my pregnant brain here…
Let me preface by saying I do genealogy work for $$, and working on my own family tree is my biggest hobby so I take family history (my own and others’ and the field in general) super seriously. I think about the “honor” issue almost constantly.
- I pick the names of people I KNOW… this does not mean they were alive to know me. If I research a family member’s life and am lucky enough to uncover a trove of information hidden beneath the surface, I begin to feel like I know them (or at least an aura of theirs) and what they were about and how they ultimately contributed to my story. This is whether they lived in the 17th century or the 21st.
I do concentrate my naming attention on direct ancestors in general, but sometimes this extends beyond immediate descendency or blood relationship.
I would name my child after [name_f]Hedwig[/name_f], my 2nd great aunt, but only because I know how close she was to my 2nd great grandmother [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] and how much they meant to one another despite leading lives and lifestyles worlds apart in terms of socio-economic status, geography, and ideology. I wouldn’t name after [name_f]Hildred[/name_f]'s brothers because they barely shared contact once [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] got married and moved away. They weren’t important characters in the life of my ancestor, therefore they matter less to me.
I would name my child [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f] (or another “star” or “dawn” variant like [name_f]Roxana[/name_f] or [name_f]Zora[/name_f]) after the privileged little [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f] who befriended my great-grandmother [name_f]Helen[/name_f] (whose mother was widowed and a working single mother) and whose friendship led to [name_f]Helen[/name_f] being financially sponsored by [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f]'s parents to attend [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f]'s preparatory boarding school, the direct result of which was [name_f]Helen[/name_f]'s entry to the University of Wisconsin, making her the first woman on that branch of my family tree to attend college. Since education was very much a core value of [name_f]Helen[/name_f]'s throughout my life (she even posthumously left me an unknown 529 account and a letter for my 18th birthday two years after her death about the ways in which a college education benefitted her), I think it’s fitting to consider honoring her old friend without whom it may have never been possible for [name_f]Helen[/name_f] to receive such an outstanding education.
- Whether or not the deceased honoree would actually like the name I’ve chosen to honor them is not of import, but when honoring the living it matters a great deal to me. It feels bad to say it that way, but when I think about variants of names, I am thinking about what I like and what makes sense to me and my 21st century family and my own linguistic peculiarities and preferences and my knowledge base about the world. I would name my child [name_f]Edwidge[/name_f] to honor the forementioned [name_f]Hedwig[/name_f], even though that likely was not a name MY [name_f]Hedwig[/name_f] ever knew existed, let alone would have thought was a nice way to honor her.
But my mother [name_f]Denise[/name_f] hasn’t ever liked her name, so I’ve had to work around the name and think of other ways to “honor.” [name_f]Coral[/name_f] is a word included in the business name of the salon and spa she owns and manages. Since I respect that she is a business owner and look up to her and am proud of her accomplishments, I consider [name_f]Coral[/name_f] to honor her. I also think [name_f]Melisande[/name_f] honors both my parents, [name_m]Manny[/name_m] and [name_f]Denise[/name_f]. When I was little, our very first family email address was limade@90sinternetcompany.net, li for [name_f]Lilian[/name_f], ma for [name_m]Manny[/name_m], and de for [name_f]Denise[/name_f]. [name_f]Melisande[/name_f] is a similar anagram in that way… it spells [name_f]Denise[/name_f] in its entirety, plus some letters from [name_m]Manny[/name_m] and [name_f]Lilian[/name_f] thrown in. Most people would scratch their heads at that, but to me, it would always be special and I know my mom would love it, unlike anything close to resembling [name_f]Denise[/name_f].
3. Ostracized sides of the family become off limits for honoring. This one is tough for me. I’ve done a fair amount of research on my biological father’s family tree line, but I don’t pick names from his side because I don’t have a relationship with him and don’t intend to. While there are many honorable people with fascinating stories and lives on that half of my family tree, the idea of choosing an honor name from one of them leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t feel connected to that half of my DNA. That doesn’t make sense at face value that I can feel so connected to ancestors I have never met from my mother’s side of the family, and yet my biological father’s immediate relatives, including those with whom I used to share actual fond early childhood memories before severing contact with that side wind up leaving me feeling like “honor” is not at all an appropriate word. This makes my tree very lopsided… I only like the apples from one half of my tree, while the others fall rotten to the ground. Honoring my stepfather’s family (my dad [name_m]Manny[/name_m] is the man I call dad) is very much a priority for me, despite zero blood connection. Honoring my step-grandfather’s family is a priority to me, despite zero blood connection. And honoring collateral figures like [name_f]Svetlana[/name_f] is a priority to me… it doesn’t make sense, but it’s how I feel.
4. Trying to figure out namesakes is important to me. It’s harder the farther up the tree I climb for sure, but knowing WHY my ancestors were named what they were is fascinating to me. If I can’t figure out WHY they were named what they were, an honor name just doesn’t have as much sparkle for me.
It took me a long time to figure out what was behind my great-grandfather [name_m]Paul[/name_m] [name_u]Stanley[/name_u] [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m]'s double middle name. Nobody else in my family before me had a double middle name, and nobody in my immediate family knew the story behind it. It turns out the [name_u]Stanley[/name_u] was after [name_u]Stanley[/name_u] Hornbeck, a close friend, colleague, and graduate schoolmate of my 2nd great-grandfather [name_m]Horatio[/name_m]. The [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] was for a Dr. [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] who delivered [name_m]Paul[/name_m] [name_u]Stanley[/name_u] [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] at the [name_m]French[/name_m] hospital in Peking in 1915. His mother [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] had recently lost her first and only other child, [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Pauline[/name_f], shortly after her birth to some kind of diarrhetic illness. My family was living in [name_f]China[/name_f] at the time and I suspect that [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] didn’t have very substantial perinatal support during and after her first birth, as she and [name_m]Horatio[/name_m] were living in rural Fujian province at the time of [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Pauline[/name_f]'s birth in late 1913. Before [name_m]Paul[/name_m]'s birth, [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] decided to leave her husband’s side and travel to urban Peking to live out her pregnancy with her sister and brother-in-law, who were also living in [name_f]China[/name_f] at the same time because her brother-in-law was a diplomat. I suspect that the doctor was important to [name_f]Hildred[/name_f] as a symbol of the more Westernized prenatal care she was afforded in the city at the [name_m]French[/name_m] hospital, care that made her feel safer (whether or not she was), so I surmise that’s why she felt his contribution was important enough to include [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] in [name_m]Paul[/name_m]'s name. [name_m]Hamilton[/name_m] added a kind of pleading desperate hope for the future continued wellbeing of her child, and I like the woohoo spiritual idea that it acted as a kind of talisman, protecting my great-grandpa [name_m]Paul[/name_m] well past [name_f]Hildred[/name_f]'s and [name_m]Horatio[/name_m]'s timely deaths and long enough for him to have lasted into my childhood memories.
5. I have to like the name in question in order to consider using it. Some I simply pass over. But I find that if I research an ancestor long enough, even a lackluster name starts to shine as I get to know them better, so that frequently changes my perspective.
6. Culture matters. My husband is Chinese-American and in Chinese culture, it’s taboo to name a child after relatives, dead or alive. So this has really limited our ability to “honor” our baby’s paternal side of the family because my version of “honor” would be a dishonor. I have found ways around this by choosing names that include elements important to Chinese culture (like Chrysanthemums) and also choosing names that are historicaly prevelant in Chinese-American naming patterns (like [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]). I really try not to ignore my husband’s side of the family, even though I can’t “honor” them in the same ways I choose to honor my own side. I hope that my in-laws will understand that line I’m towing and not feel left out, since they’ve lived their entire adult lives in this country, and many of the relatives I have researched from my husband’s side of the family have beautiful English names ([name_f]Mabel[/name_f], [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f], [name_f]Yvonne[/name_f], [name_f]Dolly[/name_f], [name_f]Dora[/name_f]), and wonderful Chinese names that could be other be incorporated (like the “moon” in [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f]'s name, for which I might like [name_f]Luna[/name_f], or “heart brocade,” my husband’s maternal grandmother’s name, for which I might consider [name_f]Cordelia[/name_f], as it gives me that imagery of the heart and a decorative and ornamental fabric). [name_m]Alas[/name_m]…
This is a great topic. I am really enjoying studying everybody’s responses.