Here is my story:
[name]Long[/name] before we conceived, I had about 6 names that I liked: [name]Hannah[/name] [name]Jane[/name], [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Ruth[/name], [name]Mara[/name] [name]Eve[/name], [name]Josiah[/name] [name]Daniel[/name], [name]Benjamin[/name] [name]Sidney[/name], and [name]Peter[/name] [name]Immanuel[/name]. Most of these are Biblical names DH & I like. [name]Jane[/name] is my middle name, and I am the 4th generation to have it as a first or middle name. [name]Rebecca[/name] is my sister’s name. DH is [name]Peter[/name] [name]Sidney[/name] [name]Jr[/name]. and his brother is [name]Benjamin[/name].
Over 4 years passed between deciding I loved these names (there were others I liked, but these were the top 6) and actually having children. Finally we conceived little [name]Hannah[/name] or [name]Josiah[/name]. During the pregnancy I got another name stuck in my head ([name]Judah[/name]). Also, DH decided that he would like a little [name]Peter[/name] after all (he had been unsure). But it turned out we were probably having a girl. We went to the hospital thinking that we were having a girl and would name her [name]Hannah[/name] [name]Jane[/name], and that on the off chance the ultrasounds were wrong, we would name our son [name]Peter[/name] [name]Immanuel[/name] “Pi” (I had chosen [name]Immanuel[/name] specifically to use this nickname).
I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. But somehow I didn’t recognize her like I expected I would. She didn’t really seem like a [name]Hannah[/name]. The name that stood out to me was [name]Mara[/name]. (I would still have used [name]Jane[/name] as a middle name). [name]Mara[/name] [name]Jane[/name] had the advantage of being very similar to an obscure [name]Star[/name] Wars character, [name]Mara[/name] [name]Jade[/name]. I don’t know if DH would have appreciated that had he known. Anyway, I was torn between the name I had loved so long and the fact that it didn’t seem to suit my little girl. But I knew that pregnant and recently pregnant people’s hormones made them do strange things, and I didn’t want to regret not using the name I love. I figured that if we named her [name]Hannah[/name], she’d be our [name]Hannah[/name], and that she would be what a [name]Hannah[/name] was–the name would suit her because it was hers. And in the end we took home [name]Hannah[/name] [name]Jane[/name].
I’ve never gotten a negative comment on her name (unless you count “After [name]Hannah[/name] [name]Montana[/name]?”; it wasn’t meant negatively and I said, “No, in spite of [name]Hannah[/name] [name]Montana[/name]”). It does seem that every woman who qualifies for a senior discount has a granddaughter named [name]Hannah[/name], and the popularity of it gave me more namer’s remorse than anything else. I remember thinking, did I give her the [name]Jessica[/name] name of her generation (I am a [name]Jessica[/name], because it sounded good, and I do not like my name much). If I were giving birth to my firstborn today, she’d be [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Jane[/name], because using a family name has become more important to me. But I do like the meaning and the story and the sound, and it’s neat that it’s a palindrome. I can’t picture my daughter (2 1/2) as a [name]Mara[/name] or [name]Rebecca[/name] or [name]Jane[/name].
When we were pregnant with my second, we were never sure about a girls’ name. We definitely wanted [name]Rebecca[/name]. It started out with [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Ruth[/name], but then I decided against it–maybe in part because [name]Pete[/name]'s aunt said it was her middle name and she hated it. I considered [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Rose[/name] (my sister’s mn is [name]Rose[/name]) as well as combining [name]Rebecca[/name] or [name]Rose[/name] with [name]Charity[/name] or [name]Leah[/name] (my [name]SIL[/name] is [name]Cheri[/name] [name]Lee[/name]). I considered [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Virginia[/name] (after DH’s deceased sister) and when I learned that DH’s mom and paternal grandma both had the middle name [name]May[/name], we settled on [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]May[/name]. But then I was worried about the meaning… I considered [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Faith[/name], [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Joy[/name], or [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Grace[/name] but really wanted two family names.
Our boys’ name throughout the pregnancy was [name]Peter[/name] [name]Sidney[/name] III. We never wavered on that. We found out he would be a boy, but I still wanted a just-in-case girls’ name. I proposed [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]Lucy[/name]. This ruined my long plan of having a [name]Rhoda[/name] [name]Lucy[/name] for DH’s grandmas and an [name]Elizabeth[/name] [name]Susan[/name] for mine, but I loved the meaning. DH was unsure, as he’d thought we were settled on [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]May[/name]. I was still not completely sure on a girls’ name when I went into labor–but luckily, [name]Peter[/name] III did not surprise us. He was also born on his Daddy’s birthday, so he is exactly 27 years younger :). We still don’t have a nickname for him–I liked Pi even without the initials but it didn’t stick–but I have 0 naming regret with my son. I did not have the same lack of “recognition” with him because at birth he looked very like his sister. [name]Both[/name] of my kids were born with brown hair; now [name]Hannah[/name]'s is light brown and [name]Peter[/name]'s is very blond (DH has tannish hair now, you might say brown, but was blond as a child; I have had brown hair all my life). [name]Hannah[/name] also has curly hair, which is a surprise to us and we didn’t know until she was several months old. All four of our grandmas have curly hair, but no one closer than that. Eye color is another thing many people can’t know at birth–though DH and I have blue eyes so we rather expected our children to be born with blue eyes that stayed blue.
If I had another healthy baby tomorrow–once I got over the shock–he or she would probably be [name]Benjamin[/name] [name]Mark[/name] “[name]Jamin[/name]” ([name]Mark[/name] is my dad’s middle name) or [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]May[/name] (I’m okay with [name]Rebecca[/name] [name]May[/name] now. I think).
I do have one name–[name]Alfred[/name]–I would only use (as a first name) for a son born with red hair, as then I could call him [name]Red[/name], the only nickname for [name]Alfred[/name] I like. DH’s grandfather was [name]Alfred[/name] [name]Jr[/name]., and there’s currently an [name]Alfred[/name] V, so we probably wouldn’t use that as a first name anyway. Based on what I’ve seen of people’s hormones doing strange things, though, I would want to use a name I liked before I was pregnant. I would be very suspicious of a name I fell in love with during pregnancy, especially if it weren’t my normal style.
Here are my thoughts:
Children grow into their names, in general. But you are far more likely to experience namer’s regret when you are unsure, regardless of whether you change it or not.
Names that have a specific vision attached to them may disappoint you regardless of whether they fit at birth. [name]Imagine[/name] naming your daughter [name]Serena[/name] and having her turn out hyperactive, or if Blondelle’s hair darkens as an adult–would you find the name silly? Would it bother you? If so, I wouldn’t use it. But if you’d have no problem with your fiery-haired baby [name]Scarlett[/name] being a blond teenaged [name]Scarlett[/name], or [name]Joy[/name] being a brooding melancholy type, or [name]Grace[/name] having two left feet (if that would be the definition you’d even think of–my mom always said she was glad she hadn’t named me [name]Grace[/name]) then go for it.
Your tastes may change. What’s popular may change. Your child’s name probably won’t. (Neither will the names of other family members, if you enjoy family names).
If you’re worried that the name you pick won’t be “right,” but also that you might not be sure on the right one out of even a small list, just get it narrowed down to one but keep some backups anyway. If you can narrow it down to (say) [name]Judah[/name], [name]Silas[/name], or [name]Malachi[/name], but are fairly sure [name]Judah[/name] is your favorite, you’ve got the best of both worlds–you can plan on naming him [name]Judah[/name] but if he really looks like [name]Silas[/name] you can use that instead.
I don’t like my name. I am not scarred for life. I have turned out to be a productive human being. The vast majority of people who have common names, uncommon names, names their parents weren’t sure of, or even downright weird names are probably also productive members of society.
If once your child is five, a presidential candidate or serial killer or pop star or third-world dictator with the same name suddenly comes to prominence, you’ll probably think (even if only briefly) “Why did I choose that name?” You can think everything out perfectly and things can happen to make you regret your decision. [name]Deirdre[/name] [name]Imogen[/name] might marry a [name]Cooper[/name] and make her initials [name]DIC[/name].
It’s great if you love your child’s name. It’s great if it fits her the moment she’s born. But you’re both going to live with the choice the rest of your lives, and chances are at some point you may regret your choice a little. That’s okay.
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