What if... you have been name nerd for years...

You have been name nerd for years, since teenage years. You met future husband, you soon become pregnant, but you found out he does not like any of your favorite names, he refuse to use middle names and you want to choose names with middles.

What do you do…

You start over and work together to find something you both like and compromise. Both parties have to be open-minded to new ideas.

I’ve been a name nerd since I was 10 and had to do this almost 12 years later with S/O. I literally threw out my old list and we just started fresh. Now we have quite a few names we can both agree on, and that we can both say we love.

I’ve always loved names, since I was a little kid ! I would be very dissappointed if my future wife hated all the names I like, but Id try and talk her into liking them
If I couldnt do that, I would definitely compromise, we would have to pick a name that I liked and she liked as well, even though neither of us would love it

I’m already dealing with SO not liking any of my favourite names…
I think I would insist on middle names if I was in that situation. I think those are a must (for me). I’d maybe offer up that the middle name could be after a special friend or relative. Or let him choose the middle name (within reason).
I know, as it is, I will have to compromise on names. It’s sad to think of never using some of my very favourite names, but we will both have to give a little bit and find something we can agree on! I’m so thankful he has no problem with middle names at least ;).

I’ve been on this site longer than I have been with my husband and was a namenerd for long before that. I’ve had various name lists tucked into books and notebooks for years. I came up with combos that I loved very much and that sounded fantastic with my surname.

Then I got married to a loving, wonderful man who just isn’t that “into” names. He will occasionally entertain name talks, but not often. Unfortunately, he also disliked many of my long-loved combos. So, what did we do? We have worked to find names that we both love that we hope will suit our future little ones. We will make them together and will name them together. Compromise can suck, but it’s necessary…neither side should be manipulated or forced into something they don’t like. After all, if your partner tried that on you, you probably wouldn’t appreciate it…
Honestly, we’ve come to find out that there are quite a few names that we both adore :slight_smile: keep trying :slight_smile:

I would probably insist on the honor names on my list, especially [name_f]Eliza/name_f and [name_m]Eugene[/name_m] which predate my love of names. I’d also advocate for middle names, possibly as an opportunity to use some of namesake doesn’t love or as honor names.
Other than that, I’m willing to find names both of us are okay with, even if they aren’t names I adore.

There are a few names I refuse to budge on (my son [name_m]WILL[/name_m] be [name_m]Ezra[/name_m] if I have one. I will not compromise; it’s been my favorite for years) but I’m flexible with the girls and most other boys’ names. I haven’t really had to think about a future SO’s opinion because I don’t have one, hahaha. I definitely wouldn’t call myself extremely controlling, but I’ve had control over my name ideas for so long that if my future SO has lots of ideas or different taste we may run into some problems.

I have this problem with my SO. I love names while my SO doesn’t seem to care at all. He’ll shoot down every name I suggest but won’t offer any of his own so I can get a feel for what he likes. I can’t even get him to have a discussion with me so there isn’t even a way to compromise.

I’m not sure. I’ll be quite honest when I say that at this point, all the names in my signature are the final list of names that I will ever seriously consider for my own children. (There ARE few I haven’t included but I’m working on it). And let me go even further to say that there are even some girl names in my signature I never intend on using- ever! (Like [name_f]Cecily[/name_f], [name_f]Priscilla[/name_f], and Cassiana) So my ultimate options are pretty narrow.

I’ve seen pretty much every single name and its meaning (when I was younger I read a baby name book cover to cover), I’ve gone through a myriad of lists on Nameberry- I’ve seen it all. I know all the alternate forms of my favorite names, I know all the nicknames, I’ve explored as much as I can.
I think what I like covers a good range while staying true to who I am. I’ve considered honor names from both sides of my family, all corners of my heritage and religion, and so on and so forth.
I would be pretty devastated if my SO thought everyone I chose was horrible.

Now, an interesting situation I’ve often thought about is that IF my SO has strong ties to a culture that I personally have no ties to, I would SO excited to start exploring uncharted waters. I love some Irish, Scandinavian, Arabic, and Eastern European names but I’ve never felt like I could adopt them as my own since I have absolutely no personal connection to those cultures. So while my list right now excludes [name_f]Ingrid[/name_f], [name_f]Signe[/name_f], [name_f]Aziza[/name_f], [name_f]Maryam[/name_f], and [name_f]Zorina[/name_f], there might very well come a day when I can use some of them while feeling like my kids will have an awesome connection to their roots.

So to me, the biggest problem would be having an SO with similar heritage to mine that absolutely refuses to use any of my names. And I mean none of them. I truly, truly would be at a loss!
But introducing a new culture into the mix might be the key to success and compromise.

Although I do think the person who’s had a curated list for over a decade should have a little bit more say into what goes in their child’s name. :stuck_out_tongue:

Now, here’s a bigger problem: what about two namenerds who have opposite tastes! What then? [name_m]Lord[/name_m] knows how that problem would be solved. :smiley:

What do you do? You remind him that you’re growing a human inside of you and carrying it around for nine months, and that after almost a year of limiting coffee, alcohol, and hot baths and after gaining so much weight you can’t see your toes or shave yourself properly, you then have the job of having it exit your body either through a very small hole or an incision deep into your abdomen. I’m joking but I’m also not joking LOL!

Find a way to compromise. I mean, as much as I’d like to say ‘I’m the one carrying and giving birth to the kid’ to get my own way, that doesn’t seem fair (also I’m weird and looking forward to being pregnant one day, so I don’t think I’d be in much of a position to complain). And having a child and being in a relationship is about both sides being happy, so I’d have lots of name discussions with him, and hopefully find a solution. It’s not something I’ve dealt with or may ever deal with, so I can’t say for sure.

This is so true.

LOL! I love being pregnant but there is still plenty to complain about!

This. I am single at the moment, so I am free to make combos just to my own likings. I had, however, been with someone whose style was very different than mine and I know how it felt to have my favourites became unusable. In the future I hope to talk my SO (if any) into using at least some from my short list, but if it’s really really impossible then we’ll start fresh and compromise.

I hate when the whole “I’m carrying the child, so I decide on the name” card gets used. I know if I had a partner that pulled something like that, and have to live with a child whose name I hated, I’d be very resentful. Especially since pregnancy isn’t something a guy chooses not to do.

If you are in a partnership you have to compromise. If you want your favorite names without anyone disagreeing, you adopt on your own or go to a sperm bank as a single woman. It might sound harsh, but when you choose to enter a partnership the adult thing to do is talk together about important decisions (like naming your children).

In your situation, the compromise should be finding a first name that you both can agree on and a middle name.

I don’t think anyone here is suggesting that, it’s more of a “I’m putting in a lot of work here so my opinion shouldn’t be meaningless” type of thing. It’s just more sway in the matter, not an excuse to be authoritarian.

I agree with this so much.

Not yet, but I have seen it said before both here and many other sites in all seriousness. I’ve also heard women irl proudly state that they used that excuse to get the name they want. Generally it’s said in a way that the mother should get whatever name she wants and the father of the child should accept it because of what the mother is going through to bring the child into the world.

Some examples, if you’re interested:

There was also this nameberry thread where most people were pro-compromise. Nameberry - Welcome to the Nameberry Forums

I don’t think anyone has said it yet, but I have seen it said before both here and many other sites in all seriousness. I’ve also heard women irl proudly state that they used that excuse to get the name they want. Generally it’s said in a way that the mother should get whatever name she wants and the father of the child should accept it because of what the mother is going through to bring the child into the world. ETA: I’m all about compromise and the spouses should be able to be happy in the end with something they like. Neither the mother nor the father should have their opinion disregarded :slight_smile:

Some examples, if you’re interested, of the idea being brought up:

“Our BabyCentre survey suggests that when it comes to choosing a name, it’s usually mum who calls the shots. We asked 3,000 of you to share your experiences of the baby-naming process. More than 62 per cent of dads who responded claim their ideas were completely dismissed by their partner. A frustrated eight per cent told us every single suggestion they made was ignored, so they had no choice but to go with their partner’s decision!”

There was also this nameberry thread where most people were pro-compromise. Nameberry - Welcome to the Nameberry Forums

Right from the beginning SO has liked my top two names for boys and girls. Over the years and now that we’re getting closer to children he has learned my tastes and suggested some wonderful names to add to the list.
I WILL NOT budge on MNs for girls (after my sister, and my grandmother) he knows this and is fine with it.