Where do you prefer to send your kids while you are at work? an established daycare, an at-home daycare, a nanny, grandparents, or somewhere else entirely? [name]How[/name] do you feel about having a career versus being a stay-at-home mom?
I was just pondering this because I am on the other side of it. The last two summers I worked at a day camp, and while it was fun for the kids, no bonds were made in the least. The parents didn’t appreciate us like they would at a smaller daycare facility. I ran into a family last night, and they didn’t recognize me even though I had six hour days with their children all summer long. I got another job offer for this upcoming summer as a nanny for a family of three children. It is probably less beneficial to me financially, and doesn’t look as good on a resume (I’m studying to become an elementary school teacher so the public camp looks good), but it is very temping. I did it for the family for their [name]Christmas[/name] break, and they were so kind to me. They treat their nannies like part of the family, and even when I’m not working for them they stay in touch.
Anyways, I got a little off track, but I’m curious how people with children feel about this. Who do you trust with your kids? Who do they prefer to be with? What are your relationships with them?
I work at a fairly small daycare, although most of the rooms are full, and I am currently 18 weeks pregnant at this point we do not want to sen our child to daycare at all. Not because of “bad people” but I don’t agree with some of the care methods, though they are not harmful to the kids, it is expensive and someone else will be with my kid but distracted with the needs of at least 4 other babies. Most of the parents I have direct contact with love some teachers, dislike others and can be vocal about it, I hear alot of “I could never do this job.” Right now we are hoping that a close friend/co-worker starts her own in care daycare, I completely trust her and agree with how she treats children, that or a babysitter but we would only need one for about 4 hours a day since DH and I work opposite shifts.
I went back to work when [name]Amelie[/name] was 18 months old. I was only working part-time hours - I started back with my full time schedule but I missed DD too much and we weren’t exactly stuck for cash so DH and I agreed I’d go part-time, which was 16 hours a week.
My parents watched her while we worked. They also watch her cousin who is about 1yr older than her so she had someone to play with. They doted on her, took great care of her, with lots of trips and fun activities and I was able to work peacefully knowing she was being well looked after.
Daycare at that age was not an option for us, we wouldn’t have been able to afford a really decent one and I’m weary of putting babies into those kinds of facilities when they don’t have the ability to fully communicate with me. I was worried something might happen to her and she wouldn’t be able to tell me. I know some parents have no choice and I’m certainly not looking down on those parents - This was just something I wanted to avoid if I could.
I was also aware of the great benefits kids get from preschool so even though she was settled at my parents and thriving developmentally, I wanted her to experience preschool too, so we enrolled her in a fabulous one this [name]September[/name]. We thought it’d prepare her for school next year, if nothing else. We chose a great facility with a very small child-adult ratio. She loves it there! She has also made loads of new pals who will be attending the same school as her (the preschool is part of a regular school) so the big change won’t be as daunting.
I gave up my job when I fell pregnant on #2, so I guess it isn’t even necessary for her to go. I just feel she will benefit from it and she only goes for 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, so it isn’t as though she’s away from me all the time for no good reason.
So basically, my preferred way would be to leave them with family/stay at home myself until they are able to communicate completely, and then preschool.
If there is a continuum between career and mommying, with mommying being a 1 and career being 100, I was at about 98 when [name]Antoine[/name] was born. I had a 28-d maternity leave and my normal work week is roughly 80-90 hours. Commercial daycares do not accept children under 6 weeks old, nor are they open late/early/weekend/holidays/overnights, etc; as we were shortly moving cities nannies were not interested in a 3-month full-time stint.
My in-laws cared for [name]Antoine[/name] for the first three months, with occasional back-up shifts at a very good commerical daycare.
I am in research now, not active clinical duty, and have a predictable 40-hr work week. [name]Antoine[/name] is enrolled at a daycare affiliated with my university hospital and it is absolutely wonderful. I can think of no downsides whatsoever. He is stimulated, has a planned curriculum, is cared for by intelligent and loving teachers-- and it’s only 2 blocks from my lab, so if I set up an experiment and let it run for a couple of hours, I can walk over and see him.
I do believe that childcare is very much ‘you get what you pay for,’ and we do pay about $2000/month for it.
[name]Blade[/name], that is fantastic for the whole family. What a great thing to be that close to him and for him to have such good care.
I nannied my niece the first year of her life. Most of it anyway. I didn’t have to be at work til the afternoon so I watched her until her mother got off work. It was great for everyone. We all lived in the same house so it was perfect. We had a blast and bonded like crazy. It’s killing me to live in another state. We FavceTime every weekend. Now she is 3 and her parents are split but she goes to a very good day care. They struggle to pay for it. It’s not anywhere near $2K but it’s a lot for us middle-middle class folks. She’s gone there since she was one, and her aunt works there and her cousin goes there. So it’s great.
As for my own kids when I have them, I don’t know. Necessity will dictate my decision, as it does for most. My preference would be family, definitely. My mom and I both have worked in day cares, the kinds we would be able to afford, and they were… Not nice. I don’t judge people who take their kids there. You do what you must. I understand. But having seen them from the other side… I swore I’d sell a kidney before I would put my child in one. Maybe Mom and I just ended up at really bad ones though.
It’s great to see this. I was pretty horrified by what happened with my encounter last night, and I’m glad they seem to be in the minority. Each of the posters have great points, and I see how everyone can be right and happy in different ways.
I use an in-home daycare. At first, I was worried about it, you hear so many stories! Our first person fell through when my son was about 2-4 weeks old. And my friend’s provider couldn’t take our son, so she recommended another provider in the same town. I thank God every day for all the misses in those first crazy weeks. We toured the home, it’s a husband/wife team, and I was so impressed by the level of intelligence in the children there. And the whole set up. Our son started at 8 weeks old. I got texts, pictures and videos on my phone… I never really missed any of the big moments. They are also certified preschool instructors, so my child has been in a preschool program since he was 18 months old (doing what he could.) I pay less than all of my friends and I think I get the best care. All of the parents are friends, we take pictures of all the kids when certain parents cover the parties, etc. I don’t believe that a care center can offer this kind of love and care. Also, by having all ages mixed together, our son is so gentle with babies and animals. I love our in-home provider, and I know just how lucky we really are.
We’re going to send our child to nursery, starting when the little one is closer to two we think. I’m guessing one or two half days in the beginning and then work upwards until our child is four and starts school. We’re lucky though, my boyfriend has his studio at home and I’m not working at the moment, I have some free-lance stuff coming up from the spring, and can basically work from home too. The main reasons we’ll send our child to nursery is socializing with other children and adults, learning from peers, preparing for school and also, here in [name]England[/name] anyway you need the right nursery to get into the right school. So when he/she is born, we’ll start the courtship immediately. The ones we’ve been looking at are £2000 a month, which is a lot of money for nursery education but it is a necessity.
Before this though, I am planning on having some kind of help to keep my sanity. My soon to be mother in law has offered coming in for two days a week, but I’m not sure how I feel about it, and I also have friends who has nannies and au pairs who can recommend people for us.
As an aside, should we have a second child, we will hire a nanny. Probably a nanny-daycare/school combination, to avoid hiring two nannies if possible.
My typical workweek, when in the hospital (in terms of time leaving and time arriving home):
M: 0445-1930
T: 0445-1930
W: 0445–> overnight
T --> overnight till noon
F: 0445-1930
S: 0600 -->overnight
[name]Su[/name]: overnight–> noon
rinse & repeat
So, if I could have an early-morning nanny who comes at about 5 AM, cares for the children when they awake, drives them to daycare/school (say, three hours total in the morning), and then works whichever weekend days I am on call or working, that would be ideal. Hopefully the Husband could pick them up in the evenings, but if not the nanny would have to do that until either of us returns home.
Otherwise, we would have to have two daily nannies working in shifts; someone from 0500-noon, and someone from noon-8 PM, and someone else for the weekends…
I’m a STAHM at the moment but when [name]Astoria[/name] was 7 months I went to work and we sent her to a childminder (which I guess would count as an at home daycare. She was only in it until she turned 18 months but she loved it.
My friend’s child goes to a nursery for 3 days a week and she just expresses how expensive it is for the quality of care that her child is receiving. I visited a nursery when looking for childcare, and I instantly decided against it because there would be 4 babies to one caregiver and I thought that was kind of awkward, how could they be watching 8 babies if there is only 2 workers?
[name]Astoria[/name] was one of 2 babies under two at her childminders, so she got the attention she needed, and her childminder took her out all the time, when I picked her up everyday, her childminder would tell me that they went to the park, the meseum, the soft play centre or whatever. I was really happy with the quality of care she was getting.
If I happened to go back to work, I would definitely choose an at home daycare (childminder) again, because I was so happy with the service that we had.
But saying that, I am from the UK and I think some of you are from the US, and I’m not sure how the daycare system works around there. At home daycare could be awful where you live, and nurseries could be great. I’d just recommend visiting them all and figuring out what’s best for you. (We visited 2 nurseries and about 4 childminders and choose the one we felt was best for us)
I am so lucky that maternity leave here is 1 year. We have made the choice that with 5 kids and the costs of care from anyone other than family (most don’t really have the room to take all the kids at once for an extended time) I will become a stay at home mom. It only makes sense.
Financially we come ou ahead by not paying daycare.
I was in a family daycare from 2 months - 10 years (obviously just during summers/holidays once I started school!). My babysitter was like a second mom, and the handful of other kids she cared for were like additional siblings. I loved the environment, but I think it would depend on the temperaments of my children. I was a nanny for a little boy who just LOVED people, and while he received one-on-one attention with me, when he started going to a daycare (~20 kids his age, 4 carers) he flourished. On the other hand, I’ve always been on the quieter side–some might think it’s better to send a quiet kid into a big daycare so they can get used to it for school, but I adjusted so much better having been in a smaller daycare first!
Anyway, I’ll wait and see. Maternity leave here is a year, so it will give the child time to show his/her temperament and I can decide. I think there are pros and cons for each type of care, and it’ll just depend on what will be best for the child.
I was just talking to my husband abou this tonight! Must be the Universal Subconscious kicking in.
Here in Oregon , a popular method seems to be a work/rent trade with nannies. They look after your child while you are at work, and in exchange they get to live rent-free in your house, and usually get kitchen access as well. I have a lot of experience with childcare, and I couldn’t get a position like that despite trying numerous times, so I guess there are a lot of people/students who are looking for that sort of work.
I am currently staying home w. our 17 month old son. I absolutely love being able to stay home with him and my husband loves having me home. Does that sound disturbingly steeped in patriarchy? Sorry. I promise we are not weirdos. He lets me wear shoes and cut my hair, honest.
I don’t think that there is anything wrong w. daycare at all, for us, it is just so much less stress having me home. My husband has a career with long and unpredictable hours and this is one of the reasons this works out so well for us. I also love spending the whole day with my son. We know a lot of other stay at home moms, so it isn’t isolating for either of us- he gets to see other kids, I get to see other adults.
Also, when we looked into it, daycare would have cost us $2K/month and honestly, that was most of my paycheck at the time. So me working would have been pretty much breaking even for us. I do think that NOT working is setting my career back, probably significantly. I predict that it will be difficult to rejoin the work force in a few years (I plan to return to work when our hypothetical second child goes to school.) It’s just that I don’t care.
We don’t miss the money that I was making b.c we always saved my whole income and lived on just what my husband makes. I mean, it was nice being able to save that much, seriously. But living on one income from the beginning really helped us make this switch with much less stress.