Since being more active on Nameberry, I’ve realized that in some ways my kids’ names fall outside of my “style”. I was hesitant to even put my daughter’s name on my UC because it doesn’t seem to fit.
That got me curious about other namers’ experiences. What factors swayed you to let go of names that you loved when it came down to naming real people?
For me:
Personal meaning- seeing how much my name preferences change over the years, I was hesitant to use names like I just liked the sound of in the moment, so I looked for names that had some deeper personal connection for me. That meant letting go of some name crushes. Especially in the middle slot, I like using honor names so I didn’t even play around with other fun middles.
Language - [name_f]My[/name_f] kids’ names have to work in Spanish and [name_f]English[/name_f]. I quickly, but not always easily, let go of names that definitely wouldn’t work. Later in the process, I had to do another round of letting go of names that just sort of worked in Spanish or [name_f]English[/name_f]. It’s so much easier to have names that are established in both languages.
Usability - that’s broad, but I did have some names I let go of because I knew that I’d be dooming myself and my child to forever repeat, remind and explain.
SO veto - I pushed for names I really loved and brought them up frequently so they would become more familiar to my SO’s ear. However, there were a few that fell down on the list because he (gently and considerately) didn’t love them or rose to the top because we both liked them.
I definitely agree with the personal meaning point.
I like using honor middles too so I let go of a lot of names that were more “exciting”. I don’t regret it though.
I think a first name has to have meaning to me on multiples levels for it to stick around.
It can’t just be one thing I like about it (such as the sound).
I find new names I like all the time but the ones that stay on my list have a connection to family, feel nostalgic to me somehow, and/or I love the meaning or story of the name and can imagine explaining the meaning to my child.
[name_f]My[/name_f] DH also vetoes a lot of my names (especially girl names). It’s ok though because it helps narrow things down.
I do like some names that are outside my “style” and I probably wouldn’t end up using them in real life because even though I think you should use the name you love, it would still bother me a bit if one of my kid’s names was really different than the others.
I don’t have experience with this yet but hopefully soon. Though I’m sure it will come down mostly to (1) making sure my husband and I both love it and (2) that we feel it is useable and wearable longterm, as you mentioned. For me, I don’t think that the first name’s “meaning” will be of much importance because for me the meaning will be… my child and that will be enough. Maybe it helps that I don’t love very many names. For a middle name I will definitely try to incorporate some important meaning or tradition. This is all in contrast to when I’ve named pets in the past, just choosing whatever struck me as my favorite that day, or that week.
For me, it usually comes down to: Last name- If any of my loved names don’t work well with my married name, I have to let them go. Meaning- I am really drawn to names that have beautiful meanings and personal significance when actually naming my child. I want my kids to have names they can be proud of. Popularity- Both DH and I grew up with pretty popular names and would rather our child not have to experience being another one of the [name_f]Jessica[/name_f]’s, so to speak. It’s not the biggest concern, but we definitely try to stay away from top 100 or at least top 50 names unless something really feels like “the one.” DH’s veto- Naming a child together is very different than daydreaming on your own. A name I’ve loved forever can turn out to be the name of a bully from my husband’s elementary school, a relative he has a bad relationship with, an ex or even a name that has a negative connotation he can’t really pin down. It’s important that the name we choose creates positive feelings for both of us.
Last Name - If a name doesn’t work with the surname being used, it probably won’t be used.
Meaning - If the name does not hold meaning for us, whether it be the actual meaning or what it represents, it probably won’t be used.
Connection - If a name has a negative connection or the primary association is negative, it definitely won’t be used. Right now, I am having trouble with a name I love. I would love to use it one day, but only if I can find another association with the name… the primary (and only) association right now is most decidedly negative.
Sibling Names - If a name is too matchy-matchy or rhyming with another siblings name (first names), it won’t be used.
Family Names - We already have multiple people with the same name/nickname within the family making it difficult to know who is being talked about, even with details included. I am loathed to add to this. I don’t care about popularity of the name in the community, but I don’t want my children be one of six within the family. If my SO is determined to have a junior, then we will have to come up with a distinctive nickname for our child to set them apart.
SO Veto - If my SO doesn’t like a name or has negative connections to the name, I will give up a beloved name.
Though I’m sure it will come down mostly to (1) making sure my husband and I both love it and (2) that we feel it is useable and wearable longterm, as you mentioned. For me, I don’t think that the first name’s “meaning” will be of much importance because for me the meaning will be… my child and that will be enough. Maybe it helps that I don’t love very many names. For a middle name I will definitely try to incorporate some important meaning or tradition. This is all in contrast to when I’ve named pets in the past, just choosing whatever struck me as my favorite that day, or that week.