Anyone else dealing with/dealt with the issue of a partner outright refusing to consider a very meaningful name. I have a name choice that means the world to me but my husband hates the name and refuses to even consider. ANyone ever have any success in changing a partner’s mind or should I just give up forever!? It’s breaking my heart:cry:
Preaching to the choir. My husband won’t consider a meaningful name to me because he doesn’t like it. It has been moved to middle name status only. It sucks that I don’t get what I want, but we need to honour our choices and instincts too. Search for compromises because this isn’t a winnable situation.
Thanks…that’s the answer I was expecting I guess haha. I have been trying to find compromises but can’t stop day dreaming about the name I really want. ugh!
Why don’t you try compromising? Like, if you like one name and he likes another, combine the two? Or use varitations, maybe he/you will like a variation of the other’s name pick, and you could always make one name a middle.
EX:
He likes [name]Sierra[/name], you like [name]Belle[/name]. [name]Sierra[/name]-[name]Belle[/name] would work.
He likes [name]Judith[/name], you like [name]Eleanor[/name]. [name]Janelle[/name].
He likes [name]Kelly[/name], you like [name]Kylie[/name]. [name]Kelsey[/name].
He likes [name]Araminta[/name], you like [name]Isabella[/name]. [name]Arabella[/name]
He likes [name]Harley[/name], you like [name]Mackenzie[/name]. [name]Marley[/name].
That’s all there is to say. The child was created together, and so must be the name.
It can help to really get at the root of his opposition, though. Is he worried about teasing? Many men’s notions about names were frozen in their own adolescence. Maybe in the 80s a little boy name [name]Hugo[/name] or [name]Julian[/name] would have found himself receiving swirlies in the locker room. If you can show him modern name lists and modern classroom rosters, some of those fears might disappear.
If he associates the name with an unsavory character, ex-girlfriend, etc-- you can remind him that your child will very very quickly become the dominant association for that name.
It’s also possible-- gasp-- that he’s right. Hard for me to admit too, but sometimes he actually has good ideas.
The name is [name]Flora[/name]…and he loathes it b/c it just sounds like floor to him. Which I think is a ridiculous reason!? Because the name is beautiful and relates to flowers, not the floor. He is just close minded. But it does seem there is no changing his mind so I guess I will keep searching! I bring it up every now and then to see if he’s waivered at all but so far nothing ahha
i read the name wrong, i read it [name]Fiona[/name] then couldnt figure out why he assosiates it with floor.
[name]Flora[/name], its cute and i dont assosiate it with floor.
What about [name]Fleur[/name], [name]Fiona[/name], [name]Flo[/name]
I do understand how he gets floor from [name]Flora[/name].
Unfortunately if he really doesn’t like this name, then I think you have to move on.
Could you imagine if he loved a name that you couldn’t stand and he wouldn’t let up? Could you imagine if he just kept telling you that you are closed minded because you couldn’t see his point of view?
I understand that we all fall in love with names and that it is hard to let them go, but a baby is created by two people so both of them should love the name equally.
There are names that I adore that we will never use because my husband simply hates them. I really understand how frustrating it can be, hugs. Biggest example for me is [name]Astrid[/name], I [name]LOVE[/name] this name and now that I am pregnant again, I always bring it up but no, he is not budging on even considering using it. Like yours, he will not budge. Especially after hearing [name]Michael[/name] [name]Scott[/name] on the Office mistakinly spell so people pn’d it “As$-tird”. Nail in the coffin of ever using one of my favorite names. Sigh.
I do agree with the fact that since he helped create the child and will help to raise the child, his voice counts just as much in the name. ([name]Even[/name] if we are the ones who carry them inside us for 9 months and then give birth!) I want my husband to love our children and their names, and so far, so good.
Have you gone to nymbler and put in [name]Flora[/name] to see what other names are suggested? Maybe you can find one that way that you both love.
My official advice, of course, is to compromise, remember how you love him more than any name, remember that you don’t want the baby to have a name he hates.
However. I do have a friend who got her favorite name through in a situation like yours. Her hubby hated it and wouldn’t even discuss it during the pregnancy. Here’s what she did:
- She waited until they were in the delivery room, post-labor, to start negotiating. Her DH had just seen her go through…a lot.
- She moved the name to the middle slot.
- She made lots of promises about him getting exclusive middle-name rights with any future children, and I believe even made a couple promises about first names for a particular gender for future children.
I’m not saying you should do this–it’s probably better to find something you both love. But just in case…
And by the way, I think [name]Flora[/name] is lovely!
Meh. Normally I’d say compromise, but considering I’m currently feeling more than a little resentful towards my husband for hating all my favorites (and feeling I was forced into a compromise that I do not love) I’m currently entertaining the fantasy of filling out the birth certificate when he’s at home. Or trying out a trial separation right around the time of birth. Which of course will not happen (I’ll have it out with him the honest way) but it does make the evil part of me feel better.
I’ve loved [name]Tristan[/name] the longest, but he calls that gay or fruity sounding. I love [name]Ambrose[/name], but he loathes it. This one I begrudgingly understand since he could have been teased with [name]Amber[/name] [name]Rose[/name]. Oddly enough that’s one of the reasons I loved it so much, his sister is [name]Amber[/name] and his mom is [name]Rose[/name]. I thought it would honor them perfectly. I tried [name]Theodore[/name] [name]Ambrose[/name] as a compromise and he shot that down too because he hates [name]Teddy[/name], [name]Ted[/name], [name]Theo[/name], and basically every nickname conceivable for it. [name]Liam[/name] was my next choice, and I adore the idea of using [name]Lee[/name] as a nickname for it, but this he shot down because he only loves [name]Henrik[/name]. [name]Henrik[/name] [name]Leopold[/name] was supposed to be the compromise name so I could get [name]Lee[/name] as a nickname and he could get [name]Henrik[/name]. But you know what? I don’t like it. It makes me want to NOT have a boy. I’ve grown to despise [name]Henrik[/name]. He wants a boy and he wants to name him. I feel disconnected already. He might as well just have hired a surrogate.
Compromising isn’t always the best solution if it leaves you feeling bitter. Compromise only works if you’re both genuinely happy with the solution. If it’s anything less, keep looking or stick to your guns.
gigigibbons I feel for you and I def don’t think that’s a compromise if you are so unhappy! Sounds like he just gets the name he likes and you are unhappy…I’d share that with him b/c it’s not fair for you to give up every name you love and end up w/ a name that you hate.
And I do agree w/ everyone that it’s not right to force your husband into a name he hates either…though it’s completely devastating and I plan to keep trying w/ [name]Flora[/name]. I have a lot of backups…my husband comes up w/ nothing, just shoots down all mine.
Would he consider letting you have [name]Flora[/name] if he could have full reign choosing her middle name?
I feel your pain, my OH doesn’t like any names I do, with the exception of [name]Edward[/name]. I forsee disagreements at some point, with that one exception our name styles are polar opposites. Girls names especially.
[name]Hope[/name] it works out for you!
Would he consider [name]Florence[/name]? It’s fairly close to [name]Flora[/name] without making the ‘floor’ sound and you could always use it as her nickname.
I don’t like [name]Florence[/name] at all…and [name]Flora[/name] is so meaningful b/c it is my great Aunt’s name who had an incredible life. I actually want to call the baby [name]Florrie[/name] which is what she went by but I think [name]Flora[/name] is a beautiful proper name. I have thought about letting him choose the middle name but it’s almost like he’s incapable of choosing names. He can only seem to figure out what he hates, not what he loves. [name]EVERY[/name] name I suggest, he says no. And I put so much thought and love into each choice and he just says no, end of discussion. Yet offers nothing. It’s very frustrating. So it’s not even as if he has choices that I could compromise with. I’ve probably offered 20 names he hates and maybe 2 he says are just OK. And that’s as close as we come. He comes up w/ some benign reason to say no to every name. Anyway…END RANT. I married him…my problem ahah [name]Just[/name] needed to vent!!
I understand why you’re frustrated. My boyfriend hates a lot of the names I suggest too. Men generally don’t like to discuss these things, they just leap to the conclusion! The only names my boyfriend really likes are names of his favourite literary characters. Does your husband suggest a lot of names? If not, ask him to make a list of names he likes, and then go through them together.
I also have to say, if he really hates the name, would you want to name your baby that?
Anyway, good luck!!! I’m sure you’ll find a name you both love.
[name]Lavender[/name] I know how frustrating this can be. However, you can admit that at least his dislike has some basis (some might find it a silly basis, but he’s not saying “I hate it, end of story”-- he is giving his reason). He’s not the only person who hears Floor-a in the name.
[name]Do[/name] you think he would accept the name if the “flor” sound came at the end? There are some very pretty French -fleur names:
Amefleur
Bellefleur
Blanchefleur
Conversely, stressing the second syllable takes some of the emphasis off “floor”:
[name]Florinda[/name]
Florimel
[name]Floriana[/name]
[name]Fleurette[/name]
And if he really just can’t abide the sound, there are SO many flower names that could be a tribute to your great-aunt!
lavendyr: so sorry this is happening! It happened to me, and each time, we had to compromise, with my son and my daughter.
I think Fiona and Finola are a nice compromise to Flora. Or you could go with a pretty nature name:
Fern
Daisy
Violet
Rose
Juniper
Zinnia
Azalea
What about an F name with a [name]Laura[/name] (or even [name]Lora[/name]) element in the middle? That seems a logical way to get to the nn [name]Florrie[/name] and allude to your Florri/[name]Flora[/name]. [name]Fiona[/name] [name]Lauren[/name] is nice. [name]Frances[/name] [name]Laura[/name]/[name]Lora[/name]. [name]Faye[/name] [name]Laura[/name]/[name]Loretta[/name]. [name]Felicity[/name] [name]Laura[/name]/[name]Lora[/name]. Good luck!
Aw, [name]Florrie[/name] is a cute nickname. It would be great if you could get to that somehow. I’m sorry you guys are having difficulty.
I really wanted to name our daughter Noemí [name]Luc[/name]ía, but DH does not like the name Noemí at all. [name]Luc[/name]ía was near the top of both of our lists, so I was okay using it as the first, but I had a hard time not calling the baby Noemí at first because that’s what she had been to me my whole pregnancy (well either that or a boy name, since we didn’t know the sex). In retrospect, I’m really glad that DH pushed for [name]Luc[/name]ía and wouldn’t let me do Noemí as a first because it’s turned out to be a much easier name for people to immediately understand and spell. I think Noemí would have caused a lot more problems. I appreciate that. Thankfully he was willing to let me put Noemí in the middle spot, and I call DD by both names often so I can still hear it but DH never has to use her middle name. It’s worked out well for us. And it is an example (probably) of the husband being right.
That said, we are currently at an impasse ourselves over baby #3 names - I want Félix Agustín, he wants [name]Ignacio[/name] Agustín, and we’re considering compromising with Agustín as a first name, but Félix is truly the only name that feels right to me. I am hoping this baby is a girl so we don’t have to disagree over names after the baby is born. It’s draining and sad to not agree when a name is really special to you. And something about both parents having equal say bugs me in this hormonal, pregnant state. I’m the one whose pants don’t fit right now, I’m the one who has to pee every couple hours at night, I’m the one who has heartburn, I’m the one who had terrible morning sickness. Sometimes I think the woman should get to pick and husbands who don’t really have helpful input should just hush. But I agree with the pp - you definitely don’t want your husband to hate the name that is chosen. Plus, as in my first example above, sometimes the husband is right in retrospect.