What would you do?

Name Advice
1

I apologize, long post:

So it’s becoming pretty clear my fiance and I cannot agree on a name for a baby girl. We’re not expecting but planning to TTC soon after the wedding so as a planner I’ve been trying to settle names. We have a son named [name_u]Arthur[/name_u] [name_u]Robert[/name_u], he picked the first name as he didn’t like my top name [name_u]Arlo[/name_u], and [name_u]Robert[/name_u] was an honor name after my father who had a stroke shortly before his birth.

After his birth, I had PPD pretty bad and honestly the fact I didn’t name my son really played into some problems I had bonding with him, he didn’t look like me, wasn’t named by me, I had a super hard pregnancy and had to have c-section birth which I didn’t want, so honestly I felt like I was being left to care for some random child not my own. IDK if that’s common or makes sense but we agreed that if I were to go through pregnancy again I’d get to pick our next child’s name. Cut to now, we want to TTC and I’m feeling pressured to find names we both like because I want it to be a name I choose but I also want him to like it.

For a 2nd boy, I immediately knew I wanted [name_u]August[/name_u] [name_u]Daniel[/name_u], [name_u]August[/name_u] being the month of our anniversary/wedding, and [name_u]Daniel[/name_u] honoring both my grandmother [name_f]Danette[/name_f] and his stepfather who raised him. But he also didn’t love [name_u]August[/name_u]. We were able to compromise though as he does like [name_m]Augustus[/name_m]. So if I’m forever a boy mom, it’s easy: [name_u]Arthur[/name_u] [name_u]Robert[/name_u] and [name_m]Augustus[/name_m] [name_u]Daniel[/name_u].

I have a girl’s name I LOVE, [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] Ivy/Ivey [name_f]Renee[/name_f], but it’s not so simple to compromise on. [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] because it’s very uncommon where I live (USA) but trendy elsewhere (UK/AUS/CA), 6 letters which seems to be the sweet spot for us (I like short-medium names, he doesn’t like short names), has a ton of nickname potential, and loosely ties to the movie [name_u]Green[/name_u] [name_m]Fried[/name_m] Tomatoes which is a movie I associate with good times with my mom and well things unfortunately aren’t great with her. Ivy/Ivey comes in as a trendy/popular alternative name if she decides she doesn’t love [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] or any of the many nicknames and I like the alliteration (plus without it, the initials are IRS aka the Internal Revenue Service the tax regulating organization in the US). [name_f]Renee[/name_f] is to honor my MIL as we want to keep the honor name trend.

In my eyes, it’s the perfect name. However, my fiance doesn’t love it as much as I do. He’s made it clear he would not be upset if we use it. But… he thinks it will be unrecognized by some, pronounced wrong, looks like Image/Imagine, and sounds like a medication. I asked him if he had a name in mind and he told me [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f]. Don’t get me wrong, I think [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f] is GORGEOUS, but it gives me preacher’s daughter vibes (we’re not religious) and it’s so long. Not to mention I don’t love any of the associated nicknames.

While trying to find a middle ground I came across Iveryn, a very obscure but not entirely made-up name that we both LIKE but neither LOVE. There’s other complications with the name like the pronunciation being unclear, but I think it boils down to is it better to choose a name one parent loves and the other doesn’t hate or choose a name neither love. Because I honestly don’t think there’s a name we both love. [name_m]Just[/name_m] want to note that neither of us like [name_f]Imogene[/name_f] though I recognize the [name_u]Gene[/name_u] ending is closer to [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f] and would make sense for a compromise, but alas he dislikes [name_f]Imogene[/name_f] more than [name_f]Imogen[/name_f].

What would you do?

2

Go with Imogen if it comes to it. But don’t stress in the meantime as youre not yet pregnant and don’t know the possible future baby’s sex.

I think you’ve got plenty of time to come to a mutual name and maybe get him loving Imogen!

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With him liking Arthur and Augustus it did not surprise me: 1. Girl name he doesn’t like 2. Girl name he likes…. I could be way off on this but I visualize these royalty/ medieval vintagey vibe with his choices. I see names like Margeurite, Elizabeth, Cordelia, Genevieve being on his list. Arlo, August and Imogen don’t really give me that. On the flip side your choices seem more on the trendy side for me.

I do get where your feelings are with your first born name. I think I felt that way with my third born. My first born I came up with everything…. First and middle. With my second it was more compromise (funny enough Inwas trying to push for Evangeline but hubby’s choice Esther won out) but I got my middle choice. And it’s a middle but heard often and it was a middle Incane up with at the very beginning of naming kids- blessing. But with our third even though we agreed on my mjddle choice…. Inthink because the choice is so overly common his first name choice making it made it hard for me to really bond for the first months- although now I wouldn’t have his name any other way. Currently team green and hubby has agreed on my girl combos without any negotiation needed. But boy name were still working on.

So to answer your closing question for now I’d say my answer is neither. You may just have to stick this current short list to the wayside and start from scratch which clearly there is time to do. Try to work for the compromise that you both can be excited about. If neither of you can get behind Evangeline or Imogen…. There’s likely a better option out there waiting to be discovered.

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4

Try as best you can to lower the stakes. I had postpartum anxiety about six months post, and as part of that became fixated on whether I had chosen the right name. [name_u]Lucky[/name_u] I could see what was going on and that passed without me changing it as I love it and have for many years now! So I think some of this is becoming a little too bound up. I would get a list of five boys and five girls and then just wait it out, you’ll probably find other names you like over the next year or whatever it is until they arrive.

Back to your possible names, I love [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] but I’ve only heard of one man (my bro) who likes it. Men generally just don’t go for it even though it’s a very clean, cool name (and I love [name_f]Immy[/name_f], one of my fave nicknames). I think boys only like this name once it’s on a cute kid! Until then, it doesn’t charm them. I feel like most men would like [name_f]Laura[/name_f] or [name_f]Leni[/name_f].

I would pop Iveryn on list (I don’t think I would use myself but it is pretty) and look at other names - off top of head, maybe [name_f]Elowen[/name_f] (a merge of [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f], Iveryn and Imogen)?

Also what about [name_m]Augustin[/name_m]? I think I prefer it to [name_m]Augustus[/name_m] (though I like [name_u]August[/name_u] the best of three - it’s the cleanest and most modern if that makes sense!).

There are loads of other beautiful names that go with Arlo/Arthur - boy and girl - if you search for the person looking for twin names (siblings for [name_f]Marguerite[/name_f], [name_f]Genevieve[/name_f] and Josephine) you will find loads of great suggestions - on both girls and boys threads. You have time…

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I do want to give your fiance credit for being a good sport. Of course he has opinions, and he’s sharing them candidly with you. But it sounds like he’s willing to be flexible AND collaborative, very helpful in choosing a name. [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f] might not be the one, but it’s not a bad start! Maybe over time, he’ll help you find a favorite name.
If it comes to it, you have [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] to fall back on.

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I’d stick with [name_f]Imogen[/name_f]. He won’t be upset if you use it, and, once it’s your daughter’s name, likely he’ll begin to like it because it’s hers. I think the fact you need and want to feel more immediately connected with this baby is really important, so [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] makes sense to me. Like [name_u]Arthur[/name_u], it’s classic, it has literary ties, and, if people know about [name_f]Imogene[/name_f] where you are, I don’t think [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] is too difficult to understand. Beyond that, while it’s not popular, [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] shares sounds or looks to the more popular [name_f]Emma[/name_f], [name_u]Evelyn[/name_u], [name_f]Madelyn[/name_f], [name_f]Georgia[/name_f], [name_u]Madison[/name_u], [name_u]Allison[/name_u], [name_u]Emerson[/name_u], [name_f]Summer[/name_f] and [name_f]Genevieve[/name_f].

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[name_m]Just[/name_m] wanted to say that we’ve talked about all the [name_u]August[/name_u] variations and while I do like [name_m]Augustin[/name_m], my fiance vastly prefers the original [name_m]Augustus[/name_m]. I think it’s the emperor connection like how [name_u]Arthur[/name_u] has the [name_m]King[/name_m] [name_u]Arthur[/name_u] connection. I’m not a huge fan of [name_f]Elowen[/name_f], I feel like I heard a lot of my peers talk about wanting to use it for a future baby in high school. I’m really hoping [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] grows on him because I think if we can’t agree fully on anything else and get a girl, we’ll have to go with [name_f]Imogen[/name_f].

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Hey lovely

The first thing I would do is take a breather from this situation I think sometimes over thinking can heighten anxiety and make it all feel overwhelming. Having a baby can be really tough and I think when you have a challenging time off it everything can feel a lot. I definitely struggled after having my daughter experienced name regret along with a whole heap of other emotions and found the whole thing overwhelming. I can completely appreciate why you want to eliminate emotive factors before having your second child and how nailing the name would provide peace. But I feel that naming a child should be a fun element of pregnancy and over analysing can take away the joy along with heightening anxiety. So I would take a step back and maybe return to the naming game when you’re in a clearer headspace.

Looking at the naming situation itself your partner is such a dream honestly he’s suggesting gorgeous names, is completely understanding about your thoughts and feelings along with being incredibly accommodating. Therefore I would completely embrace this and just use the name you love! [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] is perfect your partner is semi on board with the name and you love her. [name_f]My[/name_f] partner was only semi on board with [name_f]Lilia[/name_f] but now he associates the name with our daughter he adores her. [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] is not challenging to say and the more mainstream she is in UK/AUS/CA the more the USA will catch on as we do tend to take inspiration from each other’s naming popularity charts, works very well with [name_u]Arthur[/name_u] and sounds lovely with the middle names. I think if it was me I would have [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] as the fallback girl your name that stays on the back burner whilst exploring other options but always ready to use if you have a baby girl.

Wishing you all the best

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I’d do what the hell I wanted to do and name her [name_f]Imogen[/name_f].

Geez [name_u]Louise[/name_u]. He said you got to name her and you get to name her.

[name_u]Or[/name_u] he could give birth. Sorry, but not sorry. Men need to honor their pledges, particularly when women go through so much.

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[name_u]Everly[/name_u]
[name_f]Gracie[/name_f]
[name_u]Oakley[/name_u]
[name_f]India[/name_f]
[name_f]Rosalie[/name_f]
[name_u]Paisley[/name_u]

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[name_f]Imogen[/name_f] is an old name. In the southern US at least it’s definitely recognizable as a name once familiar. I think you may be overthinking it just a tad. I don’t think anyone would have trouble pronouncing this unless they’ve just never heard of the name before. I also think the IRS association is way beyond. I definitely would never think of that. I’d just go with [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] if you have the girl.

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I’d wait this out and see what happens. People’s opinions on names do change! Your husband may feel differently about [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] by the time baby girl is on the way. And/or you might fall in love with another name before then.

There was definitely a name that my husband vetoed from my list in 2018 that years later he saw in a tv show (it honestly might have been [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] from [name_u]Marvelous[/name_u] Mrs. Maisel) and was like “Oh that’s a great name!” :roll_eyes:

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As a mom who compromised and used the name we both liked, but neither of us loved, don’t do it! [name_f]My[/name_f] hubby and I are also trying to conceive and he’s given me free reign this time to name the next children. [name_f]My[/name_f] only requirement is that he let me know if he absolutely detests a name. Otherwise, it’s my choice. As the one who carries the child for 9 months and then goes through birth and postpartum recovery, I think we earn that right, personally. He’ll grow to love the name because it’s associated with his child. And if not, he’ll likely find a nickname that he prefers and loves.

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I am a feminist at heart, you LOVE Imogen and August. You are the one going through the pregnacy (hard), your body changes, you will give birth (hard) or go trough c- section (hard recovery) etc etc - you should have the bigger vote. :wink: Of course, is easy for me to say. I am not in your situation and the art of compromising is not easy! People get paid to do this! :smile: I also agree with those who say - take a small breather from all of this, you have plenty of time. :blush:

I get the Arthur and Augustus similarities (that’s actually pretty cool ) and I actually quite like Imogen Evangeline together. :blush:

Edited: A tiny side note: You are already planning on using his mother’s name as an honour name and perhaps his surname as well, hehe :innocent: Imogen is just so pretty! Go for it! :heart_eyes:

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This post is 2 weeks old so we’ve had time to talk about it more and we have tentatively agreed to have [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] [name_f]Ivey[/name_f] [name_f]Renee[/name_f] be the planned girl’s name unless we come across something else we both like better. The boy’s name has changed a bit, to [name_m]Hugo[/name_m] [name_m]Augustus[/name_m] [name_u]Daniel[/name_u] as [name_m]Hugo[/name_m] is a name we both like as is, and we don’t think it would be too much of a stretch to still use [name_u]Gus[/name_u] as a nn as that was my fiance’s favorite part about [name_m]Augustus[/name_m]. And yes they will have his surname, as by time they’re born we’ll be married.

For us it’s a real pain agreeing on names, like when going through every name I even slightly like he disliked most of them, when he shared names he liked, I disliked most of them. So I’m pretty sure we got the best names we’re going to get at this point, we’ve probably looked at every name applicable to english speaking Americans on NB, gotten suggestions from my grandparents (their new retirement hobby is reading through books for names we might like :joy: they’re so sweet :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:) and I’ve even looked on pinterest.

I know we have time but I do have very difficult, miserable pregnancies, like I know I’m pregnant by 4-5 weeks because I start to feel sick immediately, (I only have one child but I had a miscarriage before him) so I don’t want to wait to argue about names. A huge reason I didn’t have more of an opinion in Arthur’s name was that I didn’t feel good and I just agreed to the first name he suggested I didn’t hate.

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