This isn’t to bash anyone for doing Team [name_u]Green[/name_u], I’m just curious of why people do it. I think I don’t understand because I’m super impatient and feel the need to know those types of things right away haha.
I’ve been team green in both of my pregnancies. It is obviously very personal choice and a lot of people are opposed to it. [name_m]Just[/name_m] started telling people this time that we’re expecting, even though more than halfway through, and have gotten lots of flack. To me, a healthy baby is my biggest concern. [name_m]Boy[/name_m] or girl doesn’t matter as long as it is a healthy baby. Yes, I could find out but I don’t HAVE to know and to be honest - the fun of the surprise of finding out once you get it here is beyond special. I’ve experienced nothing else like that. It was a rather eventful delivery and that was a sweet spot at the end of it. The doctors and nurses were all making guesses and no one would tell me, they had DH announce once baby was here. [name_f]My[/name_f] co-workers had a pool guessing the gender and it became a lot of fun there, plus with all of the kids in our family. Bottom line, we are going to be thrilled and happy with either gender. The gender does not define the pregnancy. It also puts a lot less pressure on us to have all blue or all pink. Gifts we got were diapers (useful for either), neutral clothing (useful for second pregnancy too not defined by boy or girl), nursery/seats/baby gear is not strictly boy or girl either. We can get multiple uses out of it. In some ways it is more practical to me. Again a personal decision, but one I have been very happy with. The important part is a healthy happy pregnancy and delivery and baby. I sometimes have a hard time understanding the obsession with knowing gender asap, so to each their own.
I used to be in your camp. For both my kiddos, I have been pretty impatient to find out their gender. We have one of each.
But I recently experienced a miscarriage, and now we are trying again. I don’t think I will feel so impatient this time to find out gender. I really only care about a healthy baby now. So I guess my experience has changed my perspective on this.
I get wanting to know, but for me personally I don’t plan to have the sex of the baby impact what we buy or what we plan for. We can easily have options for names either way, so there isn’t much need to know ahead of time. And even if knowing didn’t change anything for us, not knowing keeps family from being able to put their own preconceived notions onto us as easily. They can’t push us to tell them, because we don’t know, and they are at least delayed in how much they let their own gender expectations shape things.
It isn’t perfect - it becomes very obvious that “gender neutral” in the baby world largely means “nothing pink or purple or floral and not super stereotypically masculine” when I prefer to think about colors and themes being ok for any gender, so the florals I like might be viewed as off-limits for people intending to get “neutral” only, but it works for me.
We were team green with our first three pregnancies. I honestly don’t have strong feelings either way; for us it was mostly a practical decision (we don’t have health insurance, so we pay for any ultrasounds. As long as baby and I seemed healthy, there was no need.) This time, we had an ultrasound about 22 weeks to check for multiples, and since we were looking anyway we said sure, tell us the gender if you can see. It was pretty obviously a boy and I don’t regret finding out, but it has taken away the anticipation of a surprise.
There’s not a lot of long-term evidence on the question of whether ultrasounds could be hazardous to babies; most evidence we have is that they’re perfectly safe, but, not much evidence over time So it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me to have unnecessary scans done.
Also! Team [name_u]Green[/name_u] gets to choose both a boy and a girl name to have ready. [name_f]Happiness[/name_f] for this nerd.
We were Team [name_u]Green[/name_u] for our first pregnancy, but not our second.
It came down to knowing life doesn’t afford many surprises these days and this was an opportunity to be truly surprised. We really didn’t know but had fun speculating along the way. [name_f]My[/name_f] family likes games so there was a betting pool on date, gender, weight, etc. Most family were putting in girl bets, so it was a mighty surprise when we did end up having a boy.
Second time around I wanted the experience to be different and to prepare our older child for brother or sister (it’s a brother).
I’ve always wanted to be Team [name_u]Green[/name_u]. I just think it is fun to be surprised. I know a lot of guys find it difficult to bond with the baby during pregnancy, so sometimes they prefer that the moment of birth be extra special in having the added surprise. That way, he can announce the sex of the baby as well, which I’ve always thought was sweet.
So I’m not team [name_u]Green[/name_u] (or won’t be if we’re ever pregnant. Currently TTC) but I really think people pick this hill to die on too hastily on either side. It’s your pregnancy. Expecting parents should not catch flack whether they do or do not find out and it grinds my gears that they do. We’ll be doing a neutral theme like literature anyway so it doesn’t really matter and even if they want to do a super ‘girly’ pink or super ‘boy’ blue nursery, who cares? Have fun watching their names/nursery come together. If they don’t want to find out, who cares? Have fun guessing and polling! Celebrate with your family/friends regardless.
I just don’t get the controversy I guess.
I don’t think I would manage to be Team [name_u]Green[/name_u], I like to know and I would find it hard to pick a name when I don’t know if it’s going to be used.
However, my dad and sister think that Team [name_u]Green[/name_u] is just more exciting, so we’ll probably be Team [name_u]Green[/name_u] as far as everyone else is concerned.
Hearing my husband exclaim, “It’s a boy” or “it’s a girl” in the delivery room right after hearing the newborn cries emerge and the dr/ midwife ask “what do we have here dad!” Is probabaly the four of the best experiences I’ve had in my life. It’s something I know could never be matched by finding out earlier.
[name_f]My[/name_f] delivery team have always added to the excitement because they get equally excited at the suspense because they’re so used to everyone finding out
The big things needed ahead of time don’t need to be gender specific. I can and have easily gotten receipts for the few gender specific things I pick out beforehand and it’s that much more fun coming up wi th a boy and girl name and finding out who was inside you for all those months. And as I always say if I can make it to the 20 week ultrasound not knowing then what’s an extra 20 weeks.
We have found out gender early with both of our previous pregnancies. However if we do manage to have a third Im thinking I might go team green just for the surprise and novelty of it. Gender doesnt matter to us either way, so moght as well make it a surprise
We didn’t find out for any of our kids.
I loved having the surprise. I loved picking out 2 sets of names, boy and girl. I enjoyed people’s creativity in getting me gifts that were gender-neutral.
It was, with my older two, something to look forward to during the final endless months of pregnancy - I kept thinking, in 6 weeks I’ll find out if I have a boy or a girl! In 5 weeks … in 4 weeks etc. I’m sure I would’ve been just as excited to meet my baby if I knew the sex, but it added an extra element of joy to it.
[name_f]My[/name_f] pregnancy with my twins was fraught with complications, and I ended up having a lot of scans. [name_f]Every[/name_f] time I went for a scan, the sonographer would try and convince me to find out. We knew they were fraternal, so there were 3 options - 2 boys, 2 girls, a boy and a girl. Nothing would stop me from getting that surprise at the end!
However, in hindsight perhaps it would have been wise to find out. Things were very touch and go for one of our little ones at first. If the worst had happened, I think it would have been nice to have had that extra time knowing she was a girl … it’s a bit hard to explain but it is what it is. Fortunately she survived (and is now thriving) so I try not to dwell on that too much.
The other consideration was that we already had a boy and a girl. [name_f]My[/name_f] daughter was thrilled to get 2 little sisters - or at least she was at the time, she wishes she could send them back now. [name_f]My[/name_f] son was the opposite - disappointed he didn’t get a brother, but absolutely worships his little sisters now. Would it have helped them to know in advance? Who knows.
And finally: Another mum told me something which I never had to consider (since I had a boy and girl first). She had 2 boys, and was pregnant with her third. She said she found as soon as possible what #3 was (another boy) so she could shut down any people commenting “finally you might get a girl!”, which is honestly so rude, and I can understand why she wouldn’t want to endure that.
Honestly, this is the main reason for me. I have always been uncomfortable with gender and just want people out of my hair about this. It’s not even so much about the gendered gifts as the possible comments. So many people jokingly offered my husband their condolences when they learned we had gotten married. I just want to get ahead of people jokingly – or sincerely! That happens too! – tell him how sorry they are that he has to raise a daughter, or me that I have to raise a son.
I know not finding out might only delay this, but then at least a) I don’t have to deal with it while pregnant and b) I hope people are more respectful about babies that are already born
Again, I get that this is a me-problem, it won’t apply to most expecting parents.
I’m a planner. I don’t generally like surprises. With my first, I really wanted to know because I thought it would help me bond to call him by his name. With my second, I thought it would be good to know if we needed to buy anything (we had all the boy stuff–she was a girl so we got some girl stuff). With my third, I didn’t NEED to know for any reason, and my husband had always thought the surprise would be fun. So we went for it. To be honest, I had a clue that he was a boy before he was born, so I wasn’t shocked, but it really was fun to wait and see… and make our kids and parents wait and see! It was a great experience to hear my husband say “it’s a boy”.
We are doing things a bit differently. I had initially wanted a surprise and my partner wanted to find out. I honestly don’t think it was decided until the anatomy scan when they tech had a clear shot and asked if we wanted to know! We opted to find out the gender, and outside of Nameberry, and one friend that’s due the week I am, nobody knows the sex of our baby but us! We’ve told everyone else that we are team green/having a surprise. This has really helped keep suggestions and expectations down from both sides of the family and ultimately cut down on my stress level. No one is inundating us with hand me downs and bags of gendered clothing, no one is suggesting or insisting on names at all. Everyone is respecting that we don’t know, and I think some are looking forward more to the surprise. It’s fun because everyone has their guesses and hopes, and we get to kind of giggle to ourselves about it!
For me, finding out was very good. I was absolutely sure the baby was the opposite sex, and it took me several hours that day to wrap my mind around the sex of the baby, I’ve heard many women have an initial “problem” bonding with baby after birth when it turns out to not be the sex they thought, and it’s such an emotionally fraught and vulnerable time, I’m glad I didn’t spend the pregnancy imagining my boy when she’s gonna be a girl. It’s helped me bond, and since we are struggling with names for a girl, it’s given me extra time to really think about it.
I did however really love the idea of a surprise. [name_f]My[/name_f] brother and SIL had surprises with both my niece and nephew and to this day she says it was the best idea and has no regrets. A surprise baby is really the last true surprise we get in life, the joy and excitement of that moment matches no other I imagine. I don’t regret finding out but still have moments where I wish we had waited!
[name_f]My[/name_f] husband was desperate to be team green because he wanted it to be a surprise and to have another facet to the announcement. [name_u]Baby[/name_u] being a surprise is really important to him.
Typing this as I’m nursing my 1 month old team green baby a girl [name_f]My[/name_f] husband & I just thought it’d be more fun to wait. That’s pretty much all there was to it. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband was fully convinced it was a boy & I was fairly certain it was a boy, so we had a boy name settled but weren’t sure about a girl. Then when I went into labor I just knew that actually this was a girl & she would be my [name_f]Mary[/name_f] [name_f]Linnea[/name_f] It was such a surprise & I’m glad we waited to find out.
I’m laughing reading everyone talks about their husbands announcing the gender. We had the doctor announce it, mostly because we hadn’t discussed it ahead of time & he seemed unsure about it so I asked for the doctor to say it. But that was a good call, my husband says that there was “so much coming out down there” that he couldn’t tell what was what & he thought it was a boy at first He says he almost did announce boy but luckily the doctor announced girl before he said anything
I really wanted to be Team [name_u]Green[/name_u] this time around. I work in healthcare and I’ve only been at a handful of Team [name_u]Green[/name_u] deliveries, the vast majority of my families tend to know ahead of time, and it is so so special. And as a name nerd, I would love to force my husband to talk boy and girl names. He really wanted to know ahead of time and I think it helps him bond with the baby; so I didn’t fight this one. Two of my friends who were Team [name_u]Green[/name_u] said they didn’t feel as connected to their baby until after they were born because of it; but based on the comments here clearly not everyone feels that way!
this is so precious and melts my heart makes me want to wait! At the same time I’d be so upset if the midwife told me instead of my husband
While I’ve not had the opportunity to have kids myself yet, I am Team Green if I have to put a label on it. While it was interesting finding out what my brother and SIL and my friends were having before the kids were born, I found I prefer not to find out before hand. To me, the gender of the baby is one of the few pure surprises in life.
Also, for me, it is something I always heard negative stories about. My parents had an ultrasound done when my mom was pregnant with me in the very early years of ultrasound. My parents were told I would be a little boy all the way through the pregnancy, only for the doctor to tell them I wouldn’t be the little boy they were expecting the week before I was born. My dad has never let me forget it… and has blamed be for various things based on this my entire life.
I also unconsciously came to the decision before doing research in a different way. My cousin and a group of other family members and friends were sitting around a table doing an old wive’s tale to see how many children and what gender we would be having. While everyone else was interested in finding out, I let them have their fun with me while not telling me anything. I was determined not to find out then, and now that I’ve had the time to learn more, I am still just as determined today.
While my want to not find out started due to trauma, when I had the opportunity to gather more (non-trauma-filled) information and make a more informed decision of my own, I turned that major negative into a positive when I thought about it. The fact that so many things are so publicized these days, it’s nice to have something that isn’t (and to an extent can’t be).
Even if my future SO wants to find out, I hope they will respect my choice to not know in advance. Team Green is my personal preference for myself for a multitude of reasons, but these are the top ones I come up with whenever I’m talking with people about it.