What's your advice - find out the sex of the baby, or wait?

This may not be the forum for this, but I wasn’t sure where to post my question…
My hubby and I have talked about the question of whether or not to find out the sex of our baby, and we can’t decide what would be best. :slight_smile: We’re only just now ttc, so we still have plenty of time. We both really like the idea of waiting til birth to find out if it’s a boy or a girl, but at the same time I think about how nice it would be to be able to plan and buy clothes and stuff… If you wait til the baby is born it seems like you’d have to do a lot of really last minute shopping? I really don’t know… So, what do YOU think? Any advice or personal experience you could share with us? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject!!! Thanks in advance to all who care to share! :slight_smile:

I waited to find out the gender until the birth, even though my husband really wanted to know in advance. To me, it’s such a wonderful surprise to look forward to, to have that moment in the delivery room where they say It’s a girl! If you already know the gender, then you probably already know the name, have everything planned. That just seems like it would make the pregnancy last all the longer - you already know everything and you’re just hanging around waiting for it to happen. Also (and I know it’s rare these days), there’s a chance they’re wrong. So you just pick out girls names, buy everything pink, envision your whole future with a daughter, etc. To me, there would be a moment, a split second where there is disappointment when the baby is born, a minute where you say even to yourself, no that’s not right. And I think it would be a shame for that to be the first thing in your mind when you’re holding the just-born baby.

[name]Just[/name] my opinion, though! I’m totally hypocritical and want to know the gender of everyone else’s baby :wink:

I was surprised with my first and then found out with my second (and subsequent pregnancies). I so prefered knowing. I felt like I started the bonding process much earlier with my second pregnancy as I knew her gender and dh and I even began calling her by her name during the last half of the pregnancy. Actually we thought we were going to name our 2nd child [name]Erica[/name] if she was a girl but as soon as the tech said it was a girl and [name]Erica[/name] became a reality I knew that it wasn’t for us and we reverted back to [name]Clare[/name] - which had been our girl choice for our first pregnacy. Also I’m a planner and love having things ready for the baby. I’ve never been all that in to surprises anyway though. DH takes me along when he buys my [name]Christmas[/name] gift =) With all my pregnancies I’ve ended up with an additional ultrasound or two when the doctor could confirm the gender again. And on the off chance they’re all wrong it will make a great story and it’s not like I haven’t considered names for both genders anyways.

I’m not sure how unusual my situation is. I know often the doctors might mistake a boy for a girl on the sonogram if he isn’t ahem particularly well-endowed. But in my case, my mother was told I was going to be a boy and was ready with those blue clothes on the day of delivery – surprise! So while I’m not against “finding out,” I wouldn’t take it as set in stone either.

Rook, I don’t know how old you are, but it was much more frequent in the '80s and even early '90s to be mistaken, since the technology was much newer and not quite as advanced (not that it’s foolproof today).

I haven’t decided what I’ll want, DH is very “whatever makes things easiest” about it :stuck_out_tongue:

I waited to find out with my first, a son born this [name]June[/name], and I dont regret it at all. My mother’s intuition told me he was a boy almost instantly but of course I never knew for sure till he was born but still it was the nicest surprise to be right. I think its one of the best surprises in the world and plan on doing it again for future pregnancies

Oh I love this! Hearing all of your stories is such fun, and has given me much to consider! I really love the idea of that wonderful surprise as the baby is born and then finding out if it’s a boy or a girl! But at the same time I’m terrible about waiting for surprises, and I love to have everything all planned out - the name, the room, the clothes, etc. :slight_smile: I think if my hubby and I can be strong, and not give in to the pressure to find out the baby’s sex is, we would both be glad we waited! :slight_smile:
Thanks again to each one of you who shared your story and/or your thoughts on the subject! I’d love to hear more! :slight_smile:

Great topic, but I moved it to Beyond [name]Baby[/name] Names since it’s not about names per se. For my part, I did not know the sex the first time around and did the next two – and really did prefer knowing. I was so sure my first child was a boy that when she was a girl I was pretty shocked, would have preferred having the time to get used to the idea. And I definitely preferred having to debate only one set of names!! There’s still the big surprise of what the baby looks like and what their personality is like, when they’re born and how childbirth goes. Enough drama for me!

Here’s my 2c. I have two girls and I’m pregnant with my third. Like you seem to be, I am also a compulsive planner, but My DH insisted the first time that we not find out and then said next time it would be my choice. My first pregnancy I had a very strong feeling I was having a girl. As it turns out, I was right! The BEST part, for me, was that they actually didn’t call it (you can put that in your birth plan, which I have done this time) and I had to peek to see for myself that it was a girl – it was one of the BEST moments of my life and made it all the more special!

After that experience, when #2 came along I didn’t find out beforehand, either. It took a lot of will power because I had a lot of U/S with her, but it seems like where I live their policy is “[name]Don[/name]'t ask, don’t tell.” So unless you specifically ASK what the gender is, they don’t say anything about it. I won’t lie and say it was easy, especially when we argued over girl names and I thought to myself, “what if all this disagreement is for nothing and it’s a boy anyway?”

There are other advantages, too. If you have a preference one way or another, it can be easier to be disappointed when you find out ahead of time because the baby is more abstract versus having a real baby in your arms already.

I also feel that other people are more excited when you tell them when the baby is born than when you tell them ahead of time. My baby is due to be born in the next week or so, and everyone who cares about me and my family gets to share the excitement and anticipation with me and then I get to share the surprise with them when I call them and tell them.

As for buying clothes, I just got stuff in unisex colours for the newborn - 3 months size. It does make it harder nowadays because there is less and less stuff that it unisex since more and more people find out, but I was able to do it and the added advantage is that I have newborn-3 months stuff already for this baby whether it’s a boy or a girl handed down from his/her sisters. By the time you need the next size up, then you can start buying the gender-specific stuff.

So I say, WAIT. you will be glad that you did.

[name]Steph[/name]
(Chuchieandmore)

[name]Pam[/name], thanks for sharing! So fun to get to hear from YOU!! :slight_smile: Thanks for moving my post to the correct forum - I hadn’t seen that one before. I haven’t been on here for awhile, and that forum must be kind of new???

Churchieandmore, Oh I [name]LOVE[/name], [name]LOVE[/name], [name]LOVE[/name] your story!!! You make me want to wait to find out now! :slight_smile: Thank you sooo much for telling of your story and the special joy of finding out for yourself if you had a little girl or a little boy. I [name]LOVE[/name] IT!!! :slight_smile:

My husband and I waited to find out both times I was pregnant. It’s like waiting for [name]Christmas[/name] to open your present, I think. I got to obsess over both boys’ and girls’ names. I bought gender-neutral decor for each babys’ crib. My son ended up with a [name]Peter[/name] Rabbit theme which was autumn colors. My daughter had a teal and coral Southwest coyote theme with a matching teal stroller. This was in the early '90’s.
It was amazing when they were born and we found out what sex they were. Loved that! Makes the delivery day extra special.

I had to find out, and I am definitely a planner. I loved knowing that I was carrying a girl. It made everything more fun, to me. I have never been a huge pink fan, but as soon as I found out, I loved pink. It might sound silly, but wearing more pink made me feel more connected to my baby, kind of a solidarity thing (and it would have been the same with blue had she been a boy).
On the other side, my cousin did not find out what she was having for her three pregnancies, and in my experience, finding gender neutral clothing was very very difficult. I find there is less yellow/white/beige/green and much more blue/pink.
But all in all I enjoyed knowing. Before I found out, I was switching on a weekly basis whether I thought it was a boy or a girl. It would have driven me crazy not knowing. Or worse, if I had convinced myself it was a boy and it ended up being a girl, I would have felt disappointed.
In the end I think it is more about planning- do you want to plan everything neutral, or do you want gender specific colors/themes? [name]Will[/name] you be disappointed if you think it is one gender and it turns out to be the other?

Well…I can’t really say whether to wait or find out now, but I do have a bit of a story to tell about finding out the gender so that you could plan and buy clothes…

Almost four years ago, my sister learned she was pregnant. Being the impatient type, she insisted on finding out the baby’s sex as soon as she could. The ultrasound confirmed her hopes: she was having a baby girl. Well, she quickly chose the baby’s name: [name]Alexis[/name] [name]Nicole[/name], and every conversation she had about the baby was “[name]Alexis[/name] this,” and “[name]Alexis[/name] that”. She insisted that everything related to her daughter would be in pink and purple. [name]Even[/name] the crib was frilly and pink. About a week before the baby was born, they did another ulrasound, just to make sure everything was running smoothly, and the doctor confirmed that their daughter would weigh a little over five pounds but was healthy.

On [name]December[/name] 13, 2006, after about an hour of induced labor, out came eight-pound, 3-ounce [name]Cody[/name] [name]Wayne[/name], [name]Jr[/name]. I distinctly recall the conversation about what he would wear to come home:
[name]Melanie[/name] (my sister): What do we bring him home in? Everything we have for him is pink!
[name]Cody[/name], Sr.: No, that’s not true! We have that cute little yellow, jumper…dress…uh oh.
Thankfully, my [name]BIL[/name] was able to bring everything back to BabysRUs, where they let him exchange everything but the crib (it had already been put together) with no problem.

So, um…parents-to-be beware: find out if you must, but remember that even today’s technology does not come with a 100% guarantee.

by danimari ” Tue Oct 12, 2010 1:29 pm
[name]Will[/name] you be disappointed if you think it is one gender and it turns out to be the other?

I think that the second I start feeling like I “know” which gender it is, that’ll be when I need to find out. I’m sort of hoping that I can avoid deciding that I know it’s one or the other, and keep an “I don’t know, I might have a feeling but we’ll see!” attitude. I do know that if I get to the point where I think I’m sure about it, I’ll feel… not so much disappointed, but it’ll be an adjustment, to find out I was wrong.

I’m sorta anti-gender-specific baby stuff, so I think just not knowing would help us that much more in making gender-neutral decisions. Plus if we don’t know, other people certainly won’t, so we wont’ be gifted gender-specific items.

We’re definitely keeping the name secret, which would also be that much easier if we don’t know the gender (and therefore there’s no set name).

The way I see it, the delight of finding out can be savored more when it is before the birth - instead of needing to mentally and emotionally process the news amidst a rush of activity and excitement that can be exhausting following the birth of a new baby. As [name]Pam[/name] pointed out, there is enough drama already (and adjustments) associated with having a newborn baby, so that knowing the gender ahead of time did not detract from the experience for us.

I found out ahead of time for each of my three kids (boy/boy/girl) and was glad that I did. For one thing, I could not have stood the suspense for nine months. Knowing gave me a jump-start in getting to know each child and bond with him or her. I loved being able to call them by name, and I delighted in getting my baby announcements partially filled out before heading to the hospital. I feel like it extended the joy that I had.

Incidentally, I know a woman who had her third son a few months ago and was initially told she was having a girl. A later ultra-sound showed it was a boy. News of a girl is not always reliable, as others have pointed out.

I do think that waiting is okay when parents will be equally happy with a boy or girl and if they have the patience to wait. However, If there is a chance for disappointment, then I think it is MUCH better to find out and adjust ahead of time instead of coping with any disappointment on the day of the baby’s birth!

I don’t have any kids yet, but if/when I do get pregnant, I want it to be a suprise. My mother went through five pregnancies and never found out before delivery. It drove me nuts when I’d ask, “But what do you want?” and she’d say, “It doesn’t matter as long as it’s healthy.” But watching my youngest sister be born and getting to tell my [name]Gram[/name] when we got home, “You have another granddaughter!” (the 3rd in six weeks) totally changed my mind. I get how true that is, and I think the suprise aspect is so much more fun. Besides, I’m not much for ultra-gender-specific decorations/bedding/clothing anyway.

[name]Alexis[/name]

We found out with our daughter and I’m so glad we did.

  1. Instead of one special day (the day of the birth), we got 2 (the day of the birth, and the day we found out the sex). I cried happy tears on [name]BOTH[/name] days and have memories of 2 very special days. (I would’ve cried happy tears with news of a boy too).

  2. I felt so much more connected to my baby knowing the sex. I just felt like I knew her more. I think it also helped my husband bond more as well too. We kept the name a secret but shared the sex with everyone else. It was SO fun calling her by name with my husband…it felt like a special secret shared between the 3 of us.

  3. As previous posters have said, if there’s any hoping for a certain sex, it’s better to find out ahead of time and deal with even a second of disappointment before the day of the birth. For instance, I would have never wanted to feel like my husband was disappointed for even a second with the news of the sex on the day of the birth.

  4. Planning is easier…but it’s also more fun! It’s fun to buy the cute oufits that are specific to a girl or a boy. We still bought the big purchases in gender neutral in case there was a mistake, and also so they could be used for future children. But it’s fun to buy the little purchases (like the little dresses and cute shoes) specifically for your daughter.

I found out with my daughter and plan to find out with any subsequent pregnancies. I felt so much closer to the baby inside of me once I knew she was a girl and could call her by name. The day of the birth was as exciting as it possibly could have been. I don’t think anyone says ,‘Well darn. That was a little boring. What we really needed was a surprise gender announcement!’

I’m going to find out in less than four weeks and I cannot wait!! There is no way I could wait until the baby is born. It drives me insane when people say it ruins the surprise b/c it’s still a surprise when you find out! The sad thing is there are just not enough cute gender neutral clothes out there nowadays. There really needs to be a store called “[name]Don[/name]'t Find Out” that only sells gender neutral clothing. Shopping for people who don’t know the gender is sooo difficult! Although the only negative is the chance that they will tell you the wrong gender. I can’t imagine finding out it’s a boy and getting all the clothes, the nursery - and then having a girl! That’s the only negative I can see to finding out early :slight_smile:

I also think the new trend is either to find out the gender but keep the name a secret (you definitely want some surprise the day of!) or to not find out the gender but share the names. People who don’t find out the gender AND don’t share the names drive me insane! But more power to them for having such will power :slight_smile:

I always say “the baby” to my husband and I can’t wait to find out the gender and be able to say “your son is kicking up a storm today” or “your daughter is dancing today”.

I have loved reading everyone’s stories! The one about the sister w/ all the pink and purple was hysterical. I have a few gender neutral outfits I would use for a boy but now I for sure will bring at least one of them to the hospital even if I’m expecting a girl (just in case!!)

:slight_smile: