[name_m]Hi[/name_m]! This is probably going to be a lengthy post so I apologise in advance. I’ll trim it down as much as I can.
After my last post, thinking my girl finally had her name, my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] has come along and thrown a spanner in the works by making it clear that she doesn’t like the first name we have chosen. She has commented that her middle name is much nicer, even suggesting a nickname for it and it has come across as if she’d use that to address her instead. The thought of her calling our daughter by her middle name is making my blood boil! I think it could be really confusing to do that to a child plus I’m not sure how I’d feel if my grandparents refused to call me by my name.
The name we had decided on was [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f]. My [name_f]MIL[/name_f] did make a comment about [name_f]Violet[/name_f] when we announced it as her first name but it wasn’t anything we considered negative so we ignored it. [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] is the name she prefers and [name_f]Flick[/name_f] is the nickname she thinks is “adorable”. I really dislike [name_f]Flick[/name_f]! In fact I don’t like most of the potential nicknames for [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] so switching the names around isn’t an option for us. If I’m completely honest, she has put me off using it altogether and has tainted the whole naming process for us.
Despite knowing that we shouldn’t let anyone dictate our baby’s name to us, we are thinking about making [name_f]Violet[/name_f] her middle name instead. We’re only considering this as we do have a second name we love. Both names are similar in style, there is very little difference in terms of popularity and each name fits well with other names we considered which could possibly be used for any future siblings. We’ve even trialled calling her both names and both do suit her so right now it’s probably going to boil down to which flows best.
Our three options are:
To stick with [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] and refuse to let [name_f]MIL[/name_f] call her [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] or [name_f]Flick[/name_f]. I can see it causing arguments and it will definitely be hard work but we’ll be making a stand.
To change [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] to [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] to try to avoid the [name_f]Felicity[/name_f]/[name_f]Flick[/name_f] thing. We’re not sure if [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] works so well however? [name_f]Violet[/name_f] is [name_f]Vi[/name_f]-O-Let and not [name_f]Vi[/name_f]-Let. We’d keep [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] as a middle name option for the future. In fact, we originally preferred it with a different first name option we had. We can’t use that name this time around as we want [name_f]Violet[/name_f] to be included somewhere and I don’t like the two names together. [name_f]MIL[/name_f] has said she prefers that name too so hopefully we wouldn’t have the [name_f]Felicity[/name_f]/[name_f]Flick[/name_f] thing in the future!
Change her name to [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] and use [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] as her two middle names. We think this flows better than [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] and we like the nickname [name_u]Penny[/name_u]. She does suit it well and without sounding cheesy, she would be our little good luck [name_u]Penny[/name_u]. We are risking my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] thinking she has a say but we’ll have to make it clear that’s not the case and we decided to change her name because we thought it was best.
What do you think is our best option? Please help! Our baby is almost three weeks old and is technically nameless. I feel like the worst parent in the world for not getting this sorted for her.
First of all- don’t feel bad! Tons of parents wait to name their babies until they’re absolutely sure. In some cultures, it’s tradition to wait to name the baby until way longer than three weeks. You’re not doing anything wrong by taking some time to sort this out!
If I were you, I would take [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] out of the picture entirely for this baby’s name. It sounds like your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] is determined to call her by that name no matter what her first name is— [name_f]DO[/name_f] NOT give her that option. If you have another daughter, you can reassess the situation then and possibly use [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] at that point. Hopefully this won’t make your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] feel like she has power over the naming choice because you changed it—but I don’t think it will, because instead of giving her what she wants and allowing her to call your daughter [name_f]Flick[/name_f], you’re taking that option away entirely. It is still taking a stand—and without as many fights following, as she simply doesn’t have the option to argue. I would affirm that you decided you just loved [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] so much that you had to use it, and not let your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] know she had any influence on the process, negative or positive.
[name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] is very beautiful, as is [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f]. I think both flow really well. Whichever one you feel matches your baby better is the one you should go with—they’re both beautiful choices! [name_u]Penny[/name_u] is adorable, too.
I’m sorry that this has been an issue. Congratulations on your new baby!
I think stick with what you want and call her [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] (which I love btw!). She’s your daughter and you should name her what you want - not what your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] wants. I agree with the previous poster that taking out the option of the [name_f]Felicity[/name_f]/[name_f]Flick[/name_f] dilemma. [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] is also beautiful too :).
My mums aunt hated my mums name when she was born and argued with my grandmother as to why she chose it. However by the time my mum was old enough to understand that her aunt hated her name, her aunt had given up and was calling my mum by her actual name. [name_m]Don[/name_m]’t let her attitude towards [name_f]Violet[/name_f] now stop you from using it because in the end she is bound to accept is and get over it rather quickly. [name_m]Just[/name_m] be firm of what her name is and what nicknames can be used. It’s not her decision, it’s you and your husbands :).
Honestly? Use the name that you want! We had a similar situation in which my husband’s family (many of them) didn’t like our daughter’s name. I had a friend who insisted on giving her a nickname. We put our foot down and they got over it. No one said anything after she was born and we called her by her name; they just followed suit. I think rolling over and changing it because of her is a mistake – it’s giving her power where she shouldn’t have any. I’ve learned after years of dealing with my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] that rolling over to her only makes her butt in more. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you change the name, she could still start calling her by a different nickname to undermine you. Better to stop that behavior in its tracks.
[name_m]Just[/name_m] my 0.2c after dealing with family-in-law that liked to overstep boundaries on a lot of levels.
I would go for either [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] or [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f].
Of those two, I’d go for [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f], I just think it flows better. I do adore the nn [name_u]Penny[/name_u], but I think I prefer the overall combination of [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] instead. Either way, you can’t go wrong with those options.
If it comes to tough love and you stick with [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] (which is lovely) then so be it, if she can’t respect your wishes then she doesn’t get to spend time with your child.
I’d stick with [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f]. This was the initial name you had for her and I feel like if you don’t use it because of your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] you’ll regret it, especially when it’s a last minute change. It seems as if she needs to be put in her place anyways, regardless of what name you choose. You are her parents and if you name her [name_f]Violet[/name_f] that needs to be respected.
If you hadn’t said you loved [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] as much as [name_f]Felicity[/name_f], I would be fighting for [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f]. But since you love [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] nn [name_u]Penny[/name_u], I feel like it’s a great way of taking the wind out of your [name_f]MIL[/name_f]'s sails. I think [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] and [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] both flow quite well so I like both. If you plan on using [name_u]Penny[/name_u], I’d have [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] as the first name.
Oh my gosh no! [name_f]Do[/name_f] NOT change your name preferences because of your [name_f]MIL[/name_f]! If you have a regret it will be that you gave up what you wanted because of her rudeness, not that you stood your ground. Pick the one you [name_u]TRULY[/name_u] [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] regardless of her… which is probably your original choice!
If after telling her that you don’t like “[name_f]Flick[/name_f]” and she continues to use it, then she is being incredibly rude and inconsiderate. Actually she’s already being incredibly rude and inconsiderate by criticizing and pressuring your name choice instead of being interested in and respectful of you and your husband’s name preferences. TRY TO IGNORE HER as best you can. Catering to her disrespect on this important issue is absolutely not going to smooth over any family problems in the long run, and being true to yourself and your wants and your needs is the only thing that absolutely will help.
FWIW my in-laws did not like my son’s name and I initially was hurt and was insecure about the decision we had come to, but now I am incredibly glad I went with what we loved regardless of anyone else’s opinions. We did not announce his name before birth, did not announce our daughter’s name before birth, and never will in the future as well because we like what we like! It’s hard especially when pregnant or with a new baby, sleep deprived, etc. to think clearly about what you want and stand your ground, but I am SO happy we did and my kid’s names give me joy whenever I see them.
Thanks everyone. I completely agree and understand with those of you say that we shouldn’t change it for her. If we didn’t love another name then we’d have just gritted our teeth through the comments and corrected her every time she called our baby [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] or [name_f]Flick[/name_f].
[name_f]Penelope[/name_f] was a middle name option for a while but we decided on [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] because of it’s meaning. [name_f]Violet[/name_f] and [name_f]Cara[/name_f] were chosen because they have a special connection to us and her and we thought we meaning of happy/good fortune fit in well with those. I also thought it flowed a bit better. The flow of the names has been a big concern of mine ever since my husband first suggested that we used two middle names. I have two middle names that don’t go together very well because they are family names. It doesn’t cause me any issue, I just don’t like the way it sounds lol.
[name_f]Felicity[/name_f] was originally our middle name option for our other first name choice. If we went on to have another daughter then we’d probably end up using the other name so we could just keep both saved as originally intended. We didn’t discuss names before she was born except explaining that we were taking two to the hospital to choose from. My [name_f]MIL[/name_f] asked what the name was after we’d announced [name_f]Violet[/name_f] and said it was a nice name so I don’t think we’d have the [name_f]Felicity[/name_f]/[name_f]Flick[/name_f] problem in the future. We can’t use that name as I don’t like it with [name_f]Violet[/name_f] and we will be using [name_f]Violet[/name_f] in some form this time around. I think my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] would be the only one to ever express not liking a name too so other family members aren’t a concern of mine.
I do feel like I’m painting my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] in a bad light. She hasn’t outright said anything bad about the name [name_f]Violet[/name_f] but she’s hasn’t exactly been positive about it either lol. She can be a very lovely person and goes out of her way to help us in any way she can but she’s a bit over bearing! My husband is her pride and joy and she just gets too involved. I indulged her when I was pregnant because I knew how excited she was. She was also very anxious and was always checking up on us because we discovered that we lost our first baby at our 12 week scan. I’d have felt awful not letting her be apart of that. I probably should have tried to reign her in sooner. My husband wants to and will have a chat with her about things but I think it’s best we decide on the name first and lay things out from there.
I think you should either keep as is or change to [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f]. Which I think flows lovely by the way. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t let her win. She is your daughter.
Mmmm… this is a tricky situation. Personally, I think the name you chose was gorgeous and I think you should just ignore the [name_f]MIL[/name_f] (she seems a piece of work). I really think you should tell her that she needs to just accept the name.
(My sister kept the name a secret until the birth, a couple of weeks before she told us that she was going to tell us so we could get used to it. She said her name was going to be [name_f]Gladys[/name_f]. Eventually we got used to the name but then she told us that she was joking. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though none of us liked the name we just dealt with it. Her name is actually [name_f]Saskia[/name_f] [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f] which we all loved).
Absolutely use the name you want, most of my family haven’t liked either of my children’s names and I doubt they will like this ones name either!
I couldn’t care less to be honest, they had their time choosing names and now it’s your turn. They will soon get used to the name once the baby is here, my dad was insistent on using my son’s middle name as he disliked his first but his not used it once!! I doubt your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] would dare use it either, [name_f]Violet[/name_f] is a lovely name so go with that.
Thanks everyone! We’re going to stick with [name_f]Violet[/name_f] but we’re still deciding on whether to change her middle name or not. I was worried that [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] didn’t flow as well before plus [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] has a lot more meaning behind it for us. A lot of you have said that it flows well however and it would put [name_f]MIL[/name_f]'s nose out of joint if took away [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] altogether lol. It will be saved for the future as intended before if we do change it.
We also had [name_f]Esmee[/name_f] as option if anyone thinks that’s better or we’re open to any other suggestions!
[name_m]How[/name_m] would you feel about naming her [name_f]Violet[/name_f] [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] [name_f]Cara[/name_f] like you planned, and calling her [name_f]Violet[/name_f] but letting your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] call her [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] as her special name for your daughter? That way you get to use the name you love while also keeping the peace. I presume you do like [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] if you’re using it as her middle, and don’t cringe at the sound of it (if she wanted to call your daughter something you didn’t actually like, I wouldn’t be suggesting this). I’d tell her she absolutely can’t use [name_f]Flick[/name_f] though, and tell her that letting her use [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] is already your compromise.
I may be coming at this from a different perspective than most posters though, as I don’t really get being that prescriptive about what other people call your child. Almost everyone in my family has at least 2 or 3 names/terms they’re referred to by (it’s partly cultural), and not necessarily chosen by the parents or the person themselves. My uncle is the only one who calls my cousin (not his son) by a certain nickname derived from his name- imagine e.g. [name_m]Petey[/name_m] when his name is [name_m]Pete[/name_m]. My uncle just started doing that and no one actually thought anything of it.
(Sorry for the novel- just explaining why my suggestion doesn’t seem that odd to me.)
I understand where you’re coming from but I think it could be confusing for her to be called [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] when her name is [name_f]Violet[/name_f]. I think at some point she’ll realise that grandma doesn’t like her name with that happening too. I don’t think my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] would stop at [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] either; it’s quite a long name so I’m sure it would get shortened to [name_f]Flick[/name_f] somewhere down the line. If she really dislikes [name_f]Violet[/name_f] then I’m happy for her to call her [name_f]Vi[/name_f], [name_f]Letty[/name_f], [name_f]Ettie[/name_f], [name_f]Etta[/name_f], etc instead because they’re all shortened forms of [name_f]Violet[/name_f].
She’s your daughter so of course you have to be happy with the name But if confusion is a worry for you, I can say that it never was an issue in my family even though we all got called various completely unrelated names from birth.
Giving your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] nickname options is a great idea! (Though if you think having her use [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] would be confusing, would using e.g. [name_f]Etta[/name_f] be any less so for a young child, given it’s not a super-obvious connection?)
[name_f]Etta[/name_f] probably won’t be the nickname we go with but I’ve seen it suggested for [name_f]Violet[/name_f]. I think [name_f]Etta[/name_f] comes more naturally as a nickname from [name_f]Violet[/name_f] than [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] or [name_f]Flick[/name_f] does lol.
[name_f]Violet[/name_f], [name_f]Penelope[/name_f] and [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] are 3 of my favorite names. So I don’t think you can go wrong with any combo. If I were you I’d keep the original name I think.
I’m going to give an opinion I know you’re not looking for. I would let my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] call her [name_f]Flick[/name_f]. I understand why it may be upsetting to you. It feels like she’s disrespecting your first name decision. But from what you’ve said it sounds like she just genuinely loves [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] and [name_f]Flick[/name_f]. Not that she despises [name_f]Violet[/name_f]. So I don’t think she’d ever say anything to your daughter making her feel bad about her first name. I don’t think when introducing her to people she’d pretend her name wasn’t [name_f]Violet[/name_f]. She’d just call her [name_f]Flick[/name_f] as her sweet little personal nickname for her granddaughter.
My grandfather called me by my middle name, [name_f]Marie[/name_f]. [name_f]Marie[/name_f] was his sister’s name who died as a teenager and he was so happy that it was given to me as a middle. I was never confused by him calling me [name_f]Marie[/name_f] and never took it to mean he disliked my first name. It made me feel special that he loved my middle name so much!
My daughter’s middle name is [name_f]Beatrice[/name_f]. Some people call her [name_f]Bea[/name_f]. It wasn’t a nickname we planned to use when we named her, it just kind of came naturally. She is 3. She knows it’s her middle name, not her first. She introduces herself by her first name. But she still responds to [name_f]Bea[/name_f] when family calls her that. It’s like a sweet little pet name.
You know your [name_f]MIL[/name_f] and I don’t so my advice could be super off target. But based on my experiences, it’s just how I’d personally handle it.
Good luck and congrats!
The thing is, I really dislike the nickname [name_f]Flick[/name_f]. We would never have [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] as a first name option because I don’t like most of it’s shortened forms. If [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] or [name_f]Flick[/name_f] had special meaning to her or the family and we decided to use it as [name_f]Violet[/name_f]'s middle name to honour that then I wouldn’t mind so much but I’m willing to bet anything that this is all literally because she doesn’t like [name_f]Violet[/name_f].
She hasn’t outright said it’s terrible but she’s used other excuses to put her point across. When we announced her name she said she was shocked that I’d gone for such a common name seeing as I work with children. She said knows a few little Violets, one being her friend’s grandchild that was born just a few weeks earlier. She asked us what our other name option was and said commented on how pretty it was and how you wouldn’t hear it as much as [name_f]Violet[/name_f] when we told her. Last week, she asked if we’d given “the baby” a middle name yet and then said how much nicer our options would be as first names. She definitely prefers [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] overall and finds [name_f]Flick[/name_f] “adorable”. I honesty don’t think she’s referred to [name_f]Violet[/name_f] by her name once either; she always says my granddaughter or baby.
But if confusion is a worry for you, I can say that it never was an issue in my family even though we all got called various completely unrelated names from birth.