When it's THE name, but your partner disagrees?

I just know that I’m going to run into this problem later on if we do conceive. Last night, if you saw my thread over on the girls’ names board, I was really debating on the flower name [name]Calla[/name]. It was received well and I love it for it’s short and sweet, uncommon, but familiar qualities. I brought it up to DH, and as expected, he shot it down. I think I love it a little much to let it go just like that.
So, what do you berries do in these kinds of situations? Has it happened to you? It really annoys me that he is always vetoing my names, but he doesn’t make any suggestions.

Darling, men usually don’t enjoy discussing names unless there is an actual baby to name. When there is, you hand him a baby name book and he’ll find some names, I’m sure. You can of course do it now, but the men I know have not been very interested in talking names before a baby is a reality. Men are also (for the most) more practical and less adventurous than us ladies when it comes to naming. Now, if he doesn’t like a name you’ll have to let it go. [name]Baby[/name] is (will be) his as well. What if he brought up a name he loves that you hate, would you think it was fair and decent of him to keep pushing it? Good luck!!!

[name]Edit[/name]: By the way, this was in no way meant to be condescending or mean or anything like that.

Hmmm, I suppose I haven’t thought of it that way! You’re right. But it’s just so hard for me to settle for something else that I don’t love so much at all.

I understand, it can be incredibly frustrating. Is he up for discussing names at all? You could ask him to make a little list for you with names he likes, and then try to find names along the same line (and we can help you!).

He’ll suggest one name every once in a while, but he doesn’t exactly use anything like Nameberry. :wink: Maybe giving him a book would be the way to go.

Start suggesting names he REALLY won’t go for, like ridiculous names (but not too obvious). Then when you bring up [name]Calla[/name] again, it will sound totally normal to him! Also it will really help when there’s an actual kid I think.

In my experience it may take a while for him to get used to a new name. [name]Don[/name]'t hide the fact that you love the name, but be open to discussing other names with him. I love the idea of suggesting really horrible names! Funny!!

I agree with Otter. Most men really aren’t into discussing imaginary future children’s names, and when they do it’s mostly to name the child after a relative (most likely himself…lol). Actually, I think having a in-depth discussion with any non-name nerd might be hard. I’d make my list of favorites and when you are pregnant he’ll be more likely to truly consider names. (If he is still reluctant you could try incentivising him by offering up favorite desserts or buying your son a mini-jersey from his favorite sports team - I suggest making it something you’d do anyway but he feels you might not want to. ;).)

That said. If you really love [name]Calla[/name] and he currently doesn’t you could try familiarizing him with it. Casually bring it up over a period of time. Some people really need a longer period of time to fall in love with something (my mother is one of these people she needs at least 3 months to decide she loves the new blouse she bought - imagine how long it would take to like a name for a grandchild.) With a name like [name]Calla[/name] there are a lot of non fn options for this. [name]Calla[/name] lillies, [name]Calloway[/name] etc. This might not work, he might not like the name. Period. But he might also just need to be familiarized with it, who knows. It is a little sneaky to do this on purpose and could be construed as manipulative. Therefore it’s really is only worth it if it’s your absolutely favorite name in the world and you’d be crushed if you didn’t get to use it. (However, if your hubby is like my mom then he’ll actually thank you in the end. She does, all the time. lol).

That said if he really hates it, I think you’ll just have to give it up.

Oh dear, we have dealt with this very thing. Fortunately, by discussing names the past couple of years, his tastes have expanded a great deal. I think at first, names that were unfamiliar to him were instantly off putting to him. After having time to think about them, he has come to [name]LOVE[/name] some of the very same ones he hated a couple of years ago. So, I say, give him time to get comfortable with unfamiliar names but ultimately work together to find something you both love when the time comes. Good luck!

[name]How[/name] about using [name]Calla[/name] as a nickname for [name]Caroline[/name] or [name]Calista[/name]?

I personally find that unacceptable. I’ve heard it happen over and over, but if I were in that situation I would not accept it. I would ask that equal rated lists were made and then each name removed from a list be accompanied by the removal of a similarly rated name from the other list and that no name be removed with an explanation and/or discussion.

I don’t know, for me a name isn’t perfect unless my partner loves it too. I’ve grown to love [name]Annora[/name] and [name]Walter[/name] so much more because he loves them, and he’s grown to love [name]Juliet[/name] and [name]Edmund[/name] because I love them. Hopefully that might happen for you guys too:)

So many great suggestions! You’re right, cygnus. He doesn’t like the names that are unfamiliar. And I really like your method, linazilla! :smiley:

I am in this EXACT situation. Absolutely in love with the name gemma and think about it all the time. [name]Will[/name] be ttc soon so already thinking of ways to get him on board but I honestly don’t think it will happen. And I do think it b/c its unfamiliar (to him) b/c he said it sounds “made up” -which as we all know is ridiculous. For now I said until he cracks a baby name book and offers some sugeestions himself, I get full naming rites (half kidding of course …and half not). When it comes time to sign the birth certificate can I just hit him over the head with a frying pan and sign it myself? Thanks for asking this question because you are not alone!

I’ll probably get flack for this, but I’m of the opinion that the partner gestating and birthing the child gets final say in their name. This goes double if the other partner only vetoes names without giving any serious suggestions. That said, if your partner absolutely totally and completely HATES the name you chose and would rather name the kid Burger [name]King[/name] than, say, [name]Calla[/name], then you should probably move on. If it’s just knee-jerk negativity, however…he needs to get over it.

So glad to know, kitkat! We should form a support group or something. Lol and I completely agree with you, augusta_lee.

Also, don’t be so sure he will ever pick a name. My husband refused to look at names with me and vetoed everything I liked - now my little girl is six months old and I’m facing a legal name change because we ended up with the wrong name - because in the end he just randomly picked a name off a list “that he didn’t hate”. [name]Lovely[/name]. I refuse to have my daughter named something that random, so I’m changing it once I figure out what her name is SUPPOSED to be!!!

Yes this has happened to me in the exact same way with the exact same name. Ha! And many others.

Agree with [name]Ottilie[/name] and others - dudes are not generally name nerds. They’ll talk about it - begrudgingly - once you’re pregnant.

My hubs couldn’t be less interested, but he doesn’t mind if I bring up the subject occasionally because he knows it helps me think positively and visualize the baby, which is important to me as we are TTC and needing medical intervention. (I had surgery yesterday.) So he is understanding but I don’t overdo it. Our boys name has been picked out for a while, and if our girls name doesn’t change from what we’ve chosen I’ll be happy, but it may be discussed more.

My husband has shot down my favorite names, but since you’re not pregnant you have plenty of time to gently, slowly, acclimate him to your favorites. Without being annoying. If that’s possible, since they don’t care about names like we do. :slight_smile:

I’m slowly, little by little, in tiny increments, making my husband understand the days of [name]Kimberly[/name] and [name]Jennifer[/name] are over, and your child will not be seen as an utter freak because she is named [name]Helena[/name]. Or [name]Calla[/name]. Or [name]Frances[/name]. He still thinks [name]Stella[/name] is an “old Italian lady with a mustache.” Uh, times have changed, buddy. He is 43 and grew up in a small southern city. So… He’s got some learning to do about naming.

[name]Just[/name] take it slow, don’t be annoying, and don’t expect miracles. [name]Remember[/name] it’s his baby too, and if he hates the name, it’s not the name.

[name]Luck[/name]!

Hey, hope I don’t sound dumb, but what does the D in DH stand for? I know the H means husband I can’t figure out what the d is…

I think it’s ‘dear’. I’ve never understood it myself, lol.