What would you do if there were no overlap between you and your partners name styles and genuinely didn’t like anything in the other style and there weren’t any middle-of-the-road/compromise names?
*especially curious if you’ve been through this!
Interesting question! I’d be curious what names would pop up if both partners did the Name DNA quiz. I also think it’s interesting in the Nameberry description of the name [name_f]Mia[/name_f] that it’s described as a compromise name. I wonder which other names have that quality, and what makes a name qualify as a compromise name.
I guess one option would be your favorite nickname from one of their names, and trying to alternate that with each kid? [name_u]Or[/name_u] one gets the first name one gets the middle name. I think that’s pretty common actually. Great question and I’m curious to see what others say
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Tricky one! I think I’d probably end up going for a real classic — something eternally popular and widely known and liked, if not loved. I think both parents could probably get behind something like [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] or [name_u]James[/name_u] from a head perspective, even if not a heart perspective. I’d much rather do that than pick a strongly stylised name that’s the polar opposite of my style, if that makes sense?
But this would be sooo difficult for me!
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Haha that’s so funny you say that because I was specifically thinking “oh no what if I end up with someone who only likes super classic names like Elizabeth” 
definitely see and appreciate your perspective though, I hadn’t thought of that
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Honestly, I think this scenario is super unlikely when you’re into names and when everyone involved in naming the child actually makes an effort (this seems to be the real source of not finding a name, at least when reading about people’s experiences online) as there are just so many names out there that eventually there would be an overlap.
I also think that names don’t necessarily work on a “love at first sight” basis and that you can make most names appeal either to yourself or someone else over time. Whether through finding works where that name is used (how many times have you started to like a name because of a character?) or by creating a mood board, imagery board, etc.
The first thing, I think, would just have to be to lower your expectations and be fine with choosing a name that you like rather than love initially but that you’ll come to adore because it’s going to be associated with your kid.
Personally, what I wouldn’t do is giving any of my children a name that I had no part in choosing.
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Haha! Those names aren’t really my style either but I can see and appreciate all the logical reasons why they make a good solid choice.
My worst fear would be a partner who only likes really out there modern invented type names. I feel like there’s nowhere to hide with that kind of style so if it wasn’t my style, it would be way more awkward saying “This is my son, Zaxxler” than “Meet my son, Robert” (a name I’m not a fan of at all, but that feels like a less stylised choice.
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i can’t imagine this ever happening because my style’s kind of all over the place, but if it were to happen i think i’d suggest an honour name and prioritise meaningfulness over actually liking the name.
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edited for privacy
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This is so tricky! As a name lover, when I imagine naming my future kids, I think about loving their names. But realistically, I know that naming a real human with a partner is an entirely different task than naming hypothetical future humans in my brain, and that my expectations will also need to be adjusted accordingly. I think in the situation you’re describing, it would be time to go back to the drawing board–eliminate all of the disagreed-on names as options, even if it means eliminating our favorites, and pare down to maybe one or two qualities that are most important to each of us. Then we could use those qualities to identify as many names as possible that are hypothetical possibilities, and maybe do some sort of point/bracket system to narrow down to favorites? I know you say there aren’t any compromise names in this scenario, but I’m finding it hard to envision a world in which there are truly no compromises–so I guess I may be cheating a little bit here.
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I think what would be worse than someone with a completely different style would be someone completely unwilling to compromise.
Like your favorite name is Jaxson? That’s fine but could you be okay with using a name that has similar qualities (punchy, masculine) like Rhodes, Crew, Boyd, etc.? (just making this up haha)
Taking the qualities, vibes, or sounds you want in a name and working from there may be a good way to do it. Scratching all the pretense about style, matchiness, and flow and starting from scratch. The new name may not be the #1 heart stopping favorite you would have preferred, but the name will be special in its own right.
I think in a case where people are at a real divide, using a name with meaning or connection might be the best compromise. Because you may regret that person a didn’t get their vintage name or person B didn’t get their botanical name but you’re less likely to regret that your baby is named after your grandmother or the place where you honeymooned.
As militant as I am about my lists and wanting to have names nailed down, I think I might feel a bit better using a name that we had both compromised on a bit and grown to love together, as opposed to a name that I put out as My Favorite and the other person went along with.
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That would be so difficult… But I can’t really imagine that ever happening because I like so many names and my style is very eclectic. I don’t love all of those names, but I could go with one of those if I had to. [name_u]Or[/name_u] maybe an honor name would be a good option, that way I could still have a personal connection to the name, even if I didn’t love it.
When I met my husband and we decided to have a child together I was terrified we were never going to find common ground. He’s a name nerd as well, but my lists consisted of mostly Icelandic names and he made it clear from the start he didn’t want to give his child an Icelandic (first) name.
He had tons of his names on his list that I liked, but I didn’t think I’d ever be brave enough to use. Once I stopped panicking I found it was actually pretty easy to compromise with him 
It still meant I had to get rid of almost all my beloved Icelandic names, and that’s still difficult for me.
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I can say this was the same for my partner and I. I think sometimes they dismiss a name though for no obvious reason. I’d say discuss, discuss and more discussion because eventually they end up warming up to the names that you like or may become more open minded to names which isn’t their vibe and the same for you.
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I wouldn’t say I’ve been in a situation where there was no overlap but I’ve definitely had to cross some favorites off my list that really broke my heart to lose. It doesn’t help that I’m in a polyamorous triad relationship so there are actually 3 of us that have to agree on a name rather than only 2. So sometimes two of us will love a name but the other just hates it. So basically I have a long list of names that I could see myself using on a real child. Of course some I love more than other but I would say I truly love all of them enough to use them. Then we try to rank them and figure out where the overlap is. Some of my absolute favorite names have been crossed off the list because one or both of my partners really don’t like them, but overall I am happy with the names we do seem to all agree on. I truly can’t imagine being in a situation where there is no overlap or compromise at all. There are so many names out there I think you have to eventually come across one that you both can get behind even if it’s not your favorite name. I think, as someone else mentioned, sometimes (of course not always) a lack of compromise actually comes from a lack of effort from one or both of the parents, which is really unfortunate. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you’re not a “name nerd” when you create a baby it’s your responsibility to care about their life and I think that extends to putting effort into picking a name.
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Me and my boyfriend agreed on names pretty quickly (we both like traditionally male names for girls and trendy, short names for boys) but if we had different taste I’d have us both do the nameberry dna thing or use one of those apps that let you tinder swipe on names, i’m sure there’d have to be at least a few names you both liked.