I know that there’s no definitive answer to this, but I’d like to know your thoughts…
Our son [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m] was born in [name_f]April[/name_f] (he was due in [name_f]May[/name_f]). My husband and I have always agreed on the fact that we’d love a big family. Four children seems ideal right now. I’m nearly 28, so you could say I’ve got plenty of time. My husband’s 42 though, so we’d prefer not to wait too long before starting TTC again and eventually completing our family.
Since I was pregnant with [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m] I’ve been thinking about age difference and the perfect to TTC again, and my husband and I agreed on starting again towards the end of the year, [name_u]November[/name_u] or [name_u]December[/name_u]. But we’ve discussed it again, and maybe we’d like to start earlier… It took us three rounds to get pregnant with [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m], and of course there’s no way of knowing how long it will take before I get pregnant this time around. But I’d like my children to be 18 months apart in age at most.
There’s a lot going on in my life at this point, nothing that creates an unstable situation, but emotionally, I guess. So this may not be the ideal time to get pregnant. On the other hand, if it takes a while for me to get pregnant, I don’t want to get frustrated because I feel we’ve waited too long.
[name_m]How[/name_m] did you decide when to TTC for a second (or third, or I don’t know) child? What advice would you give me?
[name_u]Finn[/name_u] will be one next month and I am two months along with his little brother or little sister.
We wanted there to be as small of an age gap as possible, but my OB advised me to not start trying again until he was six months old (at least) to give my body a chance to recover a bit and build up its nutritional stores after that pregnancy/birth. We started trying when [name_u]Finn[/name_u] was seven months old. With him, we we lucky first try. This time we got pregnant again second try, but it ended in early miscarriage, and we conceived again the month after. I’m about 10 weeks now with that pregnancy.
I say all of this because [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m] is only a few months old, so you may want to wait the six months before you start trying to give your body the best chance at carrying another baby to term. Also, that it took us three months instead of one (of course you can’t plan for a miscarriage, but I was lucky it happened so early that I didn’t have to wait a few months to recover, which would have been a bigger set-back). If all goes well with this pregnancy, [name_u]Finn[/name_u] and #2 will be exactly 18 months apart.
If [name_m]Gabriel[/name_m] was born in [name_f]April[/name_f], and you waited until [name_f]October[/name_f], that would be six months. Either way, maybe you would prefer starting no later than [name_f]October[/name_f] to give yourself time. It’s a personal decision and there’s no right or wrong answer. It’s whether you feel ready to be pregnant again. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you feel ready to go through the newborn stage with a very young child. You mentioned there’s some stuff going on that is not enough to deter you, but is a consideration: will it stress/upset you to the point that it could interfere with TTC or pregnancy? [name_m]Will[/name_m] it still be a consideration a year from now, when you have a newborn and one-year-old to deal with?
If having them close together trumps all of that anyway, if you feel ready to do it all again, if the issues going on are manageable–I would go for it. Something will always come up to make not perfect conditions and you may feel ready one day and not the next. [name_m]Will[/name_m] you be disappointed if they’re more than 18 months old? If so, I think you have your answer.
I hope this was a little helpful. I wish you all the best.
Hmm…speaking towards the “a lot going on right now” aspect, don’t feel like that has to hold you back! Those circumstances are temporary and may not even be in play when you TTC, get pregnant, or welcome another child. Now, if it is something like a health situation that can impact a pregnancy…then it probably would be best to wait a bit longer to try. We are TTC our first and I’ve often felt the same thing, that there is a lot going on that doesn’t exactly make it fully ideal to conceive right now, but we are pushing forward anyway because we aren’t always going to be “here”.
Anyhow, I think @lilievans gave great advice (especially with letting your body heal for a while) and the only other thing I could add would be to maybe talk with other mothers who have had a small age gap. Everyone’s experiences are different, but sometimes it helps to hear from those who have dealt with the very situation you want. My mom conceived my elder brother when my sister (the firstborn) was 9 months old. It was a planned pregnancy, but it took her slightly longer to get pregnant again than they thought it would. Anyhow, my sister and brother were 18 months apart and my parents’ fantasy of having two so close in age was met with reality…the two in diapers, two so dependent on her still, being a stay at home mother not getting a lot of help while my dad worked double-time just to be able to support them all…my mom doesn’t regret it, but she mentions all the time that she wishes she would’ve waited until my sister was older before trying to have more kids. There’s a reason that I (another planned pregnancy) am 6 years younger than my brother! I’m sure other mothers can give tons of tips on ways to manage, though. Good luck with whatever you decide 
Thank you both. It’s been helpful. The thing is, I do know all of this, but I’m not always able to get a clear picture in my head. Hearing or reading other people’s opinions really helps sometimes.
The things that are going on which I mentioned is the loss of a loved one. So it’s changed my life permanently, but I know the grief won’t always be as overwhelming as it is now.
I think what we’ll do is wait a few more months, probably [name_f]October[/name_f] or [name_u]November[/name_u], and then start trying again, and just hope it won’t take us too long to get pregnant. It won’t be a disaster if they are more than 18 months apart, but I would be a little disappointed.