To my other Mummaberries with angels,
How long did you wait to try again?
I know it’s obviously different for everyone because each journey is unique, but I feel like trying again is an absolutely terrifying prospect after two losses… but at the same time, I want a baby so much…
How did you work through those confused feelings? What made you feel safe enough to try again?
Thanks loves xx
I’m so sorry you are struggling with the feelings. It’s so hard. 
My two losses were very early, but the first one we took off a month, then started again, the second we started again immediately. Honestly I still don’t feel ‘safe’ even knowing I’m farther along this pregnancy than I’ve ever been so far. I think you will always be nervous and that’s okay.
My husband worded it this way and it helped me decide to keep trying. He said we don’t plan life, and that when its meant to be, it will be. I truly believe things happen for a reason, sometimes reasons we don’t understand and will never understand. It doesn’t make it easier though during the hard times though.
There is no right answer and I wish you the best of luck
So sorry for the losses 
I had a loss before Z came along, we lost a baby at [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] time. I waited for a period ([name_u]Jan[/name_u]) and then tried again in Feb and concieved straight away. I know how hard it is to have the anxiety though. I honestly never really feel ‘safe’ in pregnancy until I reach 13 weeks.
With my first pregnancy I didn’t think much about the possibility of a loss. When we were trying for our second though, I lost a baby very early on (it might have been a chemical but my doctor always called it an early miscarriage, so that’s how I think of it). We didn’t try that month but we didn’t prevent either and I just assumed that month we’d be out. We weren’t. I was pregnant a month later and it was so different thinking about loss from that point on and I have with every pregnancy. The farther you get, sure, the more different it is from that early loss, but I still worry: at the beginning when you can’t feel them moving, are they okay in there? When you can feel them and they’re quiet, are they okay in there? As you near delivery, is the cord okay? Is the placenta doing its job? Do they have enough fluid? Will the delivery be a safe one–ever since that loss, every step of the way I worry. You just go into it hoping everything will be okay, being careful, being proactive if something seems off, and know that most of the time it is fine. But there are no guarantees.
I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. This fear you’re experiencing, this not feeling ready, I think it’s part of being a parent too. I have never had so much worry and anxiety since I became a mother. You worry about them all the time. You worry you’re not enough. You worry about all of the things that could possibly go wrong. From what I gather from others who tell me the same things, this is just you having so much love for them. So if you’re feeling that way already, I think you’re going to be a great mother when the time is right for you, and I hope that time comes soon. Be kind to yourself and take care. It’s not an easy decision and nobody can tell you what will be right, unfortunately. Sending you so much love and support.
I am so sorry for your loss. I had a loss last year and I will miss that baby for the rest of my life. I’m sure two losses would be even harder. I waited a couple weeks, I think. I always feel more connected to my husband when we are intimate, so that was a factor as well. [name_m]Just[/name_m] make sure your partner knows how you feel and decide together when you are ready. Hugs to you.
I didn’t reallly feel qualified to post on here because I’ve been incredibly lucky to never experience a loss… but a lot of what @LiliMorgana said resonated with me.
TW family loss details:
I was only 16 when my older sister experienced a stillbirth at 28 weeks, and it had a big effect on me seeing her lose her first little baby boy so unexpectedly, so far in to the pregnancy, still having to go through birth and then a funeral and burial. Also in my teens I became aware that my Mum had lost her first to miscarriage after a car had knocked her off her bicycle, and that my grandmother had lost her first during the birth itself (less medical interventions available in those days).
I felt so nervous throughout my first pregnancy, instead of just the excitement I’d hoped to feel. It didn’t help when I didn’t feel her moving all that much, nor finding out at 28 weeks that she wasn’t growing properly… and that I’m at a higher risk for future babes not growing properly either. While she was born quite skinny she’s now a perfectly healthy happy wee girl though.
I think in some ways, the fear is just part if becoming a mother. Some people have much harder fertility, pregnancy and parenting journeys than others, but every pregnancy carries some risk. It gets much better after birth, but I still found it scary… at first there’s SIDS and choking and things to worry about, and even when they’re children and teens it’s like a massive piece of your heart is out there running around in the world making its own decisions.
Sorry if this is all completely down the wrong track, I don’t feel like I’ve answered your questions at all. But I guess part of what I’m trying to say is that maybe part of feeling safe enough to try again is when you feel ready to find ways to accept and cope with not feeling safe? That the grief of your losses will be there, that the fear will still be there at least early on, but you feel ready to take that risk again. Which could be immediately, and could take a lot of time.
Again, sorry if that’s rambly and out of place for me to be commenting. <3
I also don’t quite feel qualified since my loss was so early I can’t even be sure I was pregnant. However though I’ve never experienced a traumatic loss, I have anxiety every day when I’m pregnant. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother had a miscarriage, stillbirth and a molar pregnancy, so I feel like I never had the opportunity to be ignorant of what could go wrong. And I know the mommy blogs always talk about the ‘warm glow’ feeling of being pregnant, and that’s a great part of it, but I think a lot of women experience anxiety when it comes to being pregnant. I worry about feeling her move, whether my bath was too hot, whether I ate too much tuna, whether my food was fully cooked etc.
BUT remember women having been having babies for centuries, most women go on to have a healthy baby after a miscarriage, our bodies are built to have healthy babies. And with our modern day medicine and safety guidelines the likelihood that mom and baby will both be fine has increased dramatically. [name_m]Even[/name_m] with our faults and mistakes (because no mom is perfect no matter how much we try) most babies still turn out fine. At least that’s what I have to remind myself every time the anxiety starts to get to me.
So if you feel ready and want to start trying I would say go for it, and know that to feel anxious about it is normal. If you start trying and realize you’re not ready, there’s no harm in taking a longer break.
I hope you understand what I’m trying to say (and it doesn’t increase your anxiety!) sometimes it’s hard to get your point across on the internet