When will I stop feeling bad about my daughter's name?

Girl Names
1

I named my daughter [name]Ruby[/name], and I’ve come here for help so many times … and any time I’ve wanted to change it, I look at her but “[name]Ruby[/name]” just sticks and there’s no “aha” name that trumps it. So sitting here at 6 months with a blank birth certificate, she continues to be [name]Ruby[/name] … no middle name.

And I still have name envy every time I meet a little girl with a more classic name with Greek or Latin roots.

I guess I just messed up. I feel like my head was in the clouds and I just didn’t think it through enough, even though I thought it through so much. But I had all these rules - like “ideally ancient greek” “bonus points for starting with a vowel” “should be timeless, while also being currently appropriate” etc. And I’m not sure I stuck with a single rule, when 2 weeks before she was born I suddenly thought “oh, [name]Ruby[/name]”

I try to convince myself that whatever I think about it not being classic or sophisticate enough, as a little girl she’s bound to love her name because it’s a [name]Ruby[/name]! There’s no specific reason a little girl would love [name]Penelope[/name] or [name]Phoebe[/name] or [name]Caroline[/name] or [name]Julia[/name] … but [name]Ruby[/name] is a precious stone, etc etc … and maybe if she loves it as a little girl, she’ll continue to love it as an adult. And that’s all that matters to me.

[name]Do[/name] you think little girls are bound to love being called [name]Ruby[/name]?

2

I personally think [name]Ruby[/name] is beautiful, but if you don’t like it you should change it. Or you could give her another name in the middle and use that, or just put [name]Ruby[/name] in the middle and use another name.

In my opinion, Ruby Cressida or Ruby Livana sound heavenly.

3

I don’t think I can change it. I’ve struggled with this for so long, and even when I fully gave myself permission to change it, I couldn’t. Nothing was a strong enough alternative on its own to merit the switch. Whereas I wish I could go back and name her, say, [name]Phoebe[/name] … I don’t feel like I’m confident enough in [name]Phoebe[/name] as Her Name to say “Ok, [name]RUby[/name] was wrong, her name is [name]Phoebe[/name] and I feel great about the switch”

So I think it’s going to stay [name]Ruby[/name], with some middle name tbd. I just want to stop feeling all this name envy. And maybe somehow learn to love the name.

4

A name is important but any name you pick will rule out other names. I think you need to fill out the birth certificate and put the naming process behind you. [name]How[/name] you treat your daughter, her life experiences, and other factors will have a lot to do with how she feels about her name because it is linked with her self-image. What I mean is that if she feels good about herself she’ll likely feel good about her name. Besides, [name]Ruby[/name] is a nice name with a pretty meaning, a peppy sound, and it fits with current naming styles – meaning her peers are likely to like it as well.

5

First of all, do not fret! [name]Ruby[/name] is a wonderful name that you should be proud of! I love the name [name]Ruby[/name]. After all, you were never able to find a name that trumps its beauty… so use it! Your daughter will never regret having such a pretty and timeless name.

Next, for your Grecian flare! Give [name]Ruby[/name] a special middle name that your adore! Here are some of my favorites for you:
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Theodora[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Alexia[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Evangeline[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Athena[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Eloisa[/name]

Good luck! You have already made a wonderful decision with the name [name]Ruby[/name]… now complete it. What spunky/frilly/gorgeous name with personality do you want for her middle?

6

I understand how you’re feeling. Maybe it would help to read up on the history of the ruby. That may sound far-fetched, but it might help you realize the ancient, distinguished, fascinating history of the stone, which is just as marvelous and fascinating and, well, legit, as a name that sounds more pedigreed.

If you look at her and think [name]Ruby[/name], then she is a [name]Ruby[/name]. And yes, she will most likely love her name. The trick is for you to find a way to love it. My idea is probably what would work for me, but everyone is different.

As for a middle name, that would be the best way to work in a more classic name. [name]Ruby[/name] [name]Elisabeth[/name] has always been one of my favorite combos.

Best of luck to you and congrats on your baby girl.

7

I think a little girl will LOVED being called [name]Ruby[/name], as well as a grown woman :slight_smile: to me it has the same kind of spunk that [name]Clio[/name] has, as well as a great association with the gem stone and color and [name]Ruby[/name] red slippers etc. If you still feel unsure I would choose a name that fits your style (it sounds like you love classic greek names) and put that in the middle, that way if you ever decide [name]Ruby[/name] is just not right, you could always go by her middle name

8

I feel so bad you feel this way :frowning: [name]Ruby[/name] is a [name]LOVELY[/name], beautiful name, and I think any little girl (or older girl, for that matter) would love having it as her name. I personally love the name and have considered it for a future daughter, except that our last name has “gold” in it, and I think that would be too much.

You absolutely did not mess up, and you absolutely stuck with your rule of “should be timeless, while also being currently appropriate.” [name]Ruby[/name] DEFINITELY fits the bill!

I agree with the PP who suggested using a really neat Greek name as her middle name. [name]Ruby[/name] is beautiful, but also simple - so you could get away with a more unique, ancient Greek middle name. Some combo that I think sound nice are:

[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Theodora[/name] (agree with the person who suggested this)
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Anastasia[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] Koralia
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Marika[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Nikoleta[/name]

That’s just a few, but I think any Greek name that doesn’t begin with “e” would work - especially one ending in “a.”

Good luck, and keep your chin up! [name]Ruby[/name] will love her name, I have no doubt. I know I would :slight_smile:

9

[name]Ruby[/name] is a wonderful name, it is normal to second guess a bit, but if you give her a middle name that you love as well, she has the option of switching. I believe if a person likes themselves, they will like their name.

I personally love [name]Ruby[/name] [name]Althea[/name] or [name]Ruby[/name] [name]Aletheia[/name].

10

[name]Riva[/name], have you seriously not filled out the birth certificate yet?

This has to stop. If no one in your life is telling you this, then I (anonymous stranger) will. You have to formally name your child.

Gently, do you think this indecisiveness has deeper roots? Would you benefit from exploring your feelings re: single motherhood, the conscious & unconscious pressure you’re putting on yourself to raise her? For example, I-- as someone who doesn’t know anything about you other than your nameberry posting history-- could read a lot into your fears that [name]Ruby[/name] doesn’t look sophisticated, elegant, literary, etc enough. Those worries could be construed as a fear that your daughter won’t be perceived as classy, wealthy, or from the right sort of family, which might again be related to being a single mom by choice.

But regardless, analyzing and exploring this truly pathological indecisiveness should only be done after filling out the birth certificate, and formalizing the name you have already chosen!

11

I totally agree with what [name]Blade[/name] just said.

12

I really like the name [name]Ruby[/name]! It’s so pretty! I know a 10 year old named [name]Ruby[/name], and she is the sweetest girl I’ve ever met.

13

I really feel for you- i think an element of name regret is totally normal and it doesn’t mean that you messed up at all. [name]Ruby[/name] is fantastic, feminine, ancient and meaningful. The word itself is from the Latin and the history and symbolism of the ruby is rich and evocative. And she has her very own Rolling Stones song, which makes it even more wonderful [name]IMO[/name]!
I agree that she needs a middle name which makes you love her name more. [name]How[/name] about:
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Aurora[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Eulalia[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Agatha[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Calypso[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] Illyria
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Delphine[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Callista[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Athena[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Eliana[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Lydia[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Iris[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Olympia[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Ophelia[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Sophia[/name]

14

[name]Love[/name] freya55’s suggestions for a middle

Especially

[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Eliana[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Aurora[/name]
[name]Ruby[/name] [name]Calypso[/name] (this has such happy vibes)

I basically love her whole list.

rollo

15

[name]Hi[/name] [name]Blade[/name] :slight_smile:

oh sure - all the psychobabble totally applies. I’d be less worried about giving a baby the name “Snookums” if the kid had everything else going for her. That’s why celebrities can get away with naming murder.

So a couple of things to address -

This is nameberry - so the me you see here, is the one where name is everything. As far as anyone else is concerned, I’m me, with a daughter named [name]Ruby[/name]. It’s not a conversation I have outside nameberry. And when people ask if she has a middle name, I say “If I haven’t picked one for her by a year, I’ll let her pick it for herself when she’s older” - because the hospital here lets you update the birth certificate hassle-free up to 12 months. So there is a deadline, sort of.

She’s enrolled in daycare as [name]Ruby[/name]. She has insurance cards under [name]Ruby[/name]. Her doctor calls her [name]Ruby[/name]. She has [name]Ruby[/name] embroidered on toys and blankets. It’s not like I haven’t named her.

I haven’t filled out paperwork to get the birth certificate updated … eh. I know people who don’t do this until the kid is 16 and needs it formalized for a driver’s license. It’s really not a big deal to not have the paperwork done. And I would say it’s arguably not such a big deal to not really know a middle name, if anything. I feel like she has a name. All I want to do is feel good about it, and maybe add a middle name

16

I agree with Blade that it’s time to fill out the birth certificate despite how you feel. “She has to have an official identity.”* I also really loved the idea of using a really strong Greek name since it’s something you were really hoping to provide her. Although I do adore Ruby Sophia and Ruby Calypso (omg, I love that!) I’m actually more thinking that you should use the strong Greek name in the first name position.

I would love to see you use Calypso, Phoebe, Calliope, Athena etc… A lot of these Greek names are seemingly on trend so it wouldn’t be out of place with her peers. Ruby seems to have been a very short lived fad for you, whereas the Greek names were one of your criteria. I think that once you pick a name that isn’t Ruby that you’ll grow to love it a lot more because the regret of Ruby is behind you.

*I posted this and then saw your reply. So she does have an official identity at this time. But I still stand by the rest of it. I don’t think you love Ruby at all, and if you want to feel better about her name, it will likely take a name change. Just from all your posts about it. Chin up, I hope it all works out for you <3

17

Why is the birth certificate so important? A birth certificate is a piece of administrative paper. I have a middle name on my own birth certificate that does not exist for me irl anywhere else, because I never use it. Not on my license, nowhere.

Anyway, I do think that it bears repeating that nameberry is an outlet for name specific things. It’s not like I walk around all day moping about her name. Why today? Because I was on pottery barn kids shopping for some things for her room, and they had a bunch of stuff in the photos embroidered with “[name]Phoebe[/name]” and it triggered me thinking “Oh, I really like that name … wish I had used it” so I came here.

18

[name]Hi[/name] [name]Riva[/name] :slight_smile:

I’ll turn the questions around and ask YOU to answer it. Why is the birth certificate so important? Why haven’t you filled it out yet, if you’ve gotten her insurance card, toys, clothing, social identity, everything pinned to the name [name]Ruby[/name]? What is holding you back from settling on something?

I understand nameberry is less of a microscope than a kaleidoscope, where an identity can be fractionated rather than accurately examined. I’m glad to hear everything else is going along well regarding your ability to proclaim to the world that you have a daughter named [name]Ruby[/name].

Good luck finding that ideal middle name. I do think you should set a deadline, and quickly, since by your own admission ‘all the psychobabble applies.’ :slight_smile:

19

Does she need a middle name? Why not leave it at [name]Ruby[/name]? You can always give her a pet name that you both love that will fill the void for you.

rollo

20

[name]Hi[/name] [name]Riva[/name] – Like so many here, I feel very moved reading of your ongoing uncertainty about your daughter’s name, and further moved by the really thoughtful supportive responses. What a lovely community.

But in the end, here’s what I think: Maybe, for a whole range of complicated reasons, you are never going to feel 100% certain and happy about your daughter’s name. There is this ideal naming nirvana out there, where people find the perfect baby name (or substitute spouse, job, house, religion), and the angels sing and the sun beams down and you feel fantastic about it forever after.

But the truth is that I think that it happens like that a lot less often than half the time. [name]Even[/name] when you’ve lived and breathed baby names your whole adult life, as I have, your batting average may be an unimpressive .333. My husband and I deeply disagreed about our daughter’s name – he wanted [name]Molly[/name], I “won” with [name]Rory[/name], which caused a lot of problems down the road – and our youngest son [name]Owen[/name]'s name was a compromise. It was only with our middle child, [name]Joseph[/name] [name]Leopold[/name], that we felt real certainty and ongoing happiness with the name.

Interestingly, I think [name]Joe[/name] is probably the child who is least happy with his name. He doesn’t feel it fits him (and in fact, it doesn’t) and I think he’d much rather be [name]Leopold[/name] [name]Joseph[/name], or something more individual and distinctive. So a parent feeling settled doesn’t translate in the child feeling happy with the name.

[name]Rory[/name] didn’t like her name when she was little because it was shared with boys, but loves it now; [name]Owen[/name] loves his name but I am dismayed by how popular it’s become – from #464 when we named him in 1993 to #44 today.

I am guessing [name]Ruby[/name] is going to love love love her name and in fact I think it’s probably a much easier name for a little girl to love than the more difficult [name]Phoebe[/name], which has a weird spelling and more teasing potential. That might make you feel more full hearted about your choice. I hope so.

I think the point about the birth certificate is that sometimes you just need to make a decision so you can put the issue behind you. I’m glad to hear that irl, you basically have!

All warmest wishes to you.