Who did you share your TTC journey with?

Parentberries
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[name_m]Hi[/name_m] Mumma-Berries and those to be,

I’m just wondering who you shared your TTC journey with (if anyone), other than your partner and / or the [name_u]Berry[/name_u] group??

I just feel a bit lonely… and I want to share, but don’t know who to share with. [name_f]My[/name_f] hubby is a total champ at listening to me, but I kind of just want to be able to confide in a close female too, ya know?

I feel like its just bad timing all around regarding all the close women in my life…

[name_f]My[/name_f] Mum - is dealing with drama regarding my grandparents, as well as my Dad’s job, while working full time and housesitting for friends… I feel like she doesn’t need any more on her plate.

[name_f]My[/name_f] sister - last time I mentioned children, her response was basically “eww, why would you want a baby”… so I don’t think she’s a great option for moral support.

[name_f]My[/name_f] best friend - is not really interested in babies and also has medical reasons that may mean they can’t ever have children… I feel like rambling about TTC to her would be unfair and possibly hurtful.

Close friend 1 - not married, no partner, no children… I feel like it’s a totally unrelatable topic for her.

Close friend 2 - just had a miscarriage… enough said.

[name_f]Sister[/name_f] in law’s - I don’t really want to involve family, as everyone is in everyone else’s business and I can just see someone letting slip…

Siiigghhh… I don’t really want to keep it all to myself, but maybe it’s best… 🤷 :pensive:

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I’m also feeling pretty isolated. We’ve told my mom, but I wish I had friends in the same position that I could talk with. I have a coworker who is pregnant but with working remotely due to COVID we don’t see each other often.

I wish it were easier to share, vent, and just process with people about TTC. Infertility and pregnancy loss are such stigmatized topics. Being able to connect without fear of bothering or upsetting each other would make some parts of this whole process easier.

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I can relate to this. I talk about it with my sister in law but I only see her once a month or so. Other than that, it feels like a secret to be honest, I don’t want to mention any of it at work,it would worry and probably bother my colleagues as they will have to cover for me in my absence. I can’t talk about it to my parents, my mother have anxiety issues and I know she’d be completely worried, I won’t tell her I even want kids till I’m at least 12 weeks pregnant… I feel bad about all this, but my husband is the best listening to me and is also very excited about TTC. It helps to have this online group, makes me feel less lonely

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This. This is exactly how I feel - like I’d be annoying the other person by sharing my thoughts and feelings.

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We shared that we were getting ready to conceive with my BFF and that was it. And I didn’t even tell her when exactly we started (we wound up starting 6 months earlier than we had initially planned 2 years earlier). If we hadn’t conceived within a couple months I would have told her and asked for moral support. But we conceived on the first try. I did post here about things, and I also tried other forums during the TWW and quickly regretted that…I found that people were really only friendly in the other mom forums I tried if you had been at it a while… otherwise there was this perception that you were just popping in to be gone tomorrow with your BFP, which was painful for those regulars in the groups. Thankfully for me, that did wind up being the case (as in I conceived), but it still sucked that even the fertility forums were structured in such a way that support seemed impossible for me at the time.

This time around we haven’t started TTC yet, but I have told a few of my closest friends that we plan on trying next year and that I am in prep-phase now. I keep things vague (“next year”) on purpose in case we change our mind about the timing or in case I want to keep things private again, but that’s still more open than we were last time.

We did the same thing with our duedate, too. Kept it completely private from people we knew and used online support to find a duedate buddy. We told everyone “[name_f]September[/name_f]” even though our babe was due late [name_u]August[/name_u]. I didn’t want anyone bugging me about it and was also really willing to go 42 weeks if need be, though that still would have been early September.

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I think this is totally valid, and a really good idea. People are so nosy and feel entitled to know everything. I’ve already told hubby that I don’t want anyone knowing when I’m in labour or anything like that. I don’t want people randomly turning up or trying to visit or texting for updates. Isn’t birth overwhelming enough with out everyone else sticking their nose in?! I don’t even want family, except possibly my mum. Hubby’s family can be gossipy and I’m not having that. Our baby, our news, and we‘ll share it when we are ready.

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I’m sorry work is a source of stress for you, but I can see how planning a baby might affect co-workers negatively. That makes me sad because your life planning really is none of their business and they shouldn’t be mad at you.

I will be resigning when I get a couple of months out from birth, as hubby has a good job and we can afford for me to be a SAHM while baby is little. I have my own business and so will work from home when I feel up to it. I’m so thankful for this, as I know so many families that can’t afford to have a parent at home full-time (my parents included) - it really is a blessing that I don’t want to take for granted.

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I didn’t share it with anyone for my first.

Now with my second I’m pretty open about it: mother, MIL, and at least 4 close friends know we’re trying. I don’t really talk about it with anyone except the friend who’s also trying though… there’s not much to say! [name_m]Will[/name_m] possibly let them know early on if we get a bfp though - I figure the support from friends and family is a good thing whether we have a miscarriage or a healthy pregnancy with awful morning sickness etc!

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@hyacinthbucket I have had trouble joining forums, too. This is month 4 for us TTC, and I don’t necessarily feel like I “fit in” with some of the groups. Others online have been trying for much longer, and sharing where we’re at makes me feel like I’m whining.

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@loonylovegood We’d love to have you in the [name_u]Berry[/name_u] TTC group, if you’d like to join in. Everyone is at different stages on their journey, and there’s no judgement. You’re more than welcome! We’re a friendly bunch and don’t bite haha! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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[name_m]Just[/name_m] starting out ttc journey. Around [name_f]February[/name_f], my Husband and I had shared with our closest friends we were planning to start trying in the second half of this year and my Mum (who I’m close with) was also informed of this a few months back that it’s something that’s on our minds but she wasn’t instantly as supportive as our friends despite being super excited to be a first-time Grandmother. I have yet to mention it to my Dad (divorced parents) but he made a negative comment the other day about babies when we mentioned family (and their five month old baby) were going to be living with us for a couple weeks as they get their life sorted in a new country.

For additional context, I’ve had a lot of health issues and chronic pain for over three years as a result of stage 3 endometriosis which has prevented me from working etc. Finally, a year after diagnosis and surgery, my pain reduced and is virtually non-existent anymore :grin:

Close friends told us to just start trying if we were thinking about it while others understood I was sceptical due to the pain levels I was still exeriencing back in [name_f]February[/name_f] when we mentioned it. Some friends have babies or are currently expecting while others are yet to conceive after years of trying or just don’t want kids anytime soon. I wanted to make those important to us aware it was something we were wanting so they wouldn’t be shocked/upset when we did tell them we were pregnant.

This last cycle, I had my mirena removed and only told two friends before having it taken out so I had support while feeling anxious in the lead up to it. [name_m]Just[/name_m] a couple days ago, I told my Mum it was removed and she was shocked and nervous but sounded more excited than when we first mentioned ttc, I guess she’s warmed up to the idea a bit.

This is our thought process too when the time comes, especially with those we regularly see and speak to at least.

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([name_u]Haven[/name_u]’t read other replies)

I’m sorry you’re feeling so stuck. Have you been TTC for long?

It took two years to conceive our son and by the end of that time everyone knew except my in-laws. I ended up bringing up the topic myself to avoid awkwardness, as we’d been married 7 years and it was always coming up.

All of my close friends conceived very easily, so while they couldn’t relate at all, they were still up for a chat thankfully.

I did a lot of reading on TTC boards and blogs to feel connected to others in the same boat and that’s all I can recommend, is to try and find a TTC buddy - good luck!

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@grackym No, we’ve just started (I’m at the end of my first cycle). I just feel things very deeply and am a out loud processor, so I’m just busting you share with someone. I can see how after a while telling multiple people to stop all the questions could be of benefit! One of my SILs is obsessed with babies (and is currently expecting), and I’m sure she’d be keen to chat about it all… it’s just she can be a bit scattery, so I’m a bit worried she’d let it slip to someone (and after having someone blurt out our engagement news, I don’t feel like making that mistake again!)

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