Not really all that relevant to me as DS is now 2 but wondering who should have input on naming your baby?*
What brings this to mind is the number of grandma’s/aunts/third cousins best friends sister’s niece I see posting in various places asking for names, opinions on names already in the running or given names for littles entering the world and in particular my sons paternal grandmother who has a few pushy naming scenarios under her belt…
When her oldest son was having his 3rd, they mentioned the name [name]Noah[/name]~she apparently fell in love with this name and when baby was born, they ended up picking [name]Owen[/name]…she was “so disappointed” and made such a big deal about it that they went back to the hospital days later, got the birth certificate back and added noah as a second MN. (she scrapbooked about this little scene quite proudly)
while I was pregnant she was very vocal that while one of her grand daughters has her middle name as a middle name, it was not as important or special as sharing her first name and none of her grandkids have her first name and she would really love it if just one of them had it. talk about hint dropping…
when I was still with her son and we were throwing around names, [name]Phoenix[/name] came up as a maybe for either sex-fast forward 6 months and I am no longer with her son but left her in my Facebook and posted asking about ways to combine some of my family names to make a new one and she comments that she thought I was naming a girl [name]Phoenix[/name] and she “LOVED” that name and would be so disappointed if I didnt use it…
My son is born, I email her birth details after not hearing back from her when called…she comes to the hospital and announces that she wishes that things could have been different and that she first thought that his name was pronounced [name]DEE[/name]-Klan and didn’t really like it but after a guy at her office told her the actual pronunciation and of its catholic background(totally not why I picked it), it grew on her.(everyone on her facebook loved his name btw lol)
now, I know that the first is a little extreme and the other 3 are probably a little more common and obviously she had no influence on my babynaming experience other than being a slight annoyance…I did consider some of her wishes and some of his family names while naming but nothing rocked my boat and he was [name]MIA[/name] through out my pregnancy so i didnt want to saddle my LO with a name from a family who would probably never have anything to do with him (I was right)
but it gets me to wondering,*
who you think should have a say in naming or who’s opinions really matter;
what/who influenced you and ;
have/has anyones “thoughts” or “opinions” or love/hate/dislike of a name changed your thoughts?
Also I want to hear your stories!!! I can’t possibly be alone in this lol…
I agree with agirlinred. If a couple wants to consider outside opinions, fine. But ultimately it should be the parents’ decision, because they’re the ones having the kid!
No one’s input, but yours and your husband’s matters. Yes it’s true. It’s your child, your life, if they don’t like it, tough. They had their children, they already had their turn to pick names.
When I had my son my (now ex) inlaws told us upfront that the “first born son always has the middle name [name]Raymond[/name]”.
Over my dead body! That is not a name I like AT ALL.
I did counter by saying “No, that is the tradition for the FIRST born to carry on” (he was the 4th).
Any which was I wasn’t giving on that.
I will tell my mum (and dad if he’s interested) possible names- this time around the reaction has been good as my brother chose some WHACKY names so anything vaguely known seems ‘normal’ and therefore a whole lot better LOL hee hee hee
No one’s been giving me any advice on naming at all (except when I asked here on NB). Maybe we picked a name too fast, before anyone else could think about it… or since our style is rather classic, people think the name is fine… or Canadians are just living up to their stereotype of being uber-polite. I was a bit disappointed, lol! My in-laws have been coming up with mns for us -but baby “has” to have a Chinese middle name and there’s no way I can come up with one of those on my own, not being Chinese, so that’s fine. They were very respectful anyways and came up with a list that we could choose from rather than deciding on a name for us.
The mother and the father. That’s it.
I’ve told mom some of my favourite names before and she and I have totally different naming styles so none of the names have gone over well. Seeing as it’ll be my kid, I really don’t care whether she likes the name or not.
Now, if my significant other and I were having a baby and were discussing names and he hated my favourite, then it’d get scratched. The only people whose opinions truly matter in the baby naming process, in my opinion, are the parents. I do think that there has be be respect by the parents to the kid in the decision, though. I totally don’t agree with the “its my baybee n ill name it whut i want!” train of thought when the name will be harmful to the child’s well-being or compromises his/her integrity.
The only input I’ll be interested in when I’m actually naming a child is my husband. And Nameberry. But the final decision will be only between me and my husband. If I adopt alone, the choice will be 100% mine, although I’ll consult Nameberry so much more, because I don’t want to pick a whackadoodle name. Sure, I’ll ask my family names now, and I plan on honoring them when the time comes (my husband’s family, too, if I’m married at the time), but right now I’m just enjoying my obsession with names. I don’t want anyone to ruin my potential baby’s name and I don’t want anyone to get in between me and the perfect name. Besides, I think it’d be so much fun to hold the baby’s name captive and then reveal the surprise.
I like to get opinions on the names we think about, usually on websites or from my sisters who aren’t going to demand I choose a name they like. They are just honest when it comes to name combination, flow, style , etc… But other than that, it is just me and my husband! MY mom always suggests names she likes and I usually don’t like them and will tell her. I will tell her our choices but make it clear that outside votes don’t always count!
I’m with everyone else. Whatever parent(s) are involved in raising the baby. The only other person in our lives who has know what we were thinking was my sister. She made suggestions and such, but didn’t influence the outcome and wasn’t upset about anything. And (other than her) we don’t even mention options that we’re thinking about to other friends/family. They always hear one they like above the others and push for it or are way negative about one and try to push you to not consider it. If I just gave them options and had to listen to the feedback, I’d go crazy with indecision. So, I agonize over a name with myself, my husband (and people online…lol) until we make a final choice. Then announce it. Then I don’t care what anyone has to say. I’m sure it’s helped a Great deal that we live 3500 miles away from both of our families. We don’t see or talk to them all the time. Once a week on skype and posts on fb/emails off and on through the week. That cuts down on ALL KINDS of family instigated drama!
They’ve never [name]Said[/name] anything about our choices, but you can tell they’ve never been overjoyed. They don’t say anything bad, but they don’t say anything good either. It’s just like, “Huh, ok.” and move on to the next subject. Or “subtly” bring up that we shouldn’t name them something they’ll get made fun of for. [name]How[/name] odd names always hold kids back. Or they bring up some obscure reference to the name that’s not “positive” in the least and then quickly move on to something totally unrelated. Same thing happened when we announced our first and the other day when we announced the expected twins names. At least I was prepared for it this time around. I’m not sure how they can really have a problem with our choices so far. But, it is what it is.
A friend recently told me about her Grand [name]MIL[/name], who made such a Huge scene over the name that was announced in the family because up until then all of her grand daughters had an “S” name. She kept on and on about how horrible and old fashioned and blah the name was that it ruined it for the mother. She changed the name in the end, but no one was happy. She didn’t change it to an “S” name, so the grand mother was still upset. She was upset because she hadn’t used the name she loved and ended up regretting it. And it’s a very close match to the one my friend was going to use if she ever had a daughter, so now her favorite name was out too. Disaster for all involved.
To me this is just another scenario where having self-confidence is essential.
Watching wedding dress shows it always irritates me when women aren’t strong enough to just say, “Thank you for your opinion, it means a lot to me that you want to be involved. This is what I love and this is what I’m getting. [name]Aren[/name]'t you happy for me? Thanks!”
It’s the same with names.
I think anyone and everyone should feel free to offer opinions, especially when the subject comes up or they’re asked.
Then it should be the parents choice completely. If it’s horrible, people should say so, but in the end it only truly “matters” what the parents think and they should have the self-confidence to say, “Thanks for being involved. This is the name we love and this is what it’s gonna be. [name]Welcome[/name] baby!”
Mother and Father. Be careful if you say the name to other people, they have a tendency of ruining it for you. I told my mother we were thinking of [name]Geneva[/name], she said it was horrible. Now of course she says she never said that, and has always loved [name]Geneva[/name]. We had [name]Allegra[/name] on our list - my skeesy brother said it was a stripper name. Bye bye allegra.
My husband’s input has the most weight. As in 99.9%. We do consider family names that our families may not want. DH’s family is Jewish, so certain names are out due to respect for them. My family is Catholic, so certain names are out due to respect for them as well. Beyond that, no one’s opinions matter. If they don’t like the name we’ve chosen, tough nuts. They had their chance to pick names for their kids, now it’s our turn. If they want to name something, they can have other kids or go get another dog or cat to name.
I give some thought to how the extended family will feel. If they can say it, etc. His family and mine come from different language backgrounds and there’s names one side can say and the other can’t, and it goes both ways.
I take into account if it’s one of the names my sister wants to use. I don’t worry about if she dislikes them (I know some I like aren’t really her thing) but I wouldn’t want first cousins with the same first names unless we liked different nicknames. As it is, so far they’ll have a lot of overlapping initials but no matching names.
My mom wants me to use an A name if we have a boy, to name for a great-uncle who has died. I told her the first boy is having an H name for my grandfather and that’s the end of that. She said what about a second boy. I said if I had twin boys, sure, I’ll give one an H name and one an A name. She said “okay, now don’t complain if after that you have twins.”
I said fine. Cheaper than fertility drugs, right? lol
My mum and I have developed very similar name styles so I would listen to her if she really hated a name or suggested a great one.
My OH and I however have wildly different styles which could cause problems.
I’d listen to my very close family and the father. Nobody else. But if I loved a name and there was resistance merely based on superficial arguments against it,I would use it anyway.
