With all the “Boys names on girls” threads up recently, I figured we should all talk about it. As a lover of unisex and yes, sometimes even BOY names on girls… I have felt ostracized to say the least lately. I’m worried about posting any new threads on the names I’ve been loving recently because they happen to be very boyish. Can’t we all just leave our opinions at opinions and stop arguing and belittling one another’s choices? :???:
I like some boy names/unisex names too. [name]Don[/name]'t let the criticism get you down. I welcome all positive & negative opinions…it all comes down to finding and using names you love, but I also love the feedback here.
I’m loving
[name]Asa[/name]
[name]Ira[/name]
[name]Lou[/name]
I don’t mind criticism either, but it seems like every thread that has a boy or boyish name turns into a heated argument. I get that most people on Nameberry don’t like it, but does that mean the rest of us will have to go somewhere else to get real advice/combo help? I love names, so I think I belong here. I just happen to love unisex, boyish, and nature names on girls. Believe me, I am not easily offended but some of the comments on these threads have been abrasive and mean. And, what’s worse is that I don’t feel like I am getting quality advice on middle name suggestions and combination help because everyone automatically crosses out my boyish choices.
I don’t think I’ve ever veered past a respectful tone. Of course, I also like a few unisex names/am neutral toward others and while I don’t like boys’ names on girls, I don’t feel a visceral, angry response against it. But if I did ever sound disrespectful, I didn’t mean to.
I think there’s a set of issues going on. This is a set of fora for people who feel passionately about names. For me, this is mostly about positive passion: I love a lot of great names, and find it very hard to “hate” or be exceedingly concerned about ones I don’t like. I do warn against names I think will be harmful, but that is just that, a warning.
But others who feel passionately about names are going to feel passionately in a negative way. And then obviously, double standards are always prone to make people feel intensely. I feel intensely about double-standards, but I don’t feel equally intensely about all of them. Is it a massively unfair double standard that women make less money than men? Yes. Is it a massively unfair double standard that women are expected to bear the brunt of domestic work even as they are increasingly (rightfully) rising not only as income earners but even as primary breadwinners? Yes. Is it a massively unfair double standard that it seems more acceptable to use a unisex name or boys’ name on a girl than a unisex name or a girls’ name on a boy? That I’m less sure of. Unfair, yes. So massively unfair that it bothers me deeply? No. But I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to draw that line in the sand differently.
Of course, I think others who draw that line differently need to be respectful. Outlining concerns like “I would think it would be frustrating to have others frequently assume you were the opposite gender” are reasonable things to point out. “I feel bothered by the double standard about unisex and opposite sex names” is a reasonable thing to point out. I even think more potentially painful things like “it’s important to remember that your child is the one who has to live with the name, not you” are fair game (and I think that’s true for any particularly unusual name, not just opposite/infrequently-gendered names). But the accusatory tone that people sometimes sometimes take, equating these naming tastes with a desire to confuse or upset the child, is bizarre. If parents are sensitive enough to be seeking input, they do have their child’s interests in mind and at heart, and I think it’s a shame people sometimes lose sight of that.
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Sadly once the post is out there anyone can come in and stir the pot a little bit. The important thing is to ignore those posts that are meant to disturb the community. If you don’t reply they wont get the satisfaction of attention. There is nothing wrong with having a love for unisex names. Right now our kids are going to grow up with tons of different names and it probably wont bother them to have a girl [name]Ryan[/name](for example) thrown into the mix.
I completely agree with you. There are definitely respectful posters and not all of them are abrasive, but the vast majority of these threads usually turn into heated arguments and sometimes people get downright rude. Plus I’ve seen some posters come back to the same thread multiple times to keep pushing the same argument, not always in a nice way. And some of the arguments, like jesba said, just make no sense. To imply that someone is purposely confusing or upsetting their child, or that they must have been hoping for a boy by naming their daughter [name]Ezra[/name] (for example), baffles me. That there would be a lot of gender confusion, et c., sure. But I think there would be equal gender confusion with a girl named [name]Jayden[/name] or [name]Riley[/name] as with a girl named [name]Ezra[/name] or [name]Charlie[/name].
I’m firmly of the mindset that if it’s not a name that’s going to harm the child in any way ([name]Aryan[/name] Nation, anyone?), you should use the name you love. [name]Even[/name] if it’s [name]George[/name] on a girl or Krysttoffuhr on a boy… although in that case I’d gently suggest a different spelling. 
I agree 100% with this.
Everyone has their own taste. While I personally like my children to have a name generally designated to one gender (which as I said before locally people are unsure of [name]Bronwen[/name]'s gender when seeing it on paper), I do realize that I live in a country where freedom when choosing a childs name is celebrated and imho, diversity is good. I think your dd has a beautiful name, I know 4 boys with that name and actually a lovely adult woman too. So I myself have people I can think of when I see the name [name]Rowena[/name]/[name]Rowan[/name], and I think of my close friends fiesty, joyful 1st grader as well as this lovely skilled midwife friend who has 5 children and one grandchild. Regardless, I do have name preferences, but do know wonderful people with names I would never choose for my own children, and persons with lovely names that have forever “ruined” them for me.
And I realize that being on a message board such as this one, there are people of all ages and origins who all like names…thing is we all like different styles of names! [name]Even[/name] with popularity of certain ones, there will always be a louder minority of active posters who agree or disagree. It’s like this on most every message board. Not to mention that on screens our intentions of saying kindly “That name is nms” can come across rather harshly. [name]Hope[/name] this all makes sense. <3
No hate for names that work with either gender, but stating the obvious “If you ask about whether you should name your daughter Zachary/your son Emma my opinion is as follows etc”
When posting on Nameberry, I always try to remember the following:
1 People on here are passionate about names. Period. With passion, strong opinions (whether positive or negative) will follow.
2 Strong opinions will often lead to strong language. Although a few here can become disrespectful, I find it that is the exception rather than the rule. I’ve been on other name websites and believe me, the opinions on Nameberry are quite tame in comparison.
3 Some people will like your names and others will not. Fact of life. That’s what’s great about Nameberry. There is always room for every style of name and a diversity of opinion and I think in general, most Nameberries are respectful of that fact. If everyone liked the same names, the world would be a boring place.
4 Many find is the double standard in regards to unisex names or “boys names on girls” quite perplexing and problematic. When parents begin to call their girls by a particular boys name and it rises in popularity for females, the name is no longer considered for male children and drops off the map for boys. Parents don’t seem to have any hesitation naming their girls a traditional boys name but most would never consider a “girls name for a boy”. “Boys names on girls” are perceived as “stronger” and “girls names on boys” as somehow weak and less desirable.
5 [name]Don[/name]'t take anyone’s negative opinion PERSONALLY. They are commenting on the name not you as a person.
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All of this, exactly.
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This is the way I feel exactly, everyone has there own naming style and I feel we should support that even if it’s different than our own. The only time it might be appropriate is when the name might be harmful or offensive in some way. Other than that if they really love the name I think they should go for it…
Though if they are asking opinions on the name I would tell them if I liked it or not, but I try to make it very clear that that is merely my opinion and what I thought.
Perfect.
I agree wholeheartedly with this.
I have a strong stance against boys name on girls because there’s no real reason for it, or need, and it does lead to issues down the road. It sends out and message that isn’t always true, but people will make assumptions. Most people do not think it’s sweet to name a girl [name]Thomas[/name], for example. What seems okay online is vastly different from actual life at times.
And I think parents tend to forget that they’re naming a human being who has to go through life, which is hard enough as it is. I wonder how many of the mother’s naming their daughters boys names would actually prefer a male name to their own likely female name.
There tends to be a huge double-standard, and it’s completely unnecessary to name a girl a boys name imo. I find it a bit ridiculous if I’m honest. There are more than enough girls name to use and unisex ones. [name]One[/name] doesn’t need to branch out into boys names.
It’s the same as people who can’t stand uber-tryndee youneek names.
NAMEBERRY RULES 1 AND 2: No rudeness, no disrespect!
You and I seem to be on the same threads a lot OP. Your posts are always articulate and well thought out, we share a lot of the same opinions, thought not necessarily taste in names.
I am one of those people who doesn’t like boy’s names on girls. I am not one of those people who doesn’t believe in unisex names. Though I do think they are fairly rare, in and of themselves.
I do try to err on the side of caution, after all I don’t know any of you in real life and never will. So it is easy to offend. But by the same token, this is an internet forum and none of us know eachother in real life and this allows a more blunt discourse.
My reply method goes like this:
If a person puts up a post asking for middle name suggestions, then I will either suggest middle names or if I don’t like the dead set name in the first place, I won’t comment. There is no gain in criticising a name a person has already chosen.
The same goes with threads when people are asking for a sibling name for their daughter [name]Elodie[/name], for example, and posters criticise the name [name]Elodie[/name]. You can exchange [name]Elodie[/name] for any name you like. It was the first one that came to mind.
But, if a post is up requesting an opinion on x name or a list of names, I will give my opinion. It may be blunt, but with names it is important to hear out the naysayers as it is the people who say " I [name]LOVE[/name] it. [name]Do[/name] what you want, it’s YOUR baby". Of course, you can do what you want and it is indeed your baby. But if people against it can offer more than “it’s ugly/A BOY’S NAME AND THAT’S THAT”,then maybe their opinions aren’t without value.
Though I have no children I am actively interested in names. I’ve put up both boys and girls lists. These are lists of names I would genuinely consider using on a future son/daughter. When I put up those lists, I want honest opinions. If someone thinks [name]Jasper[/name] is hideous…I want to read that not “[name]Jasper[/name] is NMS”. I say NMS when a name is perfectly fine but not something I would personally use. So when a person asks for an opinion on a name, be it [name]Andrew[/name] for a girl, [name]Jasper[/name], [name]Elodie[/name], I take at face value that the OP wants an honest opinion.
I find it frustrating that stating that one doesn’t like a name is condersidered to be “bullying/belittling”. Whilst some posters, including myself, have been vocal on a particular thread today, I don’t think that any strayed into attacking the OP of that thread. As I said on that thread there is a difference between between thinking a particular name is ridiculous and saying so and calling the person asking the question ridiculous/stupid. The former is anwering the question, the latter is insulting and personal.
There is surely nothing wrong with not liking a name and saying so? IF the OP wants an opinion on a name, I stick to the name only, and don’t believe I have ever said anything like “it makes you sound like you wanted a boy/an idiot” etc. But I agree it does tip over into genuine arguments on occasion.
But, and I’m going to put it out there, I’m not convinced how genuine the sudden influx of boy names on girls is. The ones in the last couple of days I mean. Not before. Slightly more intelligent trolls than average maybe?
I enjoy Namberry and nobody here would want it to turn into Mumsnet (UK site). You should have a look at it, I was genuinely shocked at some of the things being said.
I’ve stayed out of the unisex arguments for the most part because I think it’s a little dramatic but I can’t point fingers at anyone because I know I’ve participated or commented on other dramatic topics that interest me more. I also know I can be critical and it’s probably a sorry excuse but some other boards I post on are really blunt even to the point of saying that’s a horrible choice don’t do that to your child but it’s not an issue that’s just how people are and I think sometimes I walk the line of bringing that mentality over here so I apologize if I have because ultimately I respect berries and their name choices. If a name isn’t harming the child like @jesba said then who cares?
I also agree with those saying you can’t take it personally, I have names on my list that everyone I know in person dislikes, they get negative feedback on some boards but ultimately I don’t care because to me they’re beautiful and that’s what matters. IA Nameberry has gotten tense recently and hopefully things will calm down. [name]Happy[/name] naming everyone!
I didn’t think it was disjointed. I agree with you completely. I really don’t get the outrage about boys’ names on girls and I certainly don’t get the disgust with which some express their opinions, implying that any child saddled with such a name is in for a world of trauma or that parents have no reason to choose a traditionally male name for their daughter. Live and let live. If you don’t like male names on females, don’t give your daughter a male name. It’s really quite simple.
I hope I don’t come off as disrespectful during posts! I think we all just have to remember that everyone has their own naming style. A lot of Berries seem like they tend to prefer classic names, so I do realize that it can be difficult to put that bias aside when commenting on names, especially unisex ones.
I think someone said this during the “In Defense of [name]Jayden[/name]” post, that it’s unfortunate that something like “A Middle Name for [name]Ella[/name]” would probably get a lot more responses than for a unisex name like your daughter’s name [name]Rowan[/name]. You might get some middle names, and other comments are going to say that you shouldn’t give a girl a boy name.
Personally, I tend to shy away from unisex names, (although I do have a soft spot for names like [name]Harper[/name],[name]Sawyer[/name], and [name]Rowan[/name] on girls) but I try to put that bias aside. I’m with @hayley88 - sure, I have my opinions on names, but if you have nothing nice to say,don’t say it at all. Try to focus on the name in question, and not your personal opinion towards that name.
I think the same thing applies for very popular names. I’ll be the first to admit that popularity does bother me at times. But if someone posts that they want to name their child [name]Ava[/name], give middle names for [name]Ava[/name]. It’s not a bad thing to say that [name]Ava[/name] is very popular, so perhaps you should look for an alternative, but the majority of posts should be middle names and not, “[name]Don[/name]'t name your child something super popular.”
It’s a given that not everyone will like your names or combos-but there’s a difference between being blunt /honest and just plain rude.
I’ve tried to stay out of the threads that have turned into heated arguments here, but some of the ‘boys names on girls’ and even the sweet ‘Emerence on a boy’ threads, I did voice some sort of opinion, and all of this has made me actually think through my opinion on unisex names and gender switching.
I’ve also been thinking that someone should say something, but didn’t have the guts to do it myself.
In my ideal world, names would only be used on the gender they originally ‘belonged’ to. My ideal world will never come to be, so I’m adapting. I hate double standards. If people are going to use boys names on girls, I’m going to encourage those who want to use girls names on boys. And since I don’t want this to get out of hand, I sometimes tell people that ‘this boys name should stay a boys name, regardless of how wonderful you think it would be for your daughter’. I’m allowed to do that, it’s my opinion and I try to be civil about it.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that most people’s relationship to names is very different from mine. I have a collection of 6000 names I would LOVE to use, and the problem is deciding which ones I like best. The whole scenario of having one name you love and not wanting to miss out on using it because your last baby is the ‘wrong’ gender for that particular name, is completely lost on me. It wouldn’t happen. I would say ‘oh well’ and move on to the next list, trying to eliminate 2995 of the names on it.
If I loved Asher for a boy but was having a girl, I would save Asher for another baby, or just use Ishbel for my daughter. No problem, someone else will have an Asher, and it’ll be right for them. I’m having a girl, it’s not the one.
I have difficulty understanding why some people don’t think like this, but I have to respect that we’re different and that it’s not always so easy. I also have to be aware that my thoughts on the matter are probably not going to matter much, or make things easier, so sometimes it’s wise to just stay silent.
I’m a single 22 year old who’s mostly dreaming because so many of the names I love would not work in Norway AT ALL, so I have a very different perspective on the whole naming process and which names are too ‘out there’ that it’s actually a little ridiculous for me to be giving ‘advice’ at all XD
Word names are a different matter. I think they should all be a little more unisex than they are, their ‘gender-assignment’ seems to be more happenstance than anything. I don’t see why Hazel, Willow, Brook, Jade, Indigo, Laurel and Cadence should all be girls names, and River, Jasper, Dune, Elm, North, Ocean, Bravery and Frost should all be boys names. I would love to be able to call my boy Willow and my girl Ocean. (even though I probably never will since the Norwegian words are Pil and Hav and neither would be accepted as a name here, nor do I want them to be.)
Edit: I forgot to mention, but I’m sorry if I come across as not accepting of names I comment on. Usually when people ask for opinions on a name because they are uncertain, I deal with it the same way I would for myself, but looking for alternatives that I feel more secure about. So maybe someone asks about a name, maybe even a boys name for a girl, I tell them it’s fine and then list 20 alternatives I might like myself (probably girls names, because the assumption is that ‘nice girls names are hard to find, let’s maybe borrow one from he boys’). And I see how it’s not really reinforcing my statement, but rather the opposite, it’s just how I deal with uncertainty.
sigh
I don’t think that you should post anything on the internet ever unless you want opinions on it. I will usually state my distate for the name / style and leave it at that.
I honestly believe that when you post on a public forum, you get what you get - I don’t advocate name-calling or anything, but I don’t think someone should just keep their mouth shut if you ask for an opinion or put a name out there and someone doesn’t care for it.
I don’t think thats really it - at least not from what I have heard people say. I don’t fear them “becoming feminine” I fear the horrible social implications behind the whole thing.