So two of my cousins are expecting little ones next year. [name]One[/name] of which will follow a family naming tradition which is important to me (he and his wife did if for the first child so I assume they will follow it for the second as well). However, my other cousin probably won’t. Over the years she has mentioned that she didn’t feel like a R_____ (the ln we were born with) but instead “belonged” to her mothers family instead. She also mentioned (once when she was 18 - so about 15 years ago) that she thought the tradition was frivolous and silly. Her not keeping with the tradition feels to me like she’s cutting ties to our family -> this might be juvinile but she doesn’t put much effort in keeping in touch with our side and gave up her maiden name (which is very traditional).
Anyway, how would you feel if you were her and I sent an email stating my “preference” for her to keep the tradition and sent a list of names that would fulfill that requirement? (I’d only send the list because they aren’t always easy to come by and I’ve done some research over the years).
Thanks for your advice! (And sorry for the long message).
Frankly if I were her and got such an email, I would be quite affronted/offended. It’s not your place to be sending her emails about your naming “preferences” when it is her baby. If she doesn’t want to follow tradition, let it be. Your other cousin is already following the tradition.
I would be offended as well, imo family names are for whoever wants to use them, she could have distanced herself from family and made those decisions for a number of reasons that don’t necessarily imply that she doesn’t care enough to deserve to use a name. I think the best thing for you to do is to use the names you want and let her use the ones she wants without interfering in each others decisions.
Sorry if that came out harsh I just honestly think it’s best to find another way to say this if you feel you really really have to give her a list of names you feel she shouldn’t use. Maybe you could say “I’d really like to use _____ are you going to be OK with that?” or “I wanted to let you know I’m planning on using _____”
Thanks for the responses guys. Clearly the little voice in the back of my head was saying the same thing, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked. I just needed someone to tell that voice to scream at me. I’m sure you know how it is, it’s not always easy to choose the rational choice over the emotional one.