[name_f]My[/name_f] cousin has a 2 year old son with a very common first name, and a fairly common (top 60s and rising) middle name. When my cousin was pregnant she was considering the middle name as first name, along with a few others, and I mentioned in passing that it was the name of my partner’s late grandfather, and that he had talked using it.
A couple years have elapsed, and my partner and I likely won’t have kids for another couple, but this name increasingly feels like a very solid possibility for us as a first name. This name works well in [name_f]English[/name_f] and Spanish, is short (a preference of mine), doesn’t share an initial with any of our other favorite names, and this was a grandfather my partner was very close to before he sadly passed far too young. [name_f]My[/name_f] mother in law is also a saint, and this grandfather was her father, and I think she would be touched by it being used. As a rule I am not huge on honor names, and we probably wouldn’t consider any others, but this one feels right.
However, it is in my cousin’s son’s name. I am close with this cousin, I see her multiple times a year along with her son. I have never heard my cousin use her son’s middle name since he was an infant, if that makes a difference, and again it is a pretty common name and I expect it will continue to go up.
So what do you think, would using this name be stepping on toes, or does the significance to my partner outweigh that concern?
If I was you I’d still use it. It might be weird if it was a really rare name but even then I think I’d still use it because it’s of significance to you. Plus one’s a middle and one would be a first so it shouldn’t be confusing at family gatherings or anything. Maybe ask her? But tbh I’d just do it anyway.
It sounds like it would be totally fine in this case–the name is an honor name for your family, clearly very meaningful to you and your partner, and your cousin used it in the middle. You could ask her or at least mention it to her in advance if you think it’ll help you feel better, but I think you’re good to use it.
I cant imagine that she would care but you can only know for sure if you ask…but if you ask she could say that she wouldnt like it and then it would make it worse if you really wanted to use it… Might be one of those “better to ask for forgiveness than permission” things.
I think it’s a non issue! Especially since it’s a middle name! I think it will be cute for them to share that bond also! [name_f]My[/name_f] cousin and I were named after the same grandmother, I got her middle name as my middle name and she got her first name! We are super close and we love that we were both named after the same person!
I don’t see a problem with it at all. You already mentioned to her once that it was your husband’s grandfather’s name, so she shouldn’t be surprised when you use it. We have been planning on using my husband’s grandfather’s name for the past 7 years, but have two girls so far. If one of his brothers had used it first, we would have let them and chosen something different, but in 7 years the name has not been used. Since your cousin’s son has it as a middle name, it seems like even less of an issue because middle names are not often used, so they won’t both be called the same thing.
Thanks all for your responses! I agree that I think it is a distant enough connection that it is fine. If it was a very unusual/rare middle and I had no outside connection to the name it would definitely feel like “stealing”, but that is just not the case here.
I don’t necessarily think I would ask for her permission, but I would probably bring it up as an option we were considering while pregnant, and remind her of the significance. I don’t think she would react badly or be upset, but I think I would at least broach it in advance.
We shall see if this name ends up floating to the top of the list, or even if someone in my partner’s family happens to use it before we have a son, but I think it is a strong contender.
Use it! [name_m]Even[/name_m] if it was your cousin’s son’s first name, I think it would be fine to use it given the solid reasoning and family history you have. As it is, it’s his middle… so totally fine to use IMO. When pregnant you may want to give her a head’s up that you’re thinking of using it, but I wouldn’t ask or be swayed by her not being stoked with it - you’ve got your own separate, solid reasons.
So this is the middle name of the 2-year old you’re trying to use? If that’s the case then absolutely go for it. I mean if you’re really worried just ask your cousin for her opinion. I have cousins who have the same middle names and no one thinks anything of it. If it was the same first name then I think it’s weird. However, one of my moms cousins named their son the same name as my moms brothers son (so my uncle and his cousin both have a son with the same name), and it’s a little weird but they aren’t close and no one ever comments on it except for me
Totally fine. Relatively common, a middle name that isn’t used on a regular basis on her part and a family name on your part, plus you’ve previously stated your intention.
