Would you ever have a kid on your own?

Parentberries
24

Sorry to chime in on an olddd topic, but as a fellow teen (almost 19, but still a teen!) who wants more than anything to have a big family someday … I wouldn’t choose to raise a child without a spouse.

If it somehow happened, for whatever reason, I know that I could. I’d just have to call on the support of friends and family more often! But I wouldn’t make the choice to.

Why? Well, here’s the thing.

[name_f]My[/name_f] big sister has had me working in children’s ministry since I was 11 years old. That means since I was 11 I have become accustomed to entertaining 15-25 four and five-year-olds. When I was thirteen, that shifted to two- and three-year-olds. When I was 16, that shifted to 5, 6, and 7-year-olds. The job I’ve had since I was 16 has me working every day with kids 3-15 (though more with the under-10 crowd). Now I have a second job as a PSW for a five-year-old superstar who has Down Syndrome, which also has me watching his other brothers (2-12) on occasion. (Poor mom has five sons! Eek! Though she’s kinda my hero now because … she still rocks it!) We do minimal preschool work (as he can’t attend school) and mostly just try to stay out of trouble. :wink:

On top of that, I’ve been an aunt since I was six, and that means lottttss of babysitting. And I’m not a fun aunt. :stuck_out_tongue: I love my nieces and nephew like crazy, but I am not the type to let kids get away with things meaning some not-fun confrontations happen from time to time.

I should be fine managing kids on my own, right? Haha, no.

Children are amazing. They are literally the best thing on this planet! I can’t imagine what my life would be without them. But … if my parents and alllll the other parents I’ve ever talked to have told me one thing, it’s that they are HARD to raise.

I can barely imagine being able to handle the day in and day out pressure of raising a child, let alone many children, by myself, with no “clock out time,” no “end of the activity” … when I have someone to tag team with.

Without someone on my team keeping me sane? Well, like I said … I think I could do it. I would toughen up and figure it out. But I just wouldn’t choose to because, though I can keep it up for a couple weeks (and I have!), I think eventually I’d need someone to say, “[name_u]Baby[/name_u], I need five minutes to pee–can you watch them?” to.

But … if when you’re 30 years old, you want to have kids, and you decide it’s the right decision for you … then don’t doubt yourself. It wouldn’t be a choice I would make, but when the time comes, you never know. You could do it. I bet you’d do great!

Still, I’d wait to make any decisions, and I wouldn’t let “baby fever” trap you into anything now. You have time!

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25

You have so much time to wait and see. I’m sure you will be blessed with a loving partner! Personally, growing up in a single parent household was very difficult for me and now that I am a mother (soon to be of 2) I would never choose to be a single parent in a million years. I am so thankful everyday for my partner and managing raising a child without them seems terrifying. Statistically speaking, single parent households (at least in the USA) don’t bode well for the child’s future or welfare. I know it happens, there are inevitable circumstances, but I wouldn’t ever choose that path for the sake of my child. I hope this doesn’t come off too harshly, it’s out love and personal experience watching my single Mother struggle my entire childhood. Sending you love and prayers for a happy life!

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26

I’ve thought about this a lot recently. I really want kids (not just one, I would have to have at least two bc I wouldn’t want them to feel alone in anything. I loved having a built in play mate growing up and now as a young adult, I have someone to lean on that’s been in my exact place). I come from a single parent household, even though I do have a relationship with my father and I now spend about 50/50 at both houses. I’ve seen how difficult it is, money and energy wise. If I never find the right person to start a family with then I would look into having a child on my own and I would definitely look to adopt from the foster system, though I feel like that would be harder as a single person. I’d have to rely on my friends and mom for help. I would be somewhat worried that the child wouldn’t have a father figure but I have close male friends and my brother than I know would step up and spend time with them. I think it really comes down to how much you’re willing to sacrifice.

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I agree with @loonylovegood

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Nope. Grew up like that, wouldn’t take on that type of hardship or impose it on a child.

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To any teen out there wanting to be a single mother, may I suggest waiting until you gain more life experience. The idea sounds great, but it is really hard work. *Ideally, a baby should have a father and mother. [name_m]Even[/name_m] most single parents who are raising children probably didn’t plan on this happening. Life can bring along many problems, divorce, death, and relationship breakdown. I raised five children, often alone as my husband was a workaholic. It was extremely hard (but well worth it).

For all the friends who say they will support you, it is asking a bit much to expect them to help you. Most people will help in an emergency, but friends often will move away. I helped my daughters with the grandchildren, but I have reached a stage in life where this help has to be limited for my sake as I am getting older. Illness can strike your family members who are helping you, and they may no longer be available…

Often friends will help when asked, but no one has a right to expect it. Teenage years can be a great time for making plans, but it is also a time to study, enjoy time with friends, and dream of the future. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t be in a rush. enjoy the time to study, hang out, travel fulfil some of your independent dreams.

I do know some young girls will accidentally get pregnant. Some of these girls will raise their babies, some will not. However, I firmly believe a child should be wanted by both parents at the right time. What that right time is no one else can say. Some things to consider are, the financial cost of the baby/child, being on call 24/7, friends going out and you cannot get a baby sitter (it does happen), living arrangements may be difficult. the availability the type of work the mother can do against what she would like to do. These are just some ideas to think about.

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I asked this eight months ago so I’m not sure why people are still replying but thanks for the input haha

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31

Let me know if you’d rather end the discussion here @venezio and I’ll delete, but I did feel I have something to add.

I was raised mostly by a single mother with some input from my father. [name_f]My[/name_f] view is that it’s 1000% better to be raised by one person who is doing their best, rather than by one person who is doing their best and also one person who is absolutely not. The idea that it’s always better to have 2 parents isn’t true, and if we as a society stopped promoting that idea I would have had an infinitely better childhood.

The fact is that if everyone in your child’s life loves them, regardless of how many people that is, in my view they aren’t missing out on anything. I’m definitely not saying there’s anything wrong with personally preferring to have 2 parents - in terms of childcare and finances etc I’m sure it makes things a lot easier. But there’s nothing inherently better about having a certain number of parents or a certain type of family.

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32

Asherose, I understand and appreciate your sentiment, but this could be more inclusive of LGBTQ+ folks. Babies don’t need a father and a mother, they need parental love. Whether that’s two mothers, two fathers or two parents who go by different titles.

OP, this train of thought can also be really common in the LGBTQ+ community. Of wanting a child but not wanting to follow the “traditional” heteronormative path, and so considering single parenthood as a first option. Some of these folks then go on to be part of same-sex parented families.

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