Would you ever not use a name because a relative doesn't like it?

I had posted a question in the girl’s section awhile back seeking opinions on the list of middle names we had in mind for a future daughter, [name_f]Ada[/name_f]. Based on that, we currently have two of those choices still in the running: [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f] and [name_u]June[/name_u]. Now…we are very firm in not discussing names with anybody (besides you guys, of course), so we haven’t told anyone. However, out of the blue, my mom brought up how someone used the middle name [name_f]Rose[/name_f] for their daughter and how ugly she thought that was. My mom’s middle name is [name_f]Rose[/name_f] and she despises it greatly, for reasons largely unknown. She actually shares that middle name with many female relatives on her side of the family, as “[name_f]Rose[/name_f]” is sort of a tradition to give to at least one daughter. Mom doesn’t know we are considering a “[name_f]Rose[/name_f]” middle name for a future daughter and if she did, she wouldn’t have said anything. However, I can’t quite shake her comments. I always knew she didn’t like [name_f]Rose[/name_f] but never quite realized just how much she totally hates it. We aren’t quite sure if that should remove [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f], a name that we both really like for various reasons, from our list or just leave it on. Obviously, it isn’t mom’s choice, but still…

So, would/have you guys not used a name based on what others have said about it?

Maybe ask her why? There might be a family Skelton there that would mean you don’t want to use it either. It might just be her but check just in case.

I agree that you should ask her why. If she just dislikes it because she finds it boring or something, then I wouldn’t consider that a reason to remove it from your list. But, if there’s reasons like an abusive [name_f]Rose[/name_f] in her past I would definitely reconsider. Personally, I’d never want to use a name that a family member associated with an abusive person. I know that there are two names that would be very hurtful to me if my hypothetical children used, but I would also be honest about it from the beginning. It shouldn’t be a surprise after the name is already given to the child.

Well, when I asked her why before, she would only say that she finds it ugly and unimaginative, and boring, since it was given to so many girls in her family. I feel like there could be more to it, which is why I said that her reasons are largely unknown. My mom tends to be very dramatic (i.e. when she got stood up for a date, she stayed in bed and cried for nearly a week straight because it was “the end of the world and men are pigs”). I suppose I will have to think of a way to get some more info out of her.

Unless their reasons are justified and not just because they don’t like it (by this, I mean the name brings back awful memories or is a trigger for them), then I’d still keep it.

I would say probably not. I might make an exception if they can point out a really negative association. But if it’s simply because it’s not their style, then absolutely not. My cousin is named [name_f]Jocelyn[/name_f] and my grandmother HATED the name–no particular reason, just hated it. Eventually, though, she got used to it. My sisters constantly dislike names that I suggest and adore. Their style is definitely more modern and trendy than vintage/fanciful or whatever you like to call my whimsical style:) For example, both of them would much prefer [name_u]Aidan[/name_u] to [name_m]Atticus[/name_m] and [name_f]Madelyn[/name_f] to [name_f]Magdalena[/name_f]. So they just dislike my names, and that’s ok. Luckily, they will have their own kids to name.

So I would ask your mother specifically why she hates it so much. If there is a serious negation, then maybe you should reconsider. But if it’s just because she doesn’t like it, then I would keep it for sure! [name_f]Ada[/name_f] [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f] is an absolutely gorgeous name! And like with my cousin’s case, her grandmother will get used to the name as she watches her bright, beautiful granddaughter wearing it. :smiley:

It would depend on the reasons why that relative didn’t like it.

If it was simply a case of them not liking the name, but not real reason for that, then I would still use it.

However, there was a name that I used to like - well that I still like to be honest - but that I would never consider using now, because of something that happened in my family history. When I happened to mention the name over dinner one evening, my grandfather’s face fell, and he muttered something under his breath. He wouldn’t tell me at first, but I kept pushing, and he told me that his aunt had been called this name, and that she had done something awful (she really did) and he dislikes the name, because it reminds him of her.

It hurts me say this, but my grandpa might not be around when I have children, so you could say it wouldn’t be an issue. Yet now I know (a) what this great-great aunt did, and (b) how my grandpa feels about the name, I could never use it (even if he is no longer around).

So yeah, it all depends why, I guess.

I think I’d want to know the reason why she hates it so much, you don’t need to mention it’s because you’re considering a [name_f]Rose[/name_f] name just out of curiosity. If it’s simply because she’s never liked it and she doesn’t have a particular reason, then I don’t think it should put you off, especially since it’s actually a different name, you never know she could actually love [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f]. I know I like some names and dislike others that are similar, for example, I love [name_f]Eve[/name_f], dislike [name_f]Eva[/name_f] and [name_f]Ava[/name_f] and love [name_f]Ada[/name_f], like it just doesn’t make sense. I love [name_f]Esther[/name_f], dislike [name_f]Hester[/name_f]. However, if you think her saying she dislikes the variants of [name_f]Rose[/name_f] as well, would put you off the name, then I’d probably avoid asking the question.

If it’s really because she just finds [name_f]Rose[/name_f] to be a boring name, then [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f] shouldn’t bother her. ([name_f]Ada[/name_f] [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f] is gorgeous, BTW)

Unless they bring to my attention a very good reason to dislike the name (horrible association I might miss, etc) and actually affect how I feel about the name, no, I would still use the name I love.

I would still use it in your situation. It doesn’t sound like she has a really good reason. It actually somewhat reminds me of how my mother would act. She likes to create drama where there is none and then when you call her out on it she acts like you are crazy and she never said that! She has always hated her name ([name_f]Margaret[/name_f]) because it’s plain and boring and poor her, back in the day they just named you anything and didn’t really care. But when I tell her I think it’s a fine name (could be worse) and that we considered using [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] (the meaning of [name_f]Margaret[/name_f]) for our DD’s mn she was suddenly fine with her name again.

That said, I do see what she means about [name_f]Rose[/name_f] being a common name that everyone gets. I do feel the same way, so I think it’s great that you would use [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f], [name_f]Rosalie[/name_f] would be really pretty too.

I would still use it in your situation. It doesn’t sound like she has a really good reason. It actually somewhat reminds me of how my mother would act. She likes to create drama where there is none and then when you call her out on it she acts like you are crazy and she never said that! She has always hated her name ([name_f]Margaret[/name_f]) because it’s plain and boring and poor her, back in the day they just named you anything and didn’t really care. But when I tell her I think it’s a fine name (could be worse) and that we considered using [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] (the meaning of [name_f]Margaret[/name_f]) for our DD’s mn she was suddenly fine with her name again.

That said, I do see what she means about [name_f]Rose[/name_f] being a common name that everyone gets. I do feel the same way, so I think it’s great that you would use [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f], [name_f]Rosalie[/name_f] would be really pretty too.

@handygirl, yep! That’s how my mom is, too, unfortunately. I did talk to her about this and she pretty much confirmed that she just doesn’t like it and thinks it is boring. And yes, I really do see what you, her, and many other people say about it being popular as a middle name. Honestly, it isn’t a factor to us and we’ve gone further to wonder if it would be some matter of torture for a future daughter and…don’t think it would be. We love the name [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f] for various reasons. The rose is the “birth flower” of not only my birth month ([name_u]June[/name_u]), but of that we met in and married in a couple years later. Roses are what we gave me on one of our dates…the one when he told me he loved me. [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f] was the name of a great-aunt dear to my family, [name_f]Rose[/name_f] is used as a middle name tradition on mom’s side of the family, and [name_f]Mary[/name_f] honors several other dear family members as well. [name_f]Rose/name_f isn’t one of the names you hear much anymore, excluded the ones who use it as a middle name. I feel like our reasons kind of mean more than the fact that so many other females have [name_f]Rose[/name_f] as a middle name?

Anyhow, sorry about the mini-story lol. We’ve decided that we will likely use [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f]. It’s still on our list, at least. We can’t decide for sure, which is good since we haven’t even conceived yet (more time to hash this out!) lol. Thanks for all the input, everybody :slight_smile: it really helps to get opinions from people who love names.