DH wants me to look into other girl name options, so I thought back to an old favorite of mine: [name_f]Claire[/name_f]. I think it’s beautiful, feminine, bright, works well on any age and for any profession, doesn’t have many spelling variations…at least none that are super popular in my neck of the woods (most people would think “[name_f]Claire[/name_f]” not “[name_u]Clare[/name_u]”)…it doesn’t repeat any family names, I have no bad associations, and it was the name of a character in a book that I felt really connected to. I haven’t brought it up to DH yet, though, because there’s one little hitch: a friend of ours lost a baby (stillborn) nearly 10 years ago, before I knew this friend. The baby’s name was Clairabelle. With this being a sensitive subject, I don’t want to really ask her if it would bother her…at least so prematurely (if we get pregnant with a girl and DH likes the name, then maybe I’d consider bringing it up). I did want to ask your opinions though. Be honest. I’m not really looking for opinions on the name itself…I know it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea…I more wonder if you guys would see anything wrong with choosing the name [name_f]Claire[/name_f], given our friend’s loss. I should mention that we see this friend at least once a week, so it’s not like a “well, we see them every leap year” thing. I just picture her saying our daughter’s name and it hurting her…and that breaks my heart.
I don’t see it as distasteful. But, since she is a close friend I would ask her if all the other criteria are met. Before you ask her you’d probably want to discuss what you would do if she says it wouldn’t be okay with her. What could you do if she says it’s okay, then it starts to be hard on her (let her use initial nn, use a pet name, etc.)?
I think it’s great you are considering her feelings, since many wouldn’t.
This is such a tricky situation: you don’t want her to feel pain every time she hears your child’s name, but you’ve found a name you love.
My advice would be to keep searching for another name. [name_m]Even[/name_m] if you ask your friend for her blessing, she may say it’s absolutely okay with her, and it very well might be since its [name_f]Claire[/name_f] and not Clairabelle, but perhaps it still causes a little pang every time she hears that name.
It would be worth at least looking for an alternative to [name_f]Claire[/name_f].
Thanks for the input so far! I really like hearing what you guys have to say and it’s given me some things to mull about some more. I think we’ll definitely keep looking but [name_f]Claire[/name_f] may stay on the table for now. I guess we’ll cross any bridges when we come to any.
I think it’s a completely different name. I usually err on the side if not causing pain, but this feels different enough. You could talk to her and make sure you make a sensitive choice.
As someone who lost a little one, if a close friend of mine wanted to use the name we had chosen, I would honestly feel honored. We hadn’t announced the name yet but if we had. I would probably initially be sad, the second reaction I’m not sure, but would settle on feeling like my little one’s name might live on through another.
If her daughter had lived, I’m guessing you wouldn’t use the name [name_f]Claire[/name_f]? So I think asking your friend is the right thing to do if you really wanted to use the name.
@boyandgirl, true. It does feel like a different name, but just really similar. @theirishsaint, I’m so sorry for what you went through. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, and I’m sorry if this brought up any sadness for you.
@lilhan, actually, I think that I would still consider it if her daughter had lived. With how our TTC journey is, her daughter likely would’ve been a teenager or close to it when our child would be born.
Regardless, I think that you all have brought up a good point. I really can’t know how she would feel unless I were to ask her. I’ll ask DH his opinion on it when he wakes up. I hadn’t asked him yet because I wasn’t sure if it was even a good idea for me to even consider.
As someone who has had a Miscarriage, I think your compassionate consideration of your [name_m]Friend[/name_m]'s feelings is SO beautiful!! I miscarried our precious Daughter, [name_f]Flavia[/name_f], nearly 18 years ago (we got Married VERY young) but I still think of her every day and we talk about her openly as a Family with our friends and relations. Given this, I would be stunned if anyone we know called their Daughter [name_f]Flavia[/name_f], just as I would be if anyone called their Daughter [name_f]Thalia[/name_f] or [name_f]Arabella[/name_f] (the Names of our living Daughters) as ALL of these Names are very rare in our area (we have never met anyone else with any of these Names). However, if someone close to us suddenly Named their Daughter [name_m]Flavel[/name_m], which is about as similar to [name_f]Flavia[/name_f] as [name_f]Claire[/name_f] is to Clairabelle, I would simply think “What a great Name, it reminds me of [name_f]Flavia[/name_f]”, just as if someone Named their Daughter [name_f]Araminta[/name_f] or [name_f]Isabella[/name_f] I would think “What a great Name, it reminds me of [name_f]Arabella[/name_f]”! The similar Name would not hurt or offend me in any way.
I hope this helps in some way!? Your kindness is beautiful!
You’re such a sweet friend. [name_f]Claire[/name_f] is a lovely name and as you said, it’s hard to know what she’ll feel unless you talk to her. The two names are completely different stylistically but very similar because of the “[name_f]Claire[/name_f]” part, which is kind of interesting. In my opinion, because it wasn’t a recent event (even though something like that never stops hurting) and it’s not the exact same name, she might find it almost therapeutic to be able to see a little girl grow up with a name similar to the one her beloved baby has. My advice would just be to sit down with her (if you get pregnant with a little girl, your husband loves the name as much as you do AND it’s your top contender) and explain the situation, telling her you value her feelings and you’d never want to do anything that causes her pain and my guess is you’ll have a really nice conversation and end up being closer friends because of it. Good luck, it’s so thoughtful of you to be doing all of this for your friend.
awe, thank you @katiem333. I brought up the name to DH a few minutes ago and it took him awhile to respond, but he shrugged and said he liked it okay enough. I brought up the association with our friend’s child, and he flinched. I mean, his entire body had a physical reaction. He knew this friend back when they experienced their loss and remembers what they went through. He said that he isn’t opposed to using the name but definitely thinks we would have to take her to the side and let her tell us honestly what she thinks about it and go from there. I still love the name, but my infatuation with it is quickly waning. Maybe it would be better left to the middle name spot, if used at all.
So we’ll see.
I don’t think it’s distasteful at all. In fact, maybe it’s a way to honor your good friend? Besides, it’s not exactly the same name. I would definitely encourage you to use it, though I would also bring it up with your friend just to be safe.
[name_f]Claire[/name_f] is a fantastic name for all the reasons you mentioned, and I have very good associations with the name, so I can hardly praise it enough.
I think it would be okay, as the loss was quite some time go. If it was last year or such, then perhaps it would be a little unthoughful, but with such a long time between events I think it would be alright. I don’t think it should be seen as disrespectful, if you genuinely like the name. But honestly, the best thing would be to talk to her and see how she feels about it. You’ll never be sure unless you have that conversation - as awkward as it may feel.
