Would you still use a name you've talked about with your ex?

Would you still use a name you’ve talked about with your ex?

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I have had a favourite girls name since I was a girl myself and I had talked to a previous partner about it and they knew that’s what I wanted to name a future daughter.

However it wasn’t as though we were trying so I think it makes a huge difference how the names are brought up in the relationship. If you’d discussed names because you were going to have kids with said ex but things didn’t work out then maybe the name is too tied to that relationship.

I’d still use that same name now with my husband for a third child if we have a girl, but it’s not tied directly to that relationship, just a long time favourite.

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I agree with this. If the name is a compromise option that you and your ex worked towards together, or it’s meaningful for some reason relating to your ex relationship, then I’d feel weird about using the name with a new partner.

If it’s just a longtime personal favourite you’ve talked about before, then I think that’s fine to use.

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I actually don’t have an ex but my husband had an engagement that ended a couple of years before we met. When we were TTC the first time, he brought up names that he and his ex had talked about and was honest about that fact. He just really liked the names which was absolutely fine and fair. Those names did make it on our list but we ultimately found names we loved more.

For me, they weren’t “their” names. The names themselves were neutral. It wasn’t like “oh, we were going to name our baby X after my ex’s mom” and then he suggested that for our baby. I think that made a difference, to an extent. I think that there can be a lot of pain concerning past relationships in general and carrying anything over from them can be seen as inappropriate, a betrayal, holding onto feelings…but that wasn’t the case here. For me, I feel like his former relationship is part of his life and who he is and it isn’t my place to restrict everything from that period of time to that period of time. So yeah, it wasn’t an issue.

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I think it depends entirely on the situation. I’m divorced, and I have a son with my ex-husband. When my new partner and I started talking about wanting children and baby names, I did bring up a few names that were on the list for my oldest son with my ex-husband. I do have to admit that my ex-husband wasn’t very involved in the naming process of our son, I just compiled a list, he vetoed a couple of names and I made the final decision. It never felt weird to me to consider those names for a child with my new partner. But as it happened, he didn’t like any of them.

It would have been different when it’s a name that had great significance to my ex-husband, for example. But in this case, it never felt strange to me or to my new partner.

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i wouldn’t use a name that an ex suggested or a name that had significance to them, but as someone who likes names i’ve shown my list to my exes so i wouldn’t scrap the whole thing just because we’ve had the conversation. i also think whether or not you have (or were trying for) kids with the ex is relevant, because i feel like agreeing on a name for an actual child ties it to the relationship where discussing a hypothetical child without actively trying doesn’t (at least for me).

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It really depends.

If it was a name I liked before I was with them or liked independently of my relationship with them, I would likely still use it. If it felt very tied to my relationship with them or had a specific meaning to the two of us, I would likely pick a different name.

I would also talk to the partner I was currently with / assumedly planning to have kids with to learn their thoughts and feelings on the matter.

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[name_f]My[/name_f] ex actually recently named his son a name we would have used had we had a child. I had wondered a few times over the years if he’d still use it, the name is incredibly meaningful for him, a memorial of a friend. So when he and I spoke a few months after his boy was born, I was actually incredibly happy to hear that he still used the name that we’d discussed. I told him that I was so pleased to see him use the name because I knew of his attachment to it, it never belonged to me, it never belonged to “us”, it was always his name, and as much as I also loved it for us, I never once considered using it after our relationship.

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[name_f]My[/name_f] ex-partner and I were engaged and naming future children before we split and had settled on a boys name and a girls name, [name_m]Aaron[/name_m] [name_m]Jacob[/name_m] and [name_u]Kennedy[/name_u] [name_f]Zara[/name_f]. I loved both names, but, they were more his choices than mine.

When S/O and I were first expecting [name_u]Rhett[/name_u], we did consider [name_m]Aaron[/name_m] as a nod to [name_m]Elvis[/name_m] for a boy, and [name_u]Kennedy[/name_u] for a daughter, as I had always liked [name_u]Kennedy[/name_u], but they felt very tied to my ex-partner. [name_f]My[/name_f] ex had a baby boy last year, and only used the middle name we’d agreed on (which is literally his name, so it made sense). I felt like if he didn’t use [name_m]Aaron[/name_m], I shouldn’t use it either :sweat_smile:

With S/O, I wanted a fresh set of names to look at and consider, since it’s a fresh start for myself in that sense!

It sort of depends on your own feelings towards it, really, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer when it comes to it!

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I think it would depend on the name and meaning behind it.

If its a name that is forever going to be tied to your ex and that relationship, I wouldn’t do it, especially if it’s unique. But if it’s a name that you love regardless of your ex I don’t see a problem with it.

For example my ex and I discussed using the names 'Lily and [name_f]Abri[/name_f] ’ if we ever had daughters. I love the name [name_f]Lily[/name_f] and would still use it if it felt right as its just a name we both loved equally, (he also named his first daughter Lily) however [name_f]Abri[/name_f] had special significance to our relationship that would mean, beyond just being weird if I used it (or if he used it), it wouldn’t have the same meaning to my husband and I as it had to my ex and I.

So [name_f]Lily[/name_f] :white_check_mark: but [name_f]Abri[/name_f] :x:

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