[name]One[/name] of my close friends told me a few weeks ago she is pregnant and their favorite girl name is [name]Elena[/name]. Now, I know she could have a boy, and technically, I guess the name could still be up for grabs if I have a girl first. At this point, it probably isn’t first on our list anymore, even though it was for our first child(boy) and we’ve liked it for a long time. I really would like to keep it on and since it has been a long-time favorite, we may go back to it, but I’m not sure. Plus I love the middles I have paired with it. ([name]Elena[/name] [name]Sophia[/name] [name]Kate[/name])
Anyhow, I guess what I’m asking is would you even still consider the name or would you just cut it from the list? Honestly, if she has a boy and I have a girl, I would feel bad using it even if we decide to put it back in number one spot. She says if I get to it first, its ok, but I know they [name]LOVE[/name] the name. I have some friends who say I should still use a name I love eve if it or one similar to it gets used first. Like if she uses [name]Elena[/name] first and then I eventually have a girl and want to use it, I still should even though we are close friends. Or for example, I know a little [name]Chloe[/name] and am close to her parents and I like [name]Zoe[/name]. They say it doesn’t matter I could still use it.Any thoughts or comments on this situation?
You are both currently pregnant, yes? And neither of you has an automatic “dibs” on [name]Elena[/name] (i.e. name of cherished deceased relative)? If she says it’s her absolute favorite name, and you have it at #5, go ahead and let her use it.
If she ends up having a boy, and if by the end of your pregnancy you’re sure you want a little [name]Elena[/name] [name]Sophia[/name] [name]Kate[/name] (two big ‘ifs’!)-- then I say it’s your prerogative to use it. Any “dibs” that depends on theoretical future pregnancies and lock-in solid naming preferences is a little shaky.
I would think it would be awkward for the children in this case. If you both have girls and then plan on having them be playmates, it would be hard for the [name]Elena[/name]'s to know which mom was talking to which daughter.
If she used it, I would take it off my list. I already have [name]Flora[/name] dangling on mine because my fiance’s sister has a daughter named [name]Nora[/name]. It’s too close for me and would just annoy me because they rhyme.
Also in this case she loves the name, while it seems you don’t really have a strong attachment to it? If a friend told me they loved a name that I had on my list that I liked, but not necessarily loved, I would give it up. The name is more important to her than to me. If you love the name as well, then I’d go with who ever gets it first gets it unless you don’t plan on having your children play together.
The only girls name I’m almost 100% would be our first pick is [name]Claire[/name] [name]Elisabeth[/name] [name]Louisa[/name]. I’m still not even 100% percent on it. The rest of the names in my signature are pretty much all tied contenders and I don’t think I will know order of preference until closer to the birth.(If it’s a girl) That’s why I’m struggling with it because if I decided its the one I love I would want to use it. But if I should just cut it, I need to do it now and not keep thinking on it. ") Thanks for the feedback, it’s helpful to hear suggestions on this situation!
I would probably not use [name]Elena[/name] then; but it depends if it has meaning to you or how much you love it. Plus, you could have two [name]Elena[/name]'s if you had to. Lol. And [name]Chloe[/name] and [name]Zoe[/name] are fine (for friends). It is hard to find names you and your family like so adding in friends and others make it much harder!..
Ps. There are names similar to [name]Elena[/name]… [name]Elaina[/name], [name]Alaina[/name], [name]Alana[/name], [name]Elaine[/name], etc…
I’m thinking of [name]Ella[/name] as an alternative or even a nickname for [name]Elena[/name], which would help differentiate between two Elenas if we both use the name. I don’t know how long she has liked the name, but we have liked it a long time so I think she would understand if we use it. I wouldn’t use it just to use it first. If we use it it will be because we feel that is what our daughter’s name should be.
Two friends of mine named their daughters [name]Isabel[/name] and [name]Isabella[/name]. The girls are only 3ish months apart. There was literally like 5 minutes of “hey! That’s what we are naming our daughter” and then it was done. Everyone calls the girls by their full names, and its not awkward. I know the names are slightly different, but I only think names are completely off the list if family uses it. You may find, that if your friend uses it, you don’t like it as much anymore because you associate the name with her daughter and not with your future daughter. Not in a bad association, just that you see it as someone else’s name. Or, you may see you daughter and know without a doubt she is [name]Elena[/name].
I have two very good friends who had little boys after me (one born 2 weeks later, the other born one month later) and they each called their son [name]Harry[/name]. [name]One[/name] of my friends called me from hospital to tell me first before she announced it! If they love the name [name]Harry[/name] as much as we did (or my husband did!), then how can I be annoyed. I very much dislike the “dibs” concept of names. I did not care in the least and it is not confusing at all. Go for it.
I have a TON of [name]David[/name]'s in my family. Some go by the middle name, some the first and some live in different states. It’s not a big deal most of the time. I have one cousin who has [name]Jacob[/name] [name]Bradley[/name] and [name]Joshua[/name]. Another cousin has [name]Jacob[/name] [name]Bradley[/name] (3 years younger than the other one) and [name]Stephen[/name] [name]Wylie[/name] (2-3 years younger than [name]Joshua[/name]). [name]Both[/name] sets of parents simply liked [name]Jacob[/name] and both used [name]Bradley[/name] to honor another family member whose mn it was. (For one it’s her father, for the other it’s an important uncle.) They both have different last names and live in different states. When the 2nd cousin was expecting [name]Stephen[/name] they said they liked [name]Joshua[/name]. I mentioned that the other cousin had a [name]Joshua[/name], and they automatically nixed it!!
That said, I don’t think it’s a very big deal. Nn’s are used unexpectedly, minds are changed once parents meet the babies, etc., etc., etc. I’d say use it!
I don’t think it’s worth crossing it off your list because you might have a daughter before your friend does, or you might end up with two [name]Elena[/name]'s as playmates. Your friend might have a boy and next year decide she is over [name]Elena[/name] and really loves [name]Claire[/name] now. Are you going to then also cross [name]Claire[/name] off of your list?
I think unless they have “dibs” as suggested in pp (deceased loved one - or an infatuation for a name that has lasted over a decade) everything is up in the air and flexible. No need to worry about crossing potentials off your list until you absolutely have to decide. [name]Even[/name] then I grew up with two Scotts who were best friends - yeah it’s a bit confusing for the rest of the world but so what.
I wouldn’t cross it off, especially since you both seem to have good attitudes about it. If one of you were acting territorial about it, it would be a problem. A few times recently on here I’ve read comments made from people who shared names with the children of their parents friends, or with other family members (apparently there are a few names that are Very popular honoring names in some families and no one thinks twice about using them over and over). I think one [name]Berry[/name] mentioned having like 5 or 6 female cousins that she shared a name with. Everyone who commented about a situation like that said they either didn’t mind or thought it was neat. It’s very common to become friends with someone you share a name with after you start to school. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sharing a name with a friend, earlier in life. I would have thought it was fun when I was little to share a name with a playmate.
If it was a name that is widely used, I wouldn’t, because I think if it’s a name that is pretty popular, you cannot expect other people not to use it.
If it was a name that was a bit more unusual, then I probably would take the name off my list, especially if my friend appeared to love it more than I did.
I’m assuming you are already pregnant? If you are, I wouldn’t take the name off your list. Whoever has the baby (girl) first,gets to use the name.
If I was pregnant and an also pregnant friend announced she liked [name]Hermione[/name],there is no chance of me dropping it. And I would probably a private tantrum about it too. Same goes for most of the names I like. Because my friends generally like names like [name]Jack[/name] rather than [name]Jasper[/name]. A private tantrum because obviously I don’t own any of the names.
Thompssn - I just have to say that every time I see the names of your kids in your signature I am reminded anew how stunning they are! I absolutely love them!!
If I read your original post correctly, if anyone has ‘dibs’ on [name]Elena[/name], it is you. Does your friend know that [name]Elena[/name] was what you would have named your first-born had he been a girl?
I think it depends on the name. All of the names that I like are somewhat common or at least familiar with the more popular version ([name]Olive[/name] vs.[name]Olivia[/name],[name]Clara[/name] vs.[name]Claire[/name], [name]Emilia[/name] vs.[name]Amelia[/name]) , so I can’t really lay claim to any of them, because they’re not unheard of.
The only name I have claimed is [name]Charlotte[/name]-all of my friends know it has been my favorite name for forever, so they aren’t going to use it. We have very similar tastes in baby names though ([name]Lucy[/name],[name]Evelyn[/name], [name]Audrey[/name],[name]Penelope[/name], and [name]Adelaide[/name] are all among our favorites) so for any other name I would take it off the list if they said it was their favorite.
I could definitely see myself having a “[name]Monica[/name] and [name]Rachel[/name] moment” if the particular name was their top choice. Friendship trumps all in my opinion. :]