If our baby is a girl (gender reveal in two weeks!), my partner is dead set on using his mothers name as a middle name for her.
He lost his mother 18 years ago, and in fact both of his parents are now deceased - this is his first child so I think its really bothering him that neither of them are around to experience it with him, and so I feel that of course I should agree to using her name.
The problem is - I HATE the name I don’t think it matches well with our baby girl names, and its a name I have always personally just hated the sound of…
My family and friends are VERY vocal about our name choices anyway, and have been annoying me with their opinions on them (I like unusual names and they have very traditional/popular taste) - and my own mother is constantly telling me what an ugly name his mothers is and that I absolutely shouldn’t use it.
In my position, would you just suck it up and use the name because its the nice thing to do? or would you never use a name that you so strongly hated?
Unfortunately her maiden surname is unusable as a name, and I’ve tried suggesting that we use her middle name instead but he doesn’t think that is much of an honour
(FYI - the name is [name]Stella[/name]. I know a lot of people like it, but for some reason I just really really don’t :/)
Oh, that’s a tough one. I’m going to say you should do it because it seems like it is important to your husband. How would you feel if it was the other way around? Working from your list, I think Stella goes well with Seraphina, Daisy, Coralie, Autumn and Temperance.
How do you feel about two middles? Malin Winter Stella would be stunning!
I do get how you feel though, I wouldn’t like to name my child a name I didn’t like, which is why my boyfriend and I aren’t doing any honouring at all (no matter what).
I know you may not like what I’m about to say, but I think you have to compromise on this one. This is his baby too and considering his parents aren’t around to meet their grandchild, I think this is a way to make them a part of the baby’s life. I’m sorry you hate it, but it is in the middle spot…you wouldn’t be calling her this every day. Good luck!
I would absolutely use it as a mn and demand full naming rights for the first name spot! I think you should consider 2 middles if you want something that flows better. Or ask if he’s open to [name]Estelle[/name] since that will probably work better if you favor A endings in the fn spot.
That’s what I would do.
And I would tell my mom to stop insulting the name & just appreciate the fact that she’s around to hang out with her grandbaby on all of those holidays you would have to split between the in-laws if they were around. It’s kind of screwed up to say, but it’s true!
I agree. Also, it is not [name]Gertrude[/name]. It may not be a name you like, but it won’t lead to teasing either. His parents aren’t around, let them be a part of your daughters life this way. (That’s just my advice, I do understand your point, but think his weighs heavier)
Yeah, I feel like I should do it too - I just wish it was any other name!
[name]Malin[/name] is our first choice with mn still up in the air, and our back names incase she doesn’t suit it are [name]Cadence[/name], [name]Seraphina[/name], [name]Fallon[/name] and [name]Daisy[/name].
I have been thinking about two middle names - the babys last name is Glass which is short so that might mean two middles is ok, not much of a mouthful.
Aww thanks! OH has vetoed most of the ones on my favourites list sadly! I don’t know why he thinks he should get a say…I’m the one who has to get this baby out of me! lol.
I love your list too, [name]Clemency[/name] and [name]Rosamund[/name] especially
I agree with all of this.Compromise and use it as a mn or a 2nd mn. It was his mother, and while you dislike the name it does have meaning to him. Hugs!
You could suggest giving your daughter the same initials as his mother as a way of honoring her, but if he doesn’t go for that I say you should use the name [name]Stella[/name] for the middle name. Think of how happy it will make your husband, rather than your feelings towards the name. Plus, your daughter will probably one day love the fact that her middle name has such special meaning, especially to her father
This is a toughy…but in this case…I think I’d let him have it. I imagine he feels a bit…“lost” for lack of a better term…without his parents around to met their grandchild. I, as a general rule, do not think you should have to compromise with a name you don’t like…but this has very special meaning to your SO it’s not like it’s just a name he likes because he can. As a PP said…think about how you’d feel if it was you that wanted to honor your deceased mother and he was against it.
Would you be open to two middle names? That way he gets the name he likes but you can incorporate the names you like too. Example based on your signature…[name]Malin[/name] [name]Winter[/name] [name]Stella[/name].
Yeah, I guess so If the baby is a boy, we’ve agreed to use his Dads name which I’m also not keen on but I don’t HATE it - I don’t know what it is about [name]Stella[/name], I just REALLY hate it
Ha! Oh I wish she would She’s not alone - my entire family and majority of friends seem to think they have the right to get involved on naming this baby - I’m so tired of my choices being literally laughed out loud at
Yeah I think I do have to do it. I just HATE it - to me, it is just as bad as [name]Gertrude[/name]. I don’t even know why I hate it so much - it’s just ALWAYS been a name I couldn’t stand ever since we did “A streetcar named Desire” in school
I dislike the name [name]Stella[/name] as well, so I can relate.
However I think in this case you probably should use it as a middle name since your partner feels the way he does about honoring his late mother… but offset it by putting in another middle name to balance the overall name out.
[name]Malin[/name] [name]Winter[/name] [name]Stella[/name] Glass is BEAUTIFUL!!
I know two middles can seem like a lot (it’s tradition in my boyfriends family and we’ve got two last names) but it might make you feel better about the name.
Would he be ok with using a similar name, like Estrella, Estelle, Esteri or Seren? They all mean star as well.
Absolutely. He’s only asking for the mn. My boyfriend’s mother also died years ago, and though I don’t care for her name, if he ever asked if we could use it, I would. My mn is my grand-mother’s name, and I don’t love it, but I have always felt very connected to her because of it. Hopefully your daughter will feel like that someday.
I would absolutely let him have his mother’s name in the middle name spot. If his parents were still alive I would maybe feel differently, but both of his parents are gone and I feel like he should be able to have this to honour them. I don’t particularly like [name]Stella[/name] either, but it is not some horrible, out-there name that completely clashes with your favourite names.
Well, he would RATHER we use it as fn but I just absolutely can’t bring myself to do that - I can’t imagine myself calling out for her everyday using a name that I’ve always hated so much
Thanks all! I think the two middle name option may help, particularly if I can get him to agree to using [name]Stella[/name] as the last mn…hopefully that would be acceptable?
Thanks I do think it would make me feel better about it. We’re not 100% on [name]Winter[/name] yet as a mn but I do want to indulge myself with her mn, names like [name]Winter[/name] and [name]Wren[/name] are right up my street but my family are SO opinionated on them that I can’t use them as a fn - so I at least want to allow myself to be creative with her mn
I would definitely use it for the emotional aspect. And it means star which is just lovely. I like [name]Malin[/name] [name]Winter[/name] [name]Stella[/name] Glass/[name]Malin[/name] [name]Stella[/name] [name]Winter[/name] Glass (particularly if you’re due in winter). [name]Malin[/name] the star of the [name]Winter[/name] is a spectacular message behind the name. and lets be honest, mns don’t get used all that often anyway!
I would use it considering how much it means to him and you might also want to consider that it might mean a lot to your daughter when she’s old enough to understand that she’s named after her grandmother.
OH has vetoed most of the ones on my favourites list sadly! I don’t know why he thinks he should get a say…I’m the one who has to get this baby out of me! lol.