I’m a single woman in her mid-30s. I have no prospects for a relationship and at my age any pregnancy from here on out would be considered “geriatric.” If I want to pursue motherhood I don’t have too many years left to make it happen so I’m having to consider pursuing being a single parent on purpose and going the route of IUI or IVF.
I suppose I’m looking for support/advice from people who have gone this route.
I’m a disabled vet so I have guaranteed monthly income, any dependents of mine can attend college for free in my state, and receive free health insurance so I don’t have any financial concerns. I think I’m scared of being the only parent 24/7 and not having any help or emotional support that comes with a partner. [name_f]My[/name_f] parents are in their 60s and live nearby and they take my brother’s four kids a lot so I know they’d be a help when I needed it.
I personally am not in this situation so I can’t speak from personal experience. But my OBGYN actually is a single mother by choice through IVF and has two daughters that way. She talks all the time about how it was the best decision of her life. If you want to have kids, I say go for it. It would be very sad to regret never being a mother if that’s important to you. Hopefully you can find someone who has actually done it to give a better firsthand experience, but from my perspective I’d say go for it. Especially since you have your parents for support and you have a brother with children who could also be supportive. The biggest thing I’d think would be emotional support more than anything.
@Elle1 Has experience with this topic! She had her daughter a little less than a year ago, and I’m sure she’d be very helpful to chat with about it A while ago, I had some questions about donor conceived babies, and she was so helpful and kind!
If you’re going that route, make sure to build a “village”, you have your parents and probably your brother and SIL nearby, do you have friends who could support you?
[name_m]Even[/name_m] just a friend who comes over sometimes for company makes the day a little easier, whether they help you or not.
If you have the means, definitely hire someone to help for cleaning or cooking.
[name_f]My[/name_f] husband works late and most of the weekends and I was basically by myself the first two years of our daughter (overworked, family issues etc). It’s been really hard, especially having zero family and only one real friend around (we had moved here not long ago), my biggest regret is not hiring people to help.
I wouldn’t go that route just because you feel like you have no choice. I’ll say I’m in my mid 30’s and when I went to my appointment I was expecting all the geriatric talk but to date (2nd trimester)
Nothing if the sort has been said and no such such care has been different then pregnancies prior. You definitely could still have lots of time to see how the future might unfold. I have friends that have had kids in their 40’s it’s not unheard of.
The chances for deformities and complications do rise the older you are and I’d like to be somewhat young enough to enjoy my kids and possibly grandkids, ha ha.
Unfortunately I have no friends and I’m not close to any relatives other than my parents. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister has one kid and lives in another state and my brother’s busy working to support a family of six.
Are you willing to talk to me about what you’ve found out and what your questions were? I don’t want to randomly message her so do you know if she’s OK with me doing so?
@autumnreverie maybe there’s single mother support groups around that you can join? I know I met one of my daughter’s friends mom, she’s a single mom, so we help each other out by picking up kids from school, babysitting, or just getting together because having two adults is just so much easier.
But even if you don’t have a substantial support group, remember to not be too hard on yourself, accept all help you can get, don’t hesitate to get a sitter, a cleaner, whatever you can afford that makes your life easier.
I’m not in your position nor a parent but regarding the point of being the only parent 24/7, I think there are options out-there. If you have the income or the room, a nanny or an au-pair could be of help.
However, I’ve also heard of forums/organisations where instead of looking for a partner, you’re looking for a compatible co-parent (and donor) - basically other single people that want to have children but also want the child to have another parent.
Maybe something to look into!
Sorry it’s taken me a couple days to come on here, but I’m happy to discuss on this forum or over DM!
I’d first like to say that women choose the Single Mom by Choice route at many ages! I’ve seen from 21 to 50! I was 27 when I made my decision and a couple months shy of 30 when I gave birth to my daughter (earlier this year).
There are a plethora of private Facebook groups for Single Moms by Choice and Donor Conception/Artificial Insemination. I’m happy to share all of them with you. I cannot recommend them enough! I learned so much before bringing my daughter into this world and continue to learn every day!
If I want to pursue motherhood I don’t have too many years left to make it happen so I’m having to consider pursuing being a single parent on purpose and going the route of IUI or IVF.
A while ago, I had some questions about donor conceived babies, and she was so helpful and kind!