Young mother to be/scared need honest advice

So me and my boyfriend just found out we are going to be parents.He is 19, I’m 17 almost 18. The baby is unofficially due on [name_u]June[/name_u] 20, 2023. We both have alot of experience in taking care of kids but, having our own especially so young is frighting, and scary. We would like more advice and help on this subject, we are young, we are inexperienced but me and him will get through this with help and love for each other.

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I know this isn’t the point of the post, but there’s no way the due date could be [name_u]June[/name_u] 20. A baby due on [name_u]June[/name_u] 20 wouldn’t even be conceived yet.

Anyway, I’m not sure how to give advice because parenting is such a huge topic. I think the biggest things would be don’t be afraid to ask for help. Moms (and dads) sometimes feel like they are failing if they can’t do everything themselves, but it’s really important to not try to always do it all and recognize when you need some help. I’d also say make sure you communicate with your partner now more than ever. Pregnancy, birth, and then raising a child are extremely overwhelming and stressful. It’s super easy to get caught up in everything and start to resent each other, but you need to work together as a team no matter what. You now have a child together so you are connected whether you like it or not, and the best thing you can do is always stay on the same team to do what’s best for that baby.

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[name_m]Can[/name_m] I talk to u privately on this and urs?

I’m assuming the OP just got confused because 9 months from now is [name_u]June[/name_u], but due dates aren’t calculated from when you are able to get a positive pregnancy test but from your last period.

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I’m not sure what urs means but feel free to send me a message if you’d like

Parenting is a big deal, every parents gonna do it differently based on what works for them and their situation.

[name_f][/name_f]

I second the advice to ask for help, when you need it. [name_f][/name_f] [name_f]Every[/name_f] parent needs it.

[name_f][/name_f]

Also Talk with your partner openly and honestly. Make plans for your future talk about what your life is going to look like in 5 yrs. 10 yrs… talk about what goals you each want to accomplish individually and as a family. Talk about what being a family means to both of you. Talk about what kind of parenting styles you would like to try. [name_f][/name_f] Talk about what kind of future you want for child. Lots and lots of open communication is the key.

[name_f]My[/name_f] advice would be to search for a large support network of relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues, baby-sitters, older people, etc. to be there for the two of you and your child.

Honestly unplanned pregnancy in itself is really scary and so overwhelming your age just adds to the scariness as you haven’t got as much life experience under your belt. But you’ve got this. You will be okay.

[name_f][/name_f]

I fell pregnant when I was 16 and unfortunately suffered a late term miscarriage. Then 10 years later unexpectedly fell pregnant again and went onto have my daughter [name_f]Lilia[/name_f]. Both times I was in a bad place and my relationship with the perspective father of each pregnancy wasn’t positive. It was/is hard [name_f][/name_f] so this is my advise with my life experience but different strokes work for different folks so it may not be helpful hopefully it will be. Also your more than welcome to privately message me as well :white_heart:

[name_f][/name_f]

Anyways Your already in a better predicament you have your partner who from the sounds of it wants to support you so please lean on your partner for support ~ lean on each other ~ it’ll make things easier. Raising a child takes a village your not failing when asking for support seek help from family, friends, professionals and go make mum friends. There is an app called [name_u]Peanut[/name_u] where you can meet up with mums in your [name_f][/name_f] local area make friends and share experiences I would download it try and make friends with mums to be. Creating your support network whilst going through your parenthood journey will work wonders. Join clubs, NCT or any workshops for perspective parents your healthcare professional should be able to point you in the right direction. Having ‘mum friends’ is lovely someone to compare the struggles with, socialise with, cry with, exchange ideas with and just have to ease the pressures of parenthood will be great. I would also recommend making time for self care. It’s hard to fit it in at times but self care makes you feel better which in turn will make you able to cope with life that little bit more. I would also make a plan with your partner as to how you want to proceed with the pregnancy, delivery and parenthood journey. Make a list of all the things the baby needs and divide the list up so that your partner is responsible for getting y and you for x just right from beginning divide up responsibility and include them on stuff like the delivery plan etc. In relation to getting items for the baby look at second hand options Facebook market place is amazing for baby bits trying to cut down on costs will help ease the financial burden so do look at second hand items. I would also try to save whatever money you can putting money aside for a rainy day will help. I would then also have a serious discussion as to how you plan to raise your child. What parenting style to follow, what goals and aspirations you want to strive for. Make a plan as to what you want for your child but also yourselves in 5 + years and 10 + years you both being on the same page will make things easier less overwhelming. Communication is key so make sure you guys ace that before the baby comes! Finally enjoy your journey being a parent is hard but do make sure you take in the joy of it too as there are lots of joyous moments.

[name_f][/name_f]

Wishing you all the best with this new journey :hugs:

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I wasnt a teen mother however this is advice that i found useful:

[name_f][/name_f]

Save your money. You do not need to go buy a heap of baby stuff. Don’t bother with those massive lists online. It is hard to resist but most of it is cute crap.

[name_f][/name_f]

Adjust your expectations. A baby requires 24/7 non stop care with no breaksfor years. [name_m]Even[/name_m] when baby is in someone else’s care, you are the parent. It is so hard. People with a long impressive career who become parents think it is hard. It isn’t like the movies. If you don’t go into this with your eyes wide open then you can suffer mental health issues, shock and disappointment because of these unrealistic expectations of your self or measureing your baby with some ideal and think you are doing it all wrong, when it is totally normal. (There are amazing, wonderful parts too, don’t be scared)

[name_f][/name_f]

Ask for help and accept it when people offer. [name_f]Share[/name_f] the load. Main thing is to keep baby alive and safe and loved.

[name_f][/name_f]

Know that there is a steep learning curve at the start and once you get to know your baby you will work out what works for you and you will gain confidence in yourself as you go along. You don’t have to be a baby expert, just be an expert of your baby.

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This might not be the kind of advice you’re looking for, or it may be way more that what you bargained for, but…

Take courage, young mama! Motherhood is a significant challenge, but we somehow rise to it, and IT. IS. WORTH IT.

At the end of all the preparation, you get a brand new, never before seen, one of a kind person. And you have the honor and privilege of playing an intimate role in their life. There is so much joy to be had in that experience. You will grow and change and become. You’re going to learn so much - about motherhood, about other people, about your baby, and about yourself. Take note of the people who show up for you and your child. It might surprise you sometimes.

As far as specific challenges to expect…

  1. It is truly incredible how little sleep you get with a newborn. Learning to function through sleep deprivation was lesson one for me.
  2. If you choose to nurse/breastfeed, there can be a significant learning curve there, too. And there is no shame in supplementing with, or exclusively using formula.
  3. Your baby will :poop: on their cutest outfit. I swear they know.
  4. There is also a heavy mental load you have to bear, pretty much always. You have to keep track of all kinds of things! What time did they take medicine? Was their last bath [name_f]Monday[/name_f] or [name_f]Tuesday[/name_f]? Did we pack everything we need? When is their next doctor appointment? Where is their immunization card? All that stuff.

Ultimately, you just do your best. It will be enough.

Also, [name_u]Happy[/name_u] Mother’s [name_u]Day[/name_u] every year!

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well um september to june is 9 months so i feel like they could have found it out super easily?

Like I said before, due dates aren’t calculated as 9 months from when you can find out you’re pregnant. It’s 40 weeks from the first day of your last period. So by the time you even find out you’re pregnant you’re already usually 6 weeks or further along (sometimes if you’re ttc and know when to test you can get a very faint positive earlier, but the average person who isn’t ttc doesn’t typically test until they miss a period). For a baby due [name_u]June[/name_u] 20, they would typically be conceived around [name_u]September[/name_u] 26 which hasn’t happened yet. Technically it’s possible if you have a very short cycle - some people ovulate only a day or two after their period or sometimes even during their period. But that would be a very rare case, and your OB would likely adjust your due date.

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Yes as @Emarkulics has said, you CAN’T find out you’re pregnant until it’s already only 8 months until the due date. As the 9 months is taken as ‘from the first day of your last period’.

Sounds kinda silly I know, that they act as though you were pregnant ~2 weeks before you’ve even released an egg or had the sex that got you pregnant, but it’s convention given that it’s harder to know exactly when you ovulated or the egg was fertislised etc.

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oh wow and thank you! I always thought it was 9 months counted from conception weird it isn’t @emarkulics

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Was just coming to add this! I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks, and my LMP was Dec. 2, which calculated my due date to be roughly Sept. 11 (baby was born Sept. 8). I had no way of knowing I was pregnant yet, even with being actively TTC because it wasn’t showing up on a test (unless I paid for a very expensive one) until I had missed a period.

LMP dates also very for everyone based on cycle length - if you have a 28 day cycle, your due date will be different from someone with a 21 or 30 day cycle.

I used What To Expect’s due date calculator and chose Sept. 2 as LMP date, and tried it with 21, 28 and 30 day cycles:

21 days is due [name_u]June[/name_u] 2, 28 is due [name_u]June[/name_u] 9, and 30 is due [name_u]June[/name_u] 11. Typically if you don’t know your cycle length, you default to 28 days though.

@lis02 here is the due date calculator I used for my pregnancy with my son. Pregnancy Due Date Calculator: How Many Weeks Pregnant Am I?

I don’t have much advice other than make sure you have some support, and not to listen to the negatives too much. Everyone told me I’d never sleep again when baby came, but the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy, I hardly slept at all because of heartburn, needing to pee, baby kicking and just generally being sore from how my body was carrying him. I’ve gotten less sleep but better quality sleep since he was born. While I was pregnant, if I only got 4-5 hours, I’d be miserable, feel nauseous from lack of sleep/overtiredness and need a 2-3 hour nap by 1pm. Now I get 4 ish hours the way S/O and I have worked out shifts to care for baby at night, and I actually feel like I’ve at least gotten a decent enough sleep.

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