Young Mums

Parentberries
1

[name_m]Hi[/name_m] all,

I’m looking to hear stories of ladies who became a mum at a young age.

Ideally, I’d like to begin TTC at 26/27, however I have recently been diagnosed with a second chronic gynaecological medical condition. Both of these conditions can affect fertility and have me in chronic pain. They can be managed with medication, but the only cure is a hysterectomy.

With the diagnosis of this second condition, my doctor has advised me to TTC pretty much as soon as possible, as generally the longer these conditions are present, the more damage they can do to my fertility.

I’m only 21 now, and while this is a big decision, I won’t be fully committed to one for at least a year when my implanon is due to be taken out. It’s a risk to wait until 26/27 as doctors won’t know what my fertility chances are like until I start trying, and it’s a matter of how long I want to deal and manage the pain.

Thank you all for reading - I look forward to talking with you.

2

[name_m]Hi[/name_m] there! I’m here to chat if you want, though I myself am not in the same position.
A friend of mine had her little boy a few months before her 20th birthday (doctors failed to mention that what they were giving her would impact her BC). She’s a bit younger than you but I can ask her how she’s finding things.
Another friend is likely going to start TTC this summer (she is 23 and her husband is 22) their decision is not based on fertility though.
And finally my cousin had her first when she was 23, she’s now 25, she and her partner were told that because of her PCOS it would be very hard for them to conceive. They have a little boy and I think will likely try to have more - she adores being a mum.

I’m not really sure if any of that helps, but I’m happy to talk about the general idea of having children fairly young, and also if you want me to ask these friends anything then just let me know!

I know there are a few people around who will also be TTC around the same ages as you who I’m sure will be happy to chat :slight_smile:

3

[name_m]Hi[/name_m], I’m new here and just as I was beginning to read through the forum pages I saw the title to this… I found out about four weeks ago that I’m expecting my first child and it was a huge surprise and shock. I have struggled with irregular menstrual periods all of my adolescent and adult life so far, and so it took me a long time to find out.

I’m 23, a student, I work part-time at a library and am single, so I really am going through this roller coaster period of being scared shitless and feeling completely unprepared, but also good in the sense that for me becoming a mother is inevitable, and so whether at 23 or 43, it’s something I always wanted… [name_m]Just[/name_m] maybe, ideally, in better financial circumstances.

Honestly, there’s no recipe for it and I’m not even sure I’m the most entitled to give advice as I’m slowly trying to figure stuff out myself, but I wouldn’t rush into motherhood even if the doctors advised you to, they are not the ones who will have to deal with all the expenses, responsibilities and challenges of being a parent.

Maybe you’ve considered this, or not, but there are other methods, though tricky, to become a mother, be it through a surrogate or adoption or fostering children in need. The biological way isn’t the only way.

4

[name_m]Hi[/name_m]! I’ve recently turned 22 (end of [name_u]March[/name_u]) and am in my first TTC cycle.

Everybody’s circumstances are different. My mum had her first at 19, and probably wasn’t too ready – she made it work but even she admits the situation wasn’t ideal.

I feel like I’m in a ‘better’ situation. In the sense that I have fiance, our own home, good amount of savings, steady income (well, FH - I’m a SAH partner), and this kid will be 100% planned. Everyone needs to make their own choices. And, even if you can’t plan life down to a tee, you can definitely work on having the most positive outcome for all those involved.

Good luck with your choices! I’m always super happy to be PM’d and talk :).

5

I am not a particularly young mum as a 25 year old woman pregnant with my first (though I’m the first of anyone I know in my cohort to be pregnant), but I wanted to point your way to this podcast series about a young couple who decided to go forward with parenting after an accidental pregnancy. I really think it’s worth a listen:

Best of luck making such big decisions about your future and your health! [name_f]Do[/name_f] what feels right to you.

6

Not a mum yet, but, S/O and I plan on TTC in a little over a year (our wedding is the first week of [name_u]July[/name_u]!), and I’ll be 22 when we start, 23 in the following [name_f]October[/name_f]. S/O will be 27 going on 28, so it’s a bit different for him, but, at least where I live - young mums are a common thing. I know my biggest fear is facing any kind of judgement for it, but I’m not likely to, and if I do, I’d have an arsenal of choice words for them.

I agree with @medfordkung - [name_f]Do[/name_f] whatever feels best for you! If you can sit down and make a list of pros and cons maybe, that could help?

If you need to/want to chat about anything, feel free to send me a PM (I believe you may have my email address too, so feel free to email me as well!). :slight_smile:

7

Thank you all so much for your replies! :smiley:

maerad: It would be fantastic if your friends would be comfortable in sharing their anecdotes with me via you, but I understand if they’re not!

lemondrops: Oh, this must be so hard for you! Congratulations though. :slight_smile: Once I decided I wanted children, I always still thought that I’d get an abortion if things were not ideal, however now being told that I will more than likely have trouble conceiving naturally, if I fall pregnant, I will be keeping it.

At the moment, I’ve decided to keep my BC in until it’s due to be removed (this time next year) and then just seeing what happens. I believe everything happens for a reason, so if I get pregnant, I get pregnant, if I don’t, I don’t.

I guess I’m worried about it happening at a time not ideal, missing out on things that I wanted to do before children, and the stigma attached to it.

I’m glad that there are other ways to become a mother as well, but I would love to conceive naturally at least once if it’s at all possible.

Good luck! [name_m]Feel[/name_m] free to DM me here if you ever want to chat.

splinteredruler: Thank you so much! I always planned on being in an ideal situation before TTC, and while I’ve decided to stay on my BC until it is due to come out (this time next year), and just see what happens (I believe everything happens for a reason), I am worried that I won’t be where I’d ideally like to be. However, I’d love to conceive naturally if it is possible, and my partner and I know that if it happens and we haven’t got our own yet and etc, we will make it work as it is something we really want.

Good luck with your TTC!

medfordkung: Thank you so much! I’ll definitely give it a listen. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! :slight_smile:

lawsonhaley: Thank you so much, [name_u]Haley[/name_u]! I can’t remember if I knew that the date had been set or not, so apologies if I did - that’s so exciting! I bet the time flies until then!

I guess my biggest concerns with it is not being in my ideal situation, though I know my partner and I will make it work no matter what! And also the judgement. Where I live, teen parents are quite common (three girls I was friends with during school had their children at 17, 18, and 18), and so are young parents, and while it’s more the teen parents that get judged, and I believe no one should judge based on your age, it just makes me anxious to think about people thinking badly of my partner and I (we’re the same age) without knowing our circumstances.

I’m also worried about missing out on things! We’ve altered our [name_u]January[/name_u] holiday plans so that I will have visited most countries I’d like before I get my BC out and we let nature take its course, but I know I’m going to want to travel more and may not get to for a while.

I’m not sure if I still have your email address, but I’ll send you a PM on here or Twitter so I can get it again as I’d love to be able to email someone about it all. :slight_smile:

8

You know…age is just a number. :slight_smile: I turned 20 years old this week, and my son will be 1 in [name_u]August[/name_u], and we’re planning baby #2. I was ready at that age, but not everyone is.

It’s a big, and hard, decision to make if you’re ready to have a baby or not. My only advice is to take the time you need to think about this and not rush into anything. It might also be a bit comforting to think about all the fertility treatments out there. I don’t know what conditions you have and if any treatment would help. Best of luck, whatever you end up doing! :slight_smile:

9

I wasn’t particularly young when I had my first (26) but I just wanted to say that children aren’t a death sentence for other parts of your life! Travelling is a bit limited for sure when you have a baby or toddler (although you can still do it, it’s just different!) but once you have bigger children, you can go to a lot of cool places. And once you have teenagers then you can really get adventurous! It will cost more, yes, and it won’t be exactly the same as an adult-only holiday, but children are so much fun that in my opinion they make things more fun for you too. I went on loads of great holidays with my parents when I was a child and I’d like to think they enjoyed themselves too.

If that’s the direction your life is taking and there’s not much you can do about it, then I would focus on the positives of having kids early - a big one I think is that you will be there for that much more of their lives. You may even be lucky enough to become a youngish grandparent and have plenty of time with your grandchildren too. You would probably also be a relatively young empty-nester, which means you would be able to start adult-only travelling again and all the other freedoms that come with not having children in the house whilst many of your peers will still be actively parenting (not that you stop being a parent when your kids move out of the house, but it is obviously less intensive).

10

It can be hard enough for women who don’t have fertility issues to have children, don’t let a stigma keep you from getting to have kids. Some people may judge, but I’ve seen great parents and bad parents of all ages. Honestly, if I could have afforded to be a young parent I would have done it.

Since traveling is a concern, here’s an article about a family that constantly travels with their children. They do have money, but there’s some good tips: Bucket List Family: Parents' tips for traveling with kids

There’s also some good youtube videos from younger mothers (although often unexpected pregnancies) that you may want to check out.

11

I’m not a young first time mom really (32) but wanted to agree with others that it is different for everyone. I’m sure TTC at a young age is far apart from having an unplanned pregnancy at a young age. My grandmother (who had 7) always said in regards to kids “if you’re waiting for the right time it will never happen”. Best of luck, and remember having a kid is not the end of all your dreams, its the beginning of new ones, and maybe modifying some others.

12

[name_m]Hi[/name_m] everyone, my name is [name_f]Stella[/name_f]. I’m a teen mom so maybe my experience may help you or something (I hope so!). I got pregnant when I was 15 (I conceived on the second week of [name_u]July[/name_u] 2015, and turned 16 at the end of [name_u]August[/name_u]). I had my daughter at the age of 16. Honestly, it is tough. Here in Spain, for most jobs, they require you to have a mínimum experience of one year, so it was difficult for my boyfriend to find a job. We are now financially stable (we still live with my family but pay a small rent and all that stuff). About my pregnancy, I had a really bad time because I had constant stomachaches (I don’t know if it is correctly written), and was vomiting constantly throughout my second term and half of the third term. I was literally locked up at home. [name_f]Nina[/name_f] was born the 14th of [name_f]April[/name_f] 2016 and she was completely fine. In terms of the change in my lifestyle, most of the people I considered as friends were excited at first with my girl but as time passes they have just forgotten about us. I have also been judged for getting pregnant and having the baby but, honestly, although it wasn’t planned and it was maybe a bit early, I thought I was prepared and consider myself a good parent. I didn’t leave my studies, and my daughter still has all she needs covered.
Right now we are planning on moving out of my family’s house into a small flat for our small family. And, if things go well, we will be TTC on 2018!

13

[name_m]Hi[/name_m],
I got pregnant with my first when I was 21 (planned). Being a mom has been my life dream so it just made sense for me. I’m a stay at home mom, now pregnant with #2 at 23. I looked pretty young when I was pregnant with my first and honestly did get some stares, and many ‘wow that must have been an accident!’ Comments. But rude people are rude people and I am so glad that I have my daughter and didn’t wait just so that other people were more comfortable with it, its honestly none of their business! It was a little hard to navigate friends and activities, but good friends stuck around and we figured out some baby friendly activities we love. We also have a large group of young family friends which is super fun!

14

We had our first not much older than you’re considering. You’ll be alright and if this is a big concern I really would go ahead and do it, I’ve had family members have children younger, and friends, all are very happy to have their children. I loved having my childrenn before everyone, they’re older and not too old but they get to see all the babies be born, like I did as a child and my mother did, its kind of a lovely thing. Then later on you have them as well, so much better not to risk not having them also. And I love your names in your sig :wink:

15

[name_m]Young[/name_m] is all relevant. I was 25 when I had my first baby. However, if you really want a baby and your doctor says it’s now or never, I would do it. Otherwise, if you think you could afford and emotionally handle adopted or surrogacy or any other form of having a child, then I would wait.

Honestly, we were not ready to be parents until I was 24. We wanted a child, but we were not financially ready.

16

I had my first baby when I was 21 because I didn’t want to be seen as the ‘old’ or ‘uncool’ mum - not that there is anything wrong with having kids when you’re older and more ready! I didn’t want my kids to go through the same thing as I went through - my mum was 30 when she had me (not old at all! but much older than my friends parents). I only had my first at 21 because I was financially stable and in a very good position at work and in my relationship. It worked out for me, and I’ve had 8 children since so I must have made the right decision! Although I gave birth to twins at age 33 (literally this morning haha) which totally goes against my logic of being an ‘old’ mum - I feel as if its ‘in fashion’ to have kids when you’re older anyway!!

17

I am not a young mum but my best friend is, she accidentally conceived late 17, had the baby at 18, she’s almost 20 now. It’s been about 2.5 years. She’s a single mother, studying law, when she started, on a minimum wage . When people ask her how she does it, she always says her secret is an amazing support group, our other best friend looks after the baby Thursday morning and every other weekend and I look after her a couple of nights a week while she studies and works. She doesn’t have familial support but she has us I guess. plus other financial support etc. So as long as you have people who can help you, especially if you’re studying or working full time, you can afford and you’re emotionally ready, it’s at your discretion.

18

DH and I dated from freshman year to senior year in high school and got married at 18, then I became pregnant two times when I was 19, one miscarriage and one stillbirth. We were TTC for two years when we finally found out we were expecting, both of us at 22. We welcomed our fraternal twins on the morning of my 23rd birthday. Like everyone says, it all depends on the person. If you are financially, physically, and mentally prepared to take care of a child then I say go for it. Best of luck :heart:

19

I became a mum for the first time when I was 17. I had been with my then-boyfriend, now-husband for about 3 years and we were both extremely mature for our ages - we were 17 going on 40! I had help from my mum and dad which made the process so much better. I think that as long as you can properly love and care for the child and you’re prepared for them, have start trying! Lots of luck xx