DH and I have decided that we would like to adopt in the future. Although our youngest was born in [name]October[/name], we are aware the adoption process can be lengthy and are now (slowly) beginning to gather information and advice before we take any official steps. We do not personally know anyone who has adopted so this is very new to us. There is a great need in our state and region for adoptive parents willing to consider African-American and multiracial children in the foster care system. This is the route we plan to pursue. We also know that we want to adopt a child between the ages of 3-8. If the situation arose we would be willing to consider a sibling group of two. Although DH and I have not discussed it, I would be open to children with minor special needs.
That said, here are the questions I hope can be answered: What has been your experience adopting from the US foster care system? What books or other resources do you recommend on adoption? What do you wish you had known when you began your adoption journey?
I look forward to your responses. [name]TIA[/name]!
I haven’t personally adopted, but it’s something I’ve always been interested in. I have always wanted to both have a bio child and adopt and like you, feel open to older children and sibling sets, of races beyond my own. From what I’ve read of other people’s experiences, foster to adopt is more affordable than newborn adoption and it takes less time to get a child/children placed with you. However, the goal of the foster program is to care for children until their parents are capable of getting it together and taking care of them on their own. It may be a long wait until things are finalized and during that time it will be up in the air whether you get to keep these children you’re falling in love with or if they’ll be given back to their biological parents. Severing parental rights is not something that is taken lightly. I still think it is a wonderful way to go and that you’ll be helping children who are considered less adoptable. Before you start, make sure you’re prepared emotionally for the potential of a child being returned and/or for emotional issues that could arise from neglect, abuse or mixed feelings of love and loyalty to someone who wasn’t able to be an adequate parent.
I had a friend that was taken from his abusive parents and adopted at 8 years old. His adoption went smoothly, owing in part to how awful his situation was when he was pulled out of there. He’s a good guy and well-adjusted as an adult, but definitely had some demons to face down.
I applaud you and I hope things go well for you. You have the potential to offer a loving home, something every child deserves. I think it’s smart to gather as much information as you can beforehand and it’s good you’re starting early. Good luck with expanding your family.
[name]Hi[/name] there. When I was 13, my parents decided to adopt, and we were planning to this three year old [name]Indian[/name]/African girl named Saria, but she ended up being adopted. My parents sort of put the process on hold, but kept their status officially as Open to Adopt. When I was fourteen we found out that there was a dire situation involving a six-month old Caucasian/[name]Indian[/name] (as in [name]Asia[/name], not Native American) that had been placed into CPS after her mother was killed. We adopted her and named her [name]Hannah[/name] [name]Sonya[/name] [name]Abigail[/name] Croft. The actual adoption was a really tense, confusing, and fast time, as we really weren’t expecting to adopt a baby. I took care of her when I wasn’t in school and my mother took care of her the rest of the time. [name]Hannah[/name] is now four years old, but I don’t see her often as I was kicked out of my house (for being pregnant). I still babysit her sometimes, though, and my mom will leave [name]Hannah[/name] at my apartment if she has to go out. I think it helped that [name]Hannah[/name] was so young when we adopted her, but it is still haunting to think about what happened to her mother. I won’t give you any details but it was gruesome. [name]Hannah[/name] is nothing like that though. She’s a little ray of sunshine. She has beautiful caramel-esque skin and dark silky brown hair and deep brown eyes. She loves princesses and sparkly stuff. She adjusted very quickly to our home, and we was malnourished and underweight, and we quickly managed to “plump her up” and get her healthy. [name]Even[/name] though I don’t live with her I’m still her favorite “sissy”. I would definitely recommend a US adoption, but the younger the child, the easier the transition will be.
[name]Love[/name],
[name]Ivy[/name] Croft
Sorry that I am just now getting back to this. Are fostering to adopt and adopting out of the foster care system one and the same? I’ve been looking at www.adoptuskids.org for information and didn’t get that impression.
They are not. Fostering to Adopt is when you first take the child into your home as a caregiver, simply giving room, food, and a family for the child, but they are not legally your’s. You can then make the decision to adopt your foster child. Adoption out of [name]Foster[/name] Care is what it sounds like, a direct adoption removing the child from foster care and into your home.
I have no personal experience to share, but I recently met a couple who were fostering a newborn baby girl. They got her when she was three days old and kept her for one month, until she was returned to a biological aunt. They had the means to take care of her when she was newborn while her bio family could not. It was their first foster child (they have four older children in their teens and early 20’s) and I have not seen them since the baby left. They were waiting to see if there was more pain because she left them after falling in love, or joy in knowing that they helped her, to decide if they would do it again.
Chiming in as I am close friends with several adoptive families. Something I’ve heard more than once is not to disrupt birth order, if possible, as it can cause a mighty upheaval in your home. It can be difficult to get everyone adjusted if you throw, say, an adopted 4 year old in between a 2 year old and 6 year old. A good blog to check out is rageagainsttheminivan.com. Good luck
My husband and I have adopted twice. [name]Both[/name] children were seven at the time of adoption and both had spent most of their lives in an orphanage. That is where the similarities end. We have had the best and worst possible experiences. [name]One[/name] child is an absolute delight in spite of some special medical needs. She bonded with us quickly and let’s us be her parents. Our other child suffers from a severe case of reactive attachment disorder, otherwise known as [name]RAD[/name]. [name]Read[/name] as much as you can about [name]RAD[/name]. It is a very real condition and is extremely difficult to treat. Our [name]RAD[/name] child is currently living in a psychiatric medical institute for children, after visiting outpatient therapists for four years with no signs of progress. We have spent more mental and physical energy - not to mention time and money - on this child than we ever would have expected to spend on ten children. The fact that our marriage is still intact is nothing short of a miracle. Never underestimate the importance of early bonding and the serious ramifications of the lack thereof. The worst part of our situation is that we love our son and want him to be happy, but we - despite being extremely devoted and competent parents - feel so powerless to help him. At times we wonder if our role as his parents will be to make sure we keep society safe from our son. [name]Do[/name] not give up your dreams of adopting, but learn all you can about [name]RAD[/name] first.
I do know other families who have adopted as well. My friends family (the mom is in her late thirties) has 4 bio children: thirteen year old daughter, ten year old son, seven year old daughter, and four year old son. Last year they adopted two children from [name]Africa[/name], an infant boy and a five-year old boy. Thus, breaking the birth order. The four year old has had trouble adjusting, but he and the five year old are now best friends, so it all worked out. My other friends (the mom is 36) have two bio children: 8 year old daughter and two year old son. This summer they adopted three children from [name]Russia[/name], initially planning to adopt a sibling set of two, but later found out they had an older sister. Now they have a thirteen year old daughter, [name]Katerina[/name], an eight year old bio daughter, [name]Kira[/name], a six year old daughter, [name]Anastasiya[/name], a five year old son, [name]Thomas[/name], and a two year old bio son, [name]Pierce[/name]. The three Russians are now fluent in English and the five year old is in school. (kindergarten). [name]Katya[/name] and [name]Anastasiya[/name] are being homeschooled by their mom and a tutor so that they can catch up to American school. My other friends (I think adoption is a trend…) are in the process of adopting a three year old girl from [name]China[/name]. They call her “Sugarplum” as they don’ t know her name yet, but she has three sons and they are VERY excited to have a little sister (well, two of them will be older, she also has a one-year old son). Adoption has been extremely difficult for all of them, especially the African children, as the baby, for about a year, would not let his new mum hold him, he would lean away and arch his back away from her body. The five-year old had a destructive phase. [name]Katya[/name] is very emotional (not just because she’s a teenager) and very reserved. Adoption is very very difficult, both for the parents and the children, but a very beautiful journey at the same time. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for ORPHANS and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
[name]James[/name] 1:27
I have no personal experience, but I have two cousins who are adopted and my husband’s mother was adopted.
My uncle and his wife couldn’t have children, so they adopted two boys (they were brothers). I’m not sure what age they were at the time, but they were adopted here in [name]America[/name], and one of them is very close to our side of the family. The other one has caused so much drama, that the one close to us doesn’t even talk to his own brother anymore, but I don’t think that has to do with being adopted. After all, they are both in their 30’s now.
My husband’s mother was adopted at a pretty young age also in [name]America[/name]. From what my husband knows, she’s never had any problems and hasn’t even bothered to find her birth parents.
I also know a teacher who adopted two girls from [name]China[/name] and being half Chinese myself, I can tell you that when adopting from another country rather than within the states, there comes a whole bunch more issues besides just adopting. You have a culture gap, especially when you adopt older children. Language barriers are hard. Often the children don’t know English. Also you have to make sure not to strip them from their culture completely. I did my senior thesis on why families keep culture a part of their adoptive child’s life (my study focused only on [name]China[/name] adoptions though since that was my major), and from what I have read, you really want to. It’s very beneficial for the child. It helps them know where they come from. I also highly recommend keeping their native language somehow. [name]Don[/name]'t let them forget it. My mom speaks Chinese, but she didn’t teach my sister or me. I really wish she had and to prevent my children from feeling that way, I plan on enrolling them into a Chinese Immersion program.
