Hi all! I’m asking this on behalf of my brother & SIL, who have 2 kids in a 3 bed house (Their DS is 4, DD is 1). They live in a bungalow where the bedrooms are separated, with one bedroom to the front of the house, and 2 to the back. I actually have the floor plan picture from when they moved into it 4 years ago, which I’ll post below.
Brother & SIL are in the middle bedroom, Nephew is in the back bedroom and Niece currently sleeps in their bedroom. They’re looking to move Niece into her own space in the next year or so, but are torn. They feel the front room is too “far away” for either of the children considering their age, but feel it’s unfair to make them share the back bedroom when there’s another bedroom (front, currently used as an office) available.
I think it’s absolutely fine to put Niece in with Nephew in the next year (Nephew will be 5, Niece will be 2 by the time they’re sharing), and then move one to the front room when they’re a bit older. However my Brother’s MIL thinks it’s ridiculous to make them share. SIL (who suffers from anxiety) feels it would be better to have them right next door while they’re young in the event of a break in/fire/some event to reach them faster, and then give them their own rooms when they’re old enough to follow safety plans by themselves. Her mother thinks she’s overreacting, and Brother just wants to do what will make everyone happy.
I think the MIL is being kind of silly. They are at an age where it makes perfect sense for them to share and that absolutely seems like the best option for this family. In a couple more years, Nephew (imo as he’s older) can move to the front room.
I shared a room with my brother until I was in high school…
In fact, my brother, sister, and I all shared a room for about 4-5 years. Especially at their young ages, they are just fine sharing a room! I actually really liked sharing rooms when I was that young because I always had someone to play with.
[name_f]My[/name_f] brother and I have our own rooms, but more often than not somebody will just wander into the other person’s room… and I’m 14 and he’s about to be 12.
Honestly, I would’ve loved to share a room when we were younger. We were always playing together and having fun together, so I don’t know why we just didn’t share a room.
Not her house, MIL can get over it. If it eases SIL’s anxiety and the kids will actually get the sleep they need, then I don’t think it’s a problem for them to share for a couple years even but probably need to move him out once he’s older. (8/9, IMO) 10 at the oldest.
I think it is good for kids to share a bedroom, especially when they are young. It helps them develop more robust sleep habits and (in my opinion) lowers entitlement levels. Therefore, I think that they should be fine with their kiddos sharing a bedroom for now.
It is nice that they have a third bedroom though. There are times when one of my kids are sick that we decide to move one of them to a different room for the night. Your family could choose to do this with the office on rare occasions when it would benefit everyone for 1-2 nights.
I have two siblings and when we were little I had my own room for a while(I’m the oldest) and they shared (they are boy and girl). Then we all shared one room and the other room became our playroom! I greatly preferred this situation! I even shared a bed with my little sister for a while since she always made her way to my parent’s room at night. It was so fun to share a room at this age and it helped my youngest sibling not be as scared when she had to transition from my parent’s room. We all bonded a lot over nightly secret convos haha! And because we were so little, we didn’t fight about space or cleanliness.
I think it makes so much sense for your niece and nephew to share for now! It’s nice to have that extra space and for the parents to not have to split up for bed time routines. And if it eases SIL’s anxiety that’s what’s most important right now!
We moved to a 4-bedroom house when my oldest 2 kids were 3 and 1.5. DS (3) had his own room but DD (1.5) still slept in my room. We set up the room that would become DD’s room as a spare room with a double bed.
When DD was 2, we moved her to her own room. She loved the double bed and wanted to keep it. DS (3.5 by then) loved the idea of it too and he started sleeping on the double bed with her. It was soooo cute. They shared the room and the bed for quite a long time! I think it really helped DD with the transition to sleeping in her own room that she had her big brother there.
Of course now (they are 11.5 and 10) they wouldn’t dream of it! But my twin girls (nearly 6) have always shared a room and will have to probably until one of the older kids moves out because we don’t have any spare rooms now.
Own bedrooms is a huge privilege. I shared a room with my sibling from the time she was 1 til I moved out at 20 because that’s what we had. Sharing, especially while young, has lots of benefits and teaches some good lessens about sharing and contentment.
I can understand her anxiety about having little ones on the other side of the house. I think it’s perfectly fine for them to share a room until they are older.
[name_f]My[/name_f] five year old twins share the room closest to us and my 2 year old still sleeps in our room. There’s technically enough space for everyone to have their own room if we got rid of the office, but I like to keep them close when they are so young.
Honestly, until a few decades ago, most families didn’t have a bedroom for each child. Some had to share their bed. [name_f]My[/name_f] parents and grandparents grew up like that, for example. In fact, that still happens nowadays in millions of houses! I know multiple families whose children share the same room or have shared their bedroom at some point. I know siblings that shared their space until adulthood (same gender).
Taking into consideration all that is happening in the world, having a comfortable home and bedroom to rest is such a gift and luck!
Having a 3 bedroom house with 2 kids is absolutely perfect! Some siblings actually love to share their rooms, especially when they are young. [name_f]Every[/name_f] family dinamic is different, your brother and SIL are the ones that need to decide what works for them. Which situation is the best for them as a couple, for their children and also to guarantee a calm night of sleep to everyone.
Honestly, your brother’s MIL has nothing to do with it… [name_m]Even[/name_m] if she lived with them, it’s your brother and SIL’s house. They must be the ones to decide their household rules and dynamics!
I hope your brother and SIL make the best decision for their family.
I wish you all the best! Good luck!
I partly agree, but it also depends on the child’s needs. Our B. for example needs his own space because he has autism and he gets overstimulated and frustrated when he can’t have his own space in the evenings and at nights. Sharing isn’t always a good thing, children need to learn that they’re allowed to set their own boundaries.
We have 6 children and they’ve shared bedrooms in different set-ups over the years. Right now my oldest, who’s almost 9, has his own room, and so does our 4 year old with autism.
Our twin boys, now 3, have always shared a room. Our daughter, 14 months old, now has her own room as long as our youngest still sleeps in our room. Once he’s old enough, they’ll probably share a room.
I kinda feel like it’s none of MIL’s business and whatever you brother and SIL choose is up to them?
But as to actual question, I’d think sharing is fine. [name_f]My[/name_f] 2 and 5 yr old love to snuggle together in bed anď would prob have them sharing a double if we could, so that we could get our own back
I myself shared a room with my brother until I was 8 and he was 11, but by that age it was NOT working out (chalk lines having to be drawn in the middle of the carpet to separate our sides )… but 2 and 5 is different.
Personally I’d move into the bigger room which is the front tlroom - as the adults that works and pays the bills I think we should get the bigger space.
As for can a 5yo and 2yo sibling share a room I think yes. I’d only stop sharing once eldest is body curious. Making the spare back room an office and playroom.
[name_f]My[/name_f] oldest 2 are exactly that age difference and also a boy and a girl. I would have put them together in that house plan. She needs to do what will give her peace of mind and stop caring what anyone else thinks.
I don’t think sharing a bedroom is an issue at all. That’s fun and fine! And they’re so young that they likely won’t mind. And for Mama’s peace of mind… I mean that’s totally great.
I nanny four girls who live in a four bedroom house, and all three older girls (ages 11, 8, and 4) share a room. One is a guest room. They couldn’t mind less. Besides, they play so much in the common areas and outside that not having “their own” room outside of a shared space doesn’t make a difference to them. Especially as young as your niece and nephew are, a shared space sounds cozy for them!
i shared with my brother ages 6-12 (he would be 4-10) and it worked well for us and made us closer than we would have been ours was because there was no other space, but it works both ways! i think your sil should follow her heart because she’s their mother, not your mil
I’m with you and I don’t think it would be outrageous for them to share at all! I don’t think the kids would even mind because they aren’t at an age where they want privacy as much, plus I’m sure they would like the company. It might be a little stressful for the parents because of nap differences and the the occasional fighting, but I can’t imagine kids that young caring too much
It sounds like everyone has thoughtful concerns! It’s great that you’re all discussing this as a family. Here’s a breakdown to help your brother and SIL make the best choice for them:
Benefits of Sharing a Room (for a limited time):
Sibling Bonding: Sharing a space can foster closeness, especially at young ages.
Security for the Kids: Some kids feel less scared when sleeping near their sibling.
Anxiety Management: It can ease your SIL’s anxiety to have them closer, which is important for everyone’s well-being.
Practical: It frees up the front room for its intended office purpose.
Potential Considerations:
Sleep Disruptions: Will they keep each other up? Can nap schedules be managed?
Individual Needs: As they get older, kids may crave privacy and personal space.
MIL’s Point of View: While her opinion shouldn’t dictate the decision, addressing her concerns with respect is key to family harmony.
Finding a Solution:
No Pressure: There’s no need to rush moving the niece out. See how it goes when they start sharing!
Revisit As They Grow: This might be a perfectly fine solution for a few years. They can reevaluate as the kids get older and have different needs.
It’s commendable that your brother and SIL are prioritizing what’s best for their children AND their own peace of mind. Remind them that there’s no perfect answer, but they’ll figure out what works for their family!
)… but 2 and 5 is different.
ours was because there was no other space, but it works both ways! i think your sil should follow her heart because she’s their mother, not your mil