3 or 4 Children?

Any mums with 3 or 4 children?? What is the dynamic like?? Is someone always left out??
Please comment your true honest opinion
Thank you

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I aam only expecting my first, so I can’t comment from a mother’s perspective, but my husband and I are both from groups of 3 children. In our cases it was 2 daughters close in age and then 8+ years gap and a son. I think the age gap affects more than the grouping, but we both are close to our siblings as adults and I don’t recall feeling left out.

I have no kids… Yet. But families with 3 children have been proven to be the most unhappy & have the highest stress levels.

IMHO, four kids is perfect. Equal teams for games & arguments, & plenty of support to lean in in the future.

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I think another aspect of the dynamic is ages in between and genders.

I lived with my 3 nieces for a while and the oldest was a mini-mom, due to the gap between her and the middle child.

The middle and youngest are very close in age. They have a pretty good dynamic. Lots of love and friendship between them. But since they are so close in age and both girls, they like the SAME exact stuff. So a lot of jealousy (especially with birthdays) and fights over things. We can’t do something without the other, or they will feel majorly left out.

For the most part, the oldest wants to be left out. She’s so much older and is tired of the responsibility.

From an outside looking in perspective, I think any number of kids is fine, but make sure the oldest won’t be forced into a mini-mom situation because there aren’t enough hands, resources, etc. If they had planned and saved to afford childcare, things would look a lot different.

Someone once said to me, “[name_m]Don[/name_m]’t let the kids outnumber the adults,” and I’ve always felt like that was good advice.

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I am one of three children (only girl) and also the mother of three children (two girls one boy).

Growing up as the only girl, I did feel left out from time to time. I am the oldest, so I played with my eldest brother a lot when we were little, but as soon as the youngest brother was old enough to play too, I’d get lumped with the boring “girl” role in games or left out altogether.

My three are still pretty young so if anyone gets left out at the moment, it’s usually the little one, who’s not yet 2 so often doesn’t get the game. But it will be interesting to see how the dynamic changes as they grow up, especially since our single boy is in the middle.

We’re undecided on adding a fourth for now. It could help with the “left out” dynamic but it could equally add extra pressures — less time, less money, potential for a 3:1 gender ratio, which could make things worse.


I only have two, and to be honest with myself at this moment, that’s the best dynamic for our family.

But I grew up in a family of three children. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister is 4 years older than I am, and I am 11 months older than my brother. As others have said, I think it had more to do with ages and genders than the unbalanced number of 3.

My brother was often left out of the girly activities. And if my sister was “left out” it was most often by her own choice of not wanting to spend her time with the little ones. I guess falling right in the middle and being one pair of the dominant gender, I always won when it came to playmates.

On further thought, I’m probably not very qualified to answer this question :joy:

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Both my parents are one of 3, but they seem to have wildly different experiences. It seems to be mainly down to the age gap. [name_f]My[/name_f] mum is the oldest of 3 girls who were all born within 6-7 years, so they are all quite close. [name_f]My[/name_f] dad is the youngest of 3, but there is a 9 year age gap between him and his sister, and an 11 year age gap between him and his brother. He gets on well with his sister as she had to help my grandmother (who only had one arm) raise him. He has an ok relationship with his brother, but that isn’t unexpected when you realise that by the time my dad had started secondary school his brother was a qualified teacher! They just never had anything in common.

Overall I’d say it age gaps seem to have quite a large impact on sibling relationships, so maybe that is something to think about. That being said, everyone is different.

I second this being the oldest of 3 girls growing up! Very intense and rough being 3 unfortunately​:grimacing: It’s wonderful now being 5 girls with a big age gap though :blush:

Hehe. :slight_smile:

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